CHAPTER 38 – THE DISCIPLINE OF LOVE

Fred's POV

I watched her sleep. I listened to her soft breaths, felt her heartbeat drum contented against my own. Her soft curves were wrapped around my body, her small delicate fingers curled into my chest as I held her securely to me. I refused to let her go; could never let her go. She was part of me now, Claudia belonged with me and I knew now that she would be with me forever. I could never contemplate being with another after her. Everything felt right, balanced. I felt at peace, that some part of me had been forever satiated. I felt like no matter what that no one could ever take this feeling away from me; no one could ever take this back. It had happened.

I lay there wide awake; my mind was reeling with stimulation. A thousand, no a million thoughts were running through my head. I was going over the past, submerging myself in the present and imagining a future with both of us together; sharing moments, creating memories and learning from each other. Claudia made me a better man.

She stirred a little, a soft sigh breaking me from my thoughts. I held her instinctively closer to me, a sudden possessiveness gripping my body.

'Mine' I growled in my mind.

And the part of me that was jealous, the greedy dominant side of me suddenly roared to the surface of my mind like a beast. A sudden surge of my selfish dark side slipped through the cracks reminding me of the side I fought to suppress, the piece of me that Claudia used to know for most of her years at Hogwarts. I was an arrogant young man. I had the sense to recognise that trait in me. I was strong willed, controlling and too prurient for my own good. It was like an animal in me that 'only wanted '; it never paused to ponder whether it was the right thing to do. Claudia's presence always made it hungry for control. That's why I always had to allow it that luxury because part of me was always so frightened that if I didn't take that control, didn't possess her I would lose her. But this evening I had possessed her. She'd finally given me everything I'd ever wanted; she'd shared her body and her heart. It was unfortunately a double edged sword because Claudia also made me painfully aware that when I gave into my instincts I was too salacious. My greed made me raw and I didn't want it to be like that with her. She made me want to fight my urges and find a balance.

I closed my eyes tightly, knowing that part of me had been present when I took her innocence away only a couple of hours ago. An unexpected wave remorse and overwhelming guilt flooded my senses and I squeezed my eyes tighter. These were emotions that would frequently coarse through me when Claudia was involved. She was a gentle girl, naturally quiet and soft. And here was me; the monster. I wanted to be a better person for her, I wanted to give her everything and be the strong one. But Claudia was really the strong one. She was secure in her heart; she didn't need to hide behind some beast inside her. Her purity drew me to her; I wanted to drown in it. I wanted to protect her and save her but really she would be the one who would ultimately save me from myself.

'It had been too rushed' I worried as I lay there holding her fragile frame in my arms. I was too forceful; it was too much for her first time. I should have slowed down, given her more time to adjust. But I couldn't in that moment. I was delirious with hunger for her, not quite believing the moment was here. I wanted it to be special and tender for her, had I ruined it?

My insides clenched at the thought of that. She deserved better than that. I ran away with my passion for her and now I was becoming overwrought with worry and fear. I should have been gentler but in that moment my body craved her so badly I couldn't hold it back any longer. I remembered how I'd ground into her and the feeling of ecstasy it brought me, I just wanted more and more as I'd pounded into her to claim her body.

A crushing guilt consumed me now; I could feel my heart pound harder as panic began to seize me. I wanted to shake her from exhausted sleep and ask if she were alright, beg her for forgiveness for being too callous.

I'd not planned on it being like that, I'd planned to take things slower. But when she arrived something had shifted between us. The air crackled with energy of what was pending. She'd been feisty and irritable. I'd not expected that. She was purposefully pushing me down a path I'd not planned on. To see her in my home and in my sanctuary made me feel anxious yet elated. The knowledge that we were alone and would have no interruptions had my nerves all over the place. It ignited something in me. She was confrontational and on edge, her eyes danced with mischief like she wasn't afraid of what was coming. My secrecy and planning on getting her to the Burrow had irked her. Maybe she'd been nervous too, of course she had but I knew she wanted it as much as me. The past two weeks had been a nightmare of restrain from me. But I'd known deep down that we should be away from Hogwarts and alone when we entered the next part of our relationship. Claudia would need the space and quiet to adjust. And the arrogant part of me didn't want to share that time with anyone else. I'd wanted us to have the privacy to bond physically. That could not happen if others were monopolising our time. I would have to explain that to her. I didn't get a chance to after she arrived. Because when I saw her pace around the ground floor locking horns with me, purposefully trying to ignite my control. She reminded me of that first time when we'd clashed in the library at Hogwarts before I'd dragged her away and things would never be the same between us. It was happening all over again. I knew I would drag her up those stairs and I wondered if she knew that too. Had she wanted it to be like that?

Where do I find the balance?

Muggles are different from wizards and witches of the magic world. We use magic where they would obviously not. An enchantment here an enchantment there, we have spells for everything even the deflowering of virgins. It is painless, girls do not bleed, do not become pregnant. It's easy. I'd had George take care of a preventative spell as a contraceptive during her journey to the Burrow while she was in his care. Knowing she would have no knowledge of it and that would be the only spell she would be at the receiving end of. I was painfully aware that Claudia was a muggle witch. She wasn't from my world and she was still learning the differences between them. I wanted it to be the way it would have been for normal muggles. I wanted her to feel everything so she'd never forget it and either would I, like it was my branding of her. I know it was callous of me to do such a thing. She probably didn't understand why I kept telling her that I needed to see her bleed. It's not something I've ever had to see before or want to. I don't know why I needed to see that. It's not something someone from my world craves. But with Claudia everything is so different. I never do what I'm supposed to. I wanted it to be a first time for us both because there was never going to be another first time. I was never going to be with anyone else other than her. I think that's why I did it. I hoped she'd see it that way too.

To feel myself inside her was indescribable. Nothing like I'd imagined it would be. I'd never felt closer to anyone before in my entire life. It wasn't sex. When you love someone so much its different. It had never been like that before for me. I could never understand why girls would swoon as they described the act of making love. But now I could.

My heart soared when I thought of being with her. There were so many different ways we could be with each other now. I promised myself that the next time would be the way I'd planned, gentle and slow. I wouldn't rush us. I would take the time to worship her body in the way I'd always intended; until she became accustomed to me being inside her. Then we could try different things, I could show her. I loved to be in control, I wanted to let her see it could be frantic and fast. And perhaps in turn she could finally control me and we'd find that balance. She'd teach me in return. I was a dominant character; I think I will always be. But Claudia would be the one to tame the beast.

I let my fingers drag across the soft delicate skin of her back. She was exhausted, she'd succumbed to sleep as I'd gasped into her throat after coming down from the most powerful orgasm I'd ever had. I'd still been inside her and never wanted to leave as her breathing started to become shallow in the steady rhythm of sleep. It took all my energy to disconnect myself from her and I felt empty when doing so. I was glad she was asleep; it meant that she wasn't in pain and I knew I must have hurt her. She was so incredibly tight and small and I knew I was substantially large. I was surprised she could take all of me in. She would hurt in the morning, she was bound to; that knowledge made me feel savage because it was my body that did that to her. Her pain brought my pleasure. How ridiculously ironic, but it would never be like that again. I'd taken her virginity, it was forever mine now. And I would never hurt her again.

I felt my anxiety begin to cease, I concentrated on her heartbeat and her warm soft skin against mine. Her legs were tangled around my body, where they belonged.

"I love you" you sighed into her curls and I hoped I could be everything she wanted me to be.

Claudia's POV

My eyes fluttered open and I was met with blinding sunshine that filtered through the glass window and lit up the small dark room with rays of light. I felt two things as my heavy sleepy eyes began to adjust to daylight. I was very hot and my entire body was aching.

My heat source was Fred, who had me held so tightly to him, almost holding on to me for dear life. His legs were tangled within mine, his chest rising and falling steadily as he slept. My flushed cheek was rising and falling with him gently as I rested my head against his strong muscular upper body. He was warm, and I felt too hot and sweaty combined with the sunshine bursting through the glass. The fire had burned out during the night but the room was too suffocating now. I needed to detangle myself from Fred and open the window for air. But despite the uncomfortable heat I also felt pure bliss at awakening in his protective arms. Feeling his strong body beneath mine and the knowledge of what we'd shared last night. My insides contorted with giddy excitement and satisfaction. I was his now. I was no longer a virgin. My cheeks flushed harder at the memory of the intimate and carnal act that we'd shared. It had been overwhelming; my senses didn't know what was happening. I felt strange, I felt in awe at what we'd done. Was this a normal feeling?

Ugh. I wanted to groan. I hurt a little. Not all as bad as I'd imagined it might but I still hurt. It was to be expected I guess. It wasn't so bad, just a little like cramp; it was just a dull ache. Things became a little frantic near the end. He was so large, stretching my insides. It was such an intruding and foreign feeling to me but wholly satisfying at the same time. I'd never felt anything like that, never felt so wanted and close to him before. I mean, just the idea that we were joined and I'd brought him such immense pleasure, that I'd done that. My body was the source of that. I closed my eyes remembering the sobbing sounds that came from his lips as he thrust in and out of me. The grip of his arms around my shoulders, he'd held me so incredibly tight and I could feel his love for me. I could only whine and gasp in response. I bit my bottom lip; it was still so fresh in my mind. It had been an acutely powerful feeling.

It was still far too hot. I felt dirty like I needed to bathe. My skin felt damp with sweat. A bath would be nice. Then I remembered that I probably had bled and I was suddenly consumed with worry about the mess that I'd left between the sheets of Fred's bed. I felt my age then, I felt young and naive and embarrassed by that.

I needed to get up, I needed some air, and I needed to inspect myself.

Very carefully and strategically I managed to pull myself gently from Fred's tight hold. It was difficult and I worried that my movements would wake him abruptly. It took some tricky maneuvering but eventually I broke free and slipped my body away from his and from the protection of the covers.

Fred groaned, a pained sigh escaping his lips as if he knew deep in his sleep that I was no longer in his arms. I felt instantly lost at being separated from his body. As I stood my attention quickly changed to the stiffness of my aching limbs. I'd felt like I'd run a marathon. My muscles were taught and burning. There were twinges deep within me, my body reminding me of the invasion that had taken place. It wasn't happy, it was still adjusting.

'Deal with it' I'd wanted to tell my sore insides. Expect lots more of that! My legs were a little weak as I stumbled to the window and opened the two glass frames wide. Cool morning air swirled around my nakedness and I felt instant relief. I inhaled the crisp clean morning and closed my eyes as I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin.

'That's much better' I thought.

Glancing back at Fred a strange sense of pride soared through me; seeing the sleeping form of my boyfriend and now lover lying there naked. The sheets reached around his middle and the rest of him lay exposed for my eyes to peruse. He looked so handsome and so peaceful. His expression soft and I wondered if he was dreaming. He looked a little vulnerable when he slept and I liked that because I knew that vulnerable strong handsome man was all mine. I allowed myself a little moment, watching him like that and I felt myself smiling down at him. I wanted to kiss his soft lips gently but was scared to wake him so I held myself back.

Suddenly I felt the need to pee; I glanced around the room and saw the door. Padding silently on bare feet I approached it, I stopped briefly to pick up Fred's gray t-shirt he'd been wearing the night before. I turned the handle careful to be quiet and slipped through the door.

The house was still, I stood in the hallway seeing everything in the daylight for the first time. I'd not had a chance to take it all in last night when he'd dragged me up here in a frenzied state. But now I was standing here stark naked clutching Fred's t-shirt tight within my fist. I let out a nervous giggle at the idea of me walking through his family home with nothing on. I glanced to my right and saw an open door. I inwardly sighed with relief when I realised it was a bathroom and scrambled across to it in order to empty my bladder.

A few minutes later I was standing facing a full length mirror. I stood there in silence staring at my reflection. So much had changed yet I looked the same. I was still Claudia. My cheeks were still a little flushed. I'd checked myself after using the toilet, thankfully I didn't appear to be bleeding anymore but there had been signs that I must have. I took a deep breath and told myself to grow up and stop worrying about every little detail. I wasn't a child anymore. What I'd done last night was as adult as I can get. I ran my fingers through my wayward curls in a lame attempt at taming them. I officially had 'sex hair'. I'm sure Sophie would love that little gem; I would have to remember it when she eventually asks for my detailed account of my first experience with Fred, when we'd be reunited at Hogwarts nearly two months from now. It seemed like a life time away. Right now I was alone here far away from anyone I knew, alone with Fred. 'Oh my, I'm totally alone with Fred'. No interruptions, no supervision, hours and days of nothing but each other. That was a bottomless ocean of mature and provocative possibilities. My stomach suddenly exploded in nervous excitement and I rubbed it in reassurance. That was when I noticed the bruises.

I leaned in closer to the mirror as if to convince myself it had not been a trick of the light. But no, there as bold as brass, were a number of light purple bruises scattered across my hips and thighs like a pretty little pattern. They were not dark and large they were soft and pale, and they exactly matched what I imagined to be the design of Fred's fingers gripping and grasping at my body as he drove his own into me hard. He'd left his mark on me and although I was surprised to see this I wasn't upset by it. I kind of liked them in some strange way, I wondered if this was an odd thought to have. I knew I was pale, it didn't take a lot to bruise me, the slightest little knock would leave its mark on me but I knew though when Fred saw this he would perhaps not have the same view as I. I would have to convince him that it was unavoidable, that my body will become accustomed to his hands and tight grip. I closed my eyes and shivered at the memory of it. I wondered briefly, excitedly, nervously when we'd be doing it again.

Shaking myself from infatuated thoughts I grabbed Fred's soft gray t-shirt, I lifted it above my head and pulled it over my body, hiding my nakedness and my marks instantly in a blanket of fabric that smelled deliciously of Fred.

I left the small bathroom while wondering briefly how Fred's large frame managed to manoeuvre easily in the confined space. His home was so oddly shaped; rooms and passageways reminded me of jigsaw pieces.

I padded silently back to his room, hopefully he'd still be deep in slumber I'd only been gone less than ten minutes. I pushed the door open softly, it made a little creek and I winced in reaction. I stepped inside with the full intention of slipping back between the sheets and into his arms again but stopped dead when I noticed a very empty bed.

Where was he?

I glanced around the room, expecting to see him jump out from a corner but 'nothing'. The room was empty.

Maybe he heard me in the toilet, perhaps he's gone to get himself a glass of water? I wondered.

I approached the tangled sheets of the bed. Staring down and the twisted cotton I imagined what we looked like together lying there in each other's arms, then my thoughts darkened and I let myself imagine briefly what we looked like when he was on top of me, rocking his body into mine. My cheeks instinctively burned red, head flooding my skin as my heart rate pounded.

I took a long breath, in the hope to calm my body. Then I reached out with one hand toward the sheets, not really thinking about what I was doing. I lifted the white cotton and peered inside. My eyes widened and I dropped it instantly. My cheeks roared with heat once more. The evidence of my virginity had left its mark on the fabric.

Then I suddenly remembered Fred's words last night during our frantic love making, repeatedly telling me he needed to see me bleed. And now I glanced back at the bed and felt confused.

"What had all that been about?" I uttered in a whisper to myself.

"You look good in my clothes..."

I jumped; startled.

I turned quickly to see Fred standing in the open doorway, his eyes intently studying me, his face giving nothing away.

He looked very enticing, my eyes of their own accord gave him the once over and not very subtly either. Fred was half naked, his toned athletic chest and sculpted arms looked far too good in the morning sunlight. All he wore were his denims that hung low on his sculpted hips and I was abruptly distracted by desires that were exceptionally unladylike. Forgetting in an instant what had been troubling me only seconds before.

"Um..." was the most articulate response I could come up with.

Fred's dark chocolate eyes were sober yet yearning as they continued their scrutiny of me.

"Did I wake you, I didn't mean too. I...um, just needed to use the bathroom" I managed to explain, finally finding my voice.

Fred was very focused on me but his attention was broken as his eyes flickered curtly to the bed and then rapidly returning to me once more, like he hadn't meant to lose his train on me.

Fred let out a breath, as if he'd been holding one in.

"Something woke me, it didn't feel right all of a sudden; the heat was gone" his way of explanation.

"I was too hot and needed to open a window" I added to explain my departure from his bed.

Fred rubbed his own chest lightly; subconsciously.

There was a strange atmosphere building in the room, a nervous tension of uncertainty and expectation.

"Did you wonder where I was?" I asked, feeling the need to fill the silence with words.

"I heard you in the bathroom, I knew where you were" he answered calmly.

Then he held out his palm to me.

"Come" he beckoned.

My feet moved of their own accord and padded softly toward him on the sun warmed wooden floorboards.

The second his large hand engulfed mine and held it tightly I immediately felt reassured, our connection crackled with desire and devotion.

He said nothing more but led me out the room and down a flight of twisted stairs; I was too enthralled by his protective possessiveness to wonder where he was leading me.

We stopped at a door, one floor down as he pushed it open my senses were flooded with the sweet aroma of roses, water was running and the air was heavy with a cloud of steam. The room was bigger than I'd expected a large bathroom with a white bathtub in the middle that seemed to be swirling with scented oils.

Fred released my hand and approached the tub, quickly turning the taps and stopping the water before it became dangerously close to overflowing.

I glanced at him curiously.

"Is this for me?" I asked softly.

He nodded coyly, a satisfied smile on his lips.

I sighed in bliss; it was exactly what I needed.

"It's my job to take care of you" he explained, beckoning me forward.

His hand fell into the water and he swirled it back and forth.

"It's not too hot" he assured.

He was crouched beside the bath and I stood next to him, fighting the urge to kiss him all over.

"Thank you" I grinned.

"I just wanted you to be comfortable...I realise you probably hurt some this morning" he explained cautiously.

"I'm fine" I dismissed; not wanting to feel bad about it.

He gave me a look of disbelief but said nothing.

"Get in" he encouraged. I expected he would leave next but then he hadn't finished his sentence.

"I'll wash your hair while you relax" he explained.

Oh. He was going to stay. He was going to watch me take a bath. This was new.

He must have seen the expression on my face; my uncertainty and frowned.

"Do...you want me to leave? I...I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable" His eyes anxious.

And I suddenly felt sorry for him. He was trying to do a nice thing for me, something intimate and I was behaving like an awkward little girl.

"No...I want you to stay" I assured him.

I swallowed my insecurities about my body and reached for the hem of his t-shirt that swamped my small frame and pulled it over my head boldly.

I heard Fred inhale sharply, at my bare body but also at the marks he'd left littered all over my pale white skin. I didn't acknowledge it and when I glanced back at him he looked troubled but said nothing. He took my arm gently and helped me into the delicious warm water and I sank down into it.

Instant contentment and ease flooded my body. It was entirely relaxing and I sighed deeply in pure pleasure.

This was heaven

Fred remained crouched by the bath, just behind me and was silent as he moved to pick up a ceramic jug and then plunge it into the water at my back. When it was full he slowly powered the warm water over my head, encouraging me to tilt it forward with his other hand. I sighed again deeply enjoying the sensation. Next he reached for a glass bottle emptying some of the contents into his hands and proceeded to work it into my hair with his expert fingers; massaging the lotion into my head as he washed my hair. Fred didn't utter a word the whole time, he was too focused on his task. He took his time taking care of me, then rinsing my hair again. I just closed my eyes savouring the whole process.

When he was done, he picked up a washcloth and began rubbing it gently over my shoulders and back.

"I could get used to this" I sighed after a while.

"Does it feel good?" he asked from behind me, he sounded unsure and I wondered what he was thinking.

"Of course it does" I assured him. "What's wrong Fred?" I eventually asked. "You're very quiet".

"I just want to be sure that you're alright" he said.

"You mean about last night?" I asked.

He took a breath and paused.

"I'm worried that I hurt you, that I rushed things" he began.

I tried to interrupt, to protest at his words but he cut me off, squeezing my shoulder to silence me and let him continue.

"Let me finish" he begged and I nodded, hating that I couldn't see his face as he remained out my eye line.

"It's not how I planned it would happen, not that I regret it for a second, I wouldn't take it back; us being together, making love" he said intently.

"It's just, there's this side of me that is so dominant, so greedy and I struggle to keep in control when it comes to you. I just want to possess you and last night shouldn't have been about me. I should have been different, I should have gentler" he sounded upset.

This time I did interrupt him successfully.

I turned to face him and his eyes were a little fraught; this time his insecurities were plain for me to see.

"It was perfect, the way I wanted. I love everything about you and last night was all that I've ever wanted. It was exciting and overwhelming and I don't want you thinking that you've done something you shouldn't have" I explained earnestly.

"I said things that I know you didn't understand" he retaliated; his eyes were so dark and wide.

"Like what?" I asked.

"About me needing to see you bleed, you must think I'm some savage..." he began.

I reached out and grasped his cheek in my wet hand.

"Don't you dare, I would never think that about you. For your information Fred Weasley, I love that you're passionate and dominating, I thought you would have realised that by now" I breathed.

His face was conflicting with emotions.

"It's just Claudia. It could have been different, there's magic that we use to take away the pain, take away the blood. I could have used it but I didn't want to. I wanted it to be different, real, like it is for muggles. I wanted your first time to be 'our' first time...I wanted..."

"I get it" I cut in forcefully.

And I did. It finally made sense his words. And if he thought for a second that I imagined him to be some barbaric savage for trying to make a point of our first time being very significant and special then he was sadly misunderstood. If he thought that his runaway raw passion was a flaw then he was very wrong. My stubborn, handsome, possessive Fred was everything I wanted him to be. I loved that he was so protective, so obsessed with me. It wasn't demeaning or weakening, it was empowering.

"I love your control you stupid boy, I love your raw passion, I love you showing me things I know nothing about and I love you forcing your body into mine and digging your fingers into my skin...I fucking love all of it!"

I pulled his confused face to mine and covered his mouth with my lips in a frantic kiss.

Fred gasped in surprise but quickly recovered, cradling my head in his hands as he pushed his tongue deep into my mouth earnestly. It was a long, frenzied, carnal, sensual kiss. His tongue possessing my mouth just the way I liked it. I could hear his soft moans mingle with mine and my body became alive with passion and want for him.

Eventually we parted, breathless and on edge.

"You shock the hell out of me sometimes, you leave me utterly confused..." he gasped lightly, all worry and tension gone from his face, only starving dark eyes, boring into mine.

"Good" I breathed, trying to catch my breath.

"Now get out of those denims and into this bath with me" I demanded suddenly brave and too bold, empowered by my kiss with Fred.

His eyes danced and he smiled a crooked lopsided grin.

"Yes, my love" he shuddered.

Authors Note

I just want to explain the lack updates. It wasn't intentional, I work Monday to Friday in a very busy job and it's been mental at the moment. On top of that I've been working weekends the last month overtime. That's a total of no days off. All work and no play make's Pixie a very boring fanfiction writer! But OT is done for now so I have some free time again.

Also someone commented on Claudia being in an abusive relationship with Fred, I just want to make this very clear. That is so far from the truth. Fred is a dominating character, and likes things a little kinky. That's as far as it will ever go with him and that is not a crime. In no way is this intended to come across as a domestic abusive relationship and I don't want people accusing me of portraying him like that. I'm not saying anymore on the matter if someone wants to ask me further questions then please PM me. I personally love kinky, dominating Fred and so does Claudia I can assure you.

I just want to say a quick thank you to some very nice people who have said lovely things to me about this story. Thank you for all the reviews and private messages. I really, really appreciate them. And a little shout out to Rae, thanks for listening to all my worries. I'm a little oversensitive sometimes...lol

Next update will not be in 10 years like this one was.

Bye for now, and if your nice I will ensure there's lots of lemons and smutty goodness coming your way the following chapter.

Pixie