I don't know how many of you read my A/N but I certainly hope I will get (more) reviews on this chapter, because seriously I work hard to keep this story going!
However, writing is my way top cope with situations and so this chapter was written because I didn't feel well and I finished this chapter after watching the NCIS premiere, that's why it is a little longer as usual.
Your thoughts on this are incredible and I'm amazed to see the way you look at it and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, I think it will give you a little more insight (:

"A penny for your thoughts." Tony found himself leaning in the doorframe of their temporary bedroom while Ziva was already lying under the covers and facing the ceiling while absentmindedly biting her lower lip.
Their day was rather uneventful after they heard about the news and they had both enjoyed walking around the town and down the beach a little in an attempt to relax a little.

For Ziva however it was still exhausting and that's why she had ended up in bed pretty early that night.
Tony on the other hand wasn't quite tired but decided to join her soon because he knew she needed his company, especially now.
When he was looking at her now, even though she was still deep in thought, it was still the most beautiful view he had ever witnessed.

"It's nothing Tony." She eventually replied and he could tell her heart wasn't in it.
He had already changed into his sweatpants and a plain shirt and now made his way over to her, coming to rest beside her, his head leaning against the headboard of the bed.

"It's not nothing if you rack your brain like that." Over the years he had come to know her so well and sometimes it still surprised her.
At his response she slowly turned around so she was facing him and her deep brown eyes gave away that something was preying on her mind.

"Is it because of what McGee told us?" Tony quietly asked and reached out to take one of her hands in his.
For a moment she was contemplating her answer, wondering where she should begin to make him understand what was going on inside of her.

"It is just that…my entire life has been controlled by Mossad. Every move I made has been watched by someone. I never got the chance to live on my own, I was raised to be loyal to my country. And now…" She took a deep breath before continuing and Tony sensed that this was hard for her so he reassuringly squeezed her hand.
"when I came to NCIS I thought I would finally have the chance to build a new life on my own, away from my father and everyone else. When I found out I was pregnant I was scared, but I also thought that I would finally have the family I was refused to have. But then Mossad interfered, once again. I was desperate, hoping they would stop coming after me, would stop destroying my life, but now with all of this going on I start doubting if it will ever stop, if I will ever be able to find some peace. All I wanted was to get away from my past, but it always comes back haunting me." She finished since her voice was breaking away at her last sentences.

Tony knew that it was simply not fair, that she deserved so much more. But most of all that she deserved peace and happiness.
In one way or another their pasts were always interfering and he figured out that they were just a part of them, something they couldn't just lock away.
He simply pulled her into a tight embrace before softly speaking up again.

"Hey Zi, listen to me. I know that we will never be able to ignore the past, but I know we have a future ahead, a future together, with a beautiful child and you should hold onto that. And I promise you that I will protect our little family because you deserve to find peace and I really hope that you will find a way to come to terms with your past."

Touched by his words Ziva looked up at him planted a small kiss on his lips. However the kiss soon deepened and grew more heated when Ziva all of a sudden pulled back while trying to calm her ragged breaths.

"I can't Tony." She whispered and Tony almost didn't hear it wouldn't he have been so close to her.
She shuffled a little away from him and sat up against the headboard and suddenly seemed ashamed of her reaction as she didn't dare to look at him.
Tony mirrored her position but carefully kept some distance between them but nevertheless entwined their fingers and was glad when she allowed the contact.

"Don't be ashamed Zi, everything's alright. We're doing this at your pace, ok?" He gently caressed her knuckles with his thumbs to reassure her.
"I just ruin everything and again it is because of what happened in the past." Her voice was dripping with deep buried anger and disappointment in herself.

"It's not your fault and I get that. We don't need to rush anything, ok? I like our relationship the way it is and I think we should take the time we need." He now told her and she took a moment to fully take in his words.
"Ok." Was her only reply and it was enough for him to know that she had agreed on what he had told her and so he bent down on her level to softly kiss the side of her forehead.
Soon enough the exhaustion kicked in again and Tony turned off the light for the night and they both settled down next to each other.

He carefully came to rest behind her, his arm loosely draped around her waist while clutching her hand in his.
Of course he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable after what had just happened, but he also knew she needed the physical comfort.

He must have drifted off first because when he woke up again he didn't quite know that had even fall asleep in the first place.
What woke him was however rather unsettling.

Ziva still lay next to him but her relaxed features from earlier were replaced by a painful expression.
Her hands were clenched into fists, her knuckles already white from the pressure and her legs were kicking wildly so the covers were quickly lying on the floor.
Tortured sounds escaped her lips while she was still tossing and turning around and soon she was repeatedly whimpering and Tony knew he had to wake her.

"Zi, wake up. You're having a nightmare again, please wake up." He gently spoke up while touching her shoulder.
"No, no, no." She still whimpered and started to fight against his touch.
"It's me Ziva, you really need to wake up. It's just a dream." With that he slightly shook her which was the only chance to finally wake her.

Her breath was shallow and uneven when she woke up and looked straight into Tony's worried eyes.
As soon as she took in her surroundings her hands finally relaxed again and she tried to normalize her breathing.
"Tony." She whispered exhaustedly.
"It's alright, I'm here." He murmured and even though she was still in shock she quickly found her way into his embrace and came to rest on his chest.

Tony on the other hand protectively wrapped his arms around her and softly kissed the top of her head.
"You want to talk about it? I'm sorry if our conversation stirred something up." Of course the conversation between them had been important but he nevertheless couldn't help but feel a little guilty about the outcome of it.

"Don't be sorry Tony, please." He could hear her sniffle slightly and he held her just a little closer.
"It is always the same." It was a short answer and yet he understood what she meant.
Her dreams usually were about her torture or lately often about losing the baby. Neither of them were light on her and he wished they would end sooner rather than later.

"Try to sleep a little more, you really need to rest." He murmured into her hair and he soon felt her relax into his arms and her breathing evened out, a clear sign that she was asleep again.
The nightmares were always exhausting, not only for her and he really hoped they could leave all of this behind soon.
Because right now he wasn't sure how long they would be able to go on like this. He really didn't know.

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