Author's Note: The struggle to keep up with the demands of Fanfiction is incredible. No joke. Senior year is insane and I have all these things going on at once and I literally have less free time than I did last year when I was a Junior (wasn't Junior year supposed the be the hardest?!). Anyway, I'm back and it's so awesome to see all of the new Followers and comments! I'm really happy that you guys are enjoying it! It's funny, I was just invited by someone to submit one of my other stories into a contest and while I was flattered about the idea, the only story I would want to submit is this one and it's not NEARLY close to being completed. It's kinda a bummer, so I hope this contest thingy will happen next year too because I would love to submit Amnesia into it :) And that's my little Author's Note for now! Time to start reading (or in my case, writing...)! :)

A Previous Summary: Raven is furious about what happened between her and Beast Boy. For some strange reason, Raven was overwhelmed by an Emoticlone and she suspected that Affection was the cause of it all. Because of this, her emotions were very strained and she has an anxiety attack, wondering if she could ever control the multiple sides of her personality. When she is pulled out of her episode, the Titans (unaware of her condition) invite her on a mission for Raven to learn how to do their "job" against villains. Raven knows about the conflicts in Nevermore but she agrees to accompany them, believing she would never get another chance to do so. This turns out to be a horrible decision because when Raven is spotted by Mother Mae-Eye, she is silenced and unable to use her powers to defend herself. The Titans had to do everything in their power to save her, which resulted in each of them getting injured in some way. Back at the Tower, Raven consults her Emoticlones again, especially since she feels guilty about her mistake, and she learns that what happened between her and Beast Boy was not just because of Affection, but also because of a new Emoticlone named Lust. This is important information to Raven: more than one of her Emoticlones can control her at once, which can be dangerous if it is the wrong combination. Now, Raven must be careful about which emotion is expressed because if they all decided to work together, Raven may be powerless against her own being.

Amnesia

Chapter 38: Promises Don't Last Forever

I was nearly blinded when I opened the door to the small fridge. Pinching my eyes through the sterile illumination, I stole a plastic bottle of water and a green apple off the shelf and then proceeded to close the door with my foot. Then, I stealthily made my way to the elevator. At almost 5 o'clock in the morning, the Tower was as dark as the night sky itself: only subtle hints of the oncoming sunrise could be seen through the window. The Titans were still fast asleep but I took no chance in being spotted. I glided through the hallways like a ghost, traveling only under the cover of the ominous obscurity. It was a dangerous mission because if I was caught, I was surely going to be questioned and I wasn't ready to give any answers.

The doors on the platform shut themselves and I was dropped down to another floor. Satisfied with my endeavor, I started munching loudly on the fruit, constantly wiping the sour juices that dribbled around my mouth with my sleeve. I wasn't really hungry at the time but eating something was a good way to perk me up. I will admit, I felt tired. I didn't sleep very much because I was so busy with keeping my Emoticlones suppressed. I had to meditate all night just so I could use their support for levitation, and even then, they were still fairly disobedient. For now, I decided to limit the usage of my powers. Over time they should recover, but it all depended on my Emoticlones.

The elevator silently arrived on the designated floor and I left the platform as quickly as I had entered it. Using my shoulder, I pushed open the doors to the Gym and flicked on an ample lightsource, being sure to use only what was needed. My apple was discarded into a nearby trash bin and then I prepared a station for myself in front of a punching bag.

There was only so much I could do with it. In fact, quick jabs and flying kicks were the only skills I could work on and even I was too advanced to benefit from practicing on a dormant dummy, but that wasn't really the point‒I just wanted something to do. I've been mulling over my thoughts for what seemed like forever and I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't sleep because when I'm sitting still, my mind is empty and I start to think: when I'm doing nothing, that's when they become the loudest. I needed something else to do, anything that could occupy my mind. Even doing something like this, repeatedly punching a bag for no reason, could make me feel a little better. It's definitely more entertaining than sitting alone in the dark and wondering when the voices in my head will listen to me.

I'm not sure exactly how much time had passed, however, it felt like I barely had any time to myself. The door to the Gym opened and closed while I was practicing. Without glancing over my shoulder, I sensed Beast Boy approaching me and I pretended not to notice. It was too early for him to be awake so I knew he wasn't here to exercise. It also wasn't a coincidence that he happened to encounter me.

"Hey."

I didn't answer right away. I kept punching the bag, putting more and more force into each attack. Bullets of sweat trickled all over my face, stinging my eyes and getting into my mouth. My hair was in complete disarray and it was plastered to my skin, but I didn't bother to secure it behind my ears. I pushed on, using my anger as a motivation. Beast Boy didn't like this. He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away from the exercise, urging me to listen to him.

"Hey, stop it."

I immediately shrugged away from him, stumbling in the process. "Beast Boy- don't."

"Can we talk?" he asked me before I could tell him to go away. "Please?"

"Now is not a good time to talk. I'm in the middle of something."

"You always say that."

"And you always come to talk to me while I'm in the middle of something."

"Okay, fine. Whatever, but when were you planning on talking to me then?"

"I didn't think I had to report to you after every disaster," I scoffed, picking up my water bottle to take a quick drink.

"I didn't mean it like that. You left me when I tried to help you yesterday and I was just trying to talk to you about it."

"I didn't need your help, Beast Boy. I already knew what was wrong. I just needed to fix it myself."

"Well it looks like you fixed it very well, seeing as you almost got hurt coming on the mission with us and now it looks like you're gonna work out to death."

"It wasn't my fault that she saw me! I was hiding!"

"I mean that you knew your powers didn't work. Raven, you knew there was a problem with your Emoticlones and you couldn't use your powers and you still went with us. Why would you put yourself in danger like that?"

"Like I would ever get another chance to go out with you guys," I barked back. "If I didn't go then who knows when I could've gone out again? It was one of the "easier" villains and it's not like that happens a lot."

"And you held your ground against her, didn't ya?"

"If she hadn't done that to me, I could've beaten her," I emphasized, furious at how embarrassed I was becoming. "It was because I couldn't say my mantra. That's it. There's nothing else to it so stop bringing it up."

"Great," he muttered. "Just great."

"What?"

"What?" the pea-green boy repeated in mock confusion. "Oh c'mon, Raven. Don't give me that. You know why I'm mad."

"I'm not trying to upset you, okay?" I told him. I had to pause because I felt tears in my eyes and I had to blink them away. My voice was already falling apart. "I'm not happy either. Do you really think I'm proud of what happened yesterday? I'm a wreck because of it!"

"If you would just let me help you-"

"There's nothing you can do for me. Things are just complicated."

"Things will always be complicated, Raven!" Beast Boy exclaimed madly. "That's kinda our thing! We've been fighting each other since Day One and I'll keep fighting ya until I'm dead, and that's not something I'm ashamed about."

"Do you really think this is good for us?" I challenged him.

"Who cares if we fight alot?"

"I do! I'm stressing out, Beast Boy! I'm going crazy about every little thing that's happening! There's you and my Emoticlones, my powers, my amnesia, the Titans don't know about us...do you want me to keep going?"

"What's wrong with your Emoticlones?"

I half-laughed: "Everything."

Beast Boy softened his face. I huffed a sigh and looked away, almost hating his concern for me. It was too difficult to talk now. Every time I tried to explain the problem, my voice would crack and I would have to stop, recuperate, and try again in vain. My words were becoming less and less comprehensible and I could sense Beast Boy's worry for me‒sometimes, I really wished I wasn't empathetic.

It's bad enough knowing how I feel and knowing how others feel can make me feel sick, especially if their feelings are towards me.

"I- I don't know how you knew but what happened yesterday, when we were on the couch...that wasn't me. I didn't do that to you, Beast Boy. I mean I did, but I- I couldn't stop myself from doing it. One of my Emoticlones took over me and that's why I was...that's why I didn't stop."

"Who was it?" he asked hesitantly. "Do you know who?"

"Affection was part of it, but it mostly came from Lust."

I didn't need to explain it anymore for Beast Boy to understand.

"Oh."

"It took me so long to get them under control again," I said through a quivering voice. "I meditated forever just so I could leave my room and some of them are still out there, hiding where I can't find them in my own mind. Now, they can work together. Did you know that? More than one of them can influence me at the same time, making them more and more powerful. What if they all do that to me? What if one day they just decide to take over me and make me do these horrible things and I wouldn't be able to stop myself again and I'll just be lost in my own mind and-"

"Calm down," Beast Boy chidded, coaxing me to take a seat. "Stop saying that. That's not gonna happen."

"My Emoticlones are who I am. They're me, they're all a part of me. Rage, Rude, Lust: they exist, they're things that make up who I am, and I can't show them to you, to anyone. I can't show any of my Emoticlones and I'm afraid of what they could do if I'm not in control."

Beast Boy looked hurt by this but I didn't dwell on it. He wanted to say something and I didn't give him a chance to console me.

"This is too much for me!" I gasped. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up."

"Hey, it's gonna be okay." Beast Boy encouraged me to look up at him and I did, though my vision continuously wandered from his hopeful eyes to the blurry distance behind him. "Just let me help you get through this and we'll figure out what to do together."

"We have to tell them."

"What?"

"I can't keep this a secret anymore. We have to tell the Titans."

"You don't have to keep this a secret from them. I'm sure Star would wanna help you control Nevermore and Cy could-"

"No! I meant us, Beast Boy!"

"What about us?" he asked, almost offended.

"They have to know what's been happening. Not just about my Emoticlones‒about us! This isn't something I can do on my own; I need their help and the only way to do that is to tell them the truth, about everything, including us."

Beast Boy looked away from me and, for a moment, I thought I saw him chuckle. Even though he was smirking, the look in his eyes was serious.

"We have to tell them, Beast Boy," I insisted.

"Yeah. That's not gonna happen."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not telling them," he said, amused by my suggestion. "And neither are you."

"I don't want to tell the Titans anymore than you do, but we have to! Do you really think I want to tell them about how I tried to run away? Or that my Emoticlones have been hard to keep under control lately? They're going to be so disappointed in me, I know that, but I feel just as horrible not telling them too."

"You've changed since then, Raven. They're not going to be mad at you; they're gonna be pissed at me because I'm the one responsible for this mess."

"So then we should tell them! You should own up to what you did and tell the truth before we make things worse."

"No, I'm not doing that."

"And why not?!"

"For many reasons!" he shouted. "Reason Number One: I'll be a dead man if they find out."

"Do you really think I wouldn't get into trouble too? If they want to be mad at someone, they can be mad at me! It's my fault any of this happened so whatever! I don't care!"

"No, no it's not your fault. And telling them that won't change anything, Raven. They'll still be mad at me because I made a promise and we'd all know I broke it."

"It's not like it matters anymore. I already know who Slade is and what happened with my powers and how I was in a coma for a week and how I have this rogue Emoticlone that could destroy me from the inside-out...yeah, Rage doesn't seem to happy right now, Beast Boy!"

The green changeling kept telling me to keep my voice low. We were several floors away from the living quarters but I knew he was worried about being overheard. I defied his pleas.

"I'm not going to pretend to be stupid anymore," I said to him firmly. "Keeping this a secret isn't helping me and it isn't going to help the Titans either. They're going to find out eventually, right? So what if I know about what happened between us before my amnesia? Someone finally told me the truth! I know what it's like to be lied to over and over again and I'm not going to do the same thing to our friends. We're in a relationship because of it, aren't we? What's so bad about that?"

"You said it yourself, Raven. What we have between us is stressing you out and that's exactly what our friends didn't want."

"Maybe if we told them, I wouldn't be so stressed! Look, this relationship has been good for us too. I mean, I never would've learned that Lust existed if we weren't together, right?"

"I seriously doubt the Titans will be happy that I awoke another Emoticlone," Beast Boy sighed.

"Well, okay, but if we were open about this, things could go better for us," I explained. "I wouldn't be worrying about it anymore and maybe this could help me with my amnesia."

"You were supposed to figure this out on your own," he emphasized quite harshly. "That's why they didn't want me to say anything. That's why we made a promise. We wanted you to figure it out all on your own because that was the only way you'd understand, the only way you'd believe it, and I went against everything I agreed to. I wasn't supposed to tell you anything!"

"But you did," I shot back, catching the error in his argument. "You never wanted me to help myself, did you? You were trying to help me the second I woke up because even you didn't believe I had amnesia. So why did you do it?" Beast Boy didn't answer my question. "Why did you help me? If this is such a big problem for you then why did you help me when I could've figured it out by myself? When you knew there was a big risk in telling me the truth, why did you you do it? Why, Beast Boy?"

For a brief moment, everything was still. The green changeling had his face in his hands, not wanting me to see his distressed reaction. But I sensed it. I could feel him preparing to cry and Beast Boy was trying so hard to be strong‒for me and for himself. I went too far, I knew I did, but I didn't take back anything I said.

I already knew the reason behind Beast Boy's decision and it wasn't because I could sense it.

"I felt so stupid for what I did." Beast Boy's voice hiccuped with a little sob and I patiently waited for him to recover. "I thought that telling you would make things better, that everything would be okay, but it turned out to be so much bigger than I could handle. You were right, Raven. I should've left you alone. Getting you into this only hurt you but I just couldn't stand the fact that...that I lost you, that I lost everything we had, everything we were because of…" The green changeling itched his eyes, hating how childish he must've looked. "I feel as guilty as you do, okay? I know how bad you must feel but...if we tell them, they'd never trust me ever again. They'd think I betrayed them because I did, that's what I did! I broke our promise! I did something so horrible and I wasn't thinking about what I should've done…"

"Do you think you did the right thing?"

Beast Boy turned to me and for the longest time, we didn't break eye-contact. His mind overflowed with enough emotions to sedate Timid. Shame, grief, remorse, sorrow: my empathetic abilities detected them all and I watched fresh tears swell into Beast Boy's eyes. Those emerald orbs darkened and his ears drooped a little.

Beast Boy was the kind of person who would kill someone for hurting me, and right now, he looked conflicted on whether or not he should accept his punishment.

"You didn't do this to me, Beast Boy," I reminded him. He looked away but I continued to talk to him. "You know I have feelings for you too, right? You didn't do anything to make me feel this way about you; that was me! I fell in love with you, I kissed you; you didn't take advantage of me. You just told me the truth, but it's not like it matters. It makes sense that I liked you then and that I like you now! If the Titans ever accuse you of anything then I'll tell them myself. They can't be mad at you for how I feel."

"You don't know that, Raven."

"There aren't many good things going on right now, and this secret is one of them. It's stressful for you and for me and if the Titans find out before we tell them then nothing good will come out of it. We need this time to think things over, and not to be worried about our relationship. Right now, that's the least of my worries, because I'm not worried about how I feel about you: I'm worried about how I would feel if things never get any better."

I was relieved to see Beast Boy digesting my words. I could tell he was still scared about the idea of confessing about his betrayal, but he considered how much worse the situation would be if our secret was discovered first. He didn't want to hurt me anymore‒he didn't want to hurt anyone with what he did. However, something made Beast Boy hesitate to agree.

"Can we please just hold it off a little longer?" he begged.

"Beast Boy-"

"We need a better time to tell them. Trust me: they got a lot on their plate and this would only freak them out even more. They're not ready to know about it yet."

"Won't they be even more upset if we wait? We need to tell them about this!"

"Do you really want to do this to them now?" Beast Boy challenged me. "You don't know what they're going through but I know this will be the thing that breaks them down. It can't be now. It won't be good for any of us!"

"I can't keep fighting you like this," I rasped. "I can't keep doing these kind of things. I don't want to argue with you: I just want us to get along! We need to tell them! Please!"

"It's just for a little longer, until everyone's in a better mood and they get these things sorted out. And then we'll tell them together, okay? I promise, Raven. It just can't be now..."

Although I was disappointed in myself for agreeing, I nodded in understanding. I didn't offer any other words to the discussion. Not knowing what else to say, Beast Boy stood up and wordlessly dismissed himself. I watched him exit the gymnasium and then I grabbed my water bottle, gulping down almost every last drop of it. My energy had been completely sapped; I had no motivation to exercise anymore.

I was back in my bedroom about 20 minutes later. It was still fairly early into the day so I thought that if I played my cards right, I could make it look like I hadn't left my room all morning, pretending the conversation that I had with Beast Boy never existed. I doubted that the Titans could be suspicious if I was seen with him once or twice‒I probably spend more time with the other Titans than I do with Beast Boy‒but it couldn't hurt to be careful. Now that I had to wait even longer to tell them about our relationship, we have to make sure we don't leave any hints until the time is right.

But exactly how long did Beast Boy want us to wait? A few days? A week? A whole month? And what was happening with the Titans anyway? What was so bad that Beast Boy knew telling them the truth about our relationship now would make them even more upset? I knew their job wasn't an easy task, but I never thought they were stressed out. They never looked stressed out anyway. The Titans were almost always happy and cheerful when I was around‒except after failed missions and even those were a very rare occurrence. The more I thought about it though, it started to make sense why they would do that. Knowing how much they cared for my safety, they'd hide their own problems and troubles for my sake in a heartbeat. They were hiding it from me pretty well so whatever it was, it wasn't good and it looked like I wasn't going to know about it anytime soon.

I starting thinking that maybe prolonging the dreaded confession wasn't such a bad idea after all. I had no idea something bad was happening with the Titans and I never would've known about it without Beast Boy's insight. If the Titans are still keeping secrets from me then I should have one up my sleeve too, right? We're all friends, but friendships have their secrets and not all secrets are meant to be shared.

Beast Boy could be right: telling the Titans could ruin everything. It might make things more awkward between us and I had no idea how the Titans would react to the news. The problem is I still don't understand why having Beast Boy tell me the truth is considered a sin. He did betray his friends, but what makes the truth‒not the telling of the truth‒so bad? He loved me before my amnesia, we were in a relationship and then I lost my memory. It makes sense to tell someone that, though I can also understand why they wouldn't want to tell that to someone too.

But I knew there was more to it.

Something happened. Something happened before my amnesia, during my amnesia, that makes the Titans so worried about me. Something that scares them so much that they refuse to tell me about it and, somehow, my past relationship with Beast Boy is connected to this. They must think that if they tell me, everything else would come pouring out like an unholy epiphany. So what was it? What happened that was so bad that the Titans are willing to do anything to keep this truth from me? And why was Beast Boy playing both sides in this fight? Did he do it because he just wanted things to go back to the way they were and pretend none of this ever happened, or did he do it to make him look less like a bad guy when I finally figure it out for myself?

I couldn't think about all of this on my own: I needed help. The conflicts in Nevermore were still present, but nothing got worse than I had left it so it was a safe idea to meditate. I talked with each of my Emoticlones about the situation, hoping to find a consensus. Wisdom counseled me about my decision as I expressed my worries. Timid agreed that she feared telling the Titans about my relationship with Beast Boy and Brave told me that, while she isn't happy about waiting, she thinks the Titans wouldn't be mad at us for what had happened. For once, I felt thankful for having a brave Emoticlone: when the time does come to tell the truth, I'll need every ounce of courage I have to make things right.

More and more natural light started leaking through the shades and this brought me back to reality. I thanked my Emoticlones, feeling much better than I did earlier this morning, and I once again cleaned up the ritual and stashed the demonic mirror safely away. It was almost 10:30 when I left my bedroom and headed to the Main Ops room. I tried not to attract so much attention to myself but it seemed like I interrupted an important meeting when I entered. Although I pretended not to notice, I was slightly hurt to see everyone in attendance; even Silkie was present at the time.

I went into the kitchen while the Titans dispersed, acting like nothing had happened. Robin watched me as I brew myself a mug of herbal tea. I did this only so I could distract myself from the impending conversation, but I already knew what was coming.

Here we go, said Rude with a sigh.

"So, uh, are you feeling any better?"

"Why would I be feeling bad?" I told Robin, not bothering to acknowledge his question.

"Raven, we want to talk about what happened yesterday…"

"I'm really not-" I then stopped myself and rephrased my words. "We don't need to talk about this."

"We wish to apologize," Starfire insisted. "We feel sorry for what has occurred."

"We all know how you must feel, but don't be mad at yourself," Cyborg piped up. "We should've stayed back with you. It's our fault things got outta hand, not yours."

"I'm not mad about it," I told them. "It's okay."

Robin sighed. "You don't wanna talk about it, I get it, but we want to understand. Yesterday, you didn't look like you could use your powers very well. Something seemed wrong. Can you tell us what it was?"

"It was just a bad day."

"They seem to be happening a lot, huh?" Cyborg said, raising an eyebrow.

"I guess I panicked a little," I explained. "You know, having something forcefully stuffed into your mouth isn't fun."

"I can agree to that," Beast Boy commented with a shrug.

"That's why I couldn't use my powers. I just didn't act quick enough and it was my fault I got cornered. I promise, I won't let it happen again."

"Friend Raven, even I cannot make such a promise," Starfire told me.

"What I'm saying is I don't really want to talk about it anymore. Things are fine now. I got it all under control and I learned what I did wrong so there's no need to discuss this anymore. I'm just too tired…"

Everyone was uncomfortable in the silence. I sipped a little more of my herbal tea but I ended up dumping it out in the sink, no longer feeling hungry. Personally, I wanted this dialogue to be forgotten altogether. The day seemed so long already and everyone just wanted to talk to me and break me down from the inside-out and I was getting sick of it. I felt like Robin read my mind because he was the first one to speak, though he had an entirely different idea than what I had.

"You know what?"

"What?" Cyborg inquired.

"We need to do something as a team," the masked boy declared. "We should find something to do together, you know, to take our minds off of things. I don't know about you guy but I need a break."

"More like a vacation," Beast Boy murmured.

"Yeah! Just something fun for us to do, like...I don't know, something fun! What's something fun we could do together?"

"Oh!" Starfire squealed, raising her hand in the air like a student who knew the answer to a question. "I have the most brilliant idea! Friends, we must gather for a potatoing of the couch this evening. Perhaps a cinematic recording shall bring joy to us all!"

"I can agree to a movie," said Beast Boy with a smile.

"Hey! Why don't we get take-out for dinner too? The fridge's lookin' a little empty and I could go for some Chinese."

"That'd be great, Cyborg," Robin replied. "I think we all deserve a little treat."

"Aw yeah, baby! I'm already excited."

"As am I!" cheered Starfire. "We simply must select the appropriate feature!"

The festivities were confirmed and they commenced before I had any input. I don't think it would've mattered anyway. Whether or not it was to make me feel better, the Titans refused to let anyone miss out on the "potatoing-of-the-couch" and I didn't have the heart to shut them out either.

Aside from practicing hand-to-hand combat in the Gym and mediating in my bedroom, I didn't do very much until the sun started to set. That's when everyone united to prepare for the social event. For dinner, Cyborg ordered food from a Chinese restaurant over the phone. While he went into the city with Beast Boy to pick it up, I stayed back with Robin and Starfire to arrange the couch and browse their movie collection for something to watch. The mechanical man and the pea-green boy returned about 20 minutes later with huge containers of rice, chicken, sushi, and all sorts of foreign dishes that I couldn't name. The food was laid out on the table like a buffet and plates were passed around, giving everybody a chance to sample each of the entrees.

Once I selected the portions for my dinner, I plopped down next to Beast Boy on the couch, acting as nonchalant as possible. I made sure there was a pillow between us though because I didn't want to make it look so obvious. It wasn't that big of a deal: Robin and Starfire sat close together, sharing a single plate of food and a pair of chopsticks, and Cyborg settled down on the other side of Beast Boy, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

Everyone ate their food as we watched the flick: it was ultimately Starfire's idea to watch Jaws and everyone praised her for her good choice. With Starfire cuddled into Robin's side, the masked boy fed her pieces of sushi with a pair of chopsticks. There was a time when Robin dropped the food too soon and it missed Starfire's mouth, even bouncing onto the floor where an eager Silkie was waiting to gobble it up. If it had been me, I would've been deathly embarrassed, but Starfire giggled so hard that everyone started to laugh themselves. Robin helped wipe away the mess on her lips before he fed her another bite of food.

It was obvious that everyone was entertained by the classic horror movie except for me, and it wasn't because I didn't like the movie. I kept trying to watch it but I was still so upset about all of the conversations that I had earlier today. They saddened me, irritated me, and now I had the assumption that tensions between me and my friends were getting tighter. Although we were doing something together, I felt awkward among them because nothing had been resolved. I feared that if I didn't do anything, the tensions would stretch thinner and thinner and things would get even worse than they already are.

"Um, guys? Can I talk to you quickly?"

Without hesitating, Cyborg picked up the remote and paused the movie. All eyes were turned to me and I felt myself shrink beneath their curious expressions. Beast Boy was already panicking. I didn't have to use my empathic abilities to understand what he was thinking. The green changeling was afraid that, because of our earlier argument, I was going to disobey our agreement and tell the Titans the truth. He thought I was going to tell them right here, right now, and ruin the good moment everyone was sharing as a team.

But, unlike Beast Boy, I wasn't one to break promises so easily.

"I know it's not the best time for me to ask this but I wanted to know if you were still going to let me go on missions with all of you," I said at last. "I messed up last time, but I hope you don't think of me any less. I don't want to stop. I want to keep trying and I'll practice even more if I have to, but I'm not ready to give up on everything I did so...so is it alright that I still go on missions?"

There was a moment of silence in the room and, for a moment, I feared that they were going to disagree. Timid was already admitting defeat in Nevermore but Rude prepared to argue with the Titans, believing they were. Robin exchanged a glance with Beast Boy before he spoke up.

"Raven, I want you to know that we aren't mad about what happened. We're a little worried, but we're not mad at you. We just wanted to know what happened and if it was something you needed help with."

"Yes," added Starfire. "We have each made mistakes in the past and these mistakes do not define who we are, Friend Raven. It is how we act in favor of these mistakes that shall define who we are."

"If it makes ya feel any better, I got my ass kicked by Mother Mae-Eye," Cyborg laughed. "I was tied up in a blanket, remember? I couldn't do anything but wriggle around! But luckily you guys were there and it all worked out. This kinda stuff happens, and sometimes this kinda stuff happens a lot for other people…" This provoked Beast Boy to flick Cyborg's head, knowing that he was being referenced in the last comment.

"You'll get another shot at it," the leader of the Titans concluded to me. "Next chance we have, you can come out with us again. As long as you feel like you're ready, we'll be ready for you too."

"Thank you" was all my voice could produce.

Cyborg immediately switched on the movie again and everyone looked up to the screen, wearing even brighter smiles. I sniffed and started watching the movie too, thankful for the cover of darkness. After a while, the pillow stashed between Beast Boy and I shifted slightly and I felt something slither over to my side.

Beast Boy's gloved hand clasped over mine and I squeezed it rightly. Although my eyes faced the projected screen, I was distracted by the way Beast Boy massaged my hand, using his thumb to trace the swollen knuckles I received from using the punching bag. Neither of us said anything and I doubted any of the Titans noticed the gesture, but even then, I trembled with fright. It was a very dangerous move. We were sitting in the direct vicinity of the people who had enforced a promise and there we were, plain as day, proving that we had broken it. This was the most public I had ever been with the green changeling yet, aside from our encounter with Lust, and it was both scary and thrilling. I was almost convinced the Titans could hear my heart thumping away. I guess it meant so much to me because Beast Boy was against telling the Titans and yet he still took a risk to comfort me.

I didn't get to tell the Titans as I greatly wished I could, but at least I had the chance to enjoy the privacy of our relationship. For all I knew, moments like these may never happen again.

Author's Note: Thanks again for reading and a special thanks to Santoramon for suggesting ideas for me to improve Amnesia. I always appreciate the time you each of guys take the read this and I'm always happy to hear what you have to say (just don't be mean please *nervous laughter*). I'll be back in two weeks with the next update. Goodbye!