A/N: Hello everyone! I am sorry for the late update... really, REALLY sorry. I lost some interest in this whole universe and I am still not quite sure if the updates will come more often now, but I hope they do.
A surprise: Guess what - I think I will post a new part of The Office Series soon (tomorrow if possible).
This part is dedicated to Maya6996 who I hope knows how much I appreciate her as a person, as a great human being. Hun, take care.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Veronica Roth does.
Eric doesn't wait for a response, just pulls me by our joined hands against himself and I am still slightly shocked at his words when he kisses me. But my paralyzed state vanishes when his hot tongue moves against my mouth, asking me for entrance that I am only too ready to grant. My right hand finds his hair, nails lightly scraping against his scalp, fingers pulling the longer strands that he hasn't styled yet, my other wandering to his back. He moves to his knees, mirroring my position on the bed, the sheet falling down on the mattress. I press against him, my mind in a heated daze. Eric lets his hands travel under my shirt. He pushes it higher up, his fingers gripping my skin roughly and softly at the same time. I move my arms so he can pull the tank top off completely. My arms fall back to him again, lips finding each other.
One of his hands goes to the mid of my back, the other to my hip. I bow my back backwards, enjoying the secure feeling I have when he holds me up without a problem, my thighs pressed against his. Our mouths are still against each other and it feels like the first kiss we shared, teeth crashing against each other, biting and licking and tongues dancing. I feel like I drown in the emotions I feel.
His hand slowly moves from my hip upwards to my breast, caresses one of them through the thin fabric of my bra, his thumb easily finding my perked nipple. I moan and shudder slightly when he pinches it and I feel him smirk against my lips at my reaction. I bite his lower lip in response letting my own hand wander from his scalp to his neck, nails scraping his skin all the way down to his pierced nipple, fingertips playing with the metal spheres. He groans himself, jerking his hips forward and I feel his erection against my stomach. A mixture of passion, hotness and nervousness fills me up and I slightly tense but relax again when the sensation of his hand at my breast fills me again.
His hand leaves it soon though, moves down my stomach to the button of my pants. I try to concentrate on his mouth on mine, at the hotness I feel in my abdomen but when I feel my jeans pop open and his finger at the seam of my underwear I stiffen. He immediately takes back his hand and wants to pull away completely but I hold him against me, mouth moving from his to his neck and ear. I hear him breathe hard above me and I feel my own breath leave my mouth between the kisses in fast ex- and inhales.
His hands grip my hips, his thumbs stroking my skin and I let my head fall against his shoulder. I wait a few moments to calm down my heart that pumps blood through my veins as if I ran for dear life just a minute ago. I feel Eric's heart beating synchronously and let the emotion of being home wash over me. We stay silent for a few moments more and I try to organise my thoughts to explain myself, but before I can say something, he speaks up.
"Don't." Is all he says and I nod against him, kissing his shoulder. He sighs and lets his arms sling around me, pressing me against his skin. I reciprocate feeling whole and losing myself in the contact skin on skin.
"I think I need a cold shower now." He says, voice calm and laced with the tiniest bit of humor. I flush a bit, nod again and don't hold onto him when he stands up, pressing a kiss to my forehead before he grabs his clothes and vanishes into the bathroom.
Uriah and I meet up in the Pit before we make our way up to the control unit. The second week we work the afternoon up to the evening shift and I meet Eric in his flat when I am done for the day. Max responded to my report with a short message stating that he is pleased with my progress and asks me to see him at the end of my third week in the control unit to discuss my visit to the fence a week later. I don't look forward to being in Max' office again and having to talk to him face to face. Even though I accept my new job, the training he puts me through and the decision slowly I can't forget the way he treated me. I try not to dwell on it too much, though and concentrate on the things awaiting me in the next days.
I see Tobias for the first time after the rankings were announced at the end of my second week in the control room unit. When he sees me sitting in front of my station, talking to one of the guys from the team in hushed voices to not disturbed the others around us, he is slightly perplexed and I realise he doesn't know that I am Max' personal assistant now.
"Tris." He says softly behind me when he steps up to us and I smile up at him. Rick nods his head in Tobias' direction, his face a bit perturbed because he was interrupted in the middle of his sentence and looks at me again.
"If you need my help again, I am right there." He smiles shortly and I return the gesture with a whispered thank you and a smile of my own. Rick looks at me for a moment longer and Tobias has to clear his throat before my team member moves back to his own computer. I frown slightly at his back but shake my head and concentrate on Tobias.
I embrace my brother when he sits down in the newly available chair next to me, breathing in his scent and sighing softly when his arms encase me and press me against him. I feel the hole in my chest slightly close and smile against his neck. I want to stay right here in this moment when everything is easy, when I don't have to look at him and ask him to meet me soon so we can talk about some serious matters. But I know I can't evade it and being honest with myself I don't want to wait any longer as well. If it wasn't for the concern I feel for my brother and our suddenly complicated relationship I think my life would be perfect at the moment. But I don't really blame him, at least not until I know the facts. I pull back, but not too far, Tobias' arm around the back of my chair.
"Looks like you have an admirer." He says, his voice sour and face pulled into a comical expression, his eyes staring at Rick. I raise my eyebrows and shake my head, smiling slightly.
"I don't think so." I say and try to find my courage to cut right to the point but before I can say anything Tobias speaks up again.
"I think I have to speak to Eric to make sure Rick stays away from you. I heard very disturbing things about him." I chuckle lightly at the idea that Tobias and Eric could have a civil conversation because they seem to be on edge around each other since their stand-off when Eric insulted both of us. As far as I can tell they prefer to stay away from each other. But maybe I only saw badly days and there is a possibility that the two most important men in my life could get along quite well at some point in the future? It doesn't really matter, not at the moment, I tell myself. I don't want to talk about Rick and don't want to think about the relationship between my brother and my boyfriend.
"I don't think you need to. Rick was just helping me recording some stuff I found a bit concerning." I say, hoping that this stops his thoughts and take a breath to bring up the topic that is heavy on my mind. But I am interrupted again.
"Yeah, helping you to maybe get something in return, preferably a pass into your pants. Don't trust so easily, Tris." Tobias says, concern in his voice and eyes focused on Rick's back. I need to concentrate to don't laugh at him and scoff instead. As if I trust easily. I think he should know better. I cringe slightly. Or maybe not. Maybe Tobias doesn't know me anymore. He speaks again before I can get a word in and I slowly lose my patience, my musings not helping to keep it as well.
"Hm, maybe I should speak to Rick myself. Make sure that he knows you are off limits and that there is a big brother watching out for you. I don't know how serious Eric is about you and maybe he doesn't care..." I huff in annoyance, my voice a bit louder then I intended when I interrupt Tobias before he says something he and I will regret. No one speaks about Eric this way.
"Four!" He finally looks at me again, his eyebrows raised in surprise when he sees my face that is probably red with anger and annoyance. I bare my teeth in an animalistic way he and I find shocking, but I don't really care at the moment. I ignore my colleagues when they look at us for a moment because I need to put my foot down and make sure Tobias gets the message.
"Could you please stop talking about Rick for a second?" My voice is just a whisper now, but laced with strength and a silent command. He is about to say something, but I already speak again before a tone leaves his mouth.
"Firstly, I want you to know that I am very happy with Eric and he is the best boyfriend I could ever wish for. So stop talking about things you have no idea about because you will regret it otherwise." Tobias' eyes widen a bit and he nods again. I feel like I become calmer, my voice losing its biting quality and I am proud I stood up for my relationship and Eric' and my feelings.
"And secondly, I want you to meet me at my place after my shift. I want to talk to you and don't want to wait until you decide that you have time. Understand?" He frowns slightly and I huff at the uncertainty in his eyes already aware that he will try to come up with something to not come. I am not sure why he tries to avoid me. The only thing I know with clarity in this moment is that his behavior hurts me badly and the wound inside of me pulses with pain, letting my heart ache.
"Tris, I am not sure..." Tobias looks at my monitors, frowning again, his voice unsure and slightly apologetic. I bite my lip because he evades my eyes and his actions make me aware again that something is off about our relationship that once was my only pillar when everything around me crumbled to dust. And that something is off about him. I know with certainty now that he keeps secrets from me. Why, I don't know but I plan to find out about them soon enough. This evening I hope.
"I won't take a no for an answer, Tobias. I miss my brother." My voice slightly wavers at the end, something I didn't plan on, but it has the desired effect because he looks at me again, his eyes soft. Maybe he is finally aware to some degree what his avoidance does to me, because he looks apologetic and nods.
"Ok. I will meet you at your place." He says, taking one of my hands into his own, his thumb drawing calming patterns on the back of mine.
"You promise?" I ask, taking a calming breath and let him placate me with his hand around my own. I relax slightly and push away the pain I feel. Maybe he has a sound reason, maybe he tries to protect me. I hope it's something like this because the alternative would destroy me I think.
"I promise." I smile slightly and kiss his cheek. He smiles in return, kisses my hand. I tell him my apartment number, fixing him with my eyes to communicate that he has no excuse to stand me up. He smiles reassuringly and I let him off the hook, aware that I need to concentrate on my monitors again. Tobias stands up to go to his own station next to Zeke and I don't think about the impending talk that I am sure will be uncomfortable.
When our shift is nearly up, Kent calls Uriah and me to him. We finish up our reports, print them and mail them to the supervisor and tidy up our station. I take my time to tell Tobias that he maybe has to wait a bit for me because I am not sure how long Kent will hold us up and he nods again.
I follow Kent and Uriah into the office of the former and he sits us down in front of his overloaded desk. I remember a quote I read in Faction History about Erudite:
Only the stupid need organization, the genius controls the chaos!*
I think it fits Kent's desk because I am positive I wouldn't find a thing between the massive folders, single papers and the writing utensils thrown in between. Maybe my first impression wasn't false all along and he really has a strong erudite streak within him. I brush away my thoughts and concentrate on my instructor.
"The purpose of our meeting is to give you an intermediate result and to explain where we go from here." Kent begins and Uriah sits up straighter, looking eager to know what awaits us.
"Firstly, your colleagues and I are impressed with your progress, the way you hold yourself, the seriousness you handle your assignments with and lastly your up-to-standard work attitude." Uriah and I exchange a proud smile, his face blooming under the phrase and I think mine is as well.
"That said, I didn't expected anything else from the assistant to our first Leader and the person that has to take over this unit at one point in his career. I hope you won't start to take your work lightly and continue to work as hard and serious as you showed you can. I won't take you slagging off now just because you did well in your first two weeks and if you do, make sure to pack your stuff because the final results will leave you with no job and Factionless." Kent's voice is serious, hard even and Uriah and I both nod, trying to placate him that nothing like this will happen. I don't have to pretend to believe him because his whole posture tells me he isn't joking around and when I glance at Uriah I know he feels the same.
"Now for the next two weeks before Tris will leave us, you both will be split up. Because Uriah will stay in this unit and you will move on, we decided that you both need to concentrate on the matters at hand." We nod and I feel slightly sad that I won't be able to see Uriah daily anymore. I got used to our shared meals and him being around most of the time. But I understand the importance of this decision and hope that there will be room for him and me to meet in-between our now busy schedule. Kent continues speaking and I listen intently again, pushing away my musings.
"That means for you Uriah that you will start to work with the head of our unit, will start your day with her and end it when she says so. You will follow her routine, get accustomed to the dealings with the other organisations within Dauntless. That part of your education will take up the most time until the middle of next year. I believe Anna planned for you to go through a few other stations within the unit as well." I am slightly surprised that the head of the control room unit is a woman and scoff slightly at myself. I never believed in anyone saying that men are better in some jobs then women and the other way around. All the more I am put out by my own surprise.
"As for you Tris, you will take a look at the programming unit within the control unit, will visit Erudite to finish some dealings concerning the new technology they plan to install and are mostly occupied by learning the ins and outs about organising this part of Dauntless. Max wants to make sure that your knowledge about the members working here, their tasks and working load and the technique we use is up to standard and that you are aware of all the small things that add up to a whole picture." Its sounds logically that he wants me to know all these things but I ask myself if two weeks are really enough for all of this. I think I just have to wait and see. I feel intrigued about the visit to Erudite and look forward to find out how my Faction deals with the Faction of Knowledge and Understanding.
"If you don't have questions you are dismissed. I will mail you the contacts, appointed time and meeting place for your assigned instructors for the next two weeks." Uriah frowns for a moment and Kent catches his slightly confused eyes. He then starts to search his desk, only seconds later pulling a touchpad out from under some folders and extents it to Uriah.
"I nearly forgot about that. Make sure you have it with you the whole time. Certain matters can't be planned and sometimes you need to plan an impromptu meeting. Anna likes to surprises us all." Uriah nods, smiling slightly and secures his new device inside a pocket of his jacket.
"It was a pleasure working with you two. Keep up the good work." Kent says and starts to type away on his computer. Uriah and I frown slightly but understand that we are finally dismissed and leave the office.
I more jog then walk to my apartment only to find out that Tobias isn't there yet. I scowl slightly, unlock my door and pull out my touchpad. Eric has already written a message half an hour ago and I make sure to explain to him that Kent held me up with a meeting because half my time is up in the unit. I also explain to him in a short paragraph that I won't be able to make it to his flat this evening and that he doesn't need to wait for me. I don't go into detail why I won't be able and his reply is casual so I don't think he is angry for the interruption of our patterns. Because it is Friday I hope he enjoys some time with his friends.
It's strange to be alone in my own flat and I lightly scoff at myself. I am so used after only two weeks to have Eric with me when I am here that his absence is noticed immediately. I sigh, put down my touchpad on the counter and hang my jacket into my closet. I am tired but I try to stay active, brew myself tea and go through my notes. I want to be as focused as I can be when Tobias shows up for our talk because I don't want to miss any of his reactions, gestures and facial expressions. He can't hide things from me too well, but I know without a doubt that he will try it and maybe my sensors are a bit rusty because I wasn't around him for four years. My hands shake with nervousness a bit and I try to calm myself down. I don't want to jump to conclusions too soon and maybe my worries are unnecessary.
I don't try to look at the clock in the right corner of my touchpad too often but it's hard not to. My studies that could keep my mind off of things a week ago don't help at all at the moment. I feel the prickle of nervous energy in my limbs and pace a few times from my living room to my bedroom and back. It doesn't help much but it's the only thing I can do. Going down to the training room to put my energy to good use isn't an alternative of course. And taking a relaxing shower is out of the questions because I am afraid I will miss Tobias' knocks.
I brew myself some tea and I occupy my mind with pulling up facts from memory and revise them. My tea is finished soon, though and I take a cup with me to my window, my legs leaning against the now hot heater. I smile slightly when I remember how Eric fixed it and some part of me wishes that he could be with me at the moment. The bigger part though doesn't want to rely on him and I sigh heavily.
I watch the dark sky, the moon appearing and disappearing behind clouds. I can't see the stars and I am slightly disappointed because I combine looking at them with memories of Tobias and me laying in the warm air in autumn, high grass around us and staying away from home for just a bit longer to pretend everything is alright. The smile that comes to my face vanishes a second later. He still isn't here and my biological clock tells me that our shift is already over for at least an hour if not more.
My legs carry me back to my couch, taking up my touchpad again. I feel anger rise inside of me at the thought that Tobias maybe stands me up but try to come up with excuses anyway. Maybe Kent held him up to speak to him or Lynn wanted to spend some time.
When my teacup is empty I risk a look at the time and grit my teeth. After two hours he still hasn't shown up. I contemplate leaving my apartment to search for him or maybe just go to his. My decision is an easy one. I stand up, throw my touchpad down on the sofa with a bit more force then planned and grab my jacket and key to leave the apartment. I can't believe him and I don't believe it myself. I try to suppress the hurt with anger and it works for the moment.
I throw open my door only to run into a broad chest. I take a step back, hope making an appearance because maybe finally Tobias is here and doesn't evade me anymore. I look up to see Peter, hand up about to knock on a door that is already open. I school my features to not let him see that I am disappointed it is him.
"Stiff, I mean I am happy to see you too, but don't you think it's a bit too much to come running to me?" He smirks down at me and my lips pull up into a broad grin at his tone. I am surprised that he came to find me after he probably just arrived back from the Factionless sector, still wearing his west that indicates him as a Dauntless Guard, his name embroidered white threads on the black fabric.
"Don't get your hopes up, Candor. I was about to leave to search for that idiot of a brother of mine. But it's nice to see you back at the compound. Now I know where to go to get some exercise." Peter's smile falls lightly but I don't know why. We stay in my doorway for a second and I think about going through with my plan to search for Tobias when Peter is here, ready to see me, talk to me. I smile at Peter then, inviting him into my flat and turn around to enter my apartment again, too. Tobias can wait. If he doesn't see the need to visit me, to speak to me I won't go running after him. I am tired of his behavior.
"Doesn't that boyfriend of yours take care of that now? Maybe you should reconsider your decision if he leaves you unsatisfied." My face flushes a crimson red and Peter laughs loudly when he sees it. I scowl at him. I try to come up with a comeback but my brain is blank. Peter's eyes widen slightly and his laugh stops.
"Don't tell me you haven't gone down that road yet." He says, falling into the cushions of my couch.
"I don't want to talk about that with you, Candor." I grit out through my teeth and he shrugs nonchalantly. Why did I like him again, I ask myself. But I know why I like him. He takes my mind off of things easily. First it was our sparing and now his surprise visit.
"Fair enough, but if you ever need some advice..." I scowl at him and he doesn't finish his sentence, letting it hang in the air between us. I shake my head at him.
"I will never come to ask you, yes." I reply and we both chuckle.
"So, tell me about your week, we don't have all night." I get him a water because he doesn't want my tea and tell him about the things I learned and what lays ahead of me. He asks polite questions, but I guess he isn't interested really. I appreciate his agreeing nods and perfect-timed answers and quips, though and keep my description short because I am more curious about his two weeks anyway.
"So, tell me what awaits me when I come to the barracks at the end of November." I say, leaning back against the other end of the couch, my body turned to Peter, legs crossed in front of me. He mirrors my position. I warm my hands at the teacup and make myself ready to absorb his hopefully lively and long explanations. Anything that distracts me from thoughts of Tobias is welcomed at the moment. I feel darkness creep up again within me and push it down violently.
"It's everything I expected and more." He begins, eyes staring out into the night through my windows. His lips are pulled up into a gentle smile I have never seen before and I feel myself smile alongside him.
"The guys are alright. We play cards in our free time, talk about random things. The tone is a bit rough and the jokes crude though, so make sure to be prepared for some idiotic sexist remarks when you get there. But it's all in good humor and no one has hard feelings when he ends up at the end of a joke. And there are just two other women. I guess because your gender tends to bitch-fight a lot and all of you feel like you have to compare to each other all the time. But her tits are smaller than mine..." My foot meets his chin, interrupting his pseudo-imitation of his female colleagues and I smirk at his painful expression.
"Concentrate, Candor and be nice. I still know your weak points." My voice is competitive and I hope we can meet in the training hall before he needs to get back to the barracks. I could use someone to spar with me that is on an equal level and doesn't go easy on me. I am bit confused when his smirking face falls into an angry frown after a few silent moments.
"What is it?" I ask, a bit concern clouding my words and I furrow my brows at him. He shrugs nonchalantly and I think he wants to calm me down with his gesture. When he starts to speak, his tone is hard, though and he can't hide the disgust he must feel.
"The commander is an asshole. He takes pleasure in letting us run stupid errands, interferes our duties with them and messes with the shifts more times than not. And he is the first to comment on the girls whenever they go to the shower or toilette or whatever. He even goes so far as to touch them. Fortunately the guys are always there to stop him. We all hate his guts, but because he is the leader or at least the one in charge for our barrack we can't say too much. And I try to lay low for the moment because I already am under strict watch all the time – being the new face and shit like that. I try to ignore him because I think he is not worth my time, but I also think I can't take his stupid face for much longer." His hands are balled into tight fists, knuckles white from the pressure and I bite my lip at his violent reaction. I try to think of something to distract him from his feelings and can only think of a stupid joke.
"I hope you still know how to punch to break a nose multiple times. I am not sure if you don't go soft out there." He shoots me a glare, but the corners of his mouth pull up into a smile, his hands relaxing in his lap.
"I will show you how I can punch first thing in the morning." He says and I nod. I am glad that the distraction worked and he again is as calm as he normally is. I am glad that he distracts me as well.
"Deal." I answer, meeting his challenging eyes with a smirk. We stay silent for a moment and I feel the tiredness creeping into my bones once again and with it comes the fear of my own thoughts. I have to be careful to concentrate on anything else then the darkness I feel inside my chest and I am glad that Peter came to see me and unconsciously gave me something else to concentrate on instead of the pain and anger Tobias' behavior installed within me. I know these feelings are there, they brew within my stomach. I shake my head slightly.
"When do you go back to the Factionless sector?" I ask, holding up a hand to hide my yawn.
"Monday morning. I guess I can't come back until January though. Winter is fast approaching and we have to pull longer shifts because the Factionless are restless through this time of the year. More fights, more fires out of control. I'll let you know if I can come back before you have to go to start your training there." I nod in thanks, smiling slightly. He stands up then, stretching the muscles in his legs and back. The same part that wanted Eric to be with me an hour ago now wants Peter to stay for a bit longer, maybe talk a bit more or anything really. But it is ruled out easily by the bigger part of me that wants to face the darkness and my brother on my own.
I mirror his movements, my legs feeling a bit wobbly because I sat too long in one position. I bring him to my door, taking my jacket and key with me and securing the touchpad into one of my pockets. I have to suppress the nervousness I feel, my hands going cold, my stomach churning.
"Thanks for the water and I'll meet you around 7 am in the training hall?" I nod again and there is an uncomfortable moment in which we both decide on a way to say goodbye to each other. I lock up my door, pull my jacket on and stand in front of Peter uncertainly for a moment. He smirks at my frown, pulls me into a one-arm short hug and then turns around to go to his apartment. And just like that I think we are again a bit closer and my excuse to not think about Tobias gone.
I make my way up two floors, taking my time though, pausing in the corridor to take a deep breath that I hope will calm me. My memory provides me with the scenarios I made up why he didn't come but they do next to nothing to the tension in my chest. He promised me to be there and the Tobias I had known would never go back on his word. He would make sure to keep it or excuse himself if there wasn't any other way. But he didn't. I still can't believe that Tobias really didn't show up.
The calmness I try to come up with out of thin air is just that - no existing. My control over the darkness within me slips faster now without anything that can distract me. I feel that the strain to keep the pain away gets too much. And then something inside of me breaks, cuts a part of me that was still a bit innocent, the phantom pain in my chest making me breathless. I lean against a wall for a moment, pulling myself together as best as I can. Maybe it was my unconditional love for my brother that was just destroyed, I think when I get some air back into my lungs.
I put a hand in-between my breasts to try to massage away the pain, even hiss slightly because it is sharp and lasts so long. My face is pulled into a mask of regret, anger and hurt. I regret that I trusted Tobias to know how to handle me. I feel anger for his indifferent behavior and hurt because I know now that all of my fears where right. I try to protect the small amount of trust I build up for the people around me, but it crumbles around the edges because how could I trust them when my own brother, my everything, treats me like this. I won't decide it yet, I still have something to do.
I square my shoulders then because this part is well known to me. I know how to stand up even if the fall is so painful. And I know how to carry on. How much I lose on the way I don't know yet and I won't think about it just yet. I have to make sure I feel all of this for a reason and have to convince myself that my judgement is fair and just.
When the feelings slightly dim down and my mind is made up I start to walk again. I know it is late but maybe it is my only chance to see him and let him know what he did to me. And I want to show him how I feel, want to throw it into his stupid face I loved so much and I even hope that he feels the same for just a second. I don't like myself for the notion but it just seems fair at this place in time. But maybe he isn't in the position to feel my pain? Maybe he can't feel it anymore because he is the one to shut me out and move on without me. I shudder slightly and it costs me nearly my last energy to push away the thought.
I knock and make sure that it is loud enough for him to hear. I stand before his door, staring it down to open already and sigh when it stays closed. Maybe he won't even answer. I knock again, contemplating risking the rage of his neighbours or letting him get away and maybe lose my resolve before I see him again. I don't need to think long.
"Four! Open up the fucking door." I yell, my hand now hammering against the wood, putting enough force behind my fist to let the stupid wood shake in its frame. I grit my teeth, hold onto the anger inside of me. I haven't any patience left for him.
"FOUR! I won't repeat myself!" I yell again, feeling desperation raising within me. He is my brother for Dauntless' sake and even though he doesn't care for me and my feelings anymore and even though I feel like I can't care for him anymore because he hurt me so deeply I have a fucking right to talk to him. He owns me this much at least.
I continue to knock on his door, but with every knock I feel my energy and anger slowly vanishing, leaving me alone with the phantom pain like there is a hole in my chest too big to close anymore. I feel my shoulders slump forward, my forehead leaning against the cool wood.
"Tobias, please, open the door." I whisper and I am surprised that I still feel hope within me as well. But it dies soon enough when even after what feels like hours no one opens the door and I am alone in the cold corridor. I push myself back from the wood and I can't breathe for a moment. I lean against the wall next to his door, my legs giving out under me and I sit down. I press my hands against my face, feel the burning behind my eyes but I grit my teeth. He doesn't deserve my tears. I haven't cried since mother died and I won't cry now. But it's so hard to hold myself together when I break a bit more inside.
Thanks for reading - review please.
*Quote by Albert Einstein