CHAPTER 35

(Flashback/ Dream - Ryoma POV)

Have you ever felt so alone that you don't want anyone to know. You don't even realized how much things change around you until it's too late and your actions in a place of darkness speak louder than words.

I am alone now. Sam's no longer here. Last night, I didn't think my nightmare's could get any worse. Even when I'm awake at this point in time, I'm still trapped in my never ending cycle. It eats me alive everyday. The decision I made.

Last night I couldn't bare it anymore. The screaming. The pain in his eyes and on his face. Whatever was in my little brothers body was being eaten by a chemical that was injected into his blood. It was eating at his organs and I think it had finally reached his heart. It was killing me to see it happen, day after day. Sam looked at me with those eyes as if begging me. "What do you want Sam? I will do anything for you." Sam is 5 and has learned that the world is not kind. I tried my hardest not to cry with the words that passed his lips. Speaking for me was still difficult even if it had been almost a year since my last operation, but Sam deserved to hear me. He kept me sane and so, I will give him my everything.

"Beauty, I want it to stop." He mumble. The ears on my head went down and my tail became deadly still. I smiled at him. After all, I couldn't let his lasts thoughts be of me all sad. "Can I have a kiss goodnight? Like your Master does for you. I want to be with the others now, not here. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough." I pulled my little brother into my arms and kissed him on the forehead.

"Goodnight, my little brother. I will always love you." I rocked back and forth in a slow motion hoping it would calm him. I don't know how long it was but he started to go limp in my arms. I could feel the small steady breaths that felt like torture for him every time he took one.

It's now or never I thought to myself. With that I grasped my brothers head in both my hand and in one quick motion I twisted his neck. Checking his breath again I sighed in relief. There was none. I held his body close to mine and started to hum. Something my master would do to comfort me if I got too upset. I started to sob now. I couldn't keep the tune going. I thought I was being so brave, in doing this.

He went to sleep and never woke up to see the next day. He died of a broken neck. I just hope in the few seconds he had left, I was able to fix his broken heart. The one that had been shattered the day he got taken away and brought here. He no longer has to be alone with just me, a monster. May he find peace where ever he is.

I Beauty, age 9 have just lost my little brother. He was the second person to die by my hand.

(End Flashback/ Dream - Normal POV)

He shot up and was breathing heavily. Quickly looking around to see himself in the bathtub. Ryoma ran a hand though his hair. "Just a dream, just a dream." He kept muttering to himself. Slowly standing up and trying to get his breathing under control. Walking to the door and about to turn the lock when he froze. "Shan's not here anymore." He mumbled to himself. Walking backwards he felt himself hit the wall. "I'm alone." The boy slid down into the fetal position. Rocking back and forth humming a tune.

He was crying now. No one was coming. No one could hear his pain. He wanted someone to hug him and tell him it's alright. He did think of going to Mitsu, Sei or Syu, but he remembered that they where asleep. "I'm bad, I'm bad. Sam... It's all my fault you never woke up. Beauty will be a good boy from now on. A good boy that deserves Masters praise." Though that humming, mumbling and rocking along with the pained sobs. He got no sleep.

It was about four in the morning and the boy not knowing it was, was staring to feel caged in. He knew he must of been there for hours. He knew he must get out, but he was scared he was going to hurt the ones that where sleeping. He was scratching at his arms not even caring how deep the cuts were. You could tell it hurt, but to the boy, it was his own way of punishing himself.

It was going on to five and Tomo had just got out of his car and made his way to the door. He needed to start breakfast and getting a few things sorted out. Walking in he looked around wondering where the cat was. When he was in America it became a habit for him to check where the boy was when the butler first woke up in the morning.

So he started his search. He took a quick look into the bedrooms but only saw the other 5 all sound asleep still. This was what made him have a funny feeling in his gut. He knew the boy would most likely sleep with someone either on their bed or as close as he could get to it. It was then he heard sounds coming from the bathroom.

He put his ear against the door and heard sobbing from coming inside. Not wasting anytime he grabbed the door only to find it locked. Trying not to curse he went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife from the draw. Getting back to the door he broke the lock and entered.

Inside it shocked him. The boy was in the corner curled up and was now banging his head on the wall. Tomo could hear the boy humming and rocking slightly. His arms where a mess. It seems the boy didn't even notice himself that he had been scratching at them the entire time. The blood from the cuts had started to drip down his arm onto the floor.

Tomo walked and crouched down in front of the boy. "Ryoma." He was about to place his hand on the boys head, but it got slapped away.

"Don't touch me." He said. "I'm a monster. I don't deserve to be loved. After all I have done. I don't want anyone to get hurt by me. So just leave." The golden eyes looked and glared. Tomo wondered how long the boy had been here. Normally when he's upset someone is around. This time however he was in the bathroom on his own. No one was there to tell him that it was okay and give him attention.

"Your feeling lonely right." Tomo placed himself next to the boy on the floor. "No one was here when you woke up and no one heard your cries." Ryoma knew he was right. Everyone was asleep. No one knew he was suffering on his own.

"It's still there." Tomo didn't understand what the boy meant. He had seen a couple of the boy's episodes before and either Shan or him where there but, something was at this point eating him up.

"What is?"

"That darkness I felt. When I know no one is coming. Where I know they don't even know I exist. It hurts really bad." Ryoma started to scratch his arms again.

"Stop Ryoma." Tomo placed a hand on the boy's. "Look you're just making it worse." Ryoma looked down and finally noticed what he was doing. "Come here." He opened up his arms. "I'll take you downstairs and I'll give you a ponta or maybe even a warm glass of milk. You can talk to me about whatever you want while I sort your arms out. How does that sound?" The cat gave a nod. Getting up, after he decided he would rather walk, then be carried.

In the lounge the boy was now sitting on the sofa looking at the bored up door. It was meant to be fix today and Keigo was the one who was going to wait and instruct the people on what to do. The boy let out a sigh and looked at his now bandaged arms. They had after 10 minutes stopped bleeding and that was when Tomo decided to actually clean them up.

Just like Tomo had said they talked for a little bit about the tournament that was meant to happen today. The butler went upstairs saying he was only going to be a few minutes since he was going to clean the blood of the floor. Ryoma didn't tell Tomo, but he had started to feel a little dizzy. 'Maybe hitting my head on the wall wasn't such a good idea.' He thought as he grabbed his head in his hands.

"Ryoma..." Hearing the voice he went on high alert as he twisted round and looked over the edge of the sofa. There stood Genichiro in a t-shirt, jogging bottoms and a cap in one of his hands.