|Tori|
She thought I was sleeping. She thought I didn't hear her.
My heart is a swollen lump in my throat as I look at her. Sleeping, relaxed, all the usual tension that coils in her brows and her lips smoothed out by the gentle hand of sleep. Black and blue wisps of hair drape across her cheek, over her nose. Slowly, very carefully, I pinch a few of them and draw them back, behind her ear. Jade shifts, lips parting in a hum of a sigh, and then she's still again, the blankets rising and falling with her even breathing.
She told me she loved me. She whispered it into the cave of my ear before pressing her nose into my hair and sinking into dreams. Her arm was around my waist. I was trying not to cry.
She loves me. Jade West loves me.
I had considered rolling over, telling her I love her too (because I do, more than anything, I do) but I knew she had done so under the safe theory that I was asleep and couldn't hear her. She's not ready to say it to my face yet and that's okay. I'll wait. I'm more than willing to do that for her after what I put her through last night. I hate seeing her cry, making her upset, but it was necessary. I had to make her see. I had to make her understand.
My eyes close. I breathe in the smell of her, her bedroom, her blankets, and feel her swim in my bloodstream. Last night comes to me in bright flashes of color - Jade's white skin, red mouth, green eyes. A kaleidoscope explodes on my eyelids.
It was slow. It was careful. It was Jade trying to show me what she can't put in words yet.
I smile into the pillow. I definitely deciphered the message. I drift forward and press my lips to her brow, feel her sigh against me, and whisper, "I love you, too."
Pulling back the blankets, I sit up. We're both still naked - which is weird, because I don't feel naked here, or maybe naked doesn't feel the way I thought it would, all uncomfortably revealing and nerves, or maybe it's just because of the girl sleeping beside me. I lean down and dump out my tote on the floor, clothes spilling out. Driving to Jade's house without my clothes on was terrifying - I thought that if I were to ever get pulled over, it would have to be the time I drive with just a coat on - but drastic measures were necessary. I lucked out, certainly, but I happen to think that nearly every aspect of my relationship with Jade has been purely because of luck.
It's not quite yet ten in the morning. It's Sunday. I pull on a pair of jeans and a wrinkled shirt with a grungy band symbol on it and shake my fingers through my hair. Twisting to face Jade again, I think about waking her up, but the longer I stare at the peace that so rarely takes over her, I can't bring myself to. Standing, I make my way to the stairs and climb them slowly, peeking out of the basement door before stepping into the hallway. I forget how huge Jade's house is until I'm alone. The high ceilings and spacious walls makes everything feel far away, or like I'm shrinking, like Alice in the rabbit hole. The refrigerator hums distantly. A clock ticks somewhere, growing closer as I follow the dimly lit passageways to the kitchen. The floor cracks beneath my feet on my way to the cupboard. I pull a glass and fill it from the fridge's fountain, releasing a wet-lipped sigh as the cold water chases the dryness of sleep away.
There are footsteps behind me. I grin, turning around. "I was going to wake you up but -"
I nearly drop the glass.
"Oh." Jasmine touches her throat. "I thought you were Jade."
"I, uh -" I swallow and flinch a smile. "I thought you were her, too."
Something twitches across her lips. I wouldn't call it a smile, but she doesn't look like she wants to toss me out of a window like the last time we were alone in a room together. I'm still terrified of her, even though she appears considerably less strict this time around. She's in dark, skin-hugging jeans with an olive jacket. Her hands are in the pockets and with her hair pulled back the way it is, it's impossible not to see Jade in her.
"Don't worry. I promise to be civil." Jasmine walks toward me. I hold my breath as she takes a glass from the still open cupboard and fills it from the fountain. I feel wound to spring, Jade's name stuck in my throat just in case. I watch her mother carefully as she sips from her glass, examines the surface of her drink and begins to spin her wrist, watching the water funnel. "I've been meaning to apologize," she says, eyes focused on her drink. "But you haven't been around lately."
"Uhm." I hold my glass with both hands and bring it to my lips. I take a long drink as I try to think of a reply. "We had a rough patch. But we're fine now." I give a slow nod and tuck the glass under my chin.
She's silent for a time, her eyes resting heavily on me. When I don't look up, she clears her throat and shifts against the kitchen counter. "I don't suppose I helped at all."
She almost sounds ... regretful? I glance up, study the cleft between her brows and the frown hanging on the corners of her mouth. "No," I answer honestly, not flinching when she turns to meet my eyes. This is what should have happened the first time we met like this, but she scared me right into tears. I'm stronger now - after all I've done to fight for Jade, I'm not about to back down from her mother. "I mean, it was just as much my fault as it was Jade's, but, no. This situation didn't help."
"This situation?"
I look at my glass again. "You know. You, uhm, not approving of me."
"It's not you." Jasmine steps forward. I instinctively try to move back, to get away from her, but the counter is in my back and I can't move. When I look up again, she looks hurt, her frown carving deeper into her face. "You seem like a lovely girl, Tori. It's just, she's wanted this life so badly." Her hand smooths down her ponytail. "I want her to have it. I want her to be happy." She takes a deep breath and shrugs. "However." She smiles stiffly. I can tell how difficult this is for her, to admit that she was wrong, to give up her control. But she's doing it. She's finally being a mother. "I've come to understand that you also make her happy. Perhaps even happier than being famous will." She smiles at me and, for the first time, it feels real and warm, no longer that of an Ice Queen. "It won't be easy. I stand by that."
"You've made Jade strong. I'm a little stubborn myself."
"I've noticed."
She's grinning. There's so much Jade in it that I can't help but smile back at her, raising my glass in her direction. "Truce?"
Her shoulders shake with a laugh. "Truce." Her glass clinks against mine and we both take a sip. And she's right, I know she is. Things will be hard for both of us and not just in the way that Jasmine is thinking - it's bigger than the fact that we're both girls, that the world around us isn't always accepting of that, it's the fact that Jade and I are two different people and sometimes those differences clash - but don't you have to fight for the things worth having?
"Don't tell me you guys are best friends now."
Jasmine and I both turn. Jade is leaning in the doorway, arms crossed. She's fighting a smile, dark hair hopelessly meshed from sleep.
"We were just about to crack out the nail polish and talk about our feelings," I bubble, grinning back at her. "Care to join us?"
Jade snorts. "I'd rather shove pitchforks into my eyes."
"Such a darling girl," Jasmine says from the corner of her mouth. We both laugh. Jade shifts, uncomfortable in the presence of her mom, but she's trying. She's not running away or asking Jasmine to leave, and that's something. It's probably going to be even harder for them to maintain some kind of stable relationship, but at least I'm no longer another reason for a burnt bridge. Maybe I can help build one instead.
A text message jingle erupts from the pocket of Jade's pajama pants - and by jingle I mean tortured screams that she somehow managed to find on the internet as a ringtone. She pulls out her phone, green eyes flicking across the screen, and then she smiles, turning to look at me. "Beck invited us to breakfast with Cat and Robbie and Andre and some girl he's into." Her smile broadens, a kind of relief taking over her features that I've never seen when it came to Beck. "Then they're going to the beach. Wanna go?"
I feel like I'm hovering off the ground. All of us hanging out again - as friends, together.
"Jesus, Tori, if you're going to start crying -"
"Of course! Yes, I want to go! Come on, let's go get ready." I take her wrist as I move past her, jogging to the basement door and down the stairs. "I need to borrow a suit!"
"Tori, breathe for a second." Her arm wraps around my waist and we spin for a moment. I laugh against her shoulder, wrapping my arms so tightly around her I fear she might choke, but I can't contain the golden sun inside of me. It's reaching out for the moon, the whole sky. I kiss her neck, her jaw, until I finally come to stop at her mouth, one foot popping into the air behind me.
"Someone's a little happy," she mumbles against my lips, a grin pulling them apart.
"We deserve to finally have that, don't we?" I hold her face in my hands and kiss her again. She whispers 'yes' into my mouth over and over until we're both laughing and all but falling over each other in the middle of her bedroom.
We shower together. She runs soap along the length of my back and I rinse the shampoo from her hair. We take our time, blinking through the warm water, never moving too far away. She holds me up against the shower wall and kisses me dizzy. By the time we get out, the water is running cold and Beck has texted both of us three times ordering us to hurry up before it becomes lunch instead of breakfast.
With our bikinis on under our clothes, Jade and I emerge from the basement with towels and sunscreen and flip-flops. Jasmine is in the living room on the phone, flipping through a pile of papers. Jade stops, the hand tangled in mine squeezing. I watch her, waiting.
"Bye, Mom." The words are tight and not very loud, but she said them without sarcasm, without malice. Jasmine stops talking, turning to look at us over the back of the couch. Her eyes dart to our joined hands and back to our faces.
She smiles. "Bye, girls. Have fun."
Jade's chin bobs with a slow nod. I lead her out of the house, down the front porch steps, and to her car. Mine is parked alongside hers.
"I still can't believe you drove to my house naked." Jade's elbow presses into my side. "I'm a terrible influence on you, Tori."
My cheeks burn as I slide into the passenger seat, waiting to smack my fist into her shoulder as soon as she gets in.
"Hey! It was a compliment. I'm impressed."
"Just drive, you wazzbag."
Jade laughs. The car rumbles to life and we peel away from her house, driving too fast down suburban roads. I scream at her until she puts her seatbelt on, clutching the seat with both hands. We start coming into town, flying under green-lit streetlights. Jade's foot presses down on the gas pedal when the one in front of us turns yellow.
My heart crashes on cymbals in my chest. "Are we going to make it?" I half shout over the radio, the roar of the engine.
Jade looks at me. Her green eyes say go.
"I don't know," she says.
I reach across the console and steal one of her hands. She winks at me, faces the front again, and releases a scream that I can't help but join - of thrill, of joy, of I-don't-knows.
We sail through the intersection. Maybe it was stupid and dangerous and just pure luck that we didn't run through a red light or get pulled over for speeding - but that's what we are, Jade and I. The sun and the moon, the sky, made from happenstance, coincidence, and no one knows if anything will ever last. If the sun will burn out, if the moon will pull so far away we can't see it anymore. But you don't stop gazing at the stars out of fear that they won't be there someday. I'd rather appreciate them while they're here and make wishes so they last.
Jade kisses the back of my hand. I smile at her, out the window, down the road. I don't know about tomorrow, or a month from now, or a year, or even the coming stoplights. But I know I'm in love with a girl who, somehow, fell in love with me, and she's holding my hand on a Sunday morning drive.
And that's more than enough reassurance for now.
| The End |
A/N: I have to admit that I got a little teary-eyed writing this chapter, knowing it was going to be the last. I have loved every minute of writing this story since I started it in September. It's been beyond rewarding to see what it's become, to be a part of this amazing journey with two of my favorite characters. As much as I know we would all enjoy being a part of this fic forever, everything must end, and I hope you all enjoyed the ride.
I am endlessly grateful for all of you - for reading, for reviewing, for making incredible fanart, for giving me so much support via messages on here or on tumblr. This story would not be what it is today without you guys. I owe you all so much.
Thank you for being amazing. Have a great day, guys (':