Kirsty

Charlie was the first person I saw as I was wheeled through the doors. He looked grimly at the doors but as he saw me coming through them he forced a small smile onto his face. It looked the same as any other part of the hospital but it wasn't; it was psych. I couldn't believe this is where I'd ended up. I sighed and avoided looking into Charlie's eyes. What should I do now? Neither Warren nor Kathy had been to see me since I'd woken up. It was now mid-afternoon and I had been left with no directions and I felt lost. Am I meant to still be silent? I'd kind of ruined that by talking to Tess when I'd first woken and just carried on but I did only talking when I had to. All I could think about was what I was meant to be doing. What would they want me to do? I was worrying about doing what they would want me to do, or not to. I questioned everything I did wondering if they would approve or disapprove of what I was doing. I wanted to be free but I didn't know how to be anymore. I'd gone straight from my parent's house to Warren's parent's house to his never once being full in control of myself and not knowing what to do.

Now I was all alone in the psych ward abandoned by them all because that's where they thought I belonged. But I didn't. I got here because I did as they told me to. I'd gone along with Warren and Kathy for all this time, maybe I did belong here after all. It felt like the right thing to do at the time but now I questioned myself and my actions everything that had lead me to this moment.

They knew I was talking now and that meant that there was no way back for me; I would have to answer their questions if I ever had a hope of leaving this place. Ruth had been here for weeks and apart from a card nobody had bothered to go and see her. I suppose it would be just the same for me, nobody wanted to see their colleagues held up in here, especially if they were a doctor or nurse.

I was dreading the questions that were coming and what was worse Warren and Nita hadn't been to see me; maybe they hated me now because of what I'd tried to do. I shook my head silently arguing with myself, I wouldn't do that. Did I really have to answer the questions? Could I get away with lapsing back into silence?

I had to get home but still the silence was simple. One easy rule, don't talk. I wanted to be there for Nita I really did, but did she want me to be there for her. I couldn't help thinking that she would be better of with out me. That she would hate me now for being so selfish. She deserved someone so much better than me but I was all she had. Well she had Warren and Kathy but could I really leave her with them trust them to bring my daughter up in a loving and stable home.

I almost laughed out loud at the thought of my mother-in-law and my husband playing happy families with my daughter, all the time with me rotting in here. The thing was that's all they would be doing playing at it. I doubted whether my daughter would ever be happy with them or safe for that matter, not just physically but mentally as well. I defiantly didn't want them messing with her head like they had been messing with mine.

I was still undecided about what to do - I needed to get home but desperately didn't want to answer any questions or sit for hours on end with a psychiatrist – when a knock came at the door. I could see Ruth through the panel of glass the door had in it but she hadn't opened it and was waiting for me to answer. I made no attempt to speak to tell her she could enter and we looked at each other through the glass before she took it upon herself to enter.

"Hi," she seemed shy, so unlike the Ruth I've seen around the ED. Still I made no attempt to talk back and moved my gaze from her to my lap hoping that she would get the hint and leave me to it, she didn't and took a seat on the bed beside mine.

The room was quiet spacious and minimalist with two beds, a desk, a sink and a window looking out over the car park (the blind was pulled up.) Ruth had been quiet for a long time. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her sitting crossed legged positioned directly at me examining me through her over grown fringe. I was also sitting crossed legged with my shoulders slouched over my knees. I peered over one of my shoulders to look at her properly her constant stare annoying me.

Ruth

At first I didn't believe it Kirsty admitted to psych, it just seemed wrong. I couldn't put my finger on why but I wouldn't fully believe it until I'd seen it for myself. Unfortunately when I did see her hunched over herself so thin and weak looking I realised just how far she'd fallen since I'd last seen her as the feisty nurse willing to stand up to anyone and everyone. It was something that immediately put her on my bad side but now looking at her all those bad feelings had vanished and where replaced by understanding.

Charlie had briefly told me the basics of what had happened to Kirsty and it intrigued me knowing that she had but up with the abuse for years and finally cracked when everyone knew but nothing he said prepared me for the woman sat in front of me her eyes haunted by ghosts showing the pain and confusion she was going through. I'm not one for giving hugs but at that moment I felt like I should hug her but I didn't because I was scared that any movement I made would make her retreat back into her shell.

We sat for a while in silence my eyes never once leaving her. She was pulling away from everything again, I could feel it but I had no idea how to stop her. Then she did something unexpected she turned and looked at me, recognition strong in her eyes and then it faded. She looked like she was looking right through me and goose pimples erupted over my skin. She looked so empty lost in her world of thought.

I want to thank anyone who's taken the time to review. A special thanks to Harriet Shaw who's last review inspired me to write this chapter :D Hope you like it