Firstly, I don't own The Walking Dead. All credit for this amazing show goes elsewhere. Sam and Dean are based on Supernatural, and unfortunately I don't own that either. Now I've gone and depressed myself. Anyway, it just seemed to fit somehow, but there is no storyline based on Supernatural's Sam and Dean's hunter lifestyles...
This is a long fic only because I fell in love with the characters and I couldn't stop writing. I love feedback, but no pressure. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! If you do decide to give feedback or rating, please don't be cruel. I'm a big ol softie... Thanks!
And since you've gotten this far, a review or two would rock my world! Thanks!
Dean wasn't there, but Sam was. Slumped in his chair and pushing food around on his plate. Rick put a hand on Carl's shoulder when they entered, and everyone else got quiet, watching as Trouble moved carefully around the table, her hands behind her and Jules' little hands knotted in her shirt sides. She peeked around Trouble, and Shane almost fell out of his chair. They were almost identical, matching long blond hair, slender faces, and though the child's eyes were blue to Trouble's green, they were the same shaped. She could have been Trouble's daughter.
"Right here, Jules." Trouble said softly sitting down and pulling Anna's chair close to her. She didn't have the stomach to touch Ian's. Not yet. The little girl huddled in close to her and Trouble got a plate and dished some eggs and bacon out on it.
"Everybody, this is Jules." Trouble said, giving the girl a fork. She avoided their eyes and took several quick bites, staying close to her. Trouble gave them all a look to go on eating and the chatter started back up slowly, their eyes drifting back to the scared little girl.
Shane scooted closer at the table, and he was closest to Jules. She squealed and buried her face in Trouble's side. "Hey, it's ok. Remember our promise?" She hugged the girl close and she nodded, her forehead still against her side. "Look up, Jules. That's Shane. He's nice."
"Hi Juliana." Shane said softly, looking down at the girl. She looked at him with wide eyes, and Trouble understood. He was big to her, she could only imagine what he looked like to her.
"Hi." She whispered, looking at him with wide eyes.
"Trouble's takin good care of you, huh?" He asked and she nodded, hugging Trouble closer.
"Hi Juliana." Carl called from the end of the table and her head snapped over to him. She looked up at Trouble.
"I told you about Carl, remember? And that's his dad, Rick. And there's Sam, and T, you saw them before. Carol made your breakfast there, and that's Hershel. He's a doctor. And Maggie, his daughter, and Glen." Trouble pointed everyone out and handed the fork back to Jules. She took it and dug in again silently.
Rick leaned down to Carl. "She's shy. After breakfast, why don't we see if she wants to see your games?"
"Yeah." Carl nodded, looking back down at Jules and frowning with concern. Rick glanced at Trouble, and watched her whisper to the child, encouraging her to look around. She was magnificent, and, like Shane, we marveled at how much she and the girl looked alike.
Trouble couldn't handle the thought of food, and she drank her coffee, watching Jules eat and brushing her hair back from her face. She sighed and looked up, seeing Rick staring at her. She gave him a weary flick of her eyebrows, hoping it conveyed the utter blank her mind was in. He nodded and gave her a small smile.
When breakfast was over, Trouble scooted back in her chair but stayed seated while everyone else got up. Carl walked around the table and approached Jules, and she went flying out of her chair into Trouble's lap.
"Amy!" She said, burying her head in Trouble's neck, and she winced as Sam dropped his fork and snapped his head up at her. Rick and Shane looked confused, and the people left in the kitchen got quiet.
"Carl, she's a little tired right now. Give me a minute and I'll bring her to the tv, and we can talk a little." She smiled at him and he nodded and left the room. She hugged the girl and met Sam's eyes over her shoulder. He was staring at her like he'd never seen her before. He hadn't heard her real name in years, and he knew she never used it. To hear it was... startling. Trouble silently got up, Jules wrapped firmly around her, and carried her away.
"Did she just call Trouble 'Amy'?" Shane asked after she left, and Sam looked back down at his plate.
"Yeah." He said.
"Why?" Rick asked and Sam stood up quickly, grabbing his plate.
"It's her name." He said and left the room quickly.
"Did you know that?" Shane looked at Rick. He shook his head and they got up and followed the others out of the kitchen, T-Dog close behind while the others stayed to help Carol clean up.
Trouble carried Jules to the common room and sat down on the loveseat, but when the others emerged from the kitchen she started trembling so badly that she was forced to return to her room with the girl. She held her and praised her for being so brave, and she eventually felt the exhausted child drift off to sleep against her chest. She snuggled her and stroked her hair, her own brain feeling deep fried.
Her door opened softly and she saw Rick's head poke through carefully. He was ready to run if Jules had another fit, but when he saw Trouble holding her, and the child in a deep sleep against her, he stepped in.
"Hey." He whispered, and she moved her legs so he could sit down. "How is she?"
"Exhausted. She had a nightmare last night." She said softly, her fingertips running down the girl's hair.
"She's been through a lot." Rick said and Trouble nodded, resting her chin on Jules' head and looking into the distance. Rick had the vague feeling that if the girl wasn't here, she would be in Dean's room drinking herself into oblivion. "So have you." He said, reaching out and touching her leg. She looked back at him and her eyes fell to the floor. He leaned forward and brushed Jules' hair back over her shoulder, smiling at her peaceful little face.
"How can people do this stuff to a little kid?" Trouble asked, looking at him angrily. "You should see the bruises she's got."
"I wish I knew. Used to make me so mad, going to somebody's house on a call and finding this. But she's got you now." He said, sitting back. Trouble's eyes welled up with tears and she nodded.
"God help her. Looking to me."
"I can't think of a better place to look." He said seriously and she felt the tears spill over her cheeks. She laid Jules gently against the pillows and pulled the comforter up under her little chin. She looked back at Rick and he moved forward, letting her put her face into his chest, and he held her tightly as the racking convulsions shook her body. She cried hard, but kept her noise at a minimum. Rick wished he could take her back to his room and really let her get it all out, but if the girl woke up and she wasn't there it would be bad.
Trouble eventually leaned back a little, and he brushed her face free of tears. She sniffed and he grabbed a tissue from a box next to her, giving it to her. She settled against him again and wiped her face.
"It was Ian, Rick. What am I supposed to do now?" She asked softly, and he shook his head, tightening his grip on her.
"Cry. Scream and yell if you want. It shouldn't have happened."
"It happened because I wanted to go out riding."
"He wasn't even there when you were riding." He said, looking down at her and frowning.
"No, I got out there and got stuck behind that wall. I shouldn't have been out there."
"Trouble, you want to live, and that's what you were doing. You were doing something you loved and you have that right. He died because an abusive son of a bitch and his people killed him, not you. And you saved her life. She gets to grow up now." He said, putting his hands on her shoulders and holding her in front of him. She looked back at the sleeping girl and pressed her lips together.
"Maybe I am turning into a kindergarten teacher, like he said." She said, laughing a little through her tears, and he pulled her into his arms again.
"I think you're an angel." He sighed, his eyes flicking down at her. "Amy."
She pulled back and narrowed her eyes at him. "Hey, watch it."
"What? It's pretty. Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"It hasn't been my name for a long time, but she thought Trouble was funny sounding." She said and he chuckled, wiping her face again.
"It sure sent Sam into a tailspin." He said, and she shook her head.
"It just surprised him. He's got bigger things to worry about." She ran her hands back through her hair and let out a deep breath. "Are you going out to get rid of them?"
"Yeah, soon as I get back out there." He said and she grabbed his shirt in her hand.
"Be careful. Get back here and find me. I need to know you're all safe."
"I will. Take care of her and I'll come see you as soon as we get back, ok?" He said, kissing her forehead. He stood and she watched him go anxiously. She wouldn't be able to relax until they were all safely locked back in the house.
Jules woke up an hour later, and looked around, panicked, until she realized she was alone with Trouble in her room. "Hey, how do you feel?"
Jules sat up and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Thirsty."
Trouble reached around behind her and grabbed a bottle of water, taking the cap off and handing it to the child. She downed half of it and went to the bathroom again. Trouble got up and went to the stack of clothing Carol had left while she was sleeping. She picked out a pair of blue jeans and a blue tee shirt, and when Jules came back out of the bathroom Trouble held them up for her to see.
"Carol brought you some more clothes. I thought you might want to change."
Jules came and looked at the clothes. "Why does she have this?"
"They were her daughter's." Trouble answered. She didn't feel the need to lie to the girl, she'd already been through so much.
"What happened to her?"
"Well, she went to Heaven." Trouble answered, feeling that was the most gentle way to put it.
"Oh. That's sad." She said softly, her fingers leaving the fabric of the shirt.
"She wanted you to have these though. It would mean a lot to her if you wore them." Trouble said and Jules nodded. She helped her get the pink tee shirt off and put the blue one over her head. The blue jeans came next, and Trouble was pleased to see they fit her. Carol really was a lifesaver.
"Let's go back out. I think Carl really wants to see you. He's been asking about you." Trouble said and the girl grimaced. "What? He's a real sweetheart. You're gonna love him."
"I don't have to talk if I don't want to?"
Trouble shook her head. "No, but I think it might hurt his feelings a little."
"And you'll be there?"
"Every second." Trouble went to her closet and grabbed a blanket. "How about this. We take this blanket and you can cover up with it. If you don't want to see anybody, you just put it over your head."
"Yeah." She seemed a little more comfortable with that idea, and Trouble led her into the hallway. Carl was with Maggie in the common room, Carol was bustling around making dinner in the kitchen, and Jules hid behind Trouble as she made her way to the couch nearest to Carl. She sat down and smiled at Carl as Jules crawled up into her lap and covered herself with the blanket. Carl looked at her funny and she winked at him, and he turned back to playing with Maggie. Jules heard them playing and laughing, and gradually she dropped the blanket till her eyes were peeking over the top. Fifteen minutes into it she had the blanket down around her waist and she was inching her way closer to Carl and watching the screen intently. She looked back at Carl and when she spoke, Maggie's mouth dropped.
"What are you playing?" She asked softly, and Trouble heard the elevator doors open behind her. She turned quickly and put her finger to her lips as Rick, Shane, T-Dog and Glen entered. Rick's face spread out into a grin when he saw Jules talking to Carl. T-Dog and Glen slipped past them and to the control room, and Rick and Shane grabbed the chairs behind them silently.
"It's a car racing game. See, you just use this button to go." Carl dove right in, explaining the game to Jules, and she removed herself completely from Trouble's lap and stood beside him, looking down at the controller. Trouble got up quietly and went to Rick and Shane.
"How'd it go?" She asked, and Rick nodded.
"Good. Tossed the car off the cliff, sent the bodies after it. You can't tell anyone was ever there." He said and she nodded, leaning against his chair.
"And you guys, no problems?"
"In and out. How'd you do that?" Shane asked, pointing at Jules and Carl.
"She did it on her own. She just has to feel safe." Trouble said, right as Jules turned her head away from Carl to look at her. She was smiling but it quickly faded when she didn't see Trouble on the couch.
"Jules." Trouble said, dropping to one knee as Jules ran to her and threw her arms around her neck. "I didn't go anywhere. I promised you I wouldn't." Trouble looked up at Rick and gave him a helpless look. "Hey, look, I just wanted to talk to Rick and Shane. It's ok, Jules." She rubbed the girl's hair and held her tight.
"You don't have to be scared, that's just my dad." Carl came up from behind her and she pulled her face out of Trouble's neck and looked at him. She looked down as Carl held him little hand out to her, to Trouble astonishment, Jules actually took it. Carl stepped forward and Rick got off the chair and moved next to Trouble on the floor. He smiled as Carl led the girl forward a little. "See? He's cool."
Rick spoke softly. "Hey Juliana. It's nice to meet you." Shane watched them work with the girl, and he flashed Trouble a smile when she glanced up at him.
"Amy?" Jules said, holding Carl's hand but looking to her for reassurance. To help answer her question, Trouble held out a hand and Rick took it.
"Rick won't hurt you, Jules. Nobody here will. They're my friends."
Jules pressed her lips together, her little mind trying to hard to tell if she was being misled again, but finally she nodded and gave Rick a small smile. "Hi." She whispered. Rick grinned widely.
"He's a police officer." Carl said and she looked at Rick with wide eyes.
"You are?"
"Yup." Rick said, nodding.
"Do you shoot bad people?" She asked curiously, letting go of Carl's hand and sitting down on Trouble's lap. Rick let her go and she wrapped her arms around the child.
"Well, I protect people." Rick said gently. "Make sure they don't get hurt." She seemed to accept that, and Rick went out on a limb. "You see Shane, over there? He's a police officer, too."
She looked up at Shane, who inched down to his knees, smiling at the girl in Trouble's lap. "Hi Juliana. I'm glad you came here to stay with us."
"Shane's cool. You don't have to be afraid of him, either. He worked with my dad." Carl said and went to lean on Shane confidently, his elbow on Shane's shoulder.
"Hi Shane." Jules said quietly and Shane grinned. Carol came out of the kitchen and called everyone to dinner, and Trouble stood up and grabbed Jules' hand. Carl took her other one, and Trouble looked back at Rick and Shane as they walked.
"You guys are awesome." She said with thankful eyes, and they chuckled as they entered the kitchen.
Dean must have walked past them while they were talking, because he was at the table when they got there. Rick and Shane sat down on either side of him, and Jules pulled her chair close to Trouble again. Trouble was watching Dean closely as she got a plate and put spoonfuls of mashed potatoes, corn, and meatloaf onto her plate. Finally, Dean looked up at her, and his eyes were red rimmed and flat. He nodded to her, and she took a deep breath, looking back at Jules and wondering if she would ever have the chance to talk to him.
Jules opened up a little more, even taking a roll Shane offered her at one point. They ate quickly, and she looked up at Trouble as they finished up. "Amy, can I play the game with Carl when we're done?"
Dean's head snapped up. "Amy?" He said, and the table got quiet, and Trouble let out a breath.
"Dean, this is Juliana. Jules, that is my other cousin, Dean." She said, leaning in toward the girl. Rick coughed and stood up, whispering something in Dean's ear, and Dean got up wearily and followed him out of the kitchen.
"Dean, those people took the girl's name away, called her Rose. Killed her mother and beat up on her." Rick said when they got to the empty common room. "Trouble told her that because she wanted the girl to relate to her."
Dean went to the cabinet and grabbed a bottle, taking a long drink from it. "Nobody's called her that in fifteen years." He said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Rick reached out and took the bottle from him and put it back in the cabinet. Dean started to look angry, but ended up just slumping in the chair nearest to him.
"Why not?" Rick asked, sitting down on the couch next to him.
"Her dad, my Uncle Bruce. He used to beat on her, sent her to the hospital a couple times. Her and Aunt Bonnie. Always ended up crawling back and he'd just say her name over and over again. Prick died of a heart attack when she was 7 and she never wanted to hear it again. Aunt Bonnie always just called her Trouble." Dean put his hands up over his face and rubbed it hard.
Rick set his jaw, understanding so much now why Trouble was so angry in the building, why she was being this way with the girl. It wasn't just because she was amazing, it was because she knew what Jules was going through. "Dean, Trouble needs you right now. Sober."
"I know, man." Dean said wearily. "I'm just so goddamn pissed off."
"At Trouble?" Rick asked incredulously, and Dean's head snapped up.
"Hell no. At those hillbilly bastards, man. I wanted to snap their necks."
"Well, we put a bullet in their heads and threw them over the cliff. They got what they deserved, Dean. I know you cared about Ian, but she was in love with him. It's different for her."
Dean looked up at him blearily, still a little drunk and hungover at the same time. "Yeah, man. I know."
Rick looked up as Carl led Jules out of the kitchen, Trouble close behind. He brought her around to the coffee table and picked up the controllers, showing her some buttons and bringing the game back up. Dean ran his hand over his face again and got up, going around the couch and grabbing Trouble's arm as she leaned against it, watching Jules. She looked at him, surprised, but led him lead her away.
"Dean, I'm sorry." She began but he pulled her into the corner, Rick trying not to watch as he hugged her tightly. He saw Trouble's shoulders go down in relief, and Dean gestured for Sam, who was standing in the kitchen door, to come closer. He got on the other side of Trouble and put his arms around her too, and the three of them held each other tightly for several moments.
"You got nothing to apologize for, Trouble." Dean said, leaning back and putting her face in his hands.
"I miss him." She said softly, her big green eyes filling with tears, and he pulled her to his chest again, holding her tightly.
"Yeah, me too. Even his sarcastic asshole one liners. Man, I'd give anything to hear one of those right now." He said, and she let a short burst of laughter into his chest. It was quickly followed by a racking sob and he hugged her tighter. She pulled herself together, and leaned back, looking up at him and Sam.
"We bury him tomorrow, and Cass." She said, and Sam nodded, wiping a tear away quickly.
"We'll get everything ready." Sam said, and Dean chucked her under her chin.
"So, Amy, huh? Never thought I'd hear that again."
She shrugged, her eyes going to the floor. "I don't know, there's something about it when she says it. I don't mind it, but don't you two start doing it. And you warn the others to watch it." She looked back up at him, and he smiled, shaking his head.
"You surprise me on a regular basis, girl."
She smiled and hugged him again, putting her arm out for Sam, who rested his chin on her head, his arm around her. "Love you." Sam said and she nodded, wiping her new tears on Dean's shirt.
"I love you, too. Both of you, so much. Don't leave me, either of you. I swear, I won't be able to-"
Dean cut her off. "Not gonna leave you, Trouble. I promise."
"That's what Ian said." She said, looking over at Jules. She was smiling and twisting the controller around, Carl obviously letting her get past him. She swallowed and spoke. "Now I've got her."
"She looks like you." Sam said, watching the girl.
"She's been torn apart. I don't know how to help her."
"I think you do. Look at her." Dean said, his arms over her as the three of them watched. He shook his head after a minute. "I'm going to get cleaned up. I'll see you in a little bit. I love you, Trouble. You need me, I'm here, ok?"
"Me, too." Sam said and she smiled, nodding, and wiped a tear away from her face. She took a deep breath and walked to the couch, taking a seat behind Jules. She pulled her legs up under her and rested her head on her hand, listening to the girl laugh. She looked past her and saw Rick watching her. She smiled and mouthed the words 'thank you', and he nodded, his eyes kind and soft. They sat there silently, watching the children play.
Carol let Carl stay up later than usual, he was so good with the scared little girl. She wiped away the millionth tear as she stood back and watched Juliana laugh, Sophia's clothes fitting her perfectly. She reminded her of Sophia in some ways, though she looked just like a little version of Trouble. She was so glad she'd brought the clothes in, it was so nice seeing them again. She sniffed and came up behind the couch.
"Carl, it's past time for bed. It's almost 10." She said gently and he looked back at her with a little out.
"But we were just getting ready to play a new game." He said, and Rick sat up a little.
"I think Juliana is tired, Carl. And you can play tomorrow." He said, and Carl looked down at Jules.
"We can play after breakfast if you want."
She nodded and he grinned, running off after Carol. Jules turned around and crawled up into Trouble's lap, laying her head against her shoulder. "Let's get you a bath, ok?" Trouble said.
"Will you brush my hair again?" Jules looked up at her and Trouble smiled.
"Sure I will. It's such pretty hair." Trouble brushed it out of her face and over her shoulders. Jules grinned and slid off her lap, and Trouble grabbed Rick's hand as she passed, squeezing it. He felt her fingers slip out of his and heard the door shut a minute later in the hallway.
He slouched down in his chair, and put his hand up over his mouth, thinking. Trouble's life came out slowly, piece by piece, but what he'd found out so far only made him love her even more. Shane came out from the control room with T-Dog, and they grabbed chairs across from him.
"They go to bed?" Shane asked, and Rick looked up at him.
"She's giving Juliana a bath. I guess they will go to sleep after." He said, picking at a spot on his jeans. "We need to dig a grave for Ian and Cass. They want to bury him tomorrow."
"We can get up early, have it done." T-Dog said, and Rick nodded.
"Yeah, I don't want them to have to worry about it." He said and they all fell silent, nodding and staring into the void.
"Hey dad?" Carl's voice came from behind him and Rick turned, surprised.
"He wanted to give Juliana a present before bed." Carol said apologetically, and Rick smiled.
"You did? What is it?" He shifted in his seat as Carl came around to stand in front of him. He held two Barbie dolls, one in summer wear and one with a long purple dress.
"They were Sophia's, too. Carol said she could have them."
"Did you thank Carol?" Rick asked, and Carl nodded. He turned around and looked up at Carol. "I'll get him to bed, Carol. Get some rest."
She smiled and left the room, and Rick looked back at Carl. "Let's give them a few minutes and we'll give them to her, ok?"
"Yeah." Carl said and Shane and T-Dog stood up.
"We're gonna hit the sack, be ready to be up early, man." Shane said and Rick watched them leave, biting the inside of his cheek, and looking down at the dolls in his son's hand.
Carol had brought more clothes while they were out. Trouble picked out a long nightgown for Jules, and she was brushing her hair out when the knock came at the door. Jules tensed but didn't go flying into her arms. She was clearly feeling a little more comfortable, and Trouble was glad.
"Come in." She called and Rick came in, his hand behind his back.
"Good, you're not sleeping yet." He said, stepping a little inside the door. "Can Carl and I come in?"
Trouble smiled and kept brushing her hair. "Sure. You want to see Carl, Jules?"
She nodded, looking back at her with a smile and Rick led Carl in. He stood back as Carl approached the bed, and Jules looked down at him curiously. Trouble paused and watched him pull two dolls out from behind his back, and she looked up at Rick and grinned when Jules smiled widely and reached for them. He put his hands on his hips and looked back at her lovingly.
"They're from all of us. We're really glad you're here. Do you like Barbies?" Carl asked, and Jules nodded excitedly, inspecting the fancy clothes the dolls wore.
"I used to have a lot of them, but I lost them." Jules said, and looked up at Carl.
"Ok, Carl, bedtime." Rick said and Jules looked up at Trouble with pleading eyes.
"Can Carl stay? Please, Amy?"
"Yeah, dad. Can't I stay? For a little while." Carl said and Rick looked up at Trouble questioningly. She shrugged and smiled and he grinned.
"A little while." Rick said, and Carl hopped up on the bed and looked back at Trouble.
"Can we watch a movie? I think she would like the Hannah Montana one." The boy said and Trouble smiled.
"Do we have that?" She asked playfully and Carl looked at her funny.
"Sure we do. Show her, dad."
"Well, long as it's ok with Trouble." Rick said, walking over to the bed. Trouble handed him the remote and smiled.
"Who am I to say no?"
He clicked it on and soon the movie began to flash across the screen. Trouble motioned for Rick to have a seat and he came around the other side of the bed and sat down next to her and they watched the children chatter excitedly, going quiet as they scooted to the foot of the bed and watched the movie.
"She adores him." Trouble said, leaning back against the pillows and whispering.
"Not as much as he does her. She's all he can talk about." Rick said, and she smiled. She took a deep breath and winced a little. She'd carried Jules constantly, run and hit the ground, and her side was aching painfully. It was, however, the first time she had noticed it in days.
Rick noticed and leaned in, his face concerned. "Still hurting?"
"Just started back up." She said, reaching for her nightstand drawer. She took a bottle out and swallowed some medicine for the first time in a week before she leaned back again, returning to her position on the bed.
"How does it look?" He asked and she nodded.
"Good. The bandages came of a while ago, just tweaks here and there." She said, and Rick reach out and rubbed her forearm. Jules looked back and Trouble shifted so she could come up and snuggle against her side. Carl saw that and came up and laid next to Rick, and the kids faced each other, still watching the movie. She and Rick looked at each other and wordlessly leaned forward and pulled the comforter over all four of them. He looked at her over the kids' heads, and watched her stroke the girl's hair absently and close her eyes. He found her free hand and squeezed it tightly. She opened her eyes again and looked at him, grateful he was there.
Anyone who walked in and saw them would think they were a perfect little family, she thought, closing her eyes again, still stroking Jules' hair. If they could only look inside and see how broken they all were, how much they lost. But it was times like this that allowed her to think things might be normal someday. If she could get Ian's face out of her head. His half cocked grin and intense blue eyes. She felt another tear threaten to drip down her face, and Rick squeezed her hand again.
She looked down and saw Carl and Jules had closed their eyes, and were sleeping deeply. "I'll take him downstairs." Rick whispered. She nodded and he let go of her hand. He picked Carl up in his arms and looked back down at her. "Goodnight."
"'Night. Thanks." She said, and smiled at him. He took Carl away, closing the door behind him. She reached over and clicked the tv off but left the light on again for Jules. Pulling the covers in tightly around them both, she quickly drifted off to sleep.