Chapter Thirty Eight
Sophia tossed and turned for at least an hour before she finally gave up, threw the covers off and stood up. She was tired but she couldn't shut off her mind. It was almost like it had been back when she had been on drugs. Her mom had told her that it was going to be hard dealing with those kids but she hadn't thought much about that.
All she knew when her mom had mentioned moving was that she wouldn't be able to see Damon or Daryl anymore. That had been a terrifying thought. But now she was scared. She was scared of facing all of those kids once school started back up and now it wasn't going to be just a case of rising above her horrible reputation, now that whole group, and soon the whole school, would think that she was a nark. She had had nothing to do with those boys getting in trouble but no one was going to believe her. No one but Damon and Piper, and possibly Tyler.
She stepped out into the hallway and was about to head to the kitchen when the door at the end of the hall opened up and her mom stepped out, pulling the door shut silently behind her. When she looked up and seen Sophia she frowned.
"Are you okay?" She asked, concern clouding her eyes as she made her way towards Sophia.
She shrugged. "I couldn't sleep. What are you doing up?" A horrifying thought occurred to her and she scowled. She loved Daryl and she loved her mom and she was happy, beyond happy, that this was all working but the thought of what they might do behind that door made her a little sick. "Oh gross. I don't even want to know."
Carol frowned and shook her head, giving her a slight shove towards the living room. "How many times do we have to tell you two that we are not sleeping together before you believe that we are not sleeping together?" Carol whispered, annoyance clear in her voice.
Sophia shrugged. "We'll believe it when you two stop sharing a bed."
Carol muttered something under her breath and turned the kitchen light on. "Sleeping. All we do in there is sleep."
"You two are weird," Sophia said, smiling slightly because she actually believed her mom. It just didn't make any sense. They were both consenting adults. They were obviously head over heels over each other. They did everything a married couple did, including sharing a room. Why were they not doing anything else?
Carol sighed and sat down at the table. "I couldn't sleep. I guess I have a lot on my mind."
With a weary sigh Sophia nodded. "Me too. Do you want to talk about it?"
Carol looked up, her eyes widening. Sometimes Sophia forgot how horrible she had been when her mom had first got out of prison. It hadn't really been her. It had been the drugs. They had turned her into someone that people couldn't stand to be around. All she had cared about was herself and the next time she was going to be able to get high. Finally her mom nodded, "Actually, that sounds good. Talking to Daryl isn't easy sometimes. He doesn't handle emotions very well. As soon as I get upset about something, he gets this nervous twitch in his jaw."
For some strange reason Sophia remembered the night she had showed up here. The night she had ran off on her mom and Andrea. She went to the pantry and pulled down a box of hot chocolate and busied herself with the task of making her and her mom a cup. "So, what has you losing sleep?" She asked over her shoulder.
Carol drummed her nails over the table top. "Andrea leaving today. It kind of reminded me how much we've drifted apart."
Sophia didn't comment until she sat a cup down in front of her mom. "I kind of feel really bad about her leaving too. I mean, I've talked to her a bunch of times over the past few weeks but I was really a handful for her when you were gone. I feel bad for all the things I did."
Carol smiled. "She knows that. She's just happy that you're better. She was worried about you." She took a sip and then raised one eyebrow at her. "This is really good."
Sophia nodded. "Secret Dixon recipe. Daryl made me some that night I showed up soaking wet on his doorstep. I felt like an eight year old but it made me feel better. I think maybe it's my only vice. I'm improving." She grinned at her mom.
Carol sighed and rested her chin on her hand. "I hope she knows how much I appreciate everything she's done for me. For both of us."
"I'm sure she does. Andrea is tough like that. She loves you enough to be happy for you, even if she really doesn't like Daryl."
"You're right," Carol said sadly. "I'm gonna miss her."
"Not as much as you would have missed Daryl though, right?" Sophia pressed.
Carol rolled her eyes. "You're reading too much into this, honey."
Just then Daryl shuffled into the room, rubbing his eyes and looking younger than Damon. "What the hell are you doin' in here? That goddamn bed is cold as fuck when you ain't in it," he mumbled. When he dropped his hands from his face he squinted at Carol and then seemed to notice Sophia sitting there too. He turned red and cursed under his breath.
"We couldn't sleep," Carol said, pulling her legs up onto the chair and wrapping her arms around them. She was smiling that smile that Sophia only saw when Daryl was around. It was like it was reserved just for him.
"Oh. Well... if I ain't gotta be the one stuck talkin' about you're feelings again then I'm goin' back to bed," he said, grabbing Carol's cup and taking a large drink before handing it back to her. "Night, kid," he said, musing Sophia's hair before high tailing it out of the kitchen. It was obvious that her mom had been right. Daryl wasn't one to talk about feelings.
Carol watched him until he disappeared into the shadows and then looked back at Sophia. "Told you."
She grinned and shook her head, feeling better already. "You did."
"Now, your turn. What has your head running overtime tonight?" Carol asked.
Sophia ran a hand through her hair and frowned into her cup. "We saw two kids from school while we were out tonight. Two from the same group I used to run around with." She looked up in time to see the look of fear on her mom's face and then guilt had Sophia looking away.
Carol cleared her throat. "Well, no wonder you can't sleep. Did they say anything?"
Sophia nodded. "Not much, really. Asked where I'd been. One of the rumors is that I'm pregnant with Damon's baby so you dropped me on their doorstep to let Daryl deal with the illegitimate child."
"My God, are you serious?" Carol was red in the face but it was anger, not embarrassment.
Sophia shrugged. "They asked if I wanted to hang out and Piper kind of scared them off."
Carol looked nervous now. "Did you want to? Hang out with them I mean?"
Sophia thought about that. Really thought about it and then finally shook her head. "I really didn't. I thought maybe, if the opportunity showed itself, I might fall back into that, regardless of everything you guys have done." She shrugged. "But I didn't. I didn't want anything to do with it. Daryl told me that sometimes I'll feel like I need it. He said that even a year from now, even if I haven't done anything at all, that old appetite will raise it's head. Anything can do it. But I think when it happens, I'll be okay."
Carol looked away, her eyes still troubled. "I wish there was more I could do."
"It's my fight," Sophia said, her voice strong. "Something else he taught me. I did this to myself. I used all kinds of things as an excuse to do the things I did. I convinced myself that I needed a crutch because my life wasn't easy. But nobody has an easy life. Not really. Some people have it worse than others, sure, but at the end of the day, we all have demons staring us in the face. I was in a bad place and I found out that pills made the pain easier to deal with. But I was just being a pussy."
"Sophia," Carol admonished.
She shrugged. "That's what he said. He said he did the same thing. But I know that I don't need it. I'm tough. I don't need that crap."
"He's taught you a lot," Carol said quietly.
"He has. I know that it's gonna get bad. School is gonna be hard and I'm ready for it. I'm scared to death, but I can do this. At the end of the day, I get to come home to you guys. Life isn't bad, mom. I don't want you to think I'm dumb enough to mess any of this up."
Carol shook her head slowly. "I think you're gonna do just fine. You know we love you and at the end of every day that you have to deal with them you can look yourself in the eye and know you made it through another day. And we're all here, no matter how horrible those first few months back will be, we have your back. You have a strong family now and we're all in this with you."
Sophia drained her cup and took it to the sink. "I know. Daryl said the same thing."
"He's taking all my best stuff," Carol grumbled.
She laughed, feeling much better than she had before. Yawning she grabbed Carol's hand and pulled her up from the chair. "Let's try to get some sleep. You don't want him freezing to death in there."
Carol rolled her eyes and followed her down the hallway.
~H~
Sophia closed the door and leaned her back against it for a few long moments. She wasn't sleepy just yet but she wasn't going to stay up and worry her mom over what had happened. Besides, she felt a lot better than she had earlier anyway.
She sat down on the edge of her bed and then glanced over at the nightstand. Her phone was blinking and she sighed heavily. Her old friends had stopped texting her but it was obvious that it hadn't lasted. She thought about deleting them before reading what they had to say but for some reason she didn't.
The first text had her shaking her head.
Aubrey: You have a lot of nerve lying right to our faces. We know you did it. Your attack dogs won't be around forever.
Trey: Heard you denied busting us. Nice try you little slut. We know it was you.
Daniel: Good job Soph. You went from blowing Ron for pills to blowing the Dixon men for a pay check.
She stared at her phone, the lump in her throat painful enough to almost drown out the hollow feeling in her chest. Her eyes burned. When the phone went off again she almost dropped it on the floor. She didn't want to look at it. She didn't want to see what else some of the others might have to say to her. She swiped the tears off her face and looked at it anyway.
Damon: you up?
She almost wept with relief. And typed out a hurried affirmative, sniffling loudly.
Can't sleep. Wanna hang out for a while?
She tossed the phone onto the nightstand and then stood up. She looked at it for a few long seconds before she picked it up and shoved it into the drawer. She arranged her pillows under her blanket so if someone came to check on her they would think she was asleep. They didn't make it a habit of spending any amount of time in each others rooms once her mom or Daryl were in bed but tonight he must have sensed that she was troubled. And she had been. Now it was just much worse.
Without thinking about what she may look like she crept to the kitchen, silently crossed the room to the basement door and then stood there, remembering that it could always be worse and she should be thankful that she had someone that wanted to spend time with her.
She hoped he couldn't tell that she'd been crying like a five year old. When she made it to the bottom of the stairs he was messing around with a bass guitar that wasn't plugged into the amp. He was shirtless and the soft light from the lamp made his tan skin appear even darker.
"Hey," she muttered, feeling like a weirdo for staring at him.
He looked up, a smile in place until he saw her face and then he frowned. "You okay?"
She shrugged and sat down on the edge of the bed. She thought about lying but changed her mind. "Not really. I got a bunch of texts. I guess running into those girls tonight, I should have expected it."
He put the guitar down and sat down next to her, leaning back on his elbows. "Fuck them assholes."
She snorted. "According to the school, I already did."
His frown morphed into a grimace. He didn't say anything for a while and when he finally did she could hear the concern in his voice and she loved him for it. "You're gonna be alright."
She smiled slightly. "I know." And she believed it. Maybe it was because being around him made her feel good about herself. It really didn't matter the reasons. What mattered was, she was okay. She wasn't about to do anything to let any of them down. "You wanna watch a movie?"
He stood up, yanking her off the bed by the hand and then shoving her towards the couch on the other side of the room. "Sounds good. What are you in the mood for?"
She let him pull her down next to him on the couch and then sighed. "Horror. A really bloody one too and I'm gonna pretend that each one that gets it is one of those jerks."
He grinned. "There you go. That's the healthy way to deal with your frustrations."
She laughed, shaking her head slightly. "Thanks, Damon," she said, more emotion coming out in those words than she meant to convey.
His eyes softened and he shrugged. "That's what family is for, right?"
She nodded and then felt bad because she didn't look at him like he was family. She looked at him like he was the incredibly sweet hot guy that lived in the basement.