Chapter 36
Lies within Truth
We traveled all through the night, to be sure we made it back to Alexandria before the next morning, which was the deadline for when the Saviors returned. We were all exhausted when we finally made it home at around five in the morning and I barely registered anything other than Dad telling me and Carl to head off to bed while they distributed what we had gotten from the city.
I was asleep before my head even touched the pillow of my hammock. About a minute later I was being shaken awake by Dad yet again. I growled, wanting to slap his hand away but he only jarred me more insistently.
"He's here."
I rolled over and saw him looking just as tired as I was. There was no need to ask who "he" was.
Without another exchange I nodded and he left me to get ready. My body practically dropped out of my hammock and I dazedly focused on pulling my clothes on while there on the floor. Slapping myself repeatedly roused me somewhat from the zone-like trance I was trapped in, but not by much.
"Come on." I muttered. "Wake up! You just have to be awake for this one moment of crap from him then you can go back to bed."
My body dragged down the stairs but I had to backtrack when I forgot to grab his offering. He was waiting in the living room, lounging on the couch and looking like a little kid on his birthday, excited for his present.
"Good morning, Judy Bloom." He said when I walked in, yawning and dragging my feet. "Rough night?"
"Here." I tossed him the balled-up handkerchief, ignoring his question.
He wasn't impressed with my lack of response to his own greeting and set the parcel aside as he looked at me with a deeply irritated expression. "Excuse me, Judy. I just said hello to you? Is that anyway to greet someone in the morning?"
I was too tired to fight him, so I just shrugged off the words to scratch at my un-brushed head in disinterest while yawning out a frank, "Morning."
He didn't seem satisfied with that and took the opportunity to look me up and down in disapproval. "Your hair is all over the place and your shirt is on backwards and inside-out."
I looked down, pulling out the collar of my shirt to find the exposed seams and the tag sticking out right in my face.
Negan didn't seem done with that though. "Is this how you greet your guests? By looking like you just rolled out of bed?"
I reframed from announcing that I really did just roll out of bed and that he wasn't a guest so much as an intruder and since this was my house if I wanted to wear my shirt on backwards and inside-out at the same time, it was within my rights to do so.
"Geeze," He continued, "The least you could do is stand up straight."
That last comment was what woke me up enough to retort without thinking. I kept my tired expression on a moment longer while I addressed him. "Can I ask you something?"
"And what's that, darlin'?"
"Do you have scoliosis or is one of your legs longer than the other?"
His smile dropped in confusion at the question. "No… why?"
"Because if we're talking about standing up straight, then YOU walk like you're failing a DUI, which knowing how professional you are is a high possibility, but you see, I prefer not to assume. So, if it's because you're physically inept in anyway I'll shut up and won't judge, because only a DICK does that."
Dwight who had accompanied as Negan's extra gun was busy drinking down some water from a canteen but promptly choked on the liquid and sprayed it out in a fountain after hearing my retort. He didn't wait for an order but tactfully left to try and clear his lungs outside.
The moment I saw the look on Negan's face I knew I shouldn't have said it, but I'd been wanting to say it for so long that I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Then I remembered what happened to Dad and how he was still recovering from his surgery. Instantly, for fear of more damage done to our people, I worked to amend my statement.
"I-I'm sorry." I muttered, shrinking where I stood. I hated the words. I wasn't really sorry, not one bit, but I didn't want anything worse to happen to my dad or one of our people, should he decide to take his anger out on someone. So, I stowed the attitude and just apologized this one time. It helped being too freaking tired to even really care. "That was dumb to say."
"You're absolutely right." He said, his face getting dark. "It was dumb. I'd have thought, after that massive ass-kicking your daddy got, that you would have learned your lesson, but it seems like I was wrong. Who should I punish for that?"
"I—I… You don't have to hurt anyone! I'm sorry! I really am sorry!" God, it sucked to say those words so freaking much!
"No, you're not! But you will be," His hands gripped the arm rest, about to stand up and do something I was sure I wasn't going to enjoy.
"Don't you want to see what I got you?" It was a distraction, one that seemed to work as he considered the wrapped parcel I had tossed to him today.
He was stunned by how small my tribute was, but he was curious so he unwrapped it all the same.
The towelette pulled back and the light caught on the three rows of baguette diamonds that came together in a stylish twist. An opening in the center cradled the enormous egg-sized, cushion-cut diamond and made the light sparkle around it. The sight of it made his eyes go large in shock.
"Holy shit girl. Is this thing real?" I didn't say anything as he held it up for examination. "Wait, I know this. No… This isn't real."
I didn't say anything, allowing him to make his own conclusions about it. He could think it was fake if he wanted to. I wasn't going to reveal anything.
"Don't tell me this is the actual Hope Diamond." He said, tracing over the brilliant blue stone.
"Oh, is that what it is?" Pretending I hadn't actually known what it was seemed like the smartest strategy. So, I only continued to stare at him blankly.
His head snapped up at me, the previous threats he'd held long forgotten now. "Where the fuck would you even get something like this?"
I schooled my features, expecting this question and very prepared for how I was planning to respond. "Turns out I'm descended from a long line of Gaelic Witches and yesterday the Order of Weird Sisters found me and hailed me as the reincarnated spirit of Persephone, the Queen of the Underworld, giving me dominion over all dead and dying things. So, I just told the zombie horde to step aside so I could explore Washington with my mom and brother like any typical family vacation. And now, I'm pretty sure I'm a superhero."
Negan stared at me, looking entirely confused as if he couldn't decide if I was screwing with him or not. Then my face broke and I shrugged with a new far more plausible possibility. "Or I just found it in the pocket of a wandering body that was dressed like a security guard for a museum. If I had to guess, I think he took the stone when things started going to shit, didn't get very far before being nom-nomed and has been wandering the wastes for years till he met his end with the impact of my throwing knife. And since I always go through their pockets for loose change, that's how I found it. I'll let you decide which scenario is more believable."
He looked disappointed, like he actually believed the first crap story before I had figuratively burst his bubble. "Knowing you, it could be either of those."
"Well you like multiple choices. You pick which one was more likely."
"What if I like the first option." He challenged.
"Then I should let you know that Santa and I also have correspondence with one another and the reason he's been so preoccupied these past few years is because he's fighting a war with Krampus and his demon legions. So that's why it's been so hard for him to make his annual stops around the world to drop off presents and it absolutely has nothing to do with rotter hordes."
Negan looked like he was getting annoyed. "You want to be a fucking smartass around me?"
"Better than being a dumbass."
"Well for someone who acts smart you're still pretty fucking dumb. Or did you really forget in the space of five minutes what I could do?"
Crap! I did forget. What was with me? One second I was like a scared puppy, tucking tail around him like he could explode, the next I barked at him like he was no more threatening than a rat, sneaking around where he shouldn't be.
Maybe I had Tourettes or something. Was that a viable possibility? Could I use that for an explanation next time?
Negan's eyes narrowed at me while he kept hold of the jewel. There seemed to be something behind his gaze, something that said he no longer wanted to play games anymore. Strange for him. All he liked to do was play games—or play people really.
"Where did you really get this?" He demanded, all humor somehow leaving his tone as he fixed me with a calculating expression. His face was very different from how it normally was, and there seemed to be something gravely serious in his eyes. He wanted a real answer this time and zero lip or bullshit from me.
I swallowed fearing that maybe he was starting to smarten up more than I would have liked.
"It really was a walker." I lied, looking at him with equal seriousness. "How else could I have gotten something like that?"
Negan looked at it in contemplation. "I've tried to send men into DC before for shit. It never… went well. Fucking horde is impenetrable. We've tried to divert it, but that usually ended in catastrophe as well. Can't get past those undead fuckers without getting people killed. It's not even worth it, really."
I was quiet while he spoke, waiting for this encounter to be over with already.
"I wasn't really expecting you to get something incredible." He announced matter-of-factly, turning the gem over in his hand and leaning back in the couch to face me fully once again. "Everything's been picked through for miles and miles around. I was sure we got all the good stuff long ago."
"Yeah… I know." I said bitterly. "You just wanted to set me up for failure so you could take something important from me."
"No, I wanted to see what you considered incredible."
I stared back at him in outrage. "Wait, so it didn't even matter to you what I brought?"
"Oh no, it would definitely matter to me, but it still would have been nice to see what your definition would be."
I glowered, unable to look at him, "My definition is different from yours and it wasn't me who needed to be impressed; so, I wasn't thinking about that! I wasn't even sure if this was going to impress your highness! I just didn't want you to take someone from me again! But I don't expect that to matter either way. You make these decisions long before anyone even gets that chance."
The statement seemed to sting him. "Oh, I always give people a chance."
"Pfft, no, you don't." I hissed under my breath.
"What did you say?" I could smell the fury for the contradiction. It didn't sound wise to elaborate my statement, but he pressed for it all the same. "Go on, honey, what do you mean by that?"
It was difficult to reel my words back. I wanted nothing more than to explain exactly what I meant by it. But the memories of what he'd done in the past weighed on me. This was all just a game to him, one I was never going to win. "I… I don't think I should."
"You don't get to open your mouth like that if you're just going to pussy out. Own up to what you believe in, sweetheart." It was a dangerous challenge, one that was oh so tempting.
Better judgement won out this time, though. "You know, I'd definitely say what's on my mind if it was just me that had the consequences to deal with. But it's not, so it's not worth the risk."
"What if I made you a deal. Say what's on your mind and if I don't like it I'll promise to punish just you."
That was no deal.
"Yeah and if you do that, my dad finds out, gets pissed about it, then he has to kill you, and your men get pissed and they try to kill my dad and everyone starts fighting and we all end up dead. Doesn't sound like a very smart thing to do no matter what you promise."
Negan smiled smugly, "Maybe you're not as dumb as I thought."
It grinded on my nerves each and every time he said that. "I'm not dumb, I'm just not… well-restrained." I tried to say.
"Well you better work harder on being well-restrained."
There was a moment of silence while I stood there. Waiting for his next words. I saw him glance back down at the necklace in thought, turning it over as the light danced over the glimmering cuts.
"So… is it enough?" I asked curiously, because I had to know. I had to know if it would be sufficient to keep the Waifs out of his clutches. I had forgotten about the real reason I needed to get him something impressive at first, but now with him here, it came back to me at full force, reminding me exactly what I'd lose if the gem didn't do what I needed it to do. "Does it impress you?"
He looked towards me and took he sweet time to answer.
"Well the thing is, it's such a small thing." He said, and I felt my heart hammer loud and fearful with those words.
Please don't…
"Don't get me wrong, it's definitely unexpected." He continued. "In a different time, this would have been worth millions. Now a days… well, jewels aren't worth a whole lot. It's stuff that can be used that holds the real value."
I knew he had already come to a decision about it, even before I showed him what I had, this was just to mess with me. Negan loved playing with his food after all.
"It… it has to be worth something." My fists clenched tight. "It's so much different then what I usually get you? You were so excited about it when you first got it! Don't tell me it's not cool because you sure acted like it was!"
"Yeah, I was surprised, but that's worn off a bit."
My mouth thinned into a tight line across my face. A horrible image of Luis, Tanti and Mari being escorted into one of their trucks filled my vision. I could see the frightened confusion in Tanti's eyes. They ways she gripped tightly to her sister's hand. Luis while he cried out, reaching his hand out to Aaron or Eric while the tears ran down his face. And then I saw Mari. Everything she had to go through before arriving here; the monsters she had been overcoming were back in an instant, and she was all but frozen in terror. I couldn't put them through that hell again. I just couldn't!
"What are you saying?" I demanded in a strained voice. "That you're going to take them anyways? You don't even want them. They don't mean anything to you."
"No, they don't," he said without hesitation. "But I know they mean a whole lot to you, now. In fact, they're worth a million-dollar gemstone to you."
His words took me aback. What did he mean by that?
"I would have done the same for any one of the people here." But I wasn't entirely sure if it was true.
Would the gift have been different if Negan had threatened someone else? Would I have pushed so hard for something incredible if it was someone like Lizzie or Eugene being threatened? A quiet, ugly part of me whispered that I wouldn't have even cared.
The realization stunned me speechless. Oh my god, I was a monster.
Negan looked almost impressed. "Oh really? Any one of them?"
"Yes! It's this thing I do where actually I value human life."
But that was a lie and I hated that it was a lie. I didn't value the lives of my rivals over the lives of my family. If the choice came up to save one or the other, I was always, always going to choose the lives of those that mattered more to me. Did that make me a horrible person?
The answer was probably yes.
"Human life, really?" His brow went up and I bit back a growl as his smug smile grew wider, "Let me give you a bit of advice then. You shouldn't be so generous with your heart. The more people you care about, the weaker you are."
"So, you're basically saying you don't care about your own people? That doesn't surprise me."
"You're twisting what I said."
"Oh, so the foot's on the other shoe for once—OR… I-I mean—you know what I mean!" It would have been a lot more intelligent if I'd gotten the stupid saying right. I tried to hide the embarrassed blush that swept over me with more words while ignoring his grin of amusement at my slipup. "You're always twisting what others say, but you basically just admitted that you don't give diddely-squat about the people you say you lead and you can't take it back because it's out now."
"Boy when you jump, you pounce, now don't you?" He sighed leaning back again as if he were trying to explain an extremely simple foreign phrase to someone who had no ear for language whatsoever. "What I meant by that is, the more people you prioritize, the harder your decisions are going to be in the future. You'll find a whole lot of grief coming your way if you're constantly concerned with those people that have smaller impacts on your life."
"So, I should be impassive to others' discomfort or pain, like you?"
"Not impassive," He said and there was an odd seriousness in his tone while his head cocked in curiosity, "but you seem very keen on letting people take what they want from you. And you're so willing to give them whatever you can. As admirable as that is, there's a very distinct problem with that plan; What are you going to do when you have nothing left to give?"
I paused long enough to let his question stun me before I had my response ready. "Then I'll say "I gave my all" and I won't feel guilty about any of it."
He considered the words before the smallest of forced smiles turned his mouth up. "Well… good for you then."
There was a long stretch of uncomfortable silence.
It seemed as though the majority of our conversation was finished now so he got up, stretching as he rose to his feet and reached around to grab something. My attention turned right then to what he was grabbing and I held in a sound of surprise. It was a bat that had been leaning on the other side of the couch. Somehow, I had entirely missed its presence while he spoke and it stunned me entirely on how I could have missed that. This one had nails hammered into the barrel instead of barbed wire and reminded me uncomfortably of an iron mace. He saw my eyes just then and smiled wide.
"Oh right, you like it? Little something I got the other day. I just felt so naked without my old girl. You remember right?" There was a darkness in his tone and for some reason I was suddenly very, very grateful I had decided not to say everything that was on my mind in this meeting. "I think I'm going to call her Papa's Little Love Hand."
"Oh my god." I couldn't hold back this time. That was messed up more than usual!
The phrase was out of my mouth before I could even have an opportunity to think it over. Negan eyed me and I tumbled over my words. "I-I… I m-mean…"
What the hell could I even say? It was sick!
Negan laughed by the expression on my face, swinging his new weapon of choice over his shoulder as he stood there, looking all the more intimidating. "It was a good talk today. I think you're getting better at this. I'm not as pissed as I usually am after these discussions."
I didn't know how I felt about that. Any day he didn't hurt someone seemed like a good day, but giving him what he wanted—pleasing him at all, left the worst sort of taste in my mouth. Still, if placating him with these stupid talks was how I kept harm from befalling my family, or meeting the end of that new bat, then maybe I needed to consider better ways of screening my words around him.
"I guess the diamond is enough for today." He announced, pocketing it. "I'll be expecting my usual delivery next week."
A sigh of relief swept through me with the announcement and I just about missed when he stepped right up into my space and actually rested his hand on my head, covering it like a strangely fitted hat. I flinched with the contact, wanting it off. I hated, hated, HATED when he did that. I didn't understand his fascination with patting me like I was a dog, but it set me on edge and made me feel smaller with every time he did so.
I saw his fond smile and braced against the exchange, anxious for it to be over. "I'll see you next week, kiddo."
He left and I followed him out, watching as the men and our supplies loaded into their trucks. Another wave of relief filled me with their departure.
He still didn't know my secret and for another week we were safe from his clutches once again.
Author's notes: Did anyone see the mid-season finale? If not don't read the italic part below because I need to rant BIG TIME.
.o0o.
MOTHER FUCKER SON OF A GOD SUCKING COCK BASTARD! WHAT THE FUCK MAN! They kill off Carl—I mean I don't really like the character but I like Rick and this is going to fucking kill him. Keeping his son alive and safe has been his initial mission from the start of this horror show and they do this NOW?!
And fucking shit, they had to burn down Alexandria, too?
Fuck these writers! I hope they all get squirrel aids and DIE!
.o0o.
Okay, I'm better now. I just had to get that out. Thank you for the wonderful reviews you guys. I had been struggling with this chapter for a while now because I already had part of it written, but I didn't role with it because it was taking the story in a direction I wasn't ready for yet. Unfortunately, I actually had to start over with this scene, so Negan's and Judith's original conversation had to be scrapped. But below is the deleted version of this chapter if any of you were interested to read it, because I just can't bear completely deleting my words, in the belief that I might not use them now, but I could possibly use them again later.
So here is the original version:
Deleted Scene
He strolled into the house, practically bouncing off his heals to see what I had found for him. He reminded me of a child on his birthday with how excited he seemed. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the idea, determined that he was not going to get the best of me today. He was not going to test my temper and I was not going to give into those jabs.
This time I had the upper hand.
"I'm so excited to find out what you've found me, Judy. Are you excited?"
"I am actually." I announced feeling somewhat smug about what I had found. I tossed him the box containing his gift and he caught it with no trouble. I leaned back as he opened the lid and beheld the blue gemstone.
"Holy shit, girl. Is this thing real?" I didn't say anything as he held it up to the light for examination. "Wait, I know this. No… This isn't real."
I didn't say anything, allowing him to make his own conclusions about it. He could think it was fake if he wanted to. I wasn't going to spoil anything.
"Don't tell me this is the actual Hope Diamond." He said, tracing over the brilliant blue stone. I only continued to stare at him smugly. "Where the fuck would you even get something like this?"
"That's for me to know and you to just wonder about." I retorted cheekily. He didn't have a response to that and I didn't give him time to think of one. "You know the name of it. Do you know about its history?"
"I know it's infamously known for being cursed."
"Oh, but it's much more interesting than that." I announced in a positively cheery tone; a tone I had never once carried in front of him before. "It's believed it originated in India, like you said, and adorned the statue of a god. Monks are the only ones allowed in the temples to tend and maintain the idols. Well one man decided to become a temple monk so he could steal the gem. Along his journey to leave the country, he was met in the jungle by tigers and ripped apart. The gem was later found by Jean-Baptiste Tavernier who sold it to King Louis XIV who gave it to his wife Maria Antoinette and on and on.
"Since then the gem has passed from one owner to the next and in its wake, all who've owned it have met with terrible misfortune! Suicide, disease, murder, utter ruin, The French Revolution, the Titanic! Its past is paved with the blood of sorry bastards and broken dreams. Did you know the day after they released the new exhibit in the Museum of Natural History, featuring its updated look you have now, is also the day the first reports of the dead walking the earth began to ignite all over the news and internet? Weeks later the entire US government went to shit and everything began to fall apart."
"The shear chaos that trails behind that thing is crazy…" I leaned back in my chair, my growing excitement relaxing as I waved the tales off. "But I'm sure you'll be fine. You seem too practical to believe in superstitions like that, after all."
He didn't seem to know what to say, but the smile he held seemed to have slowly vanished the deeper into the diamond's story I got. Now he seemed to handle the jewel with a new caution. "Oh… Thanks."
I grinned, shaking my head amusingly towards the first idea for his gift I had, and chuckled. "And to think I was going to give you a dingy autographed baseball signed by Babe Ruth and the rest of the Boston Red Sox of 1931, instead. But I thought that might be insensitive."
His brow lowered in confusion. "Insensitive?"
"Well… you know… a ball and nothing to hit it with."
With those words there was an oddly stunned expression in his eyes and I saw his mouth drop in shock as if he couldn't believe I would cross that line.
That's right! I went there! FUCK YOU!
Asshole didn't recognize the taste of his own medicine.
Negan's face went very dark. "Hoping some cursed rock will do the job none of you assholes seem to have the stones to do?"
My smile remained on, if a little forced. "What job could you possibly be talking about? I'm just giving you something incredi-fucking-ble, like you asked for. Did I deliver? It's only the most famous diamond in the world, but maybe that's not good enough for his highness?"
"This is a pretty fucking impressive rock you've given me. Stands to reason though, where the fuck did you even get something like this?"
I schooled my features, expecting this question and very prepared for how I was planning to respond. "Turns out I'm descended from a long line of Gaelic Witches and yesterday the Order of Weird Sisters found me and hailed me as the reincarnated spirit of Persephone, the Queen of the Underworld, giving me dominion over all things dead. So, I just told the zombie horde to step aside so I could explore Washington with my mom and brother like a typical family vacation. And now I'm pretty sure I'm a superhero."
Negan stared at me, looking entirely confused as if he couldn't decide if I was screwing with him or not. Then my face broke and I shrugged with a new far more plausible possibility. "Or I just found it in the pocket of a wandering body that was dressed like a security guard for a museum. If I had to guess, I think he took the stone when things started going to shit, didn't get very far before being nom-nomed and has been wandering the wastes for years till he met his end with the impact of my throwing knife. And since I always go through their pockets for loose change, that's how I found it. I'll let you decide which scenario is more believable."
He looked disappointed, like he actually believed the first crap story before I had figuratively burst his bubble. "Knowing you, it could be either of those."
"Well you like multiple choices. You pick which one was more likely."
So yeah that's all I have written for that. Don't hate me if you like the deleted version better, it just really wasn't working, but I still wanted you guys to see the difference and I hope you forgive me for scrapping it.
Once again, I want to say if you guys have time, definitely leave a review. I love them and they help so much with the development of this fic. Hope you guys have a good holiday season and I'll try to update again before next year.
Luv ya lots and Happy Holidays!