Chapter 37

I sat in the dining hall tracing my fingers impatiently over knots in the thick wooden table, my cheek supported on the palm of my other hand. Today was a new day and I did not feel any of my previous weakness; my acceptance had turned to indignation which had quickly become cunning. I had no intention of going through with this farce. I was quite sure that I was going to cause as many problems as possible to this prospective suitor, such that he went running back to his parents, quivering in fear and begging not to be forced to marry a woman such as myself. Oh, the plans I had concocted. I laughed at how casually I was taking this; I think I really had gone slightly peculiar in the head. Altaïr's voice swam headily in my mind, enticing and exciting. How I wished that it was Altaïr who would walk through that door with Fatima, staring at the door in question, hearing the quiet discussion and movement behind it.

But of course, the man who came through that door could not have been more different to Altaïr unless Allah himself had fashioned one out of pure gold and the other out of sand. He was no taller than I, with thick curly black hair merging with a full beard. His eyes were deep set, with a nose too big for his squat face. I found myself oddly mesmerized by the bushiness of his brows; they threatened to elope with his hair at any moment. It gave him a rather severe look and his square set body made all his features look compressed. He had but the anagram of a good face. I knew from Fatima that he was only one and twenty yet his lined face belied this fact.

He also looked uncomfortable and skittish, to be expected I suppose. He was nervous but seemed to relax when his eyes set upon my decorated face and body. I smirked to myself. He was going to learn that beauty had no bearing on temperament.

He had a shrinking disposition, one that made me think he was quite easily influenced. He seemed to have no presence in this room, despite his status as a male. I felt my confidence grow; he looked easily conquerable.

Fatima trailed behind him, simperingly desperate to please with his parents breathing down her neck in the other room.

"Sahl, this is Asra. You will find her to your liking. She is beautiful and biddable; she will produce you good sons." Fatima said, in a voice as sweet and as fake as rancid honey.

"Like hell I will." I grumbled under my breath, drawing a smile across my face as I nodded my head in his direction. Both he and Fatima would be damned if they thought I was going bow any lower than that. This man Sahl inclined his head in response and stepped towards me.

"It is a pleasure to meet you." He said, politely enough. I continued to smile like a fool. Fatima threw me surreptitious dirty look.

"The arrangements are all made children." Fatima said, addressing us both, "You are to be wed in two weeks from now. This meeting is purely an indulgence. I will be with your parents Sahl." And with that she bustled quickly from the room, leaving me and this furry beast alone. I suppose I must be thankful that he was not any older than he had turned out to be and that I was able to meet him before the moment I entered our marriage hall. All too often couples only met on the day of their wedding. I shuddered at the thought. At least this way, I had a chance to prove to him firsthand how unsuitable I was.

Sahl made no attempt to speak; he just stood there awkwardly so I launched into my tirade:

"Good sir, I trust you are fully aware that I do not want to enter into this ridiculous contract." Seething, I crossed my arms and and glared at him. Poor man, it was not his fault but it was damned well going to be him who received the brunt of my fury. I did not have more than a few minutes to enlighten him to my displeasure because Fatima could return at any moment.

He looked momentarily aghast at how I had addressed him but handled it better than I would have imagined.

His expression was as grim as my own. "Oh I am fully aware, good woman, but it is not up to either of us is it?" He replied pointedly. I sniffed dismissively and did not reply. I was surprised by his response; I had expected anger at my insolence but he had practically ignored it.

"I, quite frankly, have no desire to enter into a binding marriage with a rancorous she-devil like you!" He huffed, turning away from me and sulking, showing quite plainly his tender age of twenty-one and the countenance of a spoiled only son.

I suppressed a laugh. Maybe it would be easier to put him off the idea than I had first thought. I had no problem being branded unfit for marriage, it would suit me quite well indeed. There was nothing Fatima could do if no-one wanted me. I smiled slyly.

"Do you intend to marry me?" I asked accusingly.

"Quite so." He replied haughtily. "It is my parents wish."

"You will find I am quite unfit for marriage." I explained, as if I were simply giving him directions.

"So I have realised. I am in a right mind to beat you for your insolence." He said.

I was a little taken aback at his change in demeanour but not in the least bit surprised. He was a typical male after all. But he looked nervous in saying it. I would guess he was acting how he thought one was meant to act in this situation and not how he truly would react. I struggled a little to say something mean but I forced myself to do so. It was for the greater good. I did experience a little thrill at being so cutting though.

"You could no more beat me if I were tied to the floor and missing a leg!" I laughed, feeling quite pleasantly mutinous.

His little eyes bulged in their sockets at my back-chat but I stared him down, hoping that he would denounce me there and then. But he remained silent and looked quite panicked. He had obviously never had to deal with an 'insolent' woman before and I was presenting him with quite the challenge. Suffice to say I felt rather proud. At that moment, I was twice the man he was and he knew it.

"Do not talk to me like that!" he baulked.

"I shall talk to you in any way I please," I retorted, before adding, "…sir" and inclined my head towards him.

The sarcasm was not lost on him and I could almost see the little red mist of anger creeping up his face.

"Can I count on your cooperation in the termination of this agreement?" I enquired civilly.

He was at a loss for words but managed to stutter: "N-No…My parents desire this union and therefore, it will be so!"

"Oh wonderful." I said, rolling my eyes at his response. "Do you ever think for yourself or have I just caught you on a particularly doltish day?"

Sighing, I crossed my arms in an ever more irritated way. I almost began to tap my foot on the floor.

He gaped in my general direction, seemingly wracking his brains for something to say but coming up blank. I sighed again, more pronounced this time, before turning on my heel, yanking open the front door and marching out, not even bothering to close it again.

It took him a good ten seconds before he was able to process what I had just done and only then did he stutter: "Wait! Where are you going!"

"Out. What does it look like?" I replied, not bothering to face him but continuing on my warpath around the house to the stables.

"You are my betrothed now!" He cried, following me out of the house, "You shall do as I say! Come back inside." He made a laughable attempt to harden his voice.

"I shall not." I announced and reached the stable where Maysaa was housed. I stroked her velvet nose and resisted the urge to jump on her back and escape from this place. I heard him jog up behind me and take a breath as he readied himself to protest but I turned to him with thunder in my eyes that stopped him dead.

"I will not do as you say; I shall never do as you say." I said angrily, stressing the 'never' so that I left no room for doubt. He needed to know that I would not make this easy for him.

He stared at me aghast, flitting backwards and forth between indecision and action. He had no idea how to deal with me and I was in no mood to wait and see how he would respond.

I deftly and quickly placed the saddle on Maysaa's back, tightened the girth and worked a bridle over her head before untying the knot that bound her to the stable. I jumped on her back without a moments glance towards Sahl.

"Tell Fatima I have gone for a ride if she asks." I said off-hand before setting off at a leisurely walk towards the open land at the outskirts of Berothai. I resisted the temptation to look at Sahl but I could imagine his face regardless. He was utterly gobsmacked and had no inkling of how to react to my conduct. I felt the smallest twinges of guilt at my behaviour but I had to fight for my freedom and disobedience was the only option I had open to me. I breathed deeply in and out to calm myself as I rode gently along the scrubby land and thought ahead with sick anticipation as to how Fatima would react when I returned. She would be utterly furious but I would suffer her wrath if it meant liberty from marriage.

'Furious' did not even begin to describe Fatima. She heard me ride back towards the house and marched out to me with such rage in her eyes that I recoiled a little at the sight of her. I tied Maysaa up quickly, fumbling a little in the dark, and prepared myself for the worst. She gripped my wrist with surprising strength for a woman of her age and dragged me back inside, marching me to the table and throwing me in the general direction of a chair. I managed to grab it before I fell over but righted myself and stood behind it.

"Sit down." She murmured, her voice ever so quiet but utterly terrifying.

I considered for a moment disobeying her but I had a feeling that she was not to be pushed tonight. I gingerly lowered myself into the seat.

"Have you any idea what you have done?" She roared, now that I was in a lower position than her.

I hoped with all my heart that she would say Sahl had called the engagement off.

"You have jeopardised everything I have been planning." She paced in front of me as if she was trying hard not to explode.

"You are lucky your betrothal still stands!" She turned to me, her eyes boring into my own and I made completely sure that none of my disappointment showed in my face. What did I have to do to this man to put him off? Had I not already displayed that I could be utterly volatile and outrageously rude? What else could I do to make him realised I was the last person he would want to be tied to for the rest of his life?

Fatima resumed her angry pacing in front of my chair. She also seemed troubled at how to deal with me. Her own two daughters had never caused her a problem.

"Please do not make me marry him." I said, my voice a little quieter than I would have liked.

"You must marry him!" She countered irately.

"If you wish to not provide for me then let me leave." I said, completely serious. I would simply find somewhere far away to live where I could get a job and never marry.

"Are you insane?" She cried manically, her eyes as wide as plates, providing me with an irony I could not fail to find amusing. But I made sure not to smile.

"You would not have to deal with me that way." I reasoned. I would even prefer to return to Jerusalem, to my father. He may be abusive, drunk and entirely unpalatable but it was more favourable than marriage in my eyes.

"Malik would never forgive me if I abandoned you!" She squealed, scandalised that I had even broached the question.

"Malik would not want this for me!" I cried back, jumping up from the chair to stand at my full height, which happened to be above Fatima and so I felt a little less intimidated.

"Malik would want you to be provided for!" Fatima snapped. Her voice became higher in her anger and she ended her sentences with a high pitched noise that almost hurt my ears. I looked upwards, as if the answers were hidden in the ceiling and sighed. She would not understand and she would believe whatever suited her.

"I would leave discreetly and you would never have to deal with me again. Sahl never need know you permitted it. You could say I ran away." I reasoned, offering up what were, in my mind, several viable options that I knew Fatima was too dogmatic to consider. But really I was rising above myself. Of course they were viable options but only in theory; in practise I was a woman, a commodity owned by Fatima and her husband, like Hala and Inaya, to be wedded off to a man and so be owned by him. I was being insolent in even talking back to Fatima, let alone suggesting that she let me leave. And I could see that she was thinking exactly that. She was so furious that the lines looked like they may never leave her forehead.

"You impudent girl!" She fumed. "You will marry Sahl and I will hear no more of it! If Malik could see you now he would be so disappointed!" And with that she left, nosily slamming the door and ending out conversation.

Her words stung but not because they were true. I hated her involving Malik in an attempt to prove her flawed point. She mentioned him to try and make me feel guilty but she never knew him as I did and it made me angry that she tried. He would not be disappointed in me at all; in fact I think he may have been a little impressed at my spirit! I smiled at that thought but the smile soon went. There was not a lot to smile about at this time.

With Fatima gone, I had no option but to sleep. I traipsed up the stairs with a heavy heart and crept into my room, careful not to wake Hala or Inaya. I silently pulled off my shoes and outer layers until I was in nothing but my loose undergarments. Refreshingly cooler now, I climbed into my bed and lay atop the covers, too warm to lie beneath them. I stared at the ceiling and felt my mind go blank for a few minutes before I started thinking about the fact I was not thinking, making my mind active once more.

I felt truly at a loss. Whenever I felt like this my mind always wandered back to Altaïr. Normally Altaïr would help me to see things clearly once more but this time, I had to concede that everything was his fault and this fact, teamed with his absence, rendered him entirely useless at this moment. Instead, I just enjoyed the sound of his voice in my mind. I knew I was simply torturing myself by indulging in these imaginings but I would do so forever if it could remind me of when we were together. I knew I would not see him again and so I would not forgo the sight of him in my mind. I did not want to get over him. I wanted to always remember him and the way he looked, the way he sounded and the way he made me feel, even if it pained me for the rest of my life. I could not sleep much after that. I hated the way that when things got a little too much, the frustration fell as tears. I knew I could survive all of this hardship but my traitorous body cried nevertheless. I remained silent so as not to wake the twins.

To give credit where credit was due, Fatima was doing her best to let me and Sahl get to know each other before the marriage was set to take place. However, that was like thanking someone for not kicking you in the shins when they had already slapped you in the face.

Unfortunately, my little excursion had caused Fatima to step up her guard, such that Sahl and I were hardly ever left alone and I had very little opportunity to put him off without Fatima realising my intentions. I took to veiling my insults to such an extent that they were discernable but not immediately obvious. Fatima would pick up on them every now and then and shoot me the dirtiest of looks but she would never speak out in case of embarrassment. But I was very careful not to arouse her suspicions any more than necessary. It was a week before Fatima 'trusted' me enough to exit the room for extended periods of time and this left me with only one week until the wedding.

When Sahl was due to visit, Fatima would dunk me in the bath, douse my hair in perfumes and lotions and slather kohl around my eyes until I was trussed up like a child's doll. Fatima and the twins would gush about how stunning I looked whereas I was sure I looked like nothing more than a prostitute. My eyes felt itchy and I smelt as if I had fought with a rose bush and lost. Fatima had bought beautiful new clothes for me that under any other circumstances I would have loved but the fact they had been purchased to impress Sahl made me defiant. I was forced into them nonetheless.

However as soon as Fatima had turned her back, considering it safe to leave me unsupervised for a moment, I would wipe the horrible kohl from my eyes, tousle my hair until I looked as if I had been dragged through a bush and pull off the lovely clothes to reveal the tatty rags I wore beneath. And then I would run to Sahl before she had a chance to see what I had done. And hence, I spent my time in Sahl's presence with Kohl messily rubbed around my eyes, old tattered clothes and hair as raggedy as a mangy cat's and I revelled in the way that his eyebrows disappeared into his hair every time he saw me. He always looked so disheartened at the sight of me that I found myself daring to believe he would eventually give up on me. Yet, given that there was less than a week left until the ceremony, he needed to make it quick.

But everything I did seemed to be to no avail. I was so abhorrently and unacceptably rude to him but he seemed to simply accept it. We slipped into an awkward routine of defiance and tolerance, so my actions quickly became meaningless. He did not seem to care that I had all the grace, elegance and decorum of pig in swill. I could see nothing attractive about me yet he continued to cling on to our betrothal. I started to wonder whether Fatima had actually paid him to marry me. It certainly seemed like there was something else tying him to me. Perhaps I had a larger dowry than expected. But whatever it was, it did not change the fact my marriage was imminent.

I had a mere four days before the wedding and Sahl had not changed his mind. So with difficulty, I decided that if I had not managed to break off the engagement in the next three days, I would simply run away. I would take Maysaa and I would return to Jerusalem, to my father, and I would suffer the hardship for the sake of my semblance of freedom. My father would not make me marry for he did not care. He was drunk most of the time and so often did not notice if I was gone and providing there was food on the table at set times during the day, I knew he would not care about where I was in-between those times. I would be free, if only for short periods. But that was all I cared about. With a husband, I would never be able to leave the house at all, and I would be subject to him each night so that I may carry his children and pass on his name. I would lose my identity and forever be referred to as 'Sahl's wife' although the word wife might as well be substituted with the word 'possession'. Yes, I would rather go to Jerusalem.

I had only a shaky resolve at this point because I still clung to the notion that I may be able to change Sahl's mind. But another part of me knew this was most likely misguided. If Sahl had not broken off this wedding in the week prior to it, there was nothing to suggest he would break it off at this point, with only a few days to go. I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to leave. I would have to fend for myself, travel by myself, all things that struck fear into my heart. I would be vulnerable but I would be free.

This decision must have been written all over my face because Fatima suddenly became so cautious that I was not allowed to be unsupervised if I left the house for errands. Every time Hala, Inaya and I went into town, we were shadowed by Fatima's husband. The girls were delighted that their father was joining them but I knew he had ulterior motives and I knew it was because Fatima must have read my intent. I tried not to let it panic me, I felt like I could still slip away if needed because although Fatima was taking action against possible escapes, I could tell that she had not really committed to the idea that I might actually run away. She did not think I had the courage, or the stupidity, whichever it was. Most likely a bit of both.

And then, on the same day that I began to shakily prepare my escape, Fatima stopped the visits between Sahl and I, as a way of preventing me from jeopardising further our betrothal. I realised with a heavy and panicked heart that I would now have to run. I had no further access to Sahl and hence, no way to break up this engagement. I committed myself to flight but it made it no less petrifying. I decided that tomorrow, with three days until my wedding, that I would leave this place, leave this marriage and most problematically of all, leave any security behind. I would have no possessions, no money and no protection.

But I would have a modicum of freedom. And that was all I needed to convince myself.

I would do anything for freedom.

My lovely, lovely readers! I have missed you! I greatly apologise for the delay but it has been hectic on this side of the pond (England that is :D). I have now officially finished school! I have completed my exams and now wait for the results that decide my future! I haven't applied to Uni this year, I'm taking a gap year to work and travel the world but I hope to do veterinary medicine next year, grades permitting!

On to notes about the story, I know this chapter took a while but the next chapter (which I feel will be the final one (sob)) will be out very soon because it's halway through at the moment and I have a lot of free time now!

Once again, you guys have been amazing. You're so kind and patient, always willing to wait for Miss SlowPoke over here even when she is inexcusably late with chapters. Please take the time to review, I read every single one of them, even if I sometimes don't reply to them and they mean the world to me, they really make me happy and motivate me so much! Whatever you have to say, please don't be afraid to do so. Review away my lovelies. I hop you are all well and I shall be back soon with a new chapter!

Minnie x