Chapter 36
"Do you think I should try and talk to him Rach?" Rachel looked at Janet with a crisp hanging out of her mouth. "Who?" She finishes the crisp and wipes her mouth. Janet looks at her with raised eyebrows. "Oh Andy. Of course Andy we've just spent hours talking about him." She gives a little giggle. By this point Rachel has had far more amounts of wine then Janet. Although Janet plans on getting drunk she cannot shake the thought of Andy out of her head. She lets out a sigh. "You really don't know what to do, do you?" Rachel says to Janet, almost in a state of disbelief. Janet shakes her head. "I can't even get my head to think properly about anything in general at the moment, let alone something like this. It's not that it's difficult, I just want to do it properly so I can just say it and then go, and move on if I have to." She scratches her stomach. A little sound of pain comes from the gaps between her teeth. Rachel looks at Janet's face, her hands are on the table tensed. Her eyes are squeezed shut and her teeth are gritted. "Are you alright Jan?" Says a little voice, almost like a whisper across the table. "Uh huh, hang on a moment Rach. I'll be fine in a minute."
A few moments pass and Janet is still in pain but she begins to lift her head slowly. "Sorry about this Rach, it still sometimes, very rarely, gives me pain. I'm not sure why, the doctors said it may take a while to heal completely and properly due to the placement and depth of the cut. It's okay though" she tries to smile convincingly. "I'm okay." Rachel doesn't believe her. She knows not to it comes to things like this. When Janet was I'm hospital Gill gave a little speech for her, it wasn't much. Rachel can't really remember it all. All she does remember was when Gill said "I know a lot of you don't know Janet on a really personal level, only a few of us are lucky enough to know her that well. I feel like it is our job to look after her if and when she comes back. Janet isn't the type of woman who would dwell on the past about things she can't change, she moves on and lives her life. It's been difficult for her at the moment, we need to remember that she almost gave up her life for the job which she does so well, the job that makes us all proud. If I'm going to be honest, I've never been more proud of someone in my life."
There's silence at the table, the only sounds which can be heard is the heavy breathing of Janet. Rachel can't take her eyes off of Janet. "Jan, would you show me the scar. You know the Geoff one?" She tries to smile. "I mean if you don't want to it's okay." Janet interrupts. "It's fine Rach, you can have a look if you really want to. Ignore whatever else you see and don't ask me about it. I won't answer." The reason Janet wouldn't answer to anything else is because the bruises which are covering her stomach, making it look black, blue and purple were all made by Ade once Janet got home from the hospital after the operation. "Okay. I won't ask anything, I promise."
Janet quickly drinks the rest of her wine in the glass and staggers over the bedroom. Rachel quickly follows. "Are you sure you want to see it?" Rachel nods. Janet undoes the buttons on her blouse and takes it off, due to the cold weather Janet was wearing a vest over her bra. She slowly lifts the bottom of the vest, revealing to Rachel the scar the was left by Geoff Hastings, the scar that was causing her so much pain. "So what do you think?" Rachel can't take her eyes off of it. "Hello, Rach? Are you there?" Rachel snaps out of her staring, she bursts into tears. Janet quickly jumps up. "Rach, no please don't cry. It's all okay." She runs over to her and wraps her arms around her. "There is no need to cry Rach. I'm fine, I survived didn't I? It's all okay."
There's silence.
"I'm really sorry Jan." Janet lets out a little reassuring laugh. "Rach, you have no reason to be sorry. You've done nothing wrong. You did everything you could, you followed what had to be done. You've done me proud Rachel. Not everyone can say their best friend saved their life. Okay, please stop crying. I hate seeing you like this." She puts her hand up to Rachel's face, she wipes away the tears and smiles.
Once Rachel had calmed down they both laid on the bed next to each other. "I wasn't sure if you were going to make it you know Jan. I didn't want to think that but when we were on your floor and you just laying there, I couldn't help but think it. All that blood which you lost, all the pain the was caused, it's awful when I think about it. I shouldn't have been like that, I should have had more faith in you surviving rather than you dying. Those few moments when we were in the car I thought was going to be our last. That broke my heart a million times over. I know I only knew you then for a few months but you had already grown on me, seeing you in the state which we were practically broke me. If it wasn't for Gill I would have been an emotional wreck, and I know you didn't need that." She lets out a big sigh and looks at Janet who is listening to every word Rachel was saying. "I don't blame you for thinking that. I thought I was going to die, as soon as I saw the knife I thought I was going to die there and then. Luckily you came for me, you saved me. You have no reason to feel guilty. You were perfect, I don't remember anything after the stabbing. Andy told me afterwards what you had done for me. If anything I should thank you for saving my life."
"Have you ever read Macbeth Jan?" Janet is a little confused with this question. "I have yes, but I don't see how that has anything to do with what we were talking about."
Rachel tries to find the words to say.