Chapter 38

The night before the wedding, I sat up late in the District 13 kitchen with Peeta, under the pretense that I was keeping him company as he put the finishing touches on Annie and Finnick's cake. But my mind had been far away for most of the evening, contriving my imminent meeting with Katniss at the wedding over and over. Her Seam eyes strike mine from across the room. She cuts across the dance floor, her hair blowing softly behind her. A guard stood by the door, armed with a taser and sedatives in case Peeta turned violent with the kitchen utensils.

I sat in the corner with my knees tucked up against my chest. Prim had stopped by earlier to give me my medicine. Dr. Lewis had contrived a high-concentration dose of the amaranth drug that I could take via injection twice daily. For the time being, they were keeping me in the hospital for observation. But Dr. Lewis was hopeful that I would be able to move back to my family's compartment soon if I wanted to do so.

Peeta handed me a bowl of leftover pale blue frosting.

"It's good," he assured me when I laughed out loud at the idea of eating the stuff. "Just dip your finger in. Kids do it all the time."

"I can tell you with absolute certainty that no Seam kid has ever done this," I said as I tentatively skimmed my finger along the surface of the frosting. "You're absolutely certain that this is safe to eat?"

"Gale. It's the same frosting that I've just slathered all over the cake. Just try it!"

I licked the frosting from my fingertip. The sweetness exploded on my tongue. "Peeta, this is... I've never..."

He grinned. "I take it that sugar is not a staple in the Seam diet?"

I thought back through my Seam childhood, trying to remember if and when I had ever tasted something so sweet.

"When my sister was born, my father saved up his wages from the mines for a week to buy our family a small cake. It was chocolate, with a cream-colored frosting and pink flowers. My mother was horrified at first, because my father should have been saving every penny he could to feed the extra mouth in our family. But he cut her a slice and held the fork up to her lips for her to take the first bite, and after that she..."

She kissed him. I lost myself in the memory of my parents embracing each other, whole in each other's love.

Peeta looked away. A shadow of pain crossed over his face. He must be thinking about his own parents. He lost both of them, after all.

"Hey, you'd better help me with this," I said, holding out the bowl towards Peeta. "It's incredible, but I can't eat all of it by myself."

Peeta smiled and shook his head. "No. You have to eat all of it. You haven't been a kid until you've taken care of a whole bowl of frosting by yourself."

As Peeta touched up the seaweed on the cake, I settled into the corner with the bowl of frosting. The hours began to fade together, and I tilted my head back against the wall and nodded off to sleep. I woke to Haymitch's gruff voice from the doorway.

"Is it past your bedtime or something, Hawthorne? Wake up and come out here for a second, I want to talk to you."

"Haymitch, it's so late..." I grumbled as I tried to close my eyes again.

"Put the finger food down and get up," he ordered. "By the way, Peeta, that looks fantastic."

"Thanks, Haymitch," Peeta said as he adjusted his piping bag. "I wish I could be there to see Annie take the first bite tomorrow."

"Trust me, kid. Plutarch will have the whole thing well-documented. I'll make sure you get a copy of the footage."

Peeta grinned. "Plutarch would be in on this whole thing. I'd love to see the footage. To be honest, I'm surprised he's not trying to force me and Katniss to dance or something. I mean, I get that I'm crazy and all that, but I thought he'd still be trying to get a shot of the two of us together."

"Dr. Lewis and I had a little chat with him about that," Haymitch confessed. "We made it... clear... that forcing you and Katniss to be the star-crossed lovers tomorrow night was simply not an option."

Peeta nodded. "Good. I don't know what went through my mind when I agreed to that in the Games, but I'm done with it. If I ever loved her, it's certainly behind me. I still want to see her, though, Haymitch. Just not in public, of course."

Haymitch didn't refuse Peeta's request outright, but appeared uncomfortable nonetheless.

"We'll see about that, kid. I know that you've got a lot on your plate right now," he said to Peeta before beckoning to me again. "Come on, Hawthorne. Let's step outside and have a chat."

I glanced at Peeta, who shrugged. There were dark circles under his eyes from sleep deprivation, but he was considerably cheerful. Frosting really seems to be his thing. This is probably one of the happiest nights he's had since his imprisonment.

Haymitch nodded to the guard as we slipped out of the kitchen and into the deserted hallway. He checked to make sure that the kitchen door was firmly closed before he addressed me.

"Before this wedding tomorrow night, we need to have a talk about how you are going to behave."

I raised my eyebrows, taken aback. This again? It's not Haymitch's business how I behave, at the wedding or anywhere else.

"Yes, Hawthorne. Listen up, and don't storm off on me this time."

"You're not my mentor. My behavior is none of your business."

Haymitch glared at me. "Do you want Katniss to live through this Mockingjay business?"

"Of course I do!" I exclaimed, horrified that he could ever think otherwise. "I love her! As... as her cousin," I edited to cover my confession.

Haymitch laughed darkly. "This is the problem, Hawthorne," he told me. "You love her. Yes. And the entire District 12 community has known for years. Your neighbors have known that you were crazy about that girl for so long that they probably recognized the chemistry between you two before you did."

"And so what if I love her?" I demanded. "Peeta will never be able to love her, Haymitch. You've been watching him since he arrived in District 13. He's gone, okay? Whatever star-crossed lover scheme you had going is over. He's broken."

"You're her cousin and don't you forget it," he growled at me. "This isn't a time for happiness, Hawthorne. It's a time for survival. Coin is the only political protection that Katniss has left, and if you love that girl, you'll do whatever it takes to secure her safety."

"She's tougher than you think, Haymitch. She doesn't need Coin. She doesn't need Peeta. She's a fighter."

Haymitch grabbed me by the collar and shoved me up against the wall. He was so close that I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "You think I don't know that? You're forgetting that I've sent her to her death twice already, Hawthorne. While you were frolicking in the coal mines, I watched her prepare to die. It's you who doesn't understand the situation at hand. You don't know the Capitol like I do. You think having to work some long days to feed your family is rough. But you can't imagine what it's like to deal with death. The Capitol killed my girl, and if you're not careful, they'll kill yours, too."

I pushed Haymitch back and straightened my collar defiantly. He glared at me and stabbed his finger accusingly at me.

"Her blood is going to be on your hands, Hawthorne. And if you have any brains about you, you'll steer clear of her tomorrow night. You'll dress simply and hang by the wall. You'll avoid cameras. You'll be silent, do you hear? I don't care if Plutarch decides to drag Peeta in and make it a double wedding tomorrow night. You'll be her supportive, distant cousin, and you'll like it."

Haymitch stormed down the corridor, leaving me alone in the shadows outside of the kitchen. I glared after him, but the gesture was futile. After Haymitch turned the corner, I let myself back into the kitchen, shoving past the guard and back to my spot in the corner. I sank down against the wall and closed my eyes. "This isn't a time for happiness, Hawthorne. It's a time for survival."

"Hey... are you okay?" Peeta asked. I ignored him.

"Her blood is going to be on your hands, Hawthorne."

"Gale, what's wrong?" I opened my eyes and jerked my arm away when I felt Peeta's touch on my elbow.

"Just finish your cake so that we can go."

I glanced over at the guard, who was watching me curiously from the doorway.

"And you can go," I dismissed him coldly. "The worst thing Peeta could do tonight would be to frost me to death. I'll take him back to our room myself."

The guard moved to leave, but Peeta stopped him at the door.

"Can you leave the sedatives? Just in case?"

The guard sighed and handed Peeta the packet of syringes before slipping out of the room, most likely grateful to be allowed to sleep after a long night. Peeta walked the syringes over to me and set them down on the floor beside my feet.

"I don't want those, Peeta. I just want you to finish up so that we can leave."

"You'll be her supportive, distant cousin, and you'll like it."

"I'm finished with the cake," Peeta said. "Just let me finish something else quickly. I'll just be a minute."

I groaned and retreated into my head as Peeta shuffled around the kitchen. So I'm just supposed to let her go. To keep her safe, she has to pretend to love a Capitol mutt who can't frost a cake without the possibility of being sedated. Heck, maybe she does love him. She can't be happy without him- that's why I had to rescue him in the first place. But how am I supposed to watch her go on camera tomorrow, pretending to be in love with Peeta when being with her is his worst nightmare? How can I just stand by and let the rebellion suffocate the girl I love?

"Gale, we can go now," Peeta said softly. "I'm all done."

I pocked the packet of sedatives and stood slowly, leaning against the wall. I couldn't wait to collapse into my mattress and to let the rest of the night slip away beneath a curtain of unconsciousness.

"And these are for you," Peeta said, holding out a small cardboard box. I glanced questioningly at him as I accepted the box and cracked the lid open.

Cookies?

"Why?"

Peeta smiled. "Because you've been such a good friend to me tonight, staying up with me while I worked on the cake. Guards make me nervous... it's been nice to have you here. And because it sounds like you've never had one before."

"No," I agreed, uncertainly. Peeta would have to choose this moment to be kind. "I've never had one. Thanks," I added as an afterthought. I closed the box. "Let's go."

Peeta and I walked silently back to the hospital. We checked in at the nurse's station, and Peeta turned away while I punched in the code to unlock our door. I set the box of cookies down on my nightstand, untouched, and we both went through the motions of getting ready for bed. The night-shift nurse followed shortly to lock Peeta's ankles down to his cot and to check my vitals. On her way out, she turned the lights all the way off. I didn't bother to turn them up for Peeta, and he didn't ask.

"Look, Gale... Haymitch can be harsh sometimes," Peeta whispered into the darkness. "He was really intimidating to me when I met him before my first Games. But he means well. Even when he rescued Katniss instead of me after the Quarter Quell... his heart was in the right place, or so I've been told. I don't know what he said to you tonight. But beneath the alcohol, he's a very wise man who has been through an awful lot. It never hurts to listen to him."

I remained silent, gazing out into the darkness. Fine, Haymitch. You want silence? You can have my silence. But you can't have Katniss. I won't let you feed her to the mutt.

"I know you're listening, Gale. And it's okay. You don't have to say anything. But tomorrow, I hope you'll eat those cookies. They're good, I promise."

It was a long time before I finally managed to fall asleep. I lay awake, listening to the steady rhythm of Peeta's breathing. And when it turned ragged with terror halfway through the night, I smothered my ears with my pillow to block out the rattling of his cot springs and the clinking of his ankle restraints, which held fast as he trembled against his demons.

Thank you so much for reading! This chapter was a beast to turn out. It's the longest one that I've written for Gale's Amaranth so far, and as rewarding as it is to write Haymitch, he can be tricky. Plus, my draft deleted itself halfway through... created some extra work, which was totally worth it, of course!

Don't forget to add Gale's Amaranth to your "Alerts" list for the many updates yet to come. (We're maybe, maybe halfway through?) And if you have a moment, I would be thrilled to read your thoughts on the chapter and the story so far!

Peace :)