Woehoew! New chaaapter *little victory dance please* :p I really tried to update in time, but things were hectic this week :p But I can promise you that this was worth the wait, because you will learn more about Clary's past! PARTY!

I want to "dedicate" this chapter to the guest with the name Kailey who left the most amazing review with a genius idea! Thank you soooo much! I love you! You gave me so much inspiration, resulting is this chapter :) it is one of the longest chapters I've already written, so I can only say one thing: enjoy!

Clary's POV

After Jace's painting, I tried even harder to be the girl he wanted me to be: strong, fierce, beautiful and... good. If he could believed I was all that, then maybe I could really become it… He was perfect for me, and so I had to try to be as perfect as possible for him. I wore the clothes Izzy chose, I tried to act more confident at school, I tried to look happy and I applied layers of make-up in an attempt to hide the dark circles underneath my eyes. Because it seemed that the more I started to like my future, the more my past tried to kill me... For a while, it had been possible to sleep decently at night, and I thought that maybe it would be finally over. But of course, I had been wrong. For some unknown reason, my nights were back to their miserable and lonely self, the time seeming to be frozen as I was caught in nightmares and fear. And this time, I couldn't knock on Jace's door anymore, because he would see how miserable and pitying I really was...

I looked at the table in front of me as I saw Jace making his way up to the bar. This noon, I had practically dragged him to the Starbucks around the corner of our school, dying for some caffeine and some privacy. Everyone was constantly watching us at school, and I could almost read their minds as they were judging me: not beautiful enough, not popular enough, just not good enough for thé Jace... Sometimes I wondered if I wasn't just fooling myself, thinking that Jace loved me as much as I craved him. But then there were these moments, where he looked at me in that one way I couldn't even describe, and I knew that I wasn't fooling myself. It was insane and unbelievable, but therefore nonetheless true: this was love.

And that made it even worse. Because if this ended, I would never survive it... I looked at his back as he stood in line to order us coffee, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. How could life make you so happy and so miserable at the same time?

Jace's POV

I walked up to the bar, central in the Starbucks. It was freezing outside, and Clary and I were both dying for some warmth. As I was lining up, I noticed how the guy behind me was constantly throwing glances to Clary. Maybe I was just being a bit overprotective, but boy that guy had never heard about subtlety before I guess. I tried to ignore it at first, but his nervous behavior and his clear interest for Clary were bothering me endlessly. I had just ordered as I could no longer stop myself and turned around. "Could you please stop checking out my girlfriend? She is not available so get off." I said irritated. The guy looked at me through his giant glasses, his eyes wide open, and his mouth almost fell open. He was remarkably smaller than me, and he was clearly nervous and scared. "Oh god no... no! It wasn't like that! I would never… Clary would kill me, she-" I stopped him mid-sentence. "You know Clary?" I brought out surprised. He nodded vigorously, clearly wanting to prove his innocence."Of course I know her! I'm her best friend!" He quickly corrected himself. "Was. I was her best friend…"

I couldn't be more amazed than I was right now. This little…. rat-boy, Clary's best friend? I corrected myself mentally: former best friend. "That's impossible" I brought out. "She never told me about…" Now he was the one interrupting me, although it was nervous and a bit insecure. "… about anyone in her past?" I wanted to counter it but I knew he was right. Clary never told me anything… I heard how the guy sighed loud and he replaced his glasses a little before he spoke. "Look I'm not looking for trouble… But you're her boyfriend, right? There are things you need to know…" He took a pencil from his pocket and wrote down something he handed over. "I just want you to know that I'm not doing this for you, ok? I don't care about you, but I do care about her. Still. And she is killing herself like this. So call me when you're ready to know." He stepped out of line, and I stopped him before he could leave. "Wait, your order…?" I brought out, too stunned to come up with anything else than the stupid fact the he was leaving without anything. "I'm not hungry anymore" he said, before turning around and leaving.

Clary's POV

I woke up with a start from my daydream, realizing that I probably had been staring into nothing like a lunatic. I hadn't even seen how Jace ordered coffee or how he brought them back to us, he was just suddenly in front of me, carrying two steaming hot coffees in his hands. He seemed somewhat dazed, like he had been daydreaming just like me, and a bit worried I asked if he was all right. Jace wasn't really the person to be… distracted. "Everything's fine, honey" he answered, giving me a distracted kiss on the forehead before putting down a cup of coffee in front of me. I sighed internally, knowing that if Jace didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't talk about it whatsoever... So I decided to let it rest. I wouldn't be the noisy over-obsessing girlfriend like so many girls at school... No, I would give him time so he can sort things out on his own... Maybe it was just something trivial about the latest soccer training or something like that, so I really didn't need to worry, right? I mentally slapped myself and took a huge zip of my coffee, trying to stop my brain from overreacting. Unfortunately, this resulted in me burning my tongue and almost choking... And even then, Jace almost didn't react... There really was something wrong...

After school, Jace brought me home with his motorcycle. We entered the house, his hand holding mine, and it seemed like I had just imagined Jace's strange behavior from earlier. He was smiling and talking about school and was teasing me around, and I wondered if the sleep deprivation was just making me paranoia... Jace searched in the kitchen for some food, resulting in two brownies that were devoured in seconds. I shook my head in amazement: how could he eat so much and still have this amazingly sexy body? He caught me looking, and in a few steps he stood in front of me and gave me a long, loving kiss. His arms were curled around my waist and a shiver of enjoyment ran down my spine. The taste of his lips combined with the chocolate of the brownies, was intoxicating. But all too soon he let go of me and picked up his bag in the same movement. After some excuse of having a lot of work for school, he quickly left the room and I heard him ran up the stairs. I was… confused. This wasn't normal, right? Was he acting strange, of was I just getting insane?

Jace's POV

My hands were running through my hair, my eyes glued to the paper in front of me. I had locked myself in my room after kissing Clary, upset that the encounter from earlier had influenced me so much that it was even occupying my mind as I kissed Clary… Normally I forget everything as soon as I touched her, my brain only focusing on her, but this time… My mind was going crazy and running in circles, my heart racing. What the hell was happening to me?!

For the past 20 minutes, I had been debating the pros and cons of calling this mysterious guy. On the paper were only digits and his name, Simon, but still I was looking at it like it preserved the answer to all my questions. Because crazy enough, that could be the case… If I was brave enough to do this.

If you had asked me 3 months ago that I would be stressing like this for something about a girl, I would have arrogantly laughed it away. But this isn't three months ago, and I most certainly had changed. I was so eager to know more about Clary's past, so I could help her accept it like she helped me accept mine… But she just wouldn't talk about it at all, and even if I denied it to her, it was driving me insane. So why was it so hard to just call the damn number? Honestly? Because I was afraid that she wouldn't forgive me if she found out. Like, ever. I knew it would hurt her, and I had almost convinced myself not to call. But as I held the paper above the paper bin, I couldn't force myself to let it go. Because there was this one sentence that kept replaying in my mind: "I don't care about you, but I do care about her. Still. And she is killing herself like this."

Suddenly I took my phone, dialing the number before I would change my mind. I couldn't deal with these secrets anymore... "Hello? Simon speaking, who's this?"

Clary's POV

I entered Izzy's room, finding her on top of her bed reading some gossip magazine I didn't knew. "Hey, can I…" I started, but as soon as she looked up she interrupted me. "…have a make-over?" she completed my sentence. "Honey, not to be mean, but you look terrible! What have you done?" I shook my head, after all that time still overwhelmed by her brutal honesty. "I was just going to ask to study here a bit, but this sound like I don't really have a choice, do I?" She was already up and rumbling through her make-up: "Yes indeed my dear, so sit down and let me work my magic…"

Jace's POV

I met Simon in 'Bloody Daylight', a café in the center I had never noticed before. It was little and poorly lighted, giving it a shady, mob-like atmosphere. Not really suiting for the guy I had met earlier… Simon was sitting at a table in the left corner, his fingers fumbling with his phone. I was a bit relieved that I was at least not the only one being nervous and uncomfortable about this. As I sat down, he quickly looked up, his phone dropping at the table and suddenly completely forgotten. "I hadn't expected you to call so soon" he said honest, and I rolled with my eyes, trying to act all cool and relaxed. "Do I seem like a person that is easily scared?" I said, and he shook his head with a smile. "Wow, cocky and idle… Clary sure as hell knows how to pick them…" I felt the blood race through my veins: "Don't you dare talk about her like you know her, you-" He interrupted me: "…know her much better than you do? Look, were not gonna debate on who she likes more: that's obviously you. But right now, you need me, so you can leave the arrogant attitude behind…. Just listen to what I know, and then do whatever you want with that information, that's the most I can do for Clary…" We both looked surprised after his rant, and he almost seemed out of breath. "Ok…" I said hesitant after a while. "I'm listening…"

"Clary and I had been friends for… like ever. I can't even remember how it was before I met here… She was always there for me to help me when I got bullied at school as she was really popular and everyone listened to her. By hanging out with me and defending me, she forced the others to accept me. Otherwise, they wouldn't be friends with her anymore, and nobody wanted to risk that… And even though I was happy I didn't have to be scared to go to school anymore, I still tried to show her how fake her friends were, how they were living on her popularity and didn't give a damn about her personality. I knew that if she let them down, I would be back to my usual nerd-bullying status, but I didn't care if I could protect her from being hurt like that. But she just didn't want to listen, she always saw the good things in people…

For outsiders, she had the perfect life, but I knew her better, and I always helped her out if she couldn't handle it anymore with her parents. They were very demanding, always wanting her to work more, achieve more, get more medals for whatever was possible. And sometimes Clary couldn't take it anymore, so stressed that she had severe panic attacks. But her parents didn't know, and neither did her friends, because she wanted to keep up appearances. I told her to search professional help, but she never wanted to, claiming everything would be alright as long as I supported her. And you know how stubborn she was, so there was no way of changing her mind. So I let her sleep at my house and helped her to calm down, while she lied to everyone about having some sleepover. I was afraid that one day she would finally break, irreparable, and I tried as much as she allowed me to prevent that from happening. And for a while it seemed like everything was getting better, and I thought that maybe everything would be alright… But then the accident happened, and…" he stopped talking, clearly having a hard time reliving all of this. "What accident?" I asked soft, afraid for what would come next… He shook his head in disbelief: "She didn't even tell you about that?"He closed his eyes for a moment, mumbling: "Oh Clary what are you doing for Christ sake?". "What accident?" I asked again, louder this time, unable to hide my worries. "The car accident in which her mother died…" I tried to keep breathing calmly as he continued. Clary had only told me that her mother died 3 years ago, and that this year her father had too, refusing to say more about it than that one sentence. "She lost control of the car and she drove off a cliff… she died instantly… Clary's life fell apart, and the more I tried to help her and be there for her, the more she pushed me away. She never left the house apart from school, and soon her so called friends tossed her aside like some garbage. She was of no use any longer, now she wasn't popular and happy anymore… For months I tried to reach her: calling her, visiting her, mailing her, writing her, talking to her father… But she ignored every attempt, building walls around herself until no one could reach her anymore. I still looked out for her, of course I did, how could I not, but it was secretly, from a distant. I saw how she became even skinnier and paler than she already was, all happiness leaving her body as she mourned for her mother, and there was nothing I could do. "How dared you leaving her alone like that, how could you bail on her when she needed you most?!" I brought out seething. "You don't understand. You weren't there… She was like a bunker: impenetrable and unreachable. She didn't want my help; she didn't want any help…" "And her father?" I asked, trying to understand it. "He did the same. We almost never saw him, and when we did, he acted like we didn't exist.

Only after more than a year and a half, she finally started to handle it, and it seemed like she had finally found her way back to life. She still didn't talk much, but at least she greeted me as I passed her in the hallways, and we even sometimes ate lunch together at noon. I started to believe that maybe one day, it would be just like before between us: that she would allow me to support her instead of shutting me out. But then, one day at school, I noticed she wasn't there. I started to ask around, and after a while, I heard that she had lost her father. He had had a heart attack the night before, and I knew this would destroy her. As soon as I could, I drove to her house, but she wasn't there anymore. They had brought her to a trauma center and I wasn't allowed to see her. She wasn't even at the funeral, and after a few weeks, I heard she had left town. Her house was on sale, and that was the last time I heard anything about her, until this day…"

Ok that was... a lot of information! :p I really hope you liked it, because I've put a lot of work in it... Let me know what you think about these new things please, I am so curious! :D (PS what did you think of Simon? Should I integrate him in the story or let it stop after this encounter?) xoxo lots of love N.