Chapter 38:
Hours after hours continued to go by. The time period between 10:30PM and 12:00AM, Calleigh wasn't sure how she made it through. Her mind was restless and each hour brought a new scenario, causing a new rush of emotions.
Besides the fact that she had to deliver heartbreaking news to Layla, Calleigh was mostly disappointed by the lack of control she had over the situation and the way she felt belittled. That just wasn't her. Closing her eyes, she felt herself traveling back to the place in time she blocked out a long time ago.
Loneliness, confusion, anger, fear…those were all of the emotions she hadn't felt since she was a child but now, they were alive as the day she decided to put them away. Glancing at the clock, Calleigh noted the time at 4:36AM. Almost seven hours of continuous mind agony.
She pressed her back against Eric's chest to ease some tension and gain a little comfort but nothing helped. As a matter of fact, the feeling of guilt crept in her. Eric didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be put through this. She messed up his life. He and Natalia had a kid. Natalia wanted Eric to be involved more in their child's life but he couldn't because he was dealing with her and her own messed up life. "Yeah Calleigh," she thought to herself. "Your own messed up life."
She inhaled a deep breath; her life was crumbling as she knew it. Everything she built, everything she avoided, it all came back ten times harder, shattering her life into a million pieces.
Even if she did gain custody of Layla again, she would forever have a tarnished reputation. She would be known as the CSI who was going through parental issues; she could see it now: Calleigh Duquesne, perfect crime solver but bad parent. She could see it and hear the rumors; she could hear the conversations that people would say about her. All of this could have cost her the job.
Eric nested his head in the crook of Calleigh's neck, snuggling in closer, taking a deep breath in her hair. He finally rested his head on her back.
Nothing was working for Calleigh. Tears stung her eyes as she imagined the conversation that would take place later in the day. She did nothing to stop the tears that fell freely from her eyes.
Eric broke out of his unconsciousness as the first droplets of Calleigh's tears hit his arm. He didn't take it as her crying until he felt her body shake and heard her sniffles. He opened his eyes and ran his hand up and down Calleigh's arms. "Calleigh, are you okay?"
As much as she said she wouldn't ever cry, she just couldn't think. Her entire life was a mess. Everything she ran away from, everything she tucked away in her past was now alive and everything was a mess. She turned her attention towards Eric and buried her head in his shoulder.
"It's okay," Eric whispered. He hated to see Calleigh so broken. He held her tightly, running his hands up and down her back. "Everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be okay," he repeated.
Calleigh wiped her eyes and sniff. "I can't take it. I don't know what to do. Everything is just going wrong at one time…"
"Shhh…" Eric said, consoling her. "Calleigh, everything will be okay. Remember one step at a time. You just have to deal with one problem at a time. Don't worry about anything else. Right now, Layla is our main concern. We're going to take care of things while we're here an when we get back to Miami, we'll take care of things there."
Calleigh let out another sniff as her head fell into Eric's arms. She hated the feeling of weakness but children were her weakness and for it to be her own child…it was double the weakness. She nodded her head trying to reassure herself. "Okay."
"Alright," Eric said. "Everything is going to be okay." He looked at the clock, noticing that it was now 5:12AM. "We can rest for a little while and then head off to see Layla later in the day. Right now, you need some sleep."
Calleigh nodded her head, closing her eyes as she leaned her head into Eric's embrace.
"Layla, your mom's here," Joshua said, looking at Calleigh from head to toe. He smiled and brushed his hand over his head. "I hope your plans are to tell her the truth…," Joshua said in a low voice. "…Because Layla deserves to know."
Calleigh rolled her eyes; she managed to get a few hours of sleep but was very irritated. She let out a sigh. "Please do not start with me."
"I'm just telling you what needs to be done…what should've been done months ago."
And then it came. The attitude she tried to put aside so that she could at least enjoy somewhat of this day. As soon as she opened her mouth to speak, Layla appeared at the door with a smile on her face. Calleigh, not wanting to ruin Layla's mood, gave a glare in Joshua's direction and dropped the conversation.
"Hi mommy," Layla said, smiling happily. She looked at her dad. "Can I go with my mommy now?"
"Of course honey," Joshua said, bending down and placing a kiss to Layla's hair. "You have fun." He turned his attention to Calleigh. "We're spending time with our family later on, so Layla needs to be home around five."
Why did she give up so easily? Her nature was to fight, fight for what was right. It's what she did daily, yet she was going through this, something she'd compared to a bad divorce because she didn't fight. She didn't fight for what should have been. Layla was her child regardless of the situation, yet at the moment, she was being treated as if she was Layla's babysitter. Calleigh let out a silent sigh and reached out for Layla, completely ignoring Joshua. "Hey sweetie, how are you doing?"
"I'm doing okay…"
Joshua watched Calleigh and Layla head to Calleigh's car as Layla's talks began to fade away. Personally, he believed Calleigh was a good mother but he loved his daughter and if she wasn't going to move to Louisiana, he couldn't see Calleigh having a permanent relationship with Layla. There was simply no way that would work. He headed back inside.
Driving through the streets with Layla in the back seat, Calleigh couldn't help but have the feeling of good times. Having a little person depend on you felt really nice. A look in the back seat confirmed that maybe Layla didn't depend on her as much anymore and it saddened her a little. Layla was hardly talkative anymore. It was as if she was just here for the ride and wanted to get this over with. "Is everything okay?"
Layla looked at the rearview mirror, looking in her mom's eyes as she'd done so many times before. "Yes," she said, giving a head nod.
"Okay," Calleigh said, taking a hand off the steering wheel for one second to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "No matter what, you can always tell me what's on your mind. You don't ever have to hesitate to talk to me, okay?"
Layla turned her head, looking out the window at a few passing trees. "Where are we going?" she asked curiously.
"We're going out for a little while," Calleigh said. She decided to change subjects. "You have plans with your dad later?"
"Yes," Layla said with the same enthusiasm she used to have when she went places with her mom. "We're going to have pizza and play games. I can't wait!"
Calleigh smiled as she continued concentrating on driving. Yes she'd given up too easily on Layla but life seemed to be going along just fine for Layla before she got involved and even now, while Layla lived life after Miami with her dad, things seemed to be normal for her.
"My birthday is coming, and I'm going to be six," Layla said happily.
"I know," Calleigh said, giving a small smile. If she could just go back six years, everything would probably be okay right now. She glanced in the rearview mirror, tucking her feelings away with a bright smile. "Do you have any big wishes for your birthday?"
"Yes," Layla said excitedly. "Daddy says nobody can find out though because birthday wishes won't come true if they're told."
Calleigh smiled again.
"Mommy, are you going to live here now?"
Calleigh glanced in the rearview mirror quickly as she pulled into a parking lot. This happened to be one of her favorite parks that she'd visited a lot when she was a kid. "You like living here don't you." She turned off the ignition.
Layla didn't know how to really answer the question. She wanted to stay here but she also wanted her mom. She decided that she would avoid that question too and ask another one. "Are you going to stay here for my birthday?"
"Yes, of course," Calleigh said. She stepped out of the car and opened the backseat for Layla to get out. Once Layla was out the car she closed and locked the car.
"Why are we here?" Layla asked, immediately latching on to her mom's hand.
Calleigh led Layla to a bench and sat down. The wind blew a few strands of her hair and she carefully tucked them behind her ears once again. "Do you want to talk-"
"I don't want to talk," Layla said, cutting Calleigh off. "Can we do something fun?"
Calleigh was a little taking aback and looked at the ground, searching for something to say. Everything was so difficult. This little relationship was just falling apart, that much she could tell. Slowly, she was losing this war…She turned her attention back to Layla and smiled. "Do you know what you want to do for your birthday?"
"Dora the Explorer is coming to my party," Layla said excitedly. "Mommy, are you buying me something for my birthday?"
"You're going to get a gift," Calleigh said. She decided to try her earlier question again. "You like living here with your dad?"
Layla laid head on her mom's arm, nodding her head as the wind freely blew her hair around. Just like she saw her mom do earlier, Layla tucked strands of her hair behind her ears. Just like earlier when she couldn't answer that question, she answered it the best way she could. "I like when you come to visit. I want you and daddy together."
"Sweetie, your dad and I won't be together. We both love you but we won't be together."
Layla sat up and looked at her mom. "What if I wished for it?" Layla immediately put her hands up to her mouth as if she'd said something bad. "Oops…it definitely will not come true."
"I wouldn't waste my wish on that-"
Layla frowned. "Why? Don't you want me to be happy?"
Calleigh raised her eyebrow at Layla's newfound attitude. It wasn't like her and it sounded almost like blackmail. "Of course I want you happy but you're wishing for the impossible." She let out a breath of air and changed the subject. "Do you want to talk about what happened the other day?"
"No!" Layla shouted as her face continued to frown. She crossed her arms and pouted her lips. "I want to go home."
"Sweetie…" Calleigh began, trying to reason with Layla but nothing. Layla was beginning to throw a tantrum and she was too exhausted to get into anything extreme. She hadn't rested since she came to Louisiana. "I'm your mother and you're not going to continue to talk to me like that."
Layla bowed her head and frowned, crossing her arms then finally stood up and started stomping angrily. "I want to go home!" she yelled. "You don't care about me!
Calleigh pulled Layla back to the bench. "What is wrong with you?"
Layla sat back on the bench, bowing her head and pouted her lips.
Calleigh kept her eyes on Layla a little bit longer as she thought about the best way to handle this situation. She tucked her hair behind her ears as she started talking. "Sweetie, I know you're upset. I am too and I'm sure your dad is as well." Calleigh bit her lip a little. "We want to do the best thing for you."
Layla stared at the ground watching as the shadows of her hair blew in the wind. She was more confused than upset. She just wished everything was back to normal, wherever that would be.
Calleigh noticed Layla's long face and pulled Layla closer, sitting her in her lap. She ran her hand in Layla's hair. "Honey, I promise, everything is going to be okay." She noticed how Layla still looked sad. "Your dad and I always wanted to be the best parents we could be for you." She sucked in a breath of air and exhaled. "I didn't know what to do when I became pregnant with you. Your dad and I didn't have any real plans and since we didn't want to be two bad parents, the plan was for one parent to have the job and one who would take care of you, but the best laid plans always fall apart." She was saying this more to herself than to Layla. This could be said about the current situation.
Layla stayed silent only looking up when she saw a bird land on the grass and walk around. Her eyes went back to her hands that were clasp together in her lap. "Who will I live with?" Layla whispered, confusion clearly in her eyes.
"We're going to work through that honey," Calleigh said.
Anybody who's still reading the story, THANK YOU!!! Thanks for bearing with me all of this time with the updates. It's been a very long time since the last update. I'm so sorry. Life's been hard. There are so many people I'd like to thank for giving me the inspiration to continue this. Sadly, this chapter, I've been working on it for about 2 or 3 months, maybe longer, but I've been on and off with writer's block. Anywhoo, here's the chapter and I'm still working to sort this mess out.