Disclaimer: they still aren't mine but I'm starting to think they should be.
AN: A big thank you to Beth for helping out.
God bless New Zealand. Thoughts and prayers are with all in Christchurch xox
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Having managed one cookie and half of Mac's milk, Harm answered his phone and could hear Rosie's pained cries in the background, it broke his heart.
"Where are you?" he asked, standing up and putting the glass of milk on the bedside table.
"Half way up the driveway," Mattie said. "Didn't want to get too close in case Mac was asleep."
"Good thinking," he replied, even though she looked much better than she had earlier, he believed hearing her daughter in such distress would only distress her, something he was trying to avoid. "Leave her in the car and I'll be right down."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Mac offered but Harm shook his head.
"Nah, it's fine," he replied casually. "Colin said he'd come with me," he lied.
Mac nodded and smiled; glad he wasn't doing it alone.
After exiting the house, Harm jogged down towards the car and greeted Mattie, Frankie and Harry with hugs and kisses as they made their way towards the house.
"I know she can't help it but, god, Harm, she's loud," Mattie said readjusting Frankie. "I've got such a headache."
"Me too," added Harry rubbing his head. "Rosie's too loud."
Harm smiled as he kissed his son's head. "I'll get the doctor to fix her up."
"Good," he said and continued walking with Mattie.
By the time he reached the car, Rosie's screams had given way to sobbing and Colin was doing his best to pacify her; it wasn't working. Realising he couldn't just drive away he unbuckled his daughter from her seat and held her close, pressing her sore ear against his chest to ward off the cold wind. Instantly, she calmed.
"I don't believe it," Colin said, shaking his head. "She's stopped."
"Probably not for long," he replied as he stroked her red, tearstained face. "I hate to ask but..."
"Want me to drive?" Colin half asked, half said.
"Yeah, I kind of told Mac you'd be coming with me when she offered," he replied, climbing into the back with Rosie.
"Sure," Colin said wearily. "But see if you can keep the decibels at a minimum.
Deciding not to put Rosie in her booster seat, Harm quickly reconfigured the seat belts and made a makeshift harness which would see her secured against him in the event of a sudden stop. He knew it wasn't ideal but neither was the utter pain she was experiencing.
"Just go slowly," was his instruction to Colin as he reversed back down the driveway.
Arriving at the local hospital, Harm was lucky to spy the paediatrician getting into his car in the car park. Quickly, he sent Colin racing over to stop him. Rosie really couldn't afford to be taken home without being seen. Conscientious and dedicated, the doctor jogged over to Harm's car and took a quick look at Rosie. Using his pen torch he looked into her left ear, frowned and instantly helped Harm from the car. His change in demeanour worried Harm, particularly as it was her right ear causing her distress today.
A long study of the left ear produced several scrawled notes and mutterings but Rosie took it well. The moment he touched her right ear she screamed loud enough to be heard at the other end of the waiting room. The diagnosis was simple for the right ear; severe middle ear infection and perforated eardrum. Harm's eyes filled with tears at the diagnosis; no wonder she was in so much pain.
Thinking about the right ear news, Harm forgot about the left. It was Colin who asked.
"While I'm a paediatrician," he started, "I'm not an ENT specialist and I'd prefer you got a proper diagnosis when you're there on Tuesday."
"I appreciate that," replied Harm. "But you're seeing something you don't like and I'd like to know what it is."
Dr Lynch looked from Harm to Colin and back to Harm.
"I can see a mass," he said quietly, aware that Rose was awake and watching him.
"A mass?" Harm repeated. "A mass of what?"
"I don't know," the doctor said honestly. "There are a range of causes and further investigation will be needed at Bethesda."
"What could it be?" Colin asked, looking at Harm.
"I'd rather not ..." Dr Lynch began but Colin shook his head.
"Is it a tumor?" he questioned, wanting to rule out the one thing that came to mind with the word 'mass'.
"I don't know," he replied.
"So it could be?" Colin probed.
"Yes it could be," the doctor admitted. Harm's heart nearly stopped.
To get Rosie through the next few days the doctor gave her a strong shot of antibiotics in her butt as well as a course of antibiotics to take for her right ear. Dr Lynch then had Rosie swallow a spoonful of liquid, which she found very distasteful. It was a paediatric pain killer which would reduce the pain and make her drowsy enough to sleep. He hoped it would bring some relief to the anguished little girl, and her family. Harm also received a bottle of the second medication to keep the child drowsy and pain free until she could be seen on Tuesday. Additionally, he handed over information about dealing with perforated eardrums and the referral to Bethesda as well as his cell number and instructions to call him if her condition deteriorated.
It wasn't til they were in the car on the way home that Harm realised he had asked nothing about the perforated ear drum and whether that would lead to permanent hearing loss. Taking a deep breath he realised the answer would be 'wait and see' and so he figured they'd find it all out in DC.
With Harm and Rosie buckled into the back seat, Rosie still nestled tightly against him, Colin negotiated the roads back to the farm.
"What are you going to tell Mac?" he asked quietly.
Harm sighed and shrugged before realising Colin couldn't see him.
"I'd like to say 'nothing' but I'm going to tell her the truth, always the truth," he said slowly.
"How do you think she'll take it?" he asked, turning off the main road. "She hasn't exactly been herself."
"I know and I don't know how she'll take it," he said leaning his head back on the head rest. "I think I'll tell her all about the right ear and leave the 'mass' bit for Tuesday. I guess there is no point worrying her unnecessarily."
"Are you worried?" Colin asked, glancing in the rear view mirror.
"Oh yeah," Harm said blowing out a big breath. He thought 'terrified' might be a better word but he didn't say so.
After ten minutes of silence Colin spoke once more.
"Ah, Harm, can I ask you something?" he began and Harm detected a note of nervousness in his question.
"Sure," he said slowly, hoping it wasn't bad news ... he didn't know what he'd do if it was.
"Um, well, Mattie and I have been talking and, ah, well...we want to get married," he said keeping his eyes firmly on the road.
"I'm aware of that," Harm replied, wondering where he was going with this.
"Well, we thought New Year's Eve...actually, we thought Christmas Eve but then we'd go on our honeymoon and miss New Year's with you all so we figured this way we get the holidays together and then we can go away for two weeks. It would be mid-winter and there's little to do on the farm and Rabb's Runways should be quiet..."
"Aha," Harm said with a nod. "So, what's your actual question, Colin?"
"Oh, yeah...do you think it would be okay?" he said quickly.
"Sure," Harm said, his eyes never straying far from his sleeping daughter's face.
"It's just with Mac and all...Mattie didn't want to put any extra pressure on her," he said quickly and Harm nodded.
"Thanks for your consideration but Mac will be fine," he said confidently. "I'm sure she'll be delighted."
"There was kind of something else too," Colin said reluctantly.
"What's that?" Harm asked looking up at the driver.
"We'd like to ask you and Mac to be our witnesses...we're not going for the full bridal party...just us, you guys, the kids, Roberts, Andersons and whoever can make from Iowa," he said quickly.
"We'd be honoured," Harm said, reaching forward and patting his arm, confident that Mac would agree too.
Meanwhile, back at the farm, Mac and Mattie had just finished cooking dinner and knowing the others were still about half an hour away, and with Mac actually feeling hungry they sat down with Lily, Harry and Frankie to eat the spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread. By the end there seemed to be more sauce across little faces and the table than anywhere else but Mac just smiled. She couldn't explain why, but between her conversation with Harm, her long, peaceful slumber and now, she felt considerably better than she had in a long time.
Harry and Frankie had been bathed and dressed for bed and Lily was in the bath by the time Colin pulled up in the driveway. Mac pulled on her coat and made her way out to them as Mattie watched the boys and went about organising dinner for the latecomers. Colin was opening the rear car door as Mac approached.
"How'd she go?" Mac asked, reaching in to help Harm take off the harness.
"She's okay," Harm said, sliding out of the car, holding his daughter firmly against him.
When he found his footing he covered her exposed ear with his hand and kept her snug against his chest.
"Has she been asleep long?" Mac asked as she guided Harm up the stairs.
"Since the doctor medicated her, a dose of antibiotics in the butt and a mild sedative," he reported, entering the house.
"She's sedated?" Mac asked in surprise.
"Yeah," he said, easing the child down on the sofa and taking off his coat. "Dr Lynch thought it was for the best as she was in so much pain."
"What did he say was wrong? Rose seemed much worse this time," Mac commented as she took Harm's jacket.
"Well, his opinion is that Rosie has perforated her right eardrum which has caused her all this distress," he said, stepping in to embrace his wife. "On top of a severe infection which has made her miserable."
"Oh, the poor baby," Mac said tearfully, feeling bad she had been so resentful of the noise she had been creating.
"I know," Harm replied, kissing Mac's forehead. "She's got the two lots of medication to take and if things don't improve he gave me the number to call him right away."
"Harm, if you want to wash up, your dinner will be ready in a minute," Mattie said from the doorway.
"Thanks, Mats," he said with a weary sigh. "I'll have it in here," he said gesturing to the coffee table. "I don't want to leave her alone, not while she's sedated."
"I'll stay with her," Mac said, easing herself onto the sofa by her daughter's feet. "You go eat."
Harm could only nod.
It was after Harm had crawled into bed beside his daughter and wife, that Mac decided to voice the concern she'd had all evening. Checking that Rosie was still asleep, as opposed to dozing, Mac reached across and cupped Harm's face.
"What is it you're not telling me?" she asked, holding his face to stop him turning away.
Furrowing his brow, Harm tried to work out what to say, then his own words came back to him 'always the truth'.
"Dr Lynch made some comments about Rosie's left ear but in the end said we should just wait and see what the ENT has to say Tuesday," Harm said, lifting Mac's hand off his face and entwining his fingers with hers.
"What did he say?" she probed, knowing there was something seriously amiss by her husband's preoccupation all evening.
"Mac," he protested quietly, "It's best just to wait until Tuesday."
"No, not Tuesday, now," she insisted. "What is wrong with our daughter?" she said, enunciating each word very clearly.
Drawing a deep breath, Harm closed his eyes briefly before focusing on his wife once more.
"Dr Lynch examined her left ear and discovered a mass in the ear canal,' he whispered, covering Rosie's ear as he did.
"A mass!" Mac exclaimed in a whisper. "What sort of mass?"
"He couldn't or wouldn't say," Harm said. "Thinks we'll get a more reliable diagnosis on Tuesday...didn't want to speculate."
"A mass," she muttered. "Are you sure he didn't say anything else? Like is it cancer? Is it a growth? Is it...Is it..."
"Mac, honey," he said caressing her face as she became more distressed at the news. "Colin asked if it could be a tumour and he said yes, but he really didn't want to speculate and I don't think we should either."
Any argument Mac was going to make was interrupted by Rosie stirring.
"Momma," she mumbled as she blindly reached out for someone, anyone.
"Mommy's here baby," she said, leaning in and kissing her head before pulling her closer.
"Momma," Rosie repeated not really awake.
"Mommy's here," Mac repeated wondering why she was getting momma and not mommy.
Rosie wriggled about until she was atop her mommy before she managed to open her eyes and see her daddy. Stretching out a little arm, she reached for him and when Harm moved across, she rested her hand on his face. It was clear she loved her daddy, he was strong and safe and she trusted him with all the hard things like doctor's visits and injections. She wanted him to know that although right now she needed her mommy, to have that familiar touch and smell encircle her when everything else was a little fuzzy, she did love him, she loved them both; and then she drifted off once more.
Harm moved closer to the pair and slid one arm under his wife's neck as he wrapped his other one around his daughter and held them close, taking the opportunity to kiss both of their heads before resting his on the pillow alongside Mac's.
"Harm," she whispered, "What happens if..."
"Then we'll deal with it," he said, not wanting to hear the scenario she was thinking of. He couldn't bear the thought of his little angel having anything more than an ear infection.
"But..." Mac protested.
"Mac," he said before opening his eyes and seeing the fear in hers. "But what?" he said, offering her the chance to voice those fears.
"But... she's just a baby, she can't have a tumour... she can't have cancer ... she can't have...have...I don't know...but she just can't," she said tearfully.
"I'd like to be able to promise you that she won't have anything untoward going on, but you know I can't," Harm said, kissing her head. "So instead, we'll just hope and pray it's all benign and this is just a little scare for us."
"I feel so bad that I was resenting her screaming," she whispered.
"Well, it was very loud and persistent," Harm said with a yawn. "And when you're not feeling 100% yourself, it's hard to deal with."
"Doesn't make me much of a mother," she replied, closing her eyes and willing the tears away.
"It makes you human, Mac," he said, moving his hand to wipe away the tears which had fallen. "As much as you'd like to think it, you're not superman...or superwoman, in your case. You can't do everything...can't be perfect..." He kissed her head.
"You saying I'm not perfect?" she said with a tearful chuckle.
"You're perfect to me," he said kissing her once more. "I just don't think you're perfect to yourself."
"That's because marine standards are higher than squid standards," she said, smiling at him.
Harm could only grin that despite everything at least Mac's sense of humour was still there.