There were a few blissful moments when she first woke up where she curled into Charles's chest and forgot all about everything that happened the day before. She simply enjoyed the fact that after what seemed like an eternity he was finally back with her.
Then it had hit her, and it was just as painful as if it had been happening right in front of her eyes all over again. Her breath caught in her throat and she pulled herself a fraction closer to Charles, his arms tightening around her in his sleep.
Jess.
The images played themselves out in her mind, over and over again. She just kept seeing her crumple to the floor, and that noise she'd made as the shot Elvis had fired had hit her neck. She'd never forget it. She'd seen someone bleed out before, more than once, as much as she wished she hadn't. She was painfully aware of how much blood a person could lose and still survive, and yet she found it difficult to comprehend exactly how she'd lost her best friend. She might understand medically why, but she wasn't sure if she'd ever actually come to terms with the fact that she'd never get to tell Jess about her reunion with Charles, hear about the date with the mysterious fireman or even just listen to her complain about how overworked she was.
She shouldn't even have been there, that was the thing that kept going through her mind over and over again. Her shift had finished several hours before, but she'd stayed to help them all because that was her all over, and it had cost her her life. Maybe if she'd told her to go home earlier she would still be alive? Or if she hadn't insisted on going back to work and had let Elvis do his job? The list of possibilities was endless.
Charles stirred in his sleep next to her, his arms tightening around her again. She was momentarily distracted by just how much she'd missed him. She felt awful that this was what he'd had to come home to. She'd pictured running into his arms and making up for lost time. If she was being perfectly honest she was angry- angry that they'd not only robbed her of her best friend, but taken away the reunion she'd spent months dreaming of too. She knew Charles would never say anything, but she knew deep down he'd be disappointed too. They'd be talking on the phone for weeks about what they'd do when he got back. She'd make it up to him one day, but right now she couldn't even begin to think about it.
"Morning." He mumbled, half asleep as he pulled her even closer to him. He'd been looking forward to finally waking up with her in his arms again for weeks.
"Morning." Her lip quivered as he kissed the top of her head. She'd got Jess to thank for the fact she was laying here with him now, she would never have seen him again after he'd turned up at the hospital if it hadn't been for her.
"How are you feeling?" He asked tentatively, slowly starting to wake up. He was still exhausted and disorientated from having been awake so long and having such a stressful day the day before.
"I miss her so much already." She whispered, her voice cracking. "How can she be gone?"
He hadn't got a clue how to answer her question, he really wished he did. "I know." He said simply after a moment's hesitation. "And it's going to be like that for a long time, there's nothing I can do about it no matter how much I wish I could."
"You know we wouldn't be laying here now if it wasn't for her." She half smiled at the memory, although it caused the tears that had been welling in her eyes to spill down her face. "I was so determined that I was never going to see you again, I threw your number in the bin."
"I know." He nodded. "She called me, said you'd made a massive mistake and you didn't mean it, but you just hadn't figured that part out yet and I should have a little patience." He laughed quietly.
She smiled again, looking up at him. "That sounds about right."
He brushed the tears from her face, smoothing her hair back out of the way. "She loved you Molly, she was a brilliant friend and I wish I could've thanked her for everything she did… She sounded like an amazing person."
"She is." Molly answered quickly. "Was." That correction hurt, having to talk about her in the past tense. She wasn't ever going to get used to that.
"It's going to take a long time to get used to her being gone." He reminded her gently.
"I might have to find a new job." She commented after a moment of silence. "I think she might've been the only thing that kept me sane in that bloody place." She wasn't entirely sure she'd ever be able to set foot back in that place again if she was honest. Far too much had happened.
"You don't have to rush into anything just yet." He told her sensibly. "Just give yourself some time, a lot has happened in the last few days."
"This is why I need you here to stop me doing stupid things." She joked.
"Well I've got to be useful for something." He smiled.
Her face dropped again. "Maybe if I hadn't gone back to work, if I'd just let Elvis do his job… this might've not have happened." She whispered. It was the thought that just kept going round and round in her head.
Charles it his fingers under her chin, tilting her head up and forcing her to look at him. "Stop."He said firmly. "You can't think like that, you'll drive yourself insane."
"But what if it's the truth?" She asked quietly.
"It's not okay, just stop."
She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again, thinking. "Tell me about Nepal." She suddenly said.
He looked at her in confusion for a moment before he realised she was looking for a distraction. He could ramble on about Nepal for a while if that was going to stop her blaming herself.
"Well, I had a new recruit with two section. Georgie was mentoring her, well trying anyway. Felt like whatever I said Richards did the bloody opposite. Thought I was going to have grey hair by the time I got back." He joked. "I missed you though, that was the worst part."
"I know. I missed you too." She didn't think she could get any close to him, but she still attempted to pull herself closer.
"Well, I'm back now." He smiled. "And I'm not going anywhere any time soon."
"You'd better not."
He hesitated for a second before he spoke. "Elvis was really worried about you, even before everything that happened."
She froze for a second. "I think having nightmares about Kenya might be the least of my problems now." She muttered.
His phone rang on the bedside table and momentarily distracted him. It was Georgie again. He silenced it and turned back to Molly.
"You can't just keep ignoring it forever." He pointed out.
His phone started ringing again.
"Why don't you answer that?" She suggested, disentangling herself from him. "I need to shower." She was out of bed and through into the bathroom before he could speak. She locked the door behind herself, turned on the shower and then sat on the floor, biting back a fresh wave of tears she could feel coming. She could still see the blood on her hands. She might've washed it off but it was still there, and the feeling was suffocating.
"What do you mean he just turned up?" Charles asked.
"Exactly what I said." She sighed, pacing up and down the hallway of her parents house. "He just bloody turned up on the doorstep. I thought my Dad was going to punch him."
"I don't understand a lot of what Elvis does." Charles sighed. "But he's just turned up on your doorstep in Manchester?"
"Yep." Georgies reply was tense. She glanced over her shoulder, her Mum and Dad were peering around the kitchen door at her. "He's a mess Charles." She sighed.
"I've tried calling him. He won't answer."
"I know. I tried too." She told him. "What do I do? I've not seen him like this, ever. I'm used to him trying to convince me to bloody marry him again not just sitting there like he's looking right through me."
"I don't know." Charles admitted. He glanced over his shoulder to check Molly hadn't come back in. "I don't know what to do about any of this." He was way out of his depth, it was like Nepal all over again only a thousand times worse.
Georgie glanced up the stairs. "I'd better go. I'll call you back if I get anywhere."
"Call me if you need me Lane. I don't know what help I'll be but I can try." He wasn't sure which one of them was going to be harder to deal with- Molly or Elvis.
"Tell Molly to call me when she feels up to it?" Georgie asked.
"I will, don't expect it to be any time soon though." He told her reluctantly.
Georgie heard the floorboards creak in her bedroom. "Okay, I've got to go. Wish me luck."
"You're going to need it Lane." She'd already hung up the phone before he could speak.
He was pacing back and forth across her bedroom like some sort of caged animal. He looked like crap, as her Mum and Dad had been quick to point out when he'd turned up on the doorstep. She'd ushered them out of the way and let him, but he'd just sat on her bed and stared at the wall without saying a word. Eventually she'd started to panic and had phoned Charles hoping he'd give her some advice, but she guessed he'd got more than enough on his plate with Molly.
He stopped and looked at her for a moment, pausing mid way across the room, and for a money he almost looked surprised to see her stood there.
"I shouldn't have come here." He mumbled, reaching for his coat which was laying on the bed. "I'll go."
She took his coat out of his hands. "You're not going anywhere. Sit down Elvis."
He did as he was told, probably for the first time in his life and she sat herself down next to him. "I didn't know where else to go." He said quietly. "I just keep going over and over it in my head trying to work out what went wrong."
"Don't do it to yourself Elvis." Georgie sighed. "I don't know how many more times I can say it, and you know it's true, you didn't mean to shoot her. It was an accident."
"It doesn't make a difference. She still died George." He just kept playing back those couple of seconds in his head, seeing the shot and pulling the trigger. He'd been so convinced it was a clear shot- or at least he thought he had. He was starting to doubt himself. "I shouldn't have let Molly go back to work. We knew they were out there."
"They still would've done it Elvis. They had no way of knowing if she was in there or not." Georgie said gently. "The fact that you got there so quickly and you were ready saved a lot of people."
"It wasn't enough though, was it?" He sighed in defeat. "What's the point of any of it? They should never have been able to walk out of the compound in Kenya never mind get on a fucking plane and end up over here." He shook his head angrily.
"You're not superman Elvis, I think you need to remember that sometimes. You do what you can do. You still managed to find Molly and her her out of that compound. You saved her life and god knows how many other people yesterday."
"It doesn't feel like it." He looked down at his hands dejectedly. "Molly must hate me."
She scooted across the bed and put her arm around him, pulling him towards her. "I don't think that's true, she's upset. I think everyone just needs some time. It's a lot to take in."
He didn't say anything, just sitting there quietly as she held him tightly in an attempt to comfort him.