Kidoumaru Does Konoha!

Chapter 36

Anko wanted to scream, the Plant-Man just wouldn't break! She'd tried hours of literal bone-breaking torture to make him talk, but he didn't even give her a scream! Naturally, she hadn't expected him/them/it to just volunteer information, but this was just ridiculous! It didn't help that Kakashi had suddenly taken up the creature's cause, claiming that he'd saved Obito's life decades ago...

"Nothing?" Anko's apprentice Shura was about to go on duty.

Let her handle it, I'm exhausted.

"Not a thing. It doesn't enjoy pain, like Hidan does, but it hasn't yielded to it either. It's not human!"

Shura gave the obvious reply, "No, he's not. But everything feels pain, he'll break eventually..."

Anko rubbed her aching forehead, "Whatever you do, don't let Kakashi back here, no matter what he says, unless he has a letter from the Hokage herself. He thinks he owes this freak something."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And stay away from it's mouth, both of them, it's a cannibal."

Shura unlocked the cell door and stepped past the ANBU guards. "Alright. I hope you didn't think you were getting some kind of break, we'll be here 24/7 until you talk... What the #!?"

She looked frantically around the cell, the chains lay in a pile on the floor, and Zetsu had vanished.

...

"SAI!"

Sai and Suigetsu turned in unison to see that annoying kid with the scarf running towards them, his two friends on his heels. "Sai, Suigetsu..." He panted to a stop, "I saw that prank! It was genius! And what you did to Sasuke, with the rats!" He grabbed his knees, trying to catch his breath, "I think... You guys could be great! With help, of course. I'm Konoha's number one prankster, I can teach you!"

Suigetsu turned to Sai, "Who is this kid?"

"His name's Konohamaru, he's the Third Hokage's grandson and a friend of Dickless."

"Don't call Naruto-Sempai that!"

"I am merely making a witty observation, that is humor, is it not?"

Konohamaru looked at Sai in disbelief, "You really do need my help!"

"Are you really the number one prankster in this dump?"

"Dattebayo!"

"Hmmm," Suigetsu grinned, baring his vicious teeth, "This could be a good idea after all..."

...

"Uhm... Yoshino, I like Kidoumaru, he's a great kid, but...I don't remember signing any papers to adopt him..."

"Of course not, you were so drunk you could barely sign your own name."

"You took advantage of me!"

"That's right, you make it too easy, you lazy lush!"

Shikato racked his alcohol-scrambled brain in an attempt to remember, but failed... "What if I had told you I didn't agree when I found out?"

Yoshino turned, her already pale face going ghostly white "You wouldn't... It would break his heart!"

Shikato smiled, "No, I wouldn't. I just wish you'd had enough faith in me to just ask."

"When are you sober enough for me to ask about anything?"

"I'm sober now, and God knows I was stupid sober when I married you, you troublesome shrew. If I had been drunk..."

"Just shut up..."

"So, Nara Kidoumaru, I like it..."

"Just don't tell him that I got you drunk to get you you to agree, he's been through enough as it is."

Shikato shook a finger at her, "I'm not a complete heel, just a lazy drunk with a shrew for a wife, a disrespectful bum for a son, and now, I have a hard-working, polite son to go along with them."

"Even if he didn't have dark skin and six arms, it would be obvious he's not a product of your lazy genes."

Shikato leaned towards his wife, "As I remember, you couldn't wait to get into my lazy genes." They kissed, and Shikato held her close.

"EWWWWW! I'm blind!" Their troublesome son had walked into the kitchen and in on them...

"Shikamaru, go to your room right now!"

"Whatever, troublesome parents..."

...

Obito bounced happily into Sasuke's room, "Sasuke, someone sent you these pretty flowers!"

Sasuke looked up to see a large bouquet of freesia, "Obito! I'm... ACHOO!"

Obito dropped the bouquet on Sasuke's pillow, scattering pollen everywhere, "OH! You're sick! Obito will get Kakashi!" Obito rushed out of the room and ran into Kakashi, who'd come to inform him of Zetsu's escape.

"Sasuke's sneezing? Is he alright?"

Obito smiled broadly and whispered, "Inoichi-San left him some freesia, Sasuke is allergic to freesia! Don't let Sasuke know Obito knows! Obito can be a bad boy too!"

...

"You're lucky that the fools can't even torture anyone right! Captured..."

"That Nara wo..."

"It was the ANBU! Six of them, they beat us down, we killed at least two!"

Zetsu, one of them anyway, wasn't about to admit they were beaten by an angry housewife wielding a frying pan...

"I don't have to ask if you recovered the rings, then..." Pein turned, "That was Madara's fool idea anyway, why are we still adhering to his ideas? We shall make new rings..." He turned to Zetsu, "Go see Kabuto, he'll fix your injuries..."

"Yes, Pein-Sama." Both voices spoke in unison.

...

Zaku and Kin were sitting on the roof, enjoying the sunshine, when they saw a messenger approaching. A handsome young man with dark hair and gentle features, he looked up at them and smiled, "Does Naraku Eiji live here? I have a message for him."

"Yes, he's inside." Zaku jumped to the ground, followed quickly by Kin, "C'mon in. I'm Abumi Zaku, this is Tsuchi Kin. What's your name?"

"Idate. Morino Idate."

Morino... Where have I heard that name before...? Zaku opened the door and let the man in, I remember now! "Idate-San, are you any relation to Morino Ibiki-San of Konohagakure?"

"He was my brother."

"My condolences..." Eiji stepped into the room from the kitchen, "Is there... Some reason you've come here?"

"I have two reasons, one, I have a message to deliver," He handed a letter to Eiji, "And, I... Wanted to thank you, for avenging my brother's death."

Eiji looked into the man's eyes, there was no danger in them, they were the eyes of a peaceful man. Odd that a man like Ibiki should have such a gentle brother, but then... Eiichiro and I...

"You... You do know that, Eiichiro, the man who..."

"That he was your brother? Yeah. I can't imagine what that was like... I lost my brother to an enemy, but you were forced to..."

"I didn't have time to think about it, I had no choice, he left me none. He was going to kill Zaku there... Please, have a seat, you've had a long trip. I'll get you something to drink."

As Idate took a seat on the couch, Kin looked at Zaku in confusion, "Who's Morino Ibiki?" She whispered.

"He was the head torturer guy in Konoha, Eiichiro murdered him."

If Idate heard them, he didn't show it, "I... Just wanted to see you, to thank you..."

"Like I said, I did what I had to do." He handed Idate a glass of water.

"The letter, it's from Sabaku No Kankurou, I think it's an invitation to his wedding."

"Wedding!? Kankurou's getting married!"

Apparently, the awkwardness had passed.

"Yes, he's marrying Inuzuka Hana."

"Inuzuka? As in the Dog People?" Zaku blurted out thoughtlessly.

"Yes, the famous Dog-Nins of Konohagakure." Idate smiled pleasantly at the boy as Eiji opened the letter,

To Naraku Eiji,

You are formally invited to the wedding of Sabaku No Kankurou and Inuzuka Hana to be held on the 15 of March in Konohagakure. Your family, A small side note was scribbled into the pre-printed text, (as well as Mizuki and Zaku, or any other strays you've picked up since I last saw you) are welcome to attend. No gifts are necessary.

Regards, Kankurou and Hana

P.S. I hope you can make it. You've been good friends to me...

"15th of March! that's only five days!"

Idate held up his hands, "Don't blame me, I only got it yesterday!"

Zaku looked at the man in surprise, "You made it from Konoha to Kusagakure in a day?"

Idate shrugged, "I'm a champion runner..."

Eiji looked around at the others, "It will probably take us four, so we'd best pack now."

"No need," Zaku rushed into his room and ran out with a scroll, "I have a summon now, remember?"

To Be Continued . . .