Chapter 37

A tear falls and bursts on the beautiful black stone. Natalia's pale shaking hand looks even paler because of the black pendant she is holding. Her small shoulders are shaking too.
She looks like a little porcelain doll, beautiful but easy breakable. Now that I've broken her there are two things I can do. I can collect the pieces and try to fix her, or I can take the dustpan, sweep her up and throw her in the trash bin. Of course I would have chosen the first option if I could, but Ivan decided to chose for the second one. Without saying a word I leave the room. I feel how I get mad at Ivan. How can he just walk away like that! That girl there is your sister and her heart is broken! You could at least try to comfort her! But as expected my anger doesn't make my body go back. When I'm upstairs I walk directly into Ivan's room. By remembering the last time I was inside Ivan's room, my stomach turns into ice. I know that I won't see blood on the walls this time, but only the memory of it makes terror hold me in a vice-like grip. I feel relieved when I open the door and see no blood, but I know that danger lies in wait.
When my body walks along the mirror I see in a flash how Ivan passes by. So I'm really inside his body... I quickly try to get rid of that thought because of the dirty undertone it has. I go sit on Ivan's bed and take my head in my hands. With my fingertips I draw circles on my sleeps. At first I'm wondering why Ivan is doing that, but then slowly I feel how his headache is becoming mine. Suddenly my fingers stop doing that and start wiping the tears in the corners of my eyes away instead.
"This is bad…" Ivan's voice whispers.
I look up at the mirror and look right into Ivan's face. There are tears running down his cheeks, but his eyes are still as cold ice. Purple ice. Not only do I know, but I also feel how he's fighting against his tears, but they won't stop coming. He stands up and walks towards the mirror. He keeps staring at himself with these cold eyes. I wonder what is going on in his mind. Suddenly he hits the mirror with his fist. He hits it so hard that it breaks. Pieces of the mirror are blown away by the force. My hand is hurting so much hat I want to scream out of pain, but Ivan doesn't utter a sound. My hand is bleeding really badly, but Ivan doesn't seem to care. There must be really something wrong with him. He takes his hand back and looks at his broken reflection. His eyes look as cold as they did before.
"Really bad…" he says as he turns his face away of the mirror.
He walks out of his room and walk towards the bathroom. When he is there he turns on the tap and holds his hand under the cool water. He doesn't seem to feel the pain I feel, or he is just good at hiding it. I stare at my bleeding hand and remember the time when Matthew cut my hand. For a minute I'm afraid that this time my hand also won't stop bleeding, but fortunately it does. After it stops Ivan turns off the tap and dries his hand. He walks back to his room and goes sitting on his bed again. Again he looks at his broken reflection. He can't bear looking at himself when he's like this so he quickly turns his head away and hides his face in his hands.
After some time of crying in silence Ivan stops hiding his face and looks out of his window. Even on a night like this, stars are still shining their light, shining that little bit of hope. Ivan smiles a little and stands up. He walks towards his window and has a better look.
"Good night," he whispers to the stars while closing his curtain.
It's now really dark inside his room, but it doesn't seem to bother him. Then he starts to take of his clothes, everything except his boxers, and lies under the blankets of his bed. My eyes are becoming heavier and my breathing beings to slow down. Ivan isn't crying anymore, he and his room seem peaceful tonight, but I know that's not the case. This must be the night. Any moment now could be Ivan's last. No, my last. Time is slowly killing me while waiting for the cold metal to be stabbed into my heart. I don't want this to happen. I don't want to experience the painful death Ivan went through, but that is not up to me. Ivan is in a deep sleep now, but I was never this aware of all the little noises in this world before. The soft whispering wind outside, the creaking and groaning of the house, my calm peaceful breath… the little footsteps in the corridor. Almost soundless the footsteps are coming closer, making fear slowly take over me. Then suddenly the sounds of footsteps stop. In the silence of the night, the creaking of the door sounds like the complaining of the dead. I can hear the frightening sounds of footsteps again. I feel like crying I'm so afraid, but this body doesn't let me. When she stops in front of me I can clearly hear her deep irregular breathing. After some minutes which seemed to take endless to pass, I hear how she lifts her arm.
My brain is screaming it out. It is screaming that I have to wake up, that I have to get away, but I know I can't. I try to calm myself down. This isn't really happening to me. So way make such a fuss about what's going to happen? I try to make myself believe that, but I don't succeed. I know why I'm making such a fuss about it… because it will be my first time experiencing death.
Slowly Ivan opens his eyes a bit, just enough to see through his eyelashes. I don't know what but something must have woken him up. Now I can see how Natalia is bent over me, holding her knife above her, aimed at my heart. Her arm is shaking incessantly and her pupils are so small that even if I didn't know, I would have known that she has been swallowing too many pills. Ivan isn't fully awake yet so he isn't realizing what is about to happen. Then finally it happens. With all the power she has Natalia lets her knife come down, but just before my heart gets split in two, my soul gets ripped out Ivan's body. Everything around me is white and I have the feeling I'm falling forever, just like before. I get the creeps when even though I'm no longer in Ivan's body, his voice is coming from inside me.
"Roses are red, but you don't care, do you? I wish you were dead, but you do care, don't you?"