37.
~ Lucy's first memory, the first thing she was acutely aware of, was a distrust of other women. She trusted her mother and her aunt Emma, but they were the only exceptions in her life.
As she grew up, Lucy could trace this distrust of women to her father. Not to say her father, the local Sheriff, had himself been distrustful of women. He was an elected official for the town and had never even engaged in gossip about women. At least not in front of his daughter.
No, Lucy distrusted other women since she was three and her father had picked her up from daycare because she was running a temperature. Her mother was out of town and there was no one else to come and collect her. She remembered being delighted to see her dad arrive at daycare, a place she never remembered seeing him in, and how all eyes turned to him. How the teachers, all grown women stopped what they were doing and smiled at him. Their attention not on the children anymore, but on the Sheriff in uniform who came to pick Lucy up.
These women wanted him to look at them to, but he only had eyes for Lucy, which made her happy.
"Hey, monkey." he said walking past the teacher who smiled and preened for him. "You're not feeling well?"
"No." Lucy groaned. The fever she was running made her face hot and her body ache.
"Well, why don't we go home?" he asked gently.
Lucy nodded miserably and she curled herself into his arms as if she were still a baby. She didn't want to be a big girl anymore. Didn't want to do all the things the big kids did. All she wanted was to be carried home.
She would always remember the way her dad made her feel safe when he picked her up that day. The way his body was so strong and capable and how he could hold her weight in just one arm while she wrapped her own arms around his neck.
Lucy didn't like the way the teachers were talking to her dad. Their voices changed when he was there. It wasn't at all like when they talked to the children or to the other parents. They kept smiling at her dad and asking him silly questions about the weather.
Her dad had smiled back, but didn't seem to care about them. After he signed her out, he placed a hand on her back before carrying her out to the police car.
He buckled her in and she was happy that her dad had come for her.
"Monkey, we have to stop at the station so I can pick something up." he had told her.
"Can I come with you?" she asked. Her throat hurting and she didn't want to be left alone in the SUV.
"Sure." he said. "You never get to see daddy's work do you?"
She shook her head.
"Do you know where I work? What I do?" he asked. Lucy had to think about it. She was only three and didn't understand what 'Sheriff' meant other than a lot of people coming to her dad looking for answers.
"You're a Sheriff. You tell people what to do." she said.
"That's pretty much it." he had told her.
~ Lucy was happy her dad didn't make her walk into the police station. Instead he had opened the backseat and lifted her out. She still wasn't feeling well and the world was a little tipsy.
"You just rest your head on my shoulder." her father told her. His hand patting her back soothingly. "You're mom's going to be home tonight and she'll know what to do."
"Okay." Lucy sighed miserably.
~ As soon as they entered the police station where her dad worked, it was the same annoyance of female attention. Women that Lucy had never seen or heard of were calling to her dad.
"Is that Lucy?"
"Oh, she looks just like you!"
"Oh, how precious! You never bring her into the station!"
One of the women was at a desk and wore a lot of make up. The other women wore uniforms like her dad did. Lucy didn't like the sudden attention her father was receiving and was suspicious of it. She had already learned that sometimes people were nice to you, but didn't mean it.
"Why are all the ladies talking to you like that?" Lucy whispered in his ear. She scowled at the group of women who were looking at the father and daughter with little smiles and whispers.
"What do you mean?" her dad asked with a grin.
"They talk to you funny." she told him. He had opened the door to his office and put her down in his own desk chair.
Lucy kicked her feet and enjoyed the feel of them not touching the ground. Her father's desk was interesting. A life she knew nothing about, but one she was still apart of somehow. She spotted a framed picture of her and mommy by the computer. The two of them had been playing in the leaves and were smiling. Lucy didn't remember that day, but she looked happy.
Next to the picture was the little clay sculpture of a cat she had made him for Father's Day. Aunt Emma had helped her make it when she stayed with her and Uncle Dylan. Her cousin Elliot didn't like sharing his parents with Lucy for two weeks during the summer. Much like Lucy hated sharing her parents with Elliot for the two weeks after that.
"You have the kitty cat!" Lucy pointed to the sculpture of the pink and purple cat she had made for him. A not so subtle hint she liked cats and wanted one. Her mother said no, but she was sure her dad would come around. No luck so far.
"Of course I have him. He's my favorite thing in the word." he dad said. Lucy looked over the office and saw boring pictures of her dad shaking hands with old men in suits and receiving boring plaques and awards. Her dad's office held nothing to really interest her aside from the picture and cat sculpture.
"Alright, Monkey." he sighed and put a folder under his arm. "Lets go home."
Lucy slid out of the office chair and managed not to lose her balance. Her father catching her and lifting her back up.
"We're going strait home and then to bed." he said.
"I want the soda drink." Lucy demanded.
"Alright. We'll stop at the drive through and get you a soda."
"The red one." she said petulantly.
"We'll get you the red one." he sighed.
~ Back outside of his office, Lucy eyed the women knowingly. She didn't like the way they moved their hips when they walked closer to her dad. She didn't like how cute they all proclaimed her to be. How he was such a good father for taking care of his sick daughter. Lucy noticed how they leaned in closer to her dad. Like they wanted him to notice them and look at them. He gave the lady with the make up the folder instead.
"Regina, I need you to process these warrants. Tell Smith to take lead for the rest of the day. I'm taking my daughter home. I won't be back till morning." he said.
Lucy looked scathingly at Regina and noticed how she was dressed like the women on TV. The ones who you could always tell were bad women.
"Sure thing, Sheriff." she said with a bright smiled. She leaned over to Lucy and patted her leg. "You're so lucky to have a daddy to look after you."
Regina looked back at her dad then and Lucy felt him grip her closer.
"I'll be back in the morning. Unless it's an emergency, no calls." he said in a cold tone Lucy wasn't used to hearing unless he was on the phone with someone he didn't like.
~ Lucy was treated to her red soda. A wonderful caffeinated thing that made her lips as red as Regina's. It made her throat feel better and she felt very spoiled by the rarity of it.
"Don't tell your mother I let you drink all that sugar." her dad sighed and placed her on the couch. It was another rare treat to stay on the sofa in the living room. She was surprised she didn't have to go to bed. Instead, her dad covered her up with a blanket and propped her head up with a pillow. She watched TV during the day. A thing she was hardly ever allowed to do. She had forgotten the talking colorful puppets that came on. Elliot had a whole collection of these funny creatures. She wished she could go live with them and always be happy like the kids on TV.
She remembered thinking that she would want only mommy and daddy to live with her there. Not Elliot and maybe not even Aunt Emma or Uncle Dylan. Not that she didn't like them, but their house was strange. They never ate meat and no one wore shoes inside. Aunt Emma had a big studio where she painted funny people with no clothes on an everyone said it was art and it was wonderful.
All Lucy saw was ugly naked people.
Yes, her parents could come and live with her and the talking, singing puppets. No one else. Not the teachers at daycare and certainly not that Regina woman.
~ Lucy hadn't realized she had fallen asleep until her mother was stroking her hair.
"Hi, honey." her mother said in a soft voice.
"Mommy, I'm hot." Lucy complained.
"I know, I've got some aspirin for you. You can take it and feel better." her mother said. "Did you throw up?"
Lucy shook her head.
"Well, that's good." her mother said gently and smiled softly down at her. Lucy liked the feel of her mother combing her hair out with her hands. Liked that she had kept it long and never cut it. Her mother telling her once that her father forbid Lucy to have short hair.
"Daddy came and took me home." she told her mother. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, how long she had been asleep, but it was dark outside when she looked out the window.
"I know. I got home as soon as I could." her mother whispered.
"Where were you? Daddy had to take care of me. We ate pizza last night and we watched the happy fairy princess movie again.
Her mother laughed and leaned in closer to kiss Lucy's forehead.
"I'm sure your dad loved that. You've only seen it a hundred times!" she said.
"Is a hundred the biggest number there is?" Lucy asked.
"No. There are bigger numbers." her mother whispered.
"Why did you have to leave us? You went on a plane. You were gone for a long time." Lucy complained.
"I was only gone for a few days. I went to Nebraska." her mother said.
"Why?"
"To see someone."
"Who?"
"A family member you haven't met."
"My grandparents?"
"No, honey. Daddy and I told you, you don't have grandparents." her mother said.
"They died a long time ago."
"Yes, they did."
"Before I was here. Back when I was dead to."
"You were never dead, Lucy." her mother scolded gently.
"I don't like the way those women talk to daddy." Lucy said in a hurt voice. She suddenly remembered all the smiles and the way their voices changed. She didn't like it at all.
"What do you mean?" her mother asked. Her fingers twisting a strand of Lucy's long, dark hair.
"They smile too much at daddy. They talk funny. Like they want him to pay attention to them." Lucy said.
Her mother grinned and Lucy found herself grinning to.
"Well, your daddy is very handsome." her mother explained in a conspiratorial whisper.
"I don't like it." Lucy said.
Her mother laughed a little.
"Well, I wouldn't worry about it." she said. "You know your daddy only loves me and you. That we're always going to be the only women he cares about."
Lucy nodded but wasn't convinced.
"I'm sad when you're not here. Daddy misses you to." Lucy said. She was feeling sleepy again. She wanted another red drink but there was no chance her mother would give into her demands.
"Oh, I love hearing how you miss me, honey." her mother sighed happily.
"Daddy has our picture on his desk."
"I know."
"He has the cat I gave him to."
"He loves that cat you gave him." Her mother's voice was fading out as Lucy started to fall asleep.
"Daddy likes to see us while he's working?" she asked before nodding off.
"Yes. He loves us and he want's to see us all the time." her mother whispered.
~ Lucy's distrust of the female population didn't abate. If anything, it grew sharper. She became more and more aware that people knew her father and her mother. That they would talk about them and sometimes Lucy could feel these things weren't kind.
Although she wasn't clear on details, she felt that there was something no one was telling her. Something she was kept hidden from.
She didn't ask her mother or father about the specter that seemed to hang in their lives. She wasn't sure what it was yet, but she noticed the looks people would give her mother sometimes. That they would whisper "Mrs. Bates" to each other and the phrase "The old motel, the old house. Her son."
Lucy was confused because she didn't know a Mrs. Bates. Maybe it was some foul old woman who was crazy and was mean to her son in an old house. It didn't fit with her mother and father at all. Still, the whispers and ghosts persisted.
~ Lucy's second strongest memory was that there were secrets in her life. Grown up things no one would tell her about. Things that made her mother cry at night and made her father angry.
She never understood these things till one day, not long after she had started kindergarten, she saw something unusual. Her mother was cooking dinner and it was too cold for Lucy to be outside. They were listening to an oldies station that played all the fun music and that was when Lucy saw something. A man standing across the street and looking at the house.
Lucy peered through the window at the strange, slender figure who was just watching their house. Should she go out to meet him? Who was he? Was he there to see her dad like the men in police uniforms so often were?
"Mommy?" Lucy called from her position by the window. The thin man hadn't noticed that she was watching him.
"What is it?" her mother called back.
"Mommy, who's that man?"
"What man?"
"There's a man outside our house. He's watching us." Lucy said innocently.
There is a great scene in the movie "One Fine Day" where George Clooney is carrying his daughter through the office and all the ladies there flirt with him. His daughter sees whats going on and asks "Why are all the women talking to you like that?" It reminds me of my own dad because growing up, he was the handsome dad all my teachers and EVERY SINGLE WOMAN EVER BORN would hit on right in front of me. It's my earliest memory in fact. My dad had come to my school and all the teachers were acting like Thor and Captain America had arrived or something.