EDITED, one more to go!
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0.0 Overload... fejsv dv jfd br brtgd bre GEV NDBUR! Whoa! Would you look at this review, boys?
Erol: Did you just speak Welsh...?
No it just looks like it.
Jak: The eco one has a point, ILoveJak08 has outdone herself. That sure is a picture she's painted...
Can't wait to get cracking on it!
Erol: I can't wait to get cracking on Jak!
Jak: DEA... help me!
Erol: Come on, Leibchen, how bad can it be?
Nightcrawler: (Bamf) Hey, that's my word! (Bamf)
Erol: (Glomps the air where Nightcrawler had just teleported) A sexy blue German!
Jak: Where the hell did he come from...?
I believe he walked right out of my comics...
Erol: He's gone
Well he can't hang around here, it's not his fandom.
Jak: Too right.
Erol: You're sexy Jak.
Jak: I know. So is this chapter.
How do you know? I haven't written it yet. By the way, thank you to all who reviewed, I haven't been replying lately but that doesn't mean they aren't appreciated.
Erol: I like aeroplane jelly! Aeroplane jelly for meeee!
Jak: He's a nutter...
Be that as it may, he brings a little something to the "story."
Erol: I bring the ass!
Jak: I think you'll find I bring the ass.
Neither of you bring any arse. Not with me here. I bring it.
Erol: We all bring it? Can I have Jak's?
Jak: Can I throw a pie at him?
No, I don't like slapstick...
Jak: Fine. Write the damn chapter with him frolicking all over the place, checking me out. See if I care! (Sulks)
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Torn, Interrupted
Torn looked up at the chapter title and sighed. I looked like one of those days again...
This didn't bother him too much yet. He was rather occupied lighting all the candles in his room without burning it or himself down. And it seems likely as most of them were so close together they made a wall of fire. Very romantic, Torn thought. Ashelin likes danger. He laid out the red and black bed covers and roses. With thorns. Ashelin likes danger.
Ashelin appeared in the doorway, I'd like to have said she was a corpse because I killed her several chapters ago and like to keep with some of my "plot," but not today. Apparently when Torn kisses fish they enjoy it so much they bring Ashelin to life.
She wore a negligee that revealed next to everything. It was actually a hotdog costume (like what those leaflet distributors wear) that Torn had cut a lot of holes in earlier. He was feeling his own enthusiasm just looking at her.
She swept into his arms and kissed him passionately. They began to make use of the bed, the rose thorns making them bleed in inconvenient places but they didn't care. This night was about them. Everything was perfect until...
The door burst open, 'Daxter are you sure this is the right place? The sign said "Do NOT Disturb."
'Of course this is the place my Tessie Poo, just look, an interactive display!'
'Where's the list? You didn't forget it did you?'
'No, I lost it. We needed some movies, I think one was "Haven's Harem" and uhh... "David Attenborough: Ottsels in the wild." We needed a jumbo (CENSORED) and three (CENSORED) because we always break them.'
'Didn't we need some more (CENSORED) gel? And those cute little (CENSORED) with the green handles on their (CENSORED).
Torn and Ashelin broke away from each other in confusion. It took a while for Torn to regain his composure enough to be angry, 'what the hell do you two think you're doing?'
'Oh don't mind us, we won't be long.' Daxter and Tess proceeded to dig under Torn's bed, finding various sexual objects that they were after for purchase and filling their shopping trolley (A/N: or shopping cart, for all you Americans.).
'Tess, I don't think they have "Haven's Harem" but they do have ...holy yakkow! That's Jak!' Tess, Honey, Time to pay and leave...
Tess opened Torn's beloved closet only to have Erol float out of it. Also, they found a lady behind a phallic shaped counter, 'welcome to Torn's Sex Boutique. Did you find everything OK?'
'Yeah, -'
'GET OUT!' Torn threw his underwear at the ottsels who quickly checked out and left. 'Good... now where were we?' Ashelin seemed to know exactly where they'd left off and they almost got further when another random outburst occurred.
'What's going on now and who the hell are you?' Torn demanded, for ILoveJak08 had inserted herself into a bit of a pickle. She carried a delicious cheesecake in her hands and was being hunted down by Kleiver and Krew.
'I'm ILoveJak08. Better known as the chick who's been causing chaos and randomness in the past few chapters.' She said, shaking both Torn and Ashelin's hands. DEA appeared with some hand cream and then disappeared again. (A/N: Well I couldn't have her walking around with cheesecake AND sex on her hands...)
Ashelin saw the sense in all this somehow and was mainly concerned by one thing, 'why do you have a cheesecake in your hands?'
'Well, I was coming out of the bakery with my cheesecake when these two hungry hippos saw me and started chasing me.'
Torn wasn't impressed with this explanation, 'Well that's very interesting but I'm going to have to ask you to leave-'
'GIVE ME THAT CHEESECAKE! I'M VERY HUNGRY! I HAVEN'T EATEN IN 10 MINUTES!' Krew was never very patient.
Kleiver was very patient but he isn't into sharing, 'hold up, you bloke! I saw the cheesecake first so it's mine!' The two began chasing ILoveJak08 around the room. Torn was very POed. 'OK you guys need to get-' ILoveJak08 jumped on the bed between he and his lover.
Kleiver, spying the cheesecake in her hands, still as delicious looking as ever, made a jump. He soared through the air in slow motion and landed on the luckless lovers.
Krew chased his runaway cheesecake bearer out the room, Kleiver close on his heels, the bed sheets tangled around his leg and Torn tangled in the bed sheets. He was dragged through the drool Krew was leaving in his wake.
They stampeded into the kitchen where they found ILoveJak08 to already be eating the cheesecake.
Krew panicked, 'don't you dare eat another bite!'
ILoveJak08 came up with a quick plan and went to the fridge where she found Narnia and a bucket of fried chicken. She took a bite and chucked the fried goods to the hippo men. They devoured the chicken while she made her escape, with her cheesecake safely tucked under her arm.
Torn carefully removed the sheets from his body while Kleiver was distracted, and moved through the house, coming across Jak and Keira.
They were dressed only in white button down dress shirts, underwear, sunglasses and socks. Tom Cruise comes to mind. The happy couple were singing and dancing to "Ego" by Beyonce of all things. They were so daft Torn didn't even bother asking what or why they were doing what they were doing.
ILoveJak08 pushed Keira out the way and took her place, dancing with Jak. Introductions ensured.
Ghost Erol, a pure and happy spirit, was outside, unbeknownst to them, taking recordings and photos of Jak as he sang and shook his tush.
He rushed to Ms Clark's Camera Shop to get the photos developed and blown up. He then rushed to the nearest internet cafe to upload the videos to YouTube. He then sat for a while with ILoveJak08, DEA and every Jak fan girl in the vicinity to enjoy them. When he returned home and put the blown up pictures in his shrine.
Back at his house, Torn was very upset, as you could imagine. 'You people are cra-' THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. The hippo boys had returned from the kitchen, covered in chicken grease and demanding as ever, 'CHEESECAKE NOW!'
ILoveJak08 threw Keira at them who was sucked into their gravitational pull and revolved 'round and 'round them. 'JAK! Help me!' But Jak was busy dancing and singing.
Torn's left eye began to twitch as he turned to return to his room and the saucy hotdog that awaited him there.
Then the situation got worse, Samos and Onin entered the room, Onin panting loudly and Samos cracking nuts with his butt. Onin could barely contain her lust.
'Hey everybody, if you need us we'll be in our room, "chanting." Very loudly.' The happy couple went into Torn's room/sex boutique and came back out shortly, carting a trolley full of naughty goods.
Torn turned the angry red of a man about to explode in a sinful shower of swear words and abuse (A/N: Ah, there's a poet in me...).
This shower was about to turn on full blast when Sig came in.
Torn deflated at the teary expression on Sig's face, 'what's the matter with you?'
Sig glared at him and went over to the fridge. The truth was that he had had a no good, very bad day. First Damas had taken his eye thingy because he thought it would suit him better, then two tourists wouldn't stop asking him the way to Disneyland, then once he had shaken them off Seem had stolen his peacemaker, under the belief that Sig is a witch and the peacemaker is his broom. Presently, Sig opened the fridge...
'WHO ATE MY CHICKEN?'
'Torn ate it!' chorused Kleiver and Krew and Torn was officially bitch slapped by Sig who then ran to his room. Torn ran to his own room, locking the door behind him.
What he saw when he turned around he was struck with complete horror. Ashelin was making out with Chris Redfield. Somewhere in a distant land, Sheva and Jill were very upset and jealous.
Torn was feeling similar emotions, he dropped to his knees, 'NO!'
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Daxter and Pecker were in Spargus at this time.
'Help me, help me! A gay fish humped my eye!' Yelled Pecker.
Daxter looked at him strangely, 'you're molesting my ankle' he said indignantly.
Pecker smiled wryly, 'I know how to make your chin look like a rapist.'
Daxter looked at his body, 'oh my God! You turned my freckles into boobs!'
Pecker was having a similar dilemma, 'why am I holding a roll of toilet paper?'
'I showered at Niagara Falls!'
'Oh, I see... you're a gay snail!'
Daxter looked sullen suddenly, 'my friend's incestuous gay hamsters ate each other.'
He remembered all too well the look on Jak's face when he had discovered his hamsters devoured bodies; he had tried to replace them with Daxter and Tess.
Pecker was so turned on by all of this that he immediately jumped Daxter, they romped around the room for a while, before growing very big and romping over the entire city. This turned Samos and Onin off, finally.
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That last section was inspired by giantshroomhead0. The rest was pretty much ILoveJak08. Worship her.
Erol: (Worships)
Jak: (Worships)
To my anonymous reviewer, Kat: Yeah, I've seen what Daxter can do. I think the idea is cool but they just didn't do in a way that appeals to me. I look forward to your randomness!
Erol: As do I.
Jak: I'll decide when I see it.
Erol: In the meantime, I'm drawing Dark Jak.
Jak: (ahem) ...Why?
Erol: Don't you know that sinners have more fun?
Jak: Well yes, but being Dark gives me a headache...
Erol: Baby, I can take all that away.
Jak: I kind of like the way he's talking.
Don't give in to him Jak, he's been into my other fandoms, picking things up from random characters all over the place.
Jak: Oh right. And I like girls. Why is it so hard for me to get a little action in these things and Torn gets it whenever he likes?
Torn: Do not...
Jak: I forgot, you want it all the time.
Erol: You are always saying that he needs to get laid.
Jak: Well he does...
No argument there.
Jak: Any takers?
Erol: Yes, that's all we need, a bunch of Torn fan girls competing to get into Torn's miniscule pants. Alright then ladies (and gentleman, no prejudices here) tell us, what would you do to get into Torn's pants, or how would you do it? And no "I'd dress up like Ashelin" because that's what I'm doing.
The best entry gets a chapter dedicated to anything of their choice.
Jak: So be creative!
Erol: Anyone would think this is a cheap device to get reviews and ideas...
It is... but don't let that stop you! For any guy reviewers, tell me how you'd seduce Rayn.