I was shifting about under the covers not yet wanting to face what the day would bring. It was still fairly early in the morning, or so I assumed it must have been, seeing no one came to wake me. Either way, my face was buried underneath blankets and sheets trying to get as much shut-eye as possible.

I was groggy and disoriented from last night's events on top of the exhaustion I felt for quite some time now. I needed sleep and I was not getting enough of it. Perhaps I would never get enough.

But how could I sleep? Too many thoughts and feelings were left inside me making me feel sicker than I already was beforehand. Too much has happened in far too short of a time. I needed a break, a rest.

I was still not getting that. I shifted under the covers some more in frustration.

I'll face whatever is to come later, right now I want to sleep, no nightmares, no strange dreams, just boring old sleep.

And yet my mind kept making me think. One of those thoughts being my state of physical health. I had no idea how my body managed to function as well as it was, I mean, I was still quite the wreck, every time I felt I was getting somewhere with myself, I would be set back by a sudden fit of nausea or weak shaky legs. No amount of magic or potions was going to help me there was only so much they could do, the rest was on me.

I was surely not going to be able to hide this from my roommates, nor was I likely to be still a part of the sports club after this. Not that it mattered much, I would be spending my free time focusing on other things like getting control of these stupid powers of mine.

But really how was I going to tell them what happened to me? I mean I can't really tell them one thing without telling them another, and another...and eventually everything in a whole. I'm fairly certain the knowledge of what I can do is...very...under wraps. Which was also good cause truly I didn't want to face what would happen if they knew.

First off the whole puking up blood all over the dorm room floor would not be a fun topic to explain. Ellen might just faint for she was quite the neat freak. Man, I feel awful for whoever had to clean that up.

...Hopefully, that was all cleaned up.

Still what a horrible friend am I? I have been keeping secrets from them since day one. How could I ever get closer to either of them without feeling awful about myself? I am hiding things, big things, and I am going to have to continue hiding these things till this is all over with.

And then what? What...would I do with myself when all this stuff is over for good? Go back to just being a regular old student? How could I considering what I can do? Would I spend the rest of my life in fear for what I can do? Could I somehow even put these abilities of mine to good use? Do I even want to?

I don't know. I don't want to think about it either.

I yawn and finally pull myself up from under the covers, that is when I feel a sharp pain in my stomach followed by a loud grumbling noise.

I sigh, how can I be hungry at a time like this? Well, I suppose I should get out of bed then not like I am catching any shut eye anytime soon. I climb out carefully and when I find myself standing on my own two feet I notice there is something in the room.

No...someone? I walk over towards the desk and my eyes widen. Hieronymous was asleep, head down on the desk, his hair covering most of his peaceful face.

How in the world did he fall asleep like that? I mean I know he was exhausted and all, but that must be so uncomfortable! Is he used to falling asleep at his desk or something, shesh.

I wanna wake him up cause I am fairly hungry, but at the same time, I don't. He looks so peaceful plus he could really use the extra sleep...

I smile at him and find myself trying to get a bit closer to him. He suddenly moves and I get startled, as result I fall backward.

Ouch! I wince in pain and right when I am about to get up I see him now fully awake and staring down at me confused.

I am now hungry and embarrassed. "Sorry...I uh, was um going to wake you and I...fell down..."

He just simply grumbles. "You didn't manage to hurt yourself did you?"

"No...I'm fine..." My stomach growls again and I feel the need to bury myself right back under those blankets in embarrassment. "...Sorry...a bit hungry..."

He reaches his hand out to me and helps me up. "I can tell, I'll be back then, stay in bed, I do not need you causing further harm to yourself." He then turns and leaves.

Well back to bed for me then I guess.

Time passes by more and more and I find myself confused and starving. I sit up staring at the door. Where is he? Could of at least sent a message or food or something then just leaving me here like this. My stomach hurts I want food.

I fall backward on the bed and whine. That's it. "Grim get up."

"Oh, so now I am of use to you master?" I grit my teeth.

"Grim this is not the time for this I need food like now. Mind finding someone to uh fetch me some?"

"You got to be kidding me. This is what I am reduced to now? Fetching things for you?"

I feel the need to hit Grim with something, but I am too hungry to do that. "Grim get food that is an order."

"Of course your highness." Grim says with a great deal of sarcasm before leaving.

Its moments later Grim burst back into the room. "Grim is something wrong?"

"Follow me." What? Before I can say anything to Grim they swoop right back out of the room.

Seriously this right now! I bolt up from the bed and rush out of the room nearly tripping head first along the way out.

Further down the hall, I can hear yelling? Grim pauses before a door, a door I know very well being the headmistresses office. Why are we here?

"Listen." Is all Grim says to me. What, does Grim really expect me to just listen in on other people's con- Oh wait... Hieronymous is in there? I lean close to the door.

"If you do not tell her, I will." Tell who what?

"Hieronymous surely she has been through enough." ...Are they talking about me?

"She has right to know what has happened!" I really should not be listening to this even if it is about me.

I should leave, like now. Right when I about to step away from the door, I instead fall forward into the room, cause the door was actually not locked, at all. Kill me now.

I hear maniacal laughter from above. "You clumsy fool!" Great thank you Grim as if they weren't alerted to my presence before they surely are now.

I can't believe this is happening right now, I want to die here on this spot on the ground. I am still in my pajamas ugh, I groan.

"Oh my goodness chickadee are you okay?" Professor Potsdam says to me in a very concern voice. Well, maybe I am not in trouble...at least with her.

I nod before slowly lifting myself off the ground refusing to look up at either of them.

I could be in bed right now, yeah hungry, starving really, but you know not dying of embarrassment for the second time this morning. Sooner or later I would get food. Why did I do this? Why did I follow Grim?

What in the world did I just fall into?

She speaks again. "Well seeing you are here...we should talk more about what been happening to you. Sit down dearie." I sit down in the chair still refusing to look up.

"Okay...uh before we um start though could I please get something to eat?"

At the end of the very long detailed explanation of everything that has happened to me up to this point all Professor Potsdam has to say is something along the lines of 'Oh what a marvelous little flower you are!' In a very cheerful tone of voice.

"Thanks." Is how I respond before continuing to eating the oatmeal I was given. I am still too hungry to give much more of a response than that.

That is when Hieronymous finally speaks. "Is that all you have to say about this? She is capable of things only master white mages should be able to do!" He is angry and that makes me really not want to be here right now...

Potsdam is confused by his anger. "And?"

"Do you know how dangerous she is to herself and others? Who knows what types of spirits she could lure here! She could get possessed!"

I stop eating and put the bowl down on the table. "P-possessed?" He means like Twila doesn't he? I suddenly feel sick to my stomach at the thought of it. Could I lure the same type of spirit that possessed her here? Could that thing possess others too?

She doesn't look the slightest bit troubled by what he said, which scares me. "Yes that would be an issue...there is only so much our wards could hold up against. She would need to be trained how to protect herself properly...Hieronymous there are a lot of other things I need to take care of at the moment, would you mi-"

"Yes, I have already spoken to her about this. I will see her once a week to see the extent of her abilities and help her control them."

She claps her hands cheerfully. "Well then! I suppose we are done here, now I have other business to attend to." She gets up and the next thing I know she is gone.

"...She just left..." Well that was unexpected I can hear Grim once again laughing as if nothing serious happened a few moments prior.

"Of course she did, let's go." He heads out the door and I follow closely behind.

The walk back to his room was completely silent. I was not sure if he was angry at me for earlier or still upset about whatever happened before I arrived or both. Either way, I was not keen on speaking to him while he was like this.

When we enter his room he closes the door behind us and turns to me looking pretty grim. "Iris."

"Y-yeah what is it?" He is going to scold me now, isn't he? Fuck.

"You should sit down, there is something important I need to tell you." W-what? Well was not expecting that.

I sit down on the edge of his bed trying my best to not look anxious. "...So?"

"There was crucial information left out of what Potsdam has told you last night about what happen with Miss Malory."

I feel the air leave me for a second. No, no no don't panic, it's nothing bad right? "...A-and that would be?"

He sighs looking fairly uncomfortable right now which scares me even more. "When whatever possessed her was forced out, it did not leave the house immediately. It...attacked anything nearby it, which happened to be some members of your family...one being your father, none of them survived. I am sorry."

I try to hold myself together, but the next thing I know I am a mess of sniffling and tears, I rub at my eyes with my shaky hands as I wipe my tears away, more come in its place and everything soon becomes a blur. I try to speak, but I don't know what to say.

I've always tried my best to not regret the things I've done, but now...this. I...left them...and they're dead. Gone just- fuck. If I...if I...just-

No...I can't even...I can't regret it, even considering everything up to this point. It's too late, nothing can be changed or done about it. They aren't coming back. They are never coming back. I should know this lesson by now. Death just happens you just have to live with it.

I have to live with this...

I take a deep breath and then another and another, slowly trying to stop myself from crying anymore. Crying does nothing, it never does anything. Being sad like this too. It's all so stupid.

Though...I suppose it does make me feel slightly better.

I finally manage to wipe away the last few of my tears away and see Hieronymous is sitting next to me.

"H-hey thank you for telling me that, really."

He looks tense. "Do you want to be left alone for awhile?"

"No...no not at all. Please stay with me."

"I will, I have nowhere else to be."

I lean on him and his response to this is immediate, but thankfully he doesn't push me away. "Is it...is it horrible of me to not regret what I've done?"

"Meaning?"

"I left...I left them all...I never spoke to any of them during these past few years. I just...forgot them. Is that horrible to just leave my own family and forget them like that?" How could I even allow myself to cry over them when I wasn't even there all that time. I treated them like they weren't my family at all.

"You left them for a good reason did you not?"

"Well...I suppose...they weren't...they didn't want me around..." I pause for a moment barely able to speak anymore. "I-I was a burden. I scared them."

"Then no it is not horrible, you did what was best for you. To continue to stay around people who did not care for you would have caused you more pain and suffering than good."

"Y-yeah..." I sigh. "There was a fire, a real bad one before I left...burned up everything."

"Oh?" Was all he could say.

"It was the day of my...of me and my sister birthday. She started it...she got scared and ran. ...She left me behind, though I suppose that wasn't really her huh? For all I know...that thing could have done it on purpose..." I take another deep breath starting to feel shaky again just thinking about it.

I hate fire. I hate it so much.

I continue on. "I nearly died, I should have died, I was still fairly weak and sickly, magic was the only thing that saved me. Eva...she was the one that found me...she was so surprised, everyone was sure I was dead. That's when they got scared of me, somehow one way or another they got it in their minds that I started it...so I left."

"I see..."

I didn't know what to say anymore so I brought up random things to talk about, more so to keep my mind off of everything that had just happened. He didn't seem to mind it. Grim spoke here and there annoying the both of us, but it was nice. It was just simply nice to not think about everything else for a while. At one point I finally got tired and fell asleep.

A/N: This fic will not be updated again for a long while, it is being revised and nothing new will be posted until then, as for how long it will take I'm not certain but it will definitely be many months. I started a majority of this when I was still in early high school, so it certainly needs to be relooked over, also considering censorship and how hard it is to use this website, anything I write will be first uploaded on AO3 then a few days later onto here, as for nsfw content it will be excluded from here entirely. Any information regarding where to find me on other media is on my profile page, anyway goodbye~