This Love…

Season 2 Episode 12: Clarity

Hope found Aiden in the hospital's chapel. He was all alone, sitting in the front pew, staring at the Lord crucified on the cross.

She sat down next to him and gently rubbed his back. "What'cha thinkin'?" she asked gently.

Aiden kept his eyes on crucified Jesus as he spoke. "Just that I should stop being such a wimp. Jesus was crucified and murdered. He could have gotten Himself off the cross, but He didn't. He sucked it up and did what He had to do. He was younger than I am now when He died, I believe. Yet, though I'm older than He was, I'm too afraid to get cut open even though my sister needs me to survive."

Hope gently turned his face so that he was forced to look at her. "Except you're not Jesus. None of us are perfect like He was. It's totally understandable that you're afraid to go under the knife and have a vital organ taken from your body—especially for a sister you haven't been close with for a while."

"So you don't think I'm a horrible person for not wanting to give my sister a kidney?" he asked her, tears in his eyes.

"Oh, My love, never! Come here!" She held him close as she gently stroked his hair. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You don't have to feel guilty. A kidney is a lot for someone to ask of another person—family or not!" Hope assured him.

He pulled away slightly to look her in the eyes. "But what about all that talk from you about doing things you don't want to do when family is involved?"

Hope wiped away his tears with her thumbs. "I say a lot of things." She smiled. "But just because it applies to me, it doesn't mean it has to apply to you. Everyone is different."

"I bet Carol hates me now," Aiden said with a sigh as he leaned back in the pew.

Hope took his hand and squeezed it, then gently kissed it. "Actually, before she left, she told me to tell you she's not mad at you. She doesn't hate you. She told me she completely understands, and feels bad for pressuring you."

"Still, I should apologize for getting her hopes up," Aiden said quietly. He sniffled.

Hope dug into her purse and found a tissue. She then handed it to him. "In all fairness, you only promised her the test. You never promised to give your kidney to her."

Aiden took the tissue from her. "Thank you." He blew his nose. "I know, but still… Carol took it as a yes, I'd give her my kidney. I know she did. That's just the way she's always been. Mom and Dad would give her a maybe and she'd take it as a yes."

"Trust me, she's not angry." Hope kissed his hands again. "I promise!"

"What's she going to do now?" Aiden asked her, looking at her expectantly.

Hope shrugged. "I don't know," she said in almost a whisper. "But she said she'll think of something. She didn't seem worried."

"Carol never lets anyone see what she's really feeling inside. She doesn't like being vulnerable to anyone. I just feel like such a monster!" Aiden buried his face in his hands.

Hope gently rubbed his back again. "You're not a monster!" She leaned closer to murmur in his ear, "I don't date and live with monsters. The ones in my head maybe, but I assure you, you're not one of them."

Aiden looked at her, and she grinned.

He smirked. "What would I do without you?"

Hope looked off into the distance as if deep in thought and tapped her chin. "Mm… I don't know. Probably wander around aimlessly with no real purpose in life." She grinned at him to show she was only teasing him.

Aiden grinned at her. "Probably!" he agreed gently stroking her hair. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"Don't mention it! Anything for the man I love," Hope said, her eyes lowering with love and desire for him.

They slowly leaned in, then softly kissed each other.

Hope's stomach then loudly growled. She smirked, and rubbed her stomach. "I think that's the babies' way of telling me it's well past lunchtime!"

Aiden laughed. "Well, then let's get some lunch in all three of those bellies!" He gently rubbed her stomach. He then raised an eyebrow. "Wait. Are their stomachs formed yet?"

Hope grinned. "They should be coming along nicely by now. Now let's go to KFC. I'm really in the mood for their macaroni and cheese!"

Aiden smiled. "Well, at least that's normal," he said as they stood up and headed out of the chapel hand-in-hand.

"With ketchup!" Hope said, licking her lips at the thought.

"And there goes normal…." Aiden said.

"I'm pregnant with twins—don't judge me," Hope said with a playful pout, her free hand over her stomach.

"I hope our children have better taste in food once they're born," Aiden joked.

Hope laughed.

~*came back to me*~

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Andre! I don't wanna die! Oh curse all those years of drinking too much alcohol! You know, my mother always warned me about the dangers alcohol can do to the body, but of course I was too young, reckless, and stupid to listen to her," Carol said as Andre held her close on the couch.

"Be careful not to get your tears on my suit. I just had it dry cleaned, and I'd like it to stay both dry and clean," Andre said, taking a tissue from the lampstand beside the couch and handing it to her.

Carol took the tissue and dabbed her eyes with it before blowing her nose in it. "I'm sorry." She looked Andre in the eyes, her own eyes filled with fresh tears. "I'm just so scared of dying! I thought for sure Aiden would come around, but I could tell by the way he ran out of the hospital room that he so doesn't want to do this. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I've already put him through enough."

"Now, now, my dear Carol! Are you forgetting who your boyfriend is?" Andre asked her, gently patting her back as his own awkward and uncomfortable way of comforting her.

Carol sniffled, and dabbed her nose. "So now we have titles?"

Andre shrugged. "I've just come out of a relationship with a woman who couldn't make up her mind. Believe it or not, even though everyone sees me as this cold-hearted monster like they did with my father, I do have a heart, and I do want a serious relationship. Now I know you and I met not that long ago, but still… I'd like to consider you my girlfriend."

Carol placed her head and hand on his chest again, and smiled. "I'd like to be boyfriend and girlfriend too. I was just surprised; that's all."

"Your hand doesn't have snot on it, does it?" Andre asked as he looked at her hand on his chest. He looked pained.

Carol rolled her eyes. "Don't worry. I'm not getting anything on your precious suit."

"And your nose stopped running?" Andre asked.

"Andre, you're kind of ruining a moment here," Carol said; starting to get a little annoyed.

"So sorry," Andre said dryly. "Anyway, seeing as I am your boyfriend now, it is my duty to take care of you."

Carol looked up at him. "So you'll see if you're a match and give me a kidney if you are?"

"Oh, my sweet Carol! There's not a chance in hell. After all, I'm only your boyfriend; not your husband! I don't give such vital organs to just anybody, you know."

"Gee, thanks," Carol said, resisting the urge to blow her nose on his lapel.

"However, being my girlfriend does count for something. So, I will find you a donor. With my resources and money, it shouldn't take long at all," Andre said simply.

Carol was interested again, though skeptical. She raised an eyebrow. "You mean like the black market?" she asked. "That's illegal."

Andre laughed. "Something you should know about me Sweet Carol, is that my middle name is illegal. It's just how my family rolls; like it or not. But don't worry. I've gotten out of the business of hurting people. After all, I need to be the uncle little Thomas can be proud of—and the kind of boyfriend you can be proud of, of course. I always offer a special monetary incentive for getting what I want from people."

"What if we get caught?" Carol asked.

"Don't worry. The Dimeras have a family doctor that always uses discretion. He will be able to do your surgery and everything will be made to look legit. I promise you," Andre assured her.

Carol sighed. "I don't know. I'd feel bad doing something illegal."

"Would you rather be a good little girl and do everything by the book, or would you rather be alive and healthy?" Andre asked.

Carol sighed. "Nobody would be killed for this kidney would they?"

Andre shook his head. "Like I said, I'm out of the harming people business."

"And nobody would have their kidney taken against their will like some creepy urban legend?" Carol pressed, an eyebrow raised.

Andre shook his head. "With the kind of money I'll be offering, I can assure you, people will be begging me to take their kidney."

"So, I'd be helping them out too in a way," Carol reasoned.

Andre nodded. "They get the cash that they so desperately need, and you get your new kidney that you so desperately need."

Carol thought about it for just a moment more, then nodded. "All right! Let's do it!"

Andre grinned. "Excellent! I'll get to work on it later tonight. But now… I want to get to work on romancing my wonderful new girlfriend." He moved closer to her, pushed some hair off her shoulder, and began to kiss the side of her neck.

Carol smiled, and closed her eyes, tilting her head to the opposite side to give Andre better access to her neck. She could get used to getting whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted it…

~*came back to me*~

Aiden was nervous. It had been a few days since he had walked away from Carol in the hospital. He hadn't talked to her until this morning. It was Sunday, so his office was closed for the day. He and Hope had gone to church, but then Jennifer had wanted to take Hope out for a girls' day lunch. Aiden took that as the perfect opportunity to invite Carol to lunch. After all, he couldn't avoid her forever, he knew.

Surprisingly, Carol was already at the pub when he got there.

She smiled and waved at him from a booth, and he quickly headed over to her. At least she was smiling, he figured. So maybe Hope was right, and she really wasn't angry with him.

He took off his coat and hung it on the hanger, then sat down across from her.

"Carol, I'm sorry I walked out on you. I didn't mean to get your hopes up. I thought that maybe I could get myself to give you my kidney, but I just couldn't. I know I'm a grown man, but I guess I'm still a little scared," he said right off the bat before he lost his nerve. "Okay, a lot bit scared."

"Oh, don't even worry about it," Carol said, hitting the air with her hand. "I'm sorry. I asked you. It wasn't right of me to cone waltzing into town asking for your kidney—especially after ignoring you for many years. Also, I wasn't there for Chase the way I should have been. He needed me more than ever when you 'died' and I abandoned him. Then there was the thing with Mom and Dad…"

Aiden shook his head. "That wasn't your fault. I accept that now. Yes, you should have been more responsible, but what happened was beyond anyone's control. It was just their time to go."

"Aiden, look. I've grown up a lot since then. I don't even drink as much anymore, believe it or not. Nor do I jump from guy to guy. I'm trying to be more responsible. I just need a little practice. Growing up can suck," Carol said.

Aiden smirked. "No one ever said growing up was fun."

Carol laughed. "As a kid all you want to do is grow up, then when you get older, all you want to do is revert back to being a kid."

"The grass isn't always greener," Aiden quipped.

Carol nodded. "Aint that the truth!" She then grew more serious. "I was afraid I'd mess Chase up even more if I took him under my wing. I honestly thought Hope, being more mature, and being a cop would be able to turn him into a way better man than I ever could. I didn't want him to be like me. I also knew that if you loved Hope enough to marry her, then she must be a wonderful lady."

"I don't always make good decisions when it comes to women. Hope is wonderful, but I was dumb enough to marry Meredith," Aiden quipped.

Carol smiled, and gently rubbed his hand from across the table. "And you got a wonderful son out of the marriage."

Aiden nodded, a smile playing on his lips. "True." His expression turned solemn. "And look, I get it now…why you didn't take Chase. I appreciate you wanting a better life for him. But I don't get why you didn't come to his funeral, or even Mom's and Dad's."

"Guilt. It was guilt in both cases. Running away is something else I need to work on. I felt guilty for being late picking mom up. I felt responsible for hers and dad's deaths. I felt like I didn't deserve to be at their funeral when I was the reason they were dead to begin with. As for Chase, it was the same thing. Had I taken Chase, he never would have become so lost."

"Carol, I never knew you felt that way," Aiden said; instantly feeling badly for all the year he had judged her.

"Well, I'm not very good with displaying my feelings." Carol smirked. "Also, you weren't exactly open to letting me explain when I first got here."

Aiden nodded. "Guilty as charged. I'm sorry."

"Let's make a deal. We start over. We talk to each other more. We, communicate better." Carol squeezed Aiden's hands in her own from across the table. "Most importantly, we're there for each other no matter what." She raised an eyebrow. "Deal?"

Aiden raised an eyebrow of his own. "Is this your way of guilting me into giving you my kidney?"

Carol rolled her eyes. "Aiden, please stop thinking everything I do is me having an ulterior motive. I know I've given you reason to believe that in the past, but I promise you, I just want to make emends with my brother. Needing a kidney has made me realize how short life is. Your son died, so you know all about life being short. I don't want to die knowing we're still at odds. I don't even want your kidney anymore!"

Aiden raised an eyebrow again. "You don't?"

Carol shook her head. "No because you don't want to give it to me. All I want from you now is your forgiveness and your love. I mean it."

Aiden nodded. "All right. I'm sorry. Force of habit being suspicious of you I guess."

Carol smiled. "Don't worry. I don't blame you after the way I've acted in the past. I won't hold it against you." She winked at him.

"And of coruse I forgive and love you. You're my sister," he said.

Carol got up and slid in next to him in the booth. She gave him a big hug. "I love you too." She rested her head on his shoulder.

Aiden wrapped an arm around her a little hesitantly. This felt weird. She was his sister, and he knew it shouldn't feel weird, but it did. Even so, he rested his head against hers and gave her a gentle squeeze. He supposed it did feel good to have his sister back in his life and their issues resolved. The only problem was now, was how much more guilty he felt now by not giving her his kidney.

~*came back to me*~

They had a nice lunch, and then Carol had to leave. Aiden insisted on paying for her meal. He felt it was the very least he could do for her.

She thanked him, then after they both stood up, she hugged him and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you later. I love you."

He hugged her tightly. "I love you too." He kissed her cheek.

She smiled and waved to him, then left.

Aiden sighed, then sat back down in the booth, not knowing what he was going to do.

"You look bummed. What's wrong with you?"

Aiden looked up to see Lucas standing at his table. "Oh, just the usual. My sister needs a kidney to survive, and I'm a perfect match, yet I'm still too scared to give her mine."

Lucas winced. "Ouch!" He sat down across from Aiden. "And I thought I was having a bad day!"

Aiden raised an eyebrow. "Mother issues?"

Lucas raised an eyebrow of his own. "How did you know?"

"I know Kate," Aiden said simply.

Lucas nodded in understanding. "Enough said."

They both laughed.

"I didn't even know you had a sister," Lucas stated.

"We were kind of at odds for a couple of years. We're just starting to resolve our issues," Aiden explained. "I love her, and I don't want to see her die, but I'm not ready to give up a vital organ that I may need one day, or that Hope or the kids could need one day."

Lucas nodded. "I totally understand. My kid is the only one I'd ever give my kidney to without a thought! It sounds to me like you have the same kind of relationship with your sister as I have with my mother. I love my mom, but I don't know if I'd give her a kidney. I guess in the end the guilt would get to me. I mean, I chances are I won't ever need it back. People live perfectly fine with just one kidney. If I ever needed it down the road, I could just deal with it then. I mean, knowing I saved my mom's life would be worth the risk, I guess? "One surgery for me, and one for my mother, then the worst part is done and over with and more than likely my mother would live."

Aiden nodded. "I never really thought of it that way. But what if I give it and my sister rejects it?"

Lucas shrugged. "Then it may feel like a waste, but at least you will have done your part, and you won't be kicking yourself later knowing that you didn't do everything in your power to save your dying sister."

"I see your point," Aiden said.

"Well, my order's up. I just got some chowder to go. But it was nice talking to you man." Lucas stood up and offered his hand.

Aiden stood up and shook his hand. "Thank you for the talk. You really helped me to clear my head."

"I'm glad I could help," Lucas said.

"I hope things work out with you and your mother," Aiden replied.

Lucas hit the air with his hand. "It's just what my mother and I do. We have a love-hate relationship. We'll be hugging it out by tomorrow and at each other's throats again by next week!"

Aiden laughed. "Well, if ever you need someone to vent to, you know where to find me."

Lucas nodded. "Thank you. I appreciate that. I'll hit you up sometime. I don't really have that many friends outside of Adrienne."

Aiden nodded. "Same here with me. I don't have many friends outside of Hope."

"We'll do lunch sometime. Catch you later!" Lucas said, before heading up to the bar to collect and pay for his order.

"I think I'll take you up on that," Aiden said to himself as he left the tip on the table and grabbed his coat off the hanger. He put his coat back on.

As he left the restaurant, he finally knew what he had to do. He couldn't let Carol die! Not if he could help it. After all she was his sister! His own flesh and blood. It had to be done. He didn't have a choice. He would call her up and tell her the good news after he talked to Hope. He would tell Carol that he was going to give her his kidney.