Chapter 37: In The Eye of the Beholder

Disclaimer: Same

Note: I'm sorry. I have disappointed all of you, and I apologize for my general disregard for this story. My next shall be better, I promise.

The noise that erupted after Amanda and Arthur broke apart rivaled that of Amanda's memories. She was unsure if she had seen a group of people so happy. Or if she had ever seen a group of people descend upon her so quickly before. Suddenly, she and Arthur were driven apart by masses of men and women wishing to congratulate and share happiness with. Once Amanda had gotten past the sea of faces that she did not recognize, she finally found her brother.

"It is about time, sister," he muttered, his smile wider than she had seen in so long. She laughed, and threw her arms around him.

"Oh, Nicolarious," she said, "you are right, if only I had listened to you so long ago. I feel so incredible now that my biggest secret is out in the open."

"No," said Nicolarious with a grin, "you feel so incredible because now you know that Arthur loves you in return." He and Amanda laughed and wandered their way back to the table. Caia beamed at her from across the wood, and Amanda fell a little.

"Caia, I'm so sorry to steal this moment away from you. I did not intend for that to happen," Amanda said, reaching for Caia's hand.

"Amanda! You have to be fooling with me! I could care less if it was the middle of my ceremony. We have all been waiting far too long for you and Arthur to get to this moment," Caia cried, and Amanda laughed again. She was being foolish – even if Caia was cross Amanda would not escape these feelings of elation. She looked back over her shoulder to see a swarm of people still around Arthur, including his ever faithful knights.

Looking back at her, not much to her surprise, was Gawain. Amanda nodded to him, and he bowed his head in return. Somewhere in the lower depths of her soul a small pang went off for Gawain. He would have made an excellent partner for her, and if Arthur had not been the first to capture her heart, she would regret losing Gawain to another woman. But, in the moment, that pang was muffled by the butterflies still flitting in her stomach and the heat still radiating off of her face.

The night had passed with no more surprises, and all left the embers of the fires with happy memories. Despite the multitude of misfortune that had found these people, they remained thankful and let joy come quickly to them.

Amanda awoke in Caia's small hut, as she was no longer using it, with sleep heavy in her eyes. She felt it was late, and struggled to unravel herself from the furs and blankets that had been piled on top of her. As she stood, her back seared with pain.

"Shit," she said softly to herself. She hoped she had not injured herself too badly, and she feared what the Caretaker would say. Walking slowly, she stole one of the blankets from the cot and wrapped it tightly around herself. The bitter air had returned, and there was some dense moisture in it. Her spine tingled as she stepped out of the hut, and went to the fire pit. From the distance, she could see Galahad and Bors resting at one of the tables left out from the night before. She smiled in their direction, and was greeted with drowsy waves.

"Good morning!" someone called. Turning, she saw Arthur jogging towards her and she smiled brightly.

"And good morning to you, my good sir," she said as he drew closer. He stopped before her, and smiled. She shuffled somewhat awkwardly, and looked up at him. He seemed unsure of himself. Had the night before happened? Amanda squeezed her hand to feel the band of the ring he returned to her – it had indeed happened.

"Did you sleep well?" Arthur asked, and Amanda exhaled.

"Yes, very well, thank you. My back is very sore this morning, however," Amanda replied, and smiled again.

"Oh! I should fetch the Caretaker," Arthur said, and turned away. Amanda quickly grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"No," she said, "not yet. Please." Arthur turned back to her, and smiled easily. He removed her hand from his wrist and touched it to his face.

"Why ever not?" he asked. Amanda saw the glint of amusement in his eye, and smirked.

"Perhaps I'd like to spend some time with Bors before he goes off to hunt," she said, and turned back towards the table.

"Why you sly little thing," Arthur whispered, and wrapped his arms around her from behind. Amanda's eyes closed in his warmth, and pressed against him.

"I thought you would like that answer," she said, and she felt his fingers press as a response. "Have you laid eyes on Caia or Ambrose yet?"

"No," he said softly, "I have not seen them since last night. I would like them to have as much time as possible together before we march on Camelot." Amanda held her surprise.

"You have set a date?" she asked, resting her open hand against his on her stomach.

"Yes," Arthur replied after a pause, "we have discussed it in all entirety and have decided that in two days we will go back to the Wall."

Two days? No, Amanda thought, panic spreading over her body, that's too soon! She broke from Arthur's grasp suddenly and turned, staring at him.

"T-two days?" she asked, her stammer giving away her surprise.

"Yes," Arthur said blankly, "I had thought you would be excited."

"Of course I am!" Amanda said, feigning joy, "I am just surprised that the day is so soon." She looked away from his face, at the ground and the sky, her eyes following her scattered thoughts.

"You look terrified," Arthur whispered, placing his hands on the small of her back and looking down at her. She took a moment to compose herself and her thoughts, and then looked up at him. His green eyes where shining with joy and something that looked similar to pride. She could not help but smile as his every pore emanated love for her. It was a mystery she had never seen this before.

"Arthur, you should know how excited I am to take back our home," she began, and she saw him smile some.

"But," he said, understanding her patterns.

"But," she said, rolling her eyes at his jest, "I have even more to be afraid of losing, now." She reached up timidly and ran her fingers through his curls, smiling into his eyes.

"Darling," he said, his voice pure and soft that she felt her knees give some, "you have no need to fear of losing Nicolarious or I. You said yourself your plan would significantly reduce the lives even put in peril, let alone the number of people lost."

"But it is my men that will be doing all the fighting," Amanda said. She took in a breath and looked away from him, "Arthur, I cannot let Gurshion or any other one of his followers take another of my loved ones. You and Nicolarious are all I have left in my heart – and you I have waited so very long for. I want to go back to Camelot, and I want to go in two days, just understand that I do not believe I will last another day should one of you die."

After another long pause, Arthur placed his thumb and finger on Amanda's chin as he had done countless times before. He pulled her face back to his, and had an understanding expression. She peered up into his eyes and waited to hear his words.

"Amanda," he said, "I believe now you understand why, after all these years, I have not wanted you to fight." Amanda laughed, and tugged playfully on a curl. "This time I am asking you to fight with us." His words rung in her ears like nothing before, and her eyes widened in surprise.

"I do not even have to argue with you about it?" Amanda asked. To her surprise, Arthur let out a great laugh, his face lifting to the sky and his arms shook.

"No my dear, you do not have to argue with me over it," he said, smiling, "In fact, I'd prefer if you kept an eye on your brother."

"Are you worried about him?" Amanda asked. Arthur dropped his hands away from her body, and turned to her side. He held out his arm for her to take, and Amanda latched herself to his forearm.

"No," he answered, leading her towards the table where Bors and Galahad were still sitting. "I am no worried about him in the least. He has the makings of a very skilled fighter. But, he is at an age where he is eager to take on new challenges. I would hate for him to take off more than he can chew." Amanda nodded in contemplation, and had been expecting this of her brother for some time. He was growing so quickly, and was always destined to be a fighter. Their father had been teaching him since a very young age.

"I would be happy to fight with you," Amanda said, honestly. "However, I am unsure of how capable I will be while my back is in this current condition. The Caretaker says that it is healing, but I know that I will not be at a full mobility." It was Arthur's turn to nod in contemplation. As they reached the table and Amanda took her seat, she watched Arthur considering what she had said. She did not care if it made him change his mind – she was going to fight at the wall even if she was fighting him. He had asked her to and she was going to. Jols brought she and Arthur food, and still Arthur had not said anything. Bors and Galahad looked from Arthur to Amanda expectantly, wondering who would be the first to utter a word.

"Not fighting already, are you two?" Bors asked cautiously, and Amanda laughed.

"No," she said, smiling and lifting the bowl to her face, "we were just talking. Did you both have a good time last night?"

Gurshion paced the length of the Great Hall. What was to become of this palace? Of all the time he had spent devising plans to capture it his desire for it had faded away. He was left with weak and dying slaves, and a force of men that were grubby and not fit to do anything but fight.

He had realized some time ago that the walls of Camelot alone were not what he desired. Unfortunately, he was not in a position to admit that he was wrong in storming the castle. Of course, he had not planned on all of the people escaping.

How had they gotten away? What was behind the door that Gurshion could not unlock? Where did that path go?

He turned and walked back up the Great Hall. He had defeated the great King Arthur! Why was no one here that cared? Why did no one revere him? Why were there no people seeking shelter under his great roof, in his great Camelot?

"Why does no one answer to me?" Gurshion cried, falling to his knees and screaming at the ceiling. His fingers clawed mindlessly at the stone floor, and he looked up at the tapestry hanging from the wall. The woman depicted in it was a woman he had hated for quite some time.

There, in the green border of the cloth were the cold and calculating eyes of Queen Guinevere. Gurshion rose from his knees and turned his body to face her. She stood as statues, depicted standing in the wood, her fingers gripping her bow and an arrow.

"Why do you mock me, you trollop?" Gurshion hissed. There was no answer. He turned his back on her, and stared at the empty space. When she had died Arthur had continued to possess her spirit for questioning, to be constantly improving. As if he had not answered enough of her questions while she had been alive! He spun back on her, walking closer yet again. Her grey irises stared down at him in disgust and loathing.

"No, Guinevere, you never trusted me. I could fool the great King of Briton as you could with his heart, but I could never manage to ensnare you. I could never win you over, and your words echoed in his late majesty's head 'til the day he cast me out!" Gurshion yelled, spit flying from his lips. There was no answer.

He growled, low in his throat, but dared not go any closer to her image.

"Why must you continue to torment me?" he shouted, his arms encircling his head as he fell to the stone floor in a great heap. His body shook and convulsed with anger.

There was no answer.

After returning Vanora's dress and having her back dressed by the Caretaker, Amanda finally laid her eyes upon Caia and Ambrose. She hurried over to them as they were heading to Arthur's tent, and bid the newlyweds a good day.

"Amanda!" Caia cried, and threw her arms around her friend. Her body was warm, and when she let go her face was flushed. Amanda smiled, and laughed on the inside. Ambrose reached up and rubbed her head, and bid her a good day.

"How are you both feeling?" Amanda asked. She was met with giggles.

"Did you enjoy yourself last night?" Ambrose asked, his ocean eyes sparkling. Amanda laughed.

"I should think you know the answer to that, my dear," Amanda answered, sticking her tongue out at him. Ambrose laughed, the sound vaguely like his cousins. Caia grasped her hand and continued on her journey.

"Really, Caia," Amanda continued, "I had a splendid time. It was the best wedding I've ever been to." Caia seemed flattered.

"And how many is that, exactly?" Ambrose asked. Amanda laughed.

"It was my second!" The three laughed, and as they reached Arthur's tent, they were nearly bowled over by a departing Gawain.

"Out of my way!" he bellowed, and Amanda was cast apart from the couple. She stumbled and nearly fell to the ground, but not before letting out a small yelp of surprise. She looked back as Gawain's figure continued to storm away, not bothered in the slightest as to her wellbeing. Amanda was confounded, and she looked to Caia.

"I wonder what has gotten in to him," Caia said, reaching for Amanda's hand and setting her right. Amanda looked after Gawain's trail once more, and then looked at Arthur's tent entrance.

"If you two would not mind, I will excuse myself here," Amanda muttered, and walked into the tent. She looked around the area, her eyes falling on Gawain and Galahad's empty beds, and then Arthur's empty seats. She looked to his bed and found him standing, staring down at the foot of it.

"Arthur?" she asked, softly. Arthur lifted his head and looked at her. His eyes softened some, and turned towards her.

"Yes?" he asked. Amanda blinked a few times, surprised at how calm he was.

"Are you well?" she asked, cautiously. She did not want to set him in anger. He looked once more at the bed, and then turned back to her. He took a few steps, and then smiled some.

"Yes, I am fine. Are you all right?" He asked, his eyes scanning over her face for any hint of concern.

"Yes, I am fine. I was nearly tumbled to the ground by Gawain just there – did the two of you argue again?" Arthur furrowed his brow, and then looked past her shoulder to the door. A dark cloud passed over his face, and his hand rested on Amanda's shoulder.

"Ah, well," Arthur began, looking back to Amanda, "I am afraid there is a problem. Gawain came in to explain it to me, and he and I did have a minor disagreement." Amanda looked up at him, and felt very confused.

"Arthur, the reaction Gawain just had did not seem caused by a minor disagreement. What is the problem? Has something happened? Has someone been hurt?" Amanda asked. She had been hoping for all things to go well before they departed for Camelot. Arthur turned away from her, and she reached for his hand. She was only able to catch his ring and little finger, and he looked back at her. She walked to him, and sat at the edge of his bed. Tugging lightly on his arm, he sat down next to her. She placed his arm in her lap, and pushed up his sleeve in order to stroke his forearm.

"Please," she said, "tell me what is going on." Arthur studied her for a moment, and then sighed softly.

"Amanda," he began, "I should like to ask you for your understanding while I explain what has happened." Amanda nodded in understanding, and forced herself to open her mind. There were not many things that Arthur could say that would incur her anger this day. "For some time, before you were gone for all those months, but particularly during those months, I had," he paused, as if searching for words. Amanda listened patiently, her nails dragging over his skin, making small paths.

"You have to understand," Arthur said, his voice rising in volume, "as a man there are certain things that I need. You know that I have loved you for quite some time now, but there were moments when I was very weak." Amanda bowed her head in understanding, and smiled. She chuckled softly before lifting her head again to Arthur. "Amanda," he began, "I am so sorry, but you must not think bad of me. I did not know that she would – you are laughing. Why are you laughing?"

"Arthur," Amanda answered, patting his arm, "you do not need to explain to me any further. I understand. I understand that men need women, and that there are times when you need women in more than one way. I do not think badly of you." Her mind filed through the women that are close enough in Arthur's life to be the one he would turn to for a sexual release. She gasped, softly.

"What?" he asked, and Amanda stared at him.

"Arthur," she said, "the girl, the young girl who I saw lurking in your tent that one day. The day that I told you my plan, what is her name?" Arthur swallowed.

"Sarah," he said, softly. Amanda looked at him, and his eyes dropped.

"Oh Arthur," Amanda said, "she is so young. Something has happened to her?" Arthur stared away from Amanda for several moments, and the entire tent was silent as the grave.

"Nothing, that Gawain or I know of, has happened to Sarah. Though," Arthur continued, "I imagine terrible things lie ahead of her and she is walking willingly towards it." Amanda furrowed her brow, shaking her head in confusion.

"What would she possibly do?" Amanda asked, and Arthur sighed. He looked Amanda in the eye, and there was fear there.

"She has left the camp," Arthur said. Amanda tilted her head, asking for further clarification, "she has left the camp to tell Gurshion of our attack."

Amanda had fled from the tent much like Gawain had, only without harming any passersby. She saw Gawain's looming figure standing a ways back from the nights fire, and she made a war path to him. He saw her coming and made no means to leave her line of sight.

"Coming to me, now that you have seen what kind of man Arthur Castus is?" he said, his voice dripping with disdain. Amanda was shocked.

"How dare you talk about your friend in such a way. I do not care what transpired between Arthur and any woman before. I am not a fool, Gawain, I understand men," she said, rather viciously. "What I want to know is how you found out."

Gawain smirked, "What? Arthur did not share with you all of his knowledge?" Anger welled in Amanda's chest – a more intense anger than she had felt in a long while.

"What is your god damn problem, Gawain?" Amanda yelled, her eyes burning with passion. "I suggest you tell me the answer to my question before I strip you bare for all to see." Gawain leaned forward, anger written on his face.

"It is none of your fucking business, Amanda!" Gawain yelled. Amanda shook her head, and sneered in disgust. She turned away and it was only with luck that she heard Gawain mutter: "You common place little harlot." Amanda stopped dead, her hands shaking in pure fury.

"What did you just say, boy?" asked Bors, who did not need clarification but verification that Gawain would say such a thing to a woman he cared for so deeply. Amanda clenched her fists and took a deep breath before turning , her pride wounded and her fury at a great height.

"I am sorry," she said quietly though all ears we tuned to her voice, "that you think those things of me. I did not realize that you were bedding Arthur's sloppy seconds. But," Amanda continued, verbal daggers pointing to his very soul, "I suppose that is your fate! I am severely disappointed in you, Gawain. Not in that you insist on hurting me, or calling me names that shall ring in my ears until the end of my days, but in that you have successfully let this girl go on a death mission to Gurshion himself!" She cried out Gurshion's name, and the crowd around her gasped. "Tell me Gawain, did you nod and agree when she confided in you that she was going to go to Gurshion and expose our plans? Tell me, was it before or after she came to suck your cock?"

"Amanda," she heard Nicolarious whisper, but she put up her hand.

"No!" she cried, "I want everyone here to see the things that have crossed between you and I, Gawain. Never in my heart have I held such love for a man that was not of my own blood. And never, in my life, have I been so crushed by ones actions." She stared at him, and could see the color gone from his face. Her skin was hot and her breaths were shallow.

"Perhaps then," Gawain retorted, in a calm voice that Amanda could hear fracturing, "you should have been the one to suck my cock." Amanda's mouth fell open and at that the other Knights and Nicolarious stood around her. Again, Amanda held up her arm and stepped to Gawain again. Then, with one swift move, her palm struck across his face with a resounding slap. Gawain jolted, and grabbed her wrist. There he held her in a heated stare down. Only after several tense moments did Amanda open her mouth.

"Would you like to know why she told you her plans, Gawain?" Amanda hissed. Gawain threw her wrist aside and turned his back. Immediately, Amanda continued "She told you in hopes that you would go after her." Gawain stopped to listen. "She told you because she wants to believe that you care about her. That you, a Knight of the Round Table, would have enough time to think and care for her, and that you would miss her. That you would see her for a person worthy of worry, and go save her from the certain peril she is fated. She will die with her worst fear being a reality – that she meant nothing to no man."

Gawain continued off, and Amanda hung her head in defeat.

"Amanda," said the soft voice of her brother.

"Yes darling?" she asked.

"He is very much broken hearted," Nicolarious said. Amanda looked at him, and reached out to touch his face.

"Yes," Amanda answered, "I know. But, there is no way for me to fix it. I am not sure if there is a way for me to fix this situation, let alone Gawain's problems." Nicolarious slung his arm around her shoulders, and together they watched Gawain disappear into the night.

Amanda awoke before the sun. She pulled on her leggings and boots and wandered outside. She ran her fingers over her head – her hair had grown in quite a bit since she had left Camelot. The ends were beginning to curl and she knew she would look very silly in a month or two. She stood in the spot where she had the night before. The things that she said to Gawain were unacceptable by a measure of friendship, but she did not feel guilty in a manner of an argument. What he had said to her was uncalled for, as was his entire attitude.

"I am sorry," said a voice from behind her. Amanda spun quickly to see Gawain there, watching her intently.

"Gawain-" Amanda began, but he stopped her.

"Amanda," he said, "please let me say this much. I did not mean to hurt Sarah. I did not mean to hurt you, or Arthur. Arthur is one of my oldest friends." Gawain walked towards her, and gave her a somewhat charming half smile. "And while he may have won the woman I love, there is no man that deserves you more. What had put me into such anger yesterday was that Arthur had Sarah while claiming his love for you. I do not understand how a man can say he loves one woman, but uses another to satisfy himself. And for this woman that I was developing a relationship with to still be so consumed with his doings that I could not stand it!"

"I understand," Amanda said, going to her friend and throwing her arms around him. She felt Gawain cling to her in his brief moment, and kiss the top of her head.

"When I discovered that she was gone all I could blame was Arthur. I had never given thought to what she would want or need from me until you said them to me last night," Gawain said. Amanda could not help but laugh.

"Of course you did not, Gawain," she said, looking up at him. "A woman never wants a man to know that she wants you to save her. She just leaves and hopes that you come after her. A girl like Sarah, in particular, desperately needs someone to go after here, Gawain." He nodded vigorously, and ran his fingers over Amanda's cheek.

"Forgive me? I feel as though you and I should never fight again," Gawain said.

"You should forgive me," Amanda said, "I spoke such unkind words to you." Gawain smiled and Amanda knew all was well between them once more.

"However," Gawain said, "I fear I am running your matchmaking game." Amanda laughed, and was thankful that the morn had not broken to reveal her blush.

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"Well," Gawain said, "I am certain that you intended Sarah for Galahad." Amanda laughed.

"Oh Gawain, no! I had no intentions for Sarah. The only people I should like to see together are Galahad and Anys. Do you not think that would be a lovely couple?" Gawain laughed in response, and the two were greeted by Arthur.

"Arthur," Amanda said, cheerily, "you are awake!" She left Gawain's arm to go to Arthur, and she felt him clutch her hand.

"Yes," he said, "Gawain, would you sound the bell. I am afraid we will have to leave right away in order to try and find Sarah. We shall have to get to Gurshion swifter than planned. I am afraid that we will have to take far less people than we had hoped for."

"To Camelot," Gawain said, and ran off.

I hope you enjoyed this.