Disclaimer: I do not now or before and most likely not in the future, own Final Fantasy, Square Enix or any of the characters.

A/N: The underlined sentences is talking over an intercom. The flashback in this chapter takes place in the beginning of Zack's newest confinement by Hojo, after he's seen Harding. Some of you asked if there will be more about Zack's most recent imprisonment, and the short answer is yes; periodically Zack will have flashbacks. Thanks to those of you who are still reading this story! I know it's been a really long time since an update, but school, kids, my health and a touch of writer's block has more than kept me busy.

This chapter has a theme song, or more to the point, Zack has a theme song. It's "Animal That I've Become" by Three Days Grace. This song played over and over in my head while I wrote the flashback and it really helped me so that I could get it out of my head and down on paper.

Warning: The flashback in this chapter has some elements of gore that may be offensive to some of you, or if you have a weak stomach, read at your own risk.

Sorry for the long length of this chapter. I tried to cut it into two chapters, but there just wasn't a place where I could do that.

Thanks to my confidence-coddlin' beta SubZeroChimera!

"No general can fight his battle alone. He must depend upon his lieutenants and his success depends upon his ability to select the right man for the right place." –Philip Armour

To You I Give My Heart

Chapter 38

~Helping Hands Heal Hurting Hearts~

Watching as the red-head left with the strangely familiar brunette woman and the little girl, Zack felt a lump rise in his throat. He didn't want to let the girl leave, but the girl was smiling and had a small wave for him as they exited the house, so that was reassuring to him –only slightly.

Whipping his eyes to the blond who stood across the room, he glared at her for ordering the child out of his sights, but for some reason he had trouble maintaining the glare; instead, he felt something else for her. Slowly standing, he backed away, fearing what she might do to him. Or was it what he could do to her? The thought of hurting this woman seemed unlikely, but he would defend himself if she became a threat to him, or the girl.

Although the former Commander mumbled about the smell that the former science experiment now emitted, Zack ignored his comment and instead, concentrated on what the red-head meant to him. The man signified danger, death and destruction. It was the Commander who hastened Sephiroth's journey to the basement under the mansion with all of his talk of monsters and experiments gone awry. He would see the red-head dead by his hands one day, but until then, he had a blond woman in his way.

"First off Zack, I'm not going to hurt you."

Her words were meant to be assuring of his safety, but he waited to see what would happen next, he would be ready for anything that the Professor threw at him.

"-And I certainly don't work for that nut-job Professor."

He wanted to listen, wanted to believe that she meant what she said, but after so long of being with the Professor, that man was capable of so much more than anyone could imagine. Painful memories of some of those examples crept forward and drown out what the woman was saying, but he fought the pain, and fought the urge to recoil into himself and cower down in the corner.

"…So, what do you say?"

Raising his eyes back to hers, he realized that he'd missed most of what she'd said, and that could be dangerous, at least on the terms that he remembered from his time with the scientist. Hojo never let anything go and if you missed anything he said, it became clear in seconds that he was displeased with being ignored.

Bracing himself for her outburst of anger, he spread his feet and lifted his arms into a battle ready stance, and asked quietly, "What?" Flinching, despite readying himself for anything, he wasn't prepared for what she did; she giggled.

From behind her smile, she said, "Some things never change do they?"

He wondered what she meant. It was obvious that she wanted something, but she spoke to him differently, like his feelings mattered, like he mattered to her. Furrowing his eyebrows, he again asked with a noticeable question in his tone, "What?"

She didn't laugh this time, instead she clenched her brows together and looked at him with more pity, "I offered to run you a bath so you could get cleaned up."

A bath. He lowered his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly self-conscious. For as long as he could remember the only time he bathed in Hojo's care was when they used the fire hose on him. The powerful pressure of the shockingly frigid water creating equally painful sores as it tore at his skin. A bath was not what he wanted so he stepped back further into the corner of the small room.

"I promise Zack," At the mention of his name, he looked up at her, the pity in her eyes had changed to a turbulent storm of decisiveness, "I'm not like Hojo, or his assistants." The way she spat the name of his captor spoke to him so he raised his head slightly more, "I promise that that man will never touch you, or me, EVER again."

With her stern proclamation, he lowered his arms, showing her a level of trust that he hadn't shown to anyone except the little girl with bright glowing eyes.

"I'm sure that a proper bath will make you feel better."

Wrapping his arms around his bare torso, his eyes darted around the room before he answered with a slow nod.

At the sound of the running water, Zack jumped and needed to escape. Rubbing at his shoulder, he thought that he could still feel the sores that once laid claim to his skin, and the memories that bore deep in his heart…

"Hey!"

Zack held onto the tattered remains of his shirt, trying desperately to hold on to what little dignity he had left. It slipped off his shoulder and he reached for it again as he dodged the sight of the dead Kalm fangs he'd killed. He'd had very little water, was in need of medical attention and was starving. His enhancements would only help him so much before his body would give out.

The smell of the dead wolves was beginning to fester in the air and he again tried to keep the small amount of water he had in his stomach down.

"I said, Hey!" He waited a few seconds before he finished, "Come get these dead wolves and feed me you motherfucker!"

Hojo's voice over the intercom made him shudder in revulsion.

"Specimen Z, that is your food. If you want to eat, then eat. Eat before they rot more, before they blow up."

In the time that he was on the run with Cloud, the scientist had developed a more powerful sadistic streak. Glancing at the carcasses, Zack swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat and tried to think straight, but hunger was clouding his thinking processes. Did the Professor really want him to eat these things raw?

Zack's hesitancy caught the scientist a chance to make an offer, "If you eat, you will not die a slow painful death that starvation offers. Do not fear, they are bred here in the labs and are full of nutrients that a specimen such as yourself will need to thrive."

"No deal you sick bastard!"

"Very well then."

During the next two days, he remained on the opposite side of the room from the animals, growing weaker and his hunger amplifying with each passing hour. That was until one night when his stomach cramped exceptionally bad, his muscles screamed and his head pounded with powerful hunger. Groaning and giving the Professor a sure amount of pleasure at his discomfort, he curled around his stomach wanting to make the pain stop. The last time he'd eaten was at a picnic before he was recaptured, and that was well over a week ago.

Peeking from under his arm, he eyed the decaying flesh of the animal nearest to him. His stomach churned, but ached for the meat that was laid out in front of him.

In the darkened room, he reached out and felt of the cold carcass and the skin surprisingly was supple and broke free from the muscle underneath. Looking around, he wondered what would happen, what was becoming of him now.

Inching closer, he tried to tear a small part of the muscle, but couldn't get his fingers around it, instead his fingers slipped in the slime that covered the still moist flesh. Withholding a gag, he tried numerous times until he succeeded in pulling a large chunk the size of his hand off the leg bone. Coagulated blood dripped down making a puddle of bloody jelly on the floor below it. Slowly lifting the piece of meat to his lips, he tentatively tasted the frigid meat with the tip of his tongue. He tried picturing a cold turkey sandwich fresh from the refrigerator. Closing his eyes, he sighed and bit down, tearing off a small piece and swallowing it whole, not wanting to taste the nearly rancid meat as much as possible, trying to keep the memory of that sandwich on his taste buds.

After making himself finish the meal, he curled up on the cool floor, while his stomach churned with the raw food, trying to digest it, and he struggled to maintain his composure. He would never tell the professor that the feel of the heavy chunk of flesh in his stomach gave his body warmth, fuel to burn, making his headache fade. He fell into a restless asleep…

…Waking to a bright light above him, he saw Hojo standing there, pleased, "I see that you have eaten. Very good."

"When are you going to let me out of your psycho lab?"

Turning to him, Zack looked into the depths of the Professor's soulless eyes that brewed a sinister and deadly pride, "Why do you have to be so messy Specimen Z?" The Professor turned to one of the guards, "Get him cleaned up and decontaminated immediately."

"Yes sir."

As Hojo took his leave, another larger guard came in holding a reinforced pole with a large wire in a loop at one end of it, just like the one they'd put around Harding's neck several days before. The larger man ordered, "Strip."

"Fuck you." Zack's venomous words didn't affect the man, he stood like a statue.

Patiently the other two men waited until the larger of the two men demanded again with a deep husky voice, "I said strip."

Standing up, Zack held on to his dirty and tattered shirt as it hung from his shoulders, "And I said fuck you."

Without another word, the larger man glanced at the other guard who then moved forward and tapped Zack's shoulder with an electro-mag rod.

Surprise and anger mixed with the pain flowing through his body as he was laid out on the floor, in his convulsions, he slipped around in one of the bigger puddles of drying blood. In Zack's distracted mind, he'd failed to see the impending attack, failed to see the rod until after he'd been struck with it.

Feeling something hastily being fit over his head, he immediately tried to reach up, keeping it from tightening around his neck. While he was busy keeping the heavy wire from his throat, he lost the battle to keep his shirt as the guard with the rod tore it from his body.

"Now take off the pants or I'll rip those off too."

Feeling the pull from the wire around his neck, as it pulled him to standing, he stumbled and stood there, not believing what he'd heard until the guard with the mag rod stepped closer with one open hand, and the charged rod in the other. A tight grip wrapped around the waistband of his pants and Zack's hand reactively moved to the man's wrist, which was a mistake. The electricity flowed through his body, this time from the wire around his neck, sending him to the floor again and the feel of the man pulling at his pants sent a panic down his spine.

"Okay! I got the idea."

Feeling the pull from the wire again, he staggered to his feet and held his hands up, showing his surrender, temporarily. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he fought back the memories of the lab assistant and the guard as he undid his pants and lowered them, leaving him naked, his pants around his ankles. Futilely, he covered himself with his hands.

The large guard holding the metal pole ordered, "Let's go."

Tugging the pole, it pulled at the wire, the length of the pole kept the guard a good distance from him, but the other one with the rod stayed behind him, ready for any attack. Zack wasn't able to reach either of them, he was too weakened to do anything anyway. Any movement other than what the man with the pole wanted, Zack was met with a violent tug, cutting off circulation for a short time, and a sharp pain in his neck. It was then he felt the small barbs that were woven into the wire.

As they marched him down the hall, Zack glanced around, trying to remember where in the Shinra tower he actually was, and where the nearest exit was. Passing cell after cell, he saw various creatures and humans. Some were screaming at the walls, some were crying, some were hitting the doors, and others sat silently, but they all noticed the procession down the hall and stared at him through the little windows set in the doors. Feeling a sudden burst of self-consciousness, he lowered his head until he saw what he'd been looking for, an exit.

Moving to a door just on the other side of the hall from what Zack thought was the exit, the man with the pole shoved at it, making Zack stumble, "Dude! You don't have to push."

With a flip of his wrist, the man fixed the handle of the pole into a hole in the wall, fixing Zack to the wall in a standing position, over a drain in the middle of the room. The larger of the two men left the room, leaving the one with the electro rod to make his way over to a large table behind Zack. He tried to turn to see, but the barbs dug in and tore at his skin, making him stop his movements, "What's happening?"

Not getting an answer, Zack reached up to feel of the wire and where it looped together and disappeared into the pole. His fingertips traced over the dulled barbs, smooth steel, and re-enforced fasteners and when he felt something hit his back, it didn't register at first, but the burn seeped in.

"What is that!" Still no answer except when a thick bristled brush began scrubbing his back. The stiff bristles had very little give, and he felt his skin move under the relentless washing. The brush moved around his body, and Zack tried to fight, cover what body part was being assaulted by the bristles, but all he got was a hard whack on his hands from the back of the large brush. The backs of his hands swelled and bruised almost immediately.

Finally left alone, he raised his hands to his face to see the damage and small speckles and smears of fresh blood covered the palms of his hands. His weakened knees trembled and his weight pulled at the pole that still held him up by his neck. The sound of an opening door caught his attention. Seeing the larger guard with a hose made him furrow his eyebrows and before he could protest, the feel of ice-cold water hitting his body took his breath away. It stung, like millions of needles filled with mako stinging him in one spot at a time.

Finally finding his voice, he couldn't help his scream, it almost had a mind of its own as he brought it to life. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to control his breathing, hoping that it would be over soon.

After what seemed like an eternity, Zack heard the words that gave him little relief, "Bath time's over."

Calloused and rough hands got him returned back to his cell and he barely noticed that the carcasses of the animals were gone. Finally released from the wire loop, he crumpled to the floor, afraid to touch himself, fearing his skin was gone and he didn't want to think about what it would feel like to touch his skinless flesh. Would it feel like the dead animal he'd eaten?

He had to remember why he was here, what the reason for his imprisonment was, love. Hojo would be relentless in interrogating him so he would have to lock it away, forget his purpose. Picturing her face, her blue eyes, fair skin and deep smile, he cried as he pushed it away, willing her memory to fade.

Seeing the woman standing next to a tub while holding a large fluffy towel, Zack dared to look over to the tub and the steam that rose lazily above the clear water.

"It's okay, I hope it's not too hot, but I remember that Hojo's idea of a shower is cold ass water."

As if reading his mind, she said the right words to bring his guard down just a little further. With trepidation, he reached out to touch her arm, he wanted to feel her to make sure that she was real as his gaze almost drilled holes in the skin on her arm. As if sensing his hesitancy, she stood perfectly still, letting him move closer

The light touches caused goose bumps to rise on her arm and she shuddered. He recoiled, but she smiled, "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you."

Raising his eyes to hers, he wanted to say something, but chose not to, talking out of turn was punished severely.

With a reassuring smile, she whispered, "I'll turn around if you want me to."

He didn't move, he couldn't find the courage he once had. His fingers twitched in anticipation of the pain of the bath, his skin crawled as it readied for the strain in his muscles as he writhed.

Breaking his thoughts, she spoke again, "If you don't get in it soon, it'll get cold."

Moving his hands slowly, he pushed down his pants and stepped out of the stiff clothing. Modesty was no longer a problem for him, but she averted her eyes, as if she was trying to give him some privacy. It wasn't necessary, but the small gesture gave him a feeling that he remembered, gratitude.

Stepping into the tub, he winced as his body relaxed down in the very warm water.

Feeling something behind him, he jerked and grabbed at her hand. "I'm just washing your back." A gentle hand on his shoulder calmed him as she slowly and softly washed his back with a fluffy washcloth instead of a hard bristled brush.

Small strong fingers tenderly massaged his scalp as she washed his hair, kind hands helping to remove the soap from his eyes. Her compassion removed years of shame, leaving the physical remnants of his past to flow in undefined and silent swirls of water, dirt and old blood down the drain.

A/N 2: Thanks to everyone who reads, favorites, subscribes and/or reviews, I appreciate your time and I dedicate all of this to you. To quote another author, "Getting reviews makes me feel all warm and squishy."

Please send me your reviews if you want. It is really easy. Just click your arrow in the little box, write what you thought or felt about the chapter and then click right down there, just below the box. A little lower… a little to the right… yeah, right there! Click it! *grinning*