Raph had been trying to be brave and not cry when he wrote the letter, but now the floodgates opened and hot tears streamed down his cheeks. I had ta write the letter, he thought. Even if it breaks my heart. I had ta let her go. For her own good and mine. I'm damaged goods and who would want that? I'm trash, worthless. I'm gonna miss her so much, though. Old turtle luck true ta form. Just when things were goin' right, shit happens.

"My son," Splinter said, entering the room and staring at Raph, concern in his brown eyes. "Are you all right?"
"Fine," Raph grit out through clenched teeth. There is no way I'm gonna tell him what happened, he thought.
"You do not look fine, Raphael. What happened?"
"Please leave. I wanna be alone."
"Raphael, I'm your father and I love you. You can…."
"Ya call yerself a father? That's rich!" Raph said sarcastically. "Ya banish me and now ya care and wanna play happy families. Get fucked!"
"Raphael, you will not talk to me that way," Splinter said, his eyes blazing. "I'm still your father and I raised you."
"Ya raised me, but ya ain't my father. A real father would never abandon his son and I don't need ya. Not now. Not ever. I'll stay in the lair until I'm better and then I'm leavin'."
"Where will you go?"
"Ain't yer concern. Get out or I'm gonna scream."
"As you wish, Raphael, but I will always love you and I hope someday we can be close…"
"We were never close, Splinter, so cut the crap. Leo's yer son, the one ya love. The rest of us are just baggage. And I'm done bein' yer baggage, the black sheep. Yer nothin' ta me. Get out."
Splinter looked at Raphael sadly and left.

Raphael closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but it wouldn't come. Instead, he was plagued by memories of Amanda. Their first meeting, their first kiss, the smell of her hair, her smile, the way her hands fit in his, how loved he felt when he was with her. And now that was gone. I'm alone again, Raph thought, shedding more tears and absent mindedly running his hands over his belly. Well, not totally alone. I have the babies, but not my sweetheart. Amanda, I'm gonna miss ya so much and I'm never gonna love anyone else.

Half an hour later, Raph had finally managed to fall asleep, when the door opened and Amanda and Don slipped inside. Sensing a presence in the room, Raph snapped his golden eyes open and stared around him. "Ya shouldn't have come," he said, when his eyes landed on Amanda. "I told ya we're done. Go."
"I'm not leaving," Amanda said. "You owe me an explanation why you suddenly want to break up. Things were going great, Raphie. I don't understand."
"Sometimes peoples' feelings change. Mine have. Go."
"I don't buy that, Raph. Feelings don't change overnight. Something happened and you're pushing me away because of it. Talk to me."
"Go! Look, ya have ta go. Please," Raph said, trying not to break down with Amanda so close.
"Don, leave us for a bit, please. Raph, I'm not leaving until you're honest with me. So even if it takes all night, you're going to tell me."

After Don had left, Amanda pulled up a chair next to Raph's bed and said, gazing into his golden eyes, "Raphie, I love you and you can tell me anything. I'll never judge you or damn you."
"Ya will," Raph blurted out. "I was weak, vulnerable and pathetic. I hate myself, so why would ya not hate me too?"
"Did my uncle hurt you?"
"I don't wanna talk 'bout it. Better ta forget and better for ya ta leave."
"I'm not leaving," Amanda said, grabbing his hand and kissing it. "Talking helps, Raph. Tell me what happened, so we can deal with it together."
"Ya will leave once ya know. How can I be called a man after that? I couldn't protect myself, so how could I protect ya?"
"Raph, did my uncle touch you?" Amanda asked fearfully, dreading the answer.
"Yeah," Raph said, squeezing his eyes shut. "It was...See, I'm not a man? I'm pathetic and couldn't defend myself, while he… How could ya want me? Yer better off without me."
Amanda leaned closer and kissed him gently on the lips. "You're wrong, Raph. You're strong, courageous, beautiful, sexy, my sweet lover and nothing's changed. I want you and I love you so much. Why would I think badly of you? It wasn't your fault and you didn't deserve it. Look at me."
Trembling, Raph stared into her green eyes. Amanda smiled, leaned close again and kissed him until he stopped quaking. "Ya really still want me? I'm damaged goods."
"No, you're not," Amanda said, taking his hands in hers and planting little kisses on them. "You're still my sweet Raph. Remember when I told you about my ordeal and you said you still loved me?"
"Yeah?"
"I more than love you, Raphie. I adore you and I'm always going to be by your side. We'll get through this together. You are not alone. Not now. Not ever. As long as I live, you'll have my love."
Raph blinked back tears and said, "How did I get so lucky ta find ya?"
"We both got lucky. You're Heaven sent."
"Ya know I ain't a virgin anymore, right? My first time was supposed ta be with ya and it's ruined."
"No, Raph. You're a still a virgin. You didn't use your cock, right?"
"No."
"Then your first proper time will still be with me and I promise when that happens, it'll be special. Amazing. Mind blowing. Everything it's supposed to be. I'm heartbroken that your first sexual encounter was traumatic. And someday, my uncle's going to get what he deserves. Death."
"Yeah. And I'm gonna be the one ta kill him. Can ya hold me? I need closeness."

Amanda climbed onto the bed and snuggled beside him, her fingers entwined in his and said, "Raph, I love you and always remember you can talk to me."
"Same here. I'm sorry I pushed ya away. I was afraid ta tell ya, ashamed of what happened and of the feelings and thoughts I had. After a while, it felt good and…"
"Your body betrayed you, Raph."
"I started wonderin' if I was gay, because it felt good."

Amanda sat up, reached for her cell in her handbag, flipped it open, typed a few words and said, "Raph, here's a photo of a naked guy I found on Google. Do you find him hot?"
"No," Raph said, relieved he wasn't turned on by the guy.
Amanda typed a few more words and said, "Here's one of a girl. Do you find her sexy?"
Raph's shell suddenly felt tight and his breath hitched as he stared at the naked girl. "Yeah. She's pretty . Not as beautiful as ya, but my shell felt tight and I had the desire ta drop down."
"Then you have nothing to worry about. Your body betrayed you and you're not gay, Raph. You want to tell me what else happened?"
Raph sucked in a deep breath and said, "Bishop injected drugs into Leo ta make him horny and he…He touched me. Over and over for hours until the drugs were out of his system. Bishop wanted Leo ta be my mate and breed with me. My brother. I fucked my brother and of all the sick things Bishop could do, that has ta be the worst. He knew doin' that would damage things between me and Leo forever."

Amanda pulled Raph close and he sobbed bitterly, his head buried into her chest. With one hand, she rubbed his shell in soothing circles. "It's going to be okay, Raph," Amanda said. "I promise. We'll get through this."

When Raph's sobs had subsided, he pulled away gently and said, "I don't want ya ta tell anyone else, Amanda, okay? I'm embarrassed and ashamed enough telling ya."
"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Raphie, and you should tell your family, or at least Don, who will help care for you. Has anyone looked at your injuries?"
"No. I wouldn't let anyone touch me and even now..."
"Do you trust me?"
"Yeah, but…."
"I will tend to you and Don needs to know. Raphie, you don't have to be scared. I'll be here with you all the way, okay?"
"Okay," Raph said reluctantly. "Just ya and Don will know until I'm ready ta tell Mikey."

Amanda called Don in and he listened to Raph's tale without a word. Amanda sat next to Raph, her fingers entwined in his, squeezing them occasionally to reassure him. When Raph had finished his story, Don threw his arms around him and said, "Raphie, it's not your fault. And it's not Leo's fault either. Imagine how he's feeling. He's supposed to protect you and instead he hurt you in the worst possible way."
"Logic screams that Leo ain't ta blame, Don," Raph said, pulling away. "But my heart ain't ready ta deal with him. I'm fuckin' petrified of him, okay? Just seein' him makes me wanna cower under the bed and I don't fuckin' cower or whimper. I never have. All I want is ta be clean, have my girl with me and sleep. I don't want ta see Leo. Not now. Maybe not ever. Brings back the memories I wanna forget of him fuckin' me, okay?"
Don nodded and said, "I understand, Raphie. You want me to tell Mikey and Dad?"
"No. I'll tell Mikey when I'm ready and Splinter ain't my dad. My real dad's at the bottom of an aquarium somewhere. Man, I wish I could see him, but maybe it's a good thing I ain't ever gonna know him. He'd probably think I'm a fuck-up."

"Raph," Amanda and Don said, in unison.
"You are not a fuck-up, Raph," Amanda said, squeezing his hand. "Stop talking like that. Now why don't I get a cloth and clean you up? And do you need a pain pill?"

"Ya gonna stay with me tonight, Amanda?" Raph asked.
"Yes, Raph. Don, get me a cloth and some soapy water, please.

Don fetched the soapy water and cloth and Amanda gently washed Raph all over. When she was finished, Don said, "Raph, I'm going to examine you, okay?"
"Get it over with," Raph huffed, reaching for Amanda's hand.

Don examined Raph and when he was finished, he said, "Raph, you're going to experience pain in your extremities for a while, but thankfully, there was no anal rupture. Your bruises and bites will fade in a few days. Your legs are coming along nicely and you may be able to get up next week. The babies seem fine too."
"Thanks, Dr. Don. Can ya go now? I wanna sleep and I don't like pain pills, but I…I want tonight."
"Yes. And I suggest you get counselling. You can talk to me and Amanda."
"Okay. Get the pills, Don."

Don fetched the pills and Raph swallowed them with water. Then he said, "Don, if anyone asks what happened, tell them Bishop tried ta cut my cock off. Mikey will buy that. Don't tell him what really happened. Mikey thinks I'm strong and tough and this would change his perception of me. Promise me ya won't tell him?"
"If that's what you want, Raph. I think Mikey should know, but I'll honor your wishes."
"Thanks. Goodnight, Don."

When Don had left, Amanda got into bed beside Raph and said, "You feeling better now, Raph?"
"A little. Have I told ya how much I love ya and I'm grateful that ya still want me?"
In answer, Amanda cupped his face gently with one hand and said, "I'll always want and love you, Raph. Now and forever. You're my everything."
"Ya too, princess," Raph said, pulling her close to him and pressing his lips onto hers in a searing kiss, that left them gasping for air a few minutes later.

Afterwards, they snuggled, Amanda pressed up close against him. She fell asleep quickly. Raph watched her sleep for a while. I can't believe she still wants me, he thought. I'm so lucky ta have her. My angel, my treasure. Maybe she's right, we will get through it. I feel stronger knowin' that she's always gonna be with me. Together we can overcome anythin'. Raph closed his eyes and within seconds, he, too was fast asleep, one hand resting on her thigh.

Damien had just received a distressing phone call and when he saw Don appear in the lounge, he said, "Don, please tell Raph, I have to go. Had some bad news."
"I will. What's wrong?"
"An ex-boyfriend of mine died. Just learned from a friend and I want to attend his funeral."
"You're gay?" Don said in astonishment."
"Bi. Please tell Raph I'm sorry and I'll be back after the funeral. You have my number and so does Amanda."
"I will. I'm so sorry, Damien."
"Thanks, pal. I'm going to leave now," Damien said, and left the lair.

Meanwhile, an emerald figure was on a mission in downtown Manhattan. His mission. To find his family. He'd been searching for them for ten years. He picked the lock of a pet shop with his sword, disabled the alarm and went inside. Booting up the PC, he scoured the records that had been captured on it and said, "Okay. Progress." He shut down the PC, enabled the alarm and exited the shop.

Then he made his way to a red brick house, hopped in through the open window. Humans are so careless, he thought. Anyone could come in through a window. He walked down a long passage, peering into the bedrooms. Empty. Entering the next to last one, he looked inside and saw a boy sitting in bed, reading a book. Stealthily entering the room, he said quietly, "Psst."
The boy glanced up and unafraid, he said, "Who are you?"
"Name's Giovanni. You can call me Gio. You had turtles, little boy. What happened to them?"
"On the way home from the pet shop, I tripped and their bowl went into the sewers."
"The sewers? Thanks, kid."
"They your family? Is that why you're looking for them?"
"I have to go, kid. Later."

Giovanni leapt out of the window and made his way to the nearest manhole. Lifting it, he climbed down the ladder, wrinkling his nose at the offensive smell. This is where they've been living? They deserve far better than this offensive cesspool. Giovanni walked as fast as he could and thought, I hope I find them soon.