For You I Was a Flame

by selfluminousbody

There comes a time in everyone's lives when things just suck. A year before the dead start eating people, Pippa reluctantly moves back to her old hometown, after falling on hard times. There she encounters an old flame and ignites a new spark. Rated M for explicit language and adult situations. Dwight/OC, Negan/OC.

38. Chapter 38

Today's the last day before spring break and I couldn't be more on edge if I tried. There's so much to do before I go to D.C., including getting Jolyon ready to go spend the next four days with his father in Houston.

I've barely been paying attention to the group projects that I had my juniors do for Am Lit. So long as my ears don't pick up on anything inaccurate or off topic, I'm satisfied for the moment. I'll look at their posters and/or dioramas in detail later.

By the end of the day, I'm itching to get out of here, but I'm behind on grading since my hospital stay and so I have to at least be here another hour and a half. Lourdes is also staying, so she offered to go pick up Jolyon for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he'll probably want to hangout with Negan at baseball practice. Ever since Negan gave him that baseball and glove for his birthday, he's been eager to come to my work after school. The baseball and glove either stay in the Jeep, or in Jolyon's backpack at all times upon his insistence.

I also don't know how to tell Lourdes that Negan's coming along on the trip to D.C. He told me on the way back to my house after the AA meeting last Thursday. He took me again last night, which was better than last time, considering I didn't cry in front of a room full of strangers. I honestly don't know where that came from. Never would I ever have believed that I would spill out the darkest parts of my heart. The ugliness that has happened to me, or else that I have done to myself or others, that has plagued me for so long.

"Here he is!" Lourdes sings as she opens the door of my classroom.

"Hi, Mom!" Jolyon runs over.

"Hey, Jol!" I smile. "How was your day?"

"We got caterpillars at school today," He excitedly tells me, "They're gonna turn into crystals and then into butterflies!"

I chuckle. "I think you mean chrysalis, babe."

"Yeah. They're gonna eat a lot of leaves, but not cupcakes like in the book."

"That's so cool," I muss his curls, "I'm so excited for you."

"Where's Negan?" He inquires.

"He's out in the baseball fields."

"Can I go?"

"Aw, you don't want to hang with me?" Lourdes playfully pouts.

"Do you know how to play catch?"

"Uh, yeah, sure."

Jolyon thinks about it. "But Negan is really good at it."

"Well, I...have candy in my desk." Lourdes bribes.

He looks over at me. "Can I have some?"

I laugh. "Hmm..okay, sure, but just one piece."

"Mmm..." Jolyon thinks about it more, "Okay, but only for a little bit. Okay?"

"Okay, fair enough," Lourdes compromises, taking his hand, "See you after your kid betrays me."

"See ya."

I work for a solid ten minutes, before my door opens again. That's enough time to look over four posters that I can tell were hastily put together last minute, quite possibly during lunch in the library, though still hold quality fit for an A or B grade in my books. I just barely enter in the grades of the students whose posters I just examined, when there's a knock.

"Come in."

The door opens. "Where's my boy at?"

I scoff, looking at computer. "If he's your boy, then I'll accept child support in checks through the mail every first of the month."

"You don't want child support, remember?" Negan grins as he waltzes over. "Too prideful, or stupid, or something like that."

"Yes, but for you, my sweet, I'd make an exception."

"Asshole."

I chuckle. "Oh, what? You wouldn't want to give me money to raise your child?"

"No, I would, but only if I was sure you were fuckin' sober."

"Fuck you, I am sober."

"Sober now," Negan snickers, "And for like four weeks."

"Hey, aren't I supposed to get some sort of chip for that?"

"Beats the fuck outta me, ask your sponsor."

"You are my sponsor."

"Well, then, nope!" He grins, leaning on my desk. "I don't have some plastic coin to give you." He huskily chuckles in his throat. "But I could give you something else."

"Mm, I'd rather the chip; it'll be more satisfying."

Negan laughs. "Fuck you."

I smile. "Jolyon's with Lourdes."

"Lourdes?" He raises a brow. "She's still here?"

"Yeah..." I study his expression, "What?"

"She's been spending a lot of time here after work," Negan relays, "She doesn't do that normally, not since we stopped fooling around anyway."

"Well, maybe she's behind on grading, or...wants to keep on it."

"Or, she doesn't want to go home."

"Why wouldn't she want to go home?" I think about what I said. Then again, why would she?

"She doesn't want to go home to that prick she chose over me."

I roll my eyes. "First of all, get over it and secondly, her and Simon...get along for the most part."

"Yeah," He scoffs, "When he's horny."

"Isn't that the same type of arrangement you and her had?"

"No, that was different."

"Because you cared about her?"

"Because I might've been an asshole, but at least I didn't treat Lourdes like a piece of goddamn meat."

"You...had an affair with her, said insincere things, and then was a dick to her after you got caught," I blandly remind him, "And you didn't necessarily treat Lara and Claire very nicely either. I imagine the same for Miss Jessica."

Negan scowls at me.

"Am I lying?" I ask, before my eyes avert to the sight of Lourdes coming in.

"Alright, we're back," She says, bringing Jolyon, "He ate my last candy bar."

"You eat Snickers a lot, huh?" Jolyon asks her. "You had a lot of empties."

When I said "just one piece" I assumed we were talking about a tootsie roll, not a whole candy bar, but okay.

Lourdes chuckles, a little abashed. She spots Negan. "Oh, hey."

"Hey," Negan greets back, "Grading papers?"

"Um, yeah," She shyly smiles, tucking hair behind her ear, "But, I gotta go now, so..."

"Oh, really?" I knit my brows. "I thought you were staying 'til five?"

"Yeah, but Simon called and wants to go to dinner, so I'm gonna go home instead."

"Oh, okay," I scan her face, "I guess I'll see ya Monday morning then."

"Yeah," She nods, sweetly smiling, "Seven-thirty sharp."

"Bye, Lourdes!" Jolyon hug her legs.

"Aw, bye, Jol!" She hugs him back. "Have fun in Houston." Lourdes glances over at Negan, still a little meek, much to my astonishment. "Bye."

"See ya." Negan replies.

She leaves my classroom and as soon as Negan can see she's out of sight, he looks over at me, raising his brows as if to say; "See?" I look back with uneasiness.

"What'd I tell ya?" Negan says.

"They're going to dinner."

"She was planning on staying, he called her, and now she's going home."

"Well...I don't know," I sigh, "I want to just believe that it's just their weird ass relationship, but...he's such an asshole to her."

"Think maybe there's something going on?"

"I...I don't know," I shrug my shoulders, "She's seems like such a force to be reckoned with, you know? It's hard to imagine that she'd let him push her around, but..."

"You think he's hit her?" Negan's tone sharpens.

"No, I mean, I don't know. I wouldn't think so, considering that he did a number on her dad when he hit her."

"Mommy?" Jolyon taps my arm.

I look down. "What baby?"

"Can we go outside and play now?"

I glance back up at Negan. "Um...Sure, Jol, go ahead."

Negan and I share a look, before he leads Jolyon out my classroom door. "Alright, you ready to chase some fast ones?"

"Yeah!" Jolyon cheers. "Can you give me a piggyback ride?"

"Sure, but just 'til we get outside," Negan tells him, "Can't have my players thinking I'm all soft, understand?"

"Yeah." Jolyon says, though I'm not sure he does understand the silly pride of the baseball coach.

...

I am not okay with this. I stand in line with Jolyon, fidgety and sweating. My eyes want to look back at the bar towards the food court and gift shop. Jolyon holds my hand, but I don't think he's picked up on what a wreck I am. Each time the people at the podium let someone go, my heart beats faster. My parents walk up to us and I wish it'd be somewhat of a comfort to me, but I'm inconsolable.

"Well, we couldn't find a coloring book with just sharks, but this one looked nice." My mom hands me a coloring book for Jolyon.

I take it. "This is an adult coloring book, Mom."

"So?"

"So, it's too intricate," I complain, flipping through the pages, "It's for adults with anxiety."

"Oh, well, then maybe you should go sit down and color," She retorts, "He's four, honey, I don't think he cares if he stays in the lines."

"Can I see it?" Jolyon puts his hand out.

"Here."

He looks at the front cover. "It's a bug coloring book?"

"That's what it looks like."

"I like it!"

"See?" Mom smiles.

"Next!" The lady at the podium says.

I squeeze Jolyon's shoulder a little. "Okay."

We go up to her and I hand her Jolyon's ticket. "Thank you."

"Um, he's flying alone and he's never been on a plane before, so I, um, uh, was wondering if he'd be accompanied the whole way?"

"Get a hold of yourself, Pipsqueak." My dad says with his brows furrowed at my finicky behavior.

"Of course he'll be accompanied!" The lady cheerily assures me. "I think you called ahead this morning?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Yes, well, we assigned Quinn to sit with the little passenger the whole way!"

"Okay, great, thanks."

"Let me just call her over to take him to his seat." The lady says, reaching for the phone.

I nod, looking down at Jolyon. "You ready?"

"Mm, yeah."

"You're gonna be okay without me going with you?" I get down on my knee, fretting my hands by his arms. "Because I can go with you, if you want. I'll buy a ticket right now."

Jolyon blinks at me. "But you said you had to go on a field trip."

"Yeah, but I cancel and go with you instead, if you want," I tell him, "I'd rather hang out with you."

"And Dad?"

I waffle. "Uh...s-sure, yeah."

"Are you gonna spend the night at his house, too?"

"Um, well, no, I'll probably stay at a motel, but I won't be far away."

"Pippa." My mom quietly scolds.

I bite my lip. "So, what do you say? Do you want me to go with you?"

Jolyon glances down, thinking. This is the first time he'd be so far from me and home. I've always been just one call away. Finally, he puts his hands on the straps of his backpack. "No, that's okay. I can go by myself."

I'm dumbfounded. "Are you...are you sure?"

"Yeah." He nods his head, somewhat confident.

"O-okay," I nod back, "Okay, all by yourself. You're so brave."

"Ma'am," The worker addresses me, "We're ready for him."

"Alright," I look back to Jolyon, "You ready?"

"Yeah!"

I smile brightly. "Okay, give Gran and Pop a hug goodbye."

"Bye!" Jolyon hugs them both at the same time.

"Bye, Jolly. Have fun!"

"I will," He comes back to me, putting his arms tightly around me, "Bye, Mama."

I hold back tears. "Bye, baby," I then look at him, "I want you to call me as soon as Dad picks you up, okay?"

"Okay."

"And you can call me anytime, alright? As much as you want."

"Okay, Mom."

I kiss his cheek, standing up. "I'll see you in a few days. Be good and have fun."

"Bye, Mom." Jolyon starts to walk towards the smiling stewardess.

"Bye..." I watch him go with her towards the hall that leads to the plane. He looks back once and waves, just before he's out of sight. I stand there afterwards, sort of hoping he'll come running back with a changed mind, while also sort of proud that he hasn't.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah." I sigh heavily.

"It'll be alright, honey," My mom touches my shoulder.

"Yeah..." I repeat.

...

I watch all the students file onto the bus in the soft breezy morning on Monday. I'm nursing my second double shot espresso after a lousy night's sleep. I don't like not having Jolyon around, it's just unnatural at home without him. He called me yesterday afternoon from Eugene's phone to tell me he got there alright and then once again before bed. I got another call this morning, which only made my heart grow fonder and more forlorn.

Avery and Diane are each riding one of the two buses with the students to supervise. That means the rest of us are riding in one car. Technically, there was supposed to be seven adults, but one of the other teachers bailed because his wife had a baby three days ago and when Claire found out Negan was going, she made up some barely believable excuse as to why she couldn't go either.

But, Avery didn't seem all that concerned, seeing as Negan's still going. If he can handle a whole football team by himself on an overnight game, then he can sure as hell handle fifty students with the help of four other adults. I wouldn't be surprised if he could handle them all on his own.

Anyway, since Avery and Diane are occupying the buses, Lourdes, Negan, and I are driving all the way to D.C. together in my Jeep with no one to buffer. Lourdes walked straight to my car this morning, put her bag in my trunk, and then sat up in the passenger's seat with a plan line for a mouth and sunglasses on. I don't think she's happy that Negan's going.

When all the students are loaded up and Avery's given Negan the directions to the hotel, him and I walk to the car.

"I bet we can get there in half the estimated time."

"I'd prefer to live, thank you," I huff, reaching for the paper, "Here, I'll give 'em to Lourdes, so she can read 'em to me."

"First of all, I'm driving," Negan informs me, "And we'll just punch it into your GPS."

"I don't have a GPS."

"Why the fuck don't you have a GPS?"

"My Jeep is from the 90's," I take the directions from him, "And your car's older, so it doesn't have GPS either, so don't even fucking start."

"No, but I have a GPS device." Negan chuckles.

"Well, go get it, then."

"It's at my house."

"Oh, well, then the good 'ol fashioned way is gonna have to work for us," I retort, "If it's good enough for the pioneers, it's good enough for us."

"The pioneers got lost a lot and died," Negan argues, humored, "Occasionally ate each other. You've played Oregon Trail."

"I have and not once did my characters eat each other. Don't be an ass, we'll be fine."

"Kick Lourdes to the back." He tells me, after seeing her in the front.

"I'm not gonna do that," I roll my eyes, "You're just gonna have to be nice and behave."

"Tell her to do the same."

"I don't know if that'll be a problem. I think she's hung over, so she might sleep the whole way."

"Jesus, really? On a Monday morning?"

"Are you really shocked by that?" I laugh, opening my trunk.

"Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying after knowing you." He loads our things up, peering up front at the back of Lourdes' head. "Hey, Lour. Fine morning we're having, huh?"

"Yeah," She scoffs, "Real nice."

He closes down the trunk, which makes her groan. "Yep, she's got a hangover."

"Dick."

"What are you doing?" Lourdes asks him as he opens the driver's door.

"Driving."

"Uh, this is Pippa's car. Why isn't she driving?"

"Because I called dibs," Negan smirks, sitting down on the seat, "But it's cool, if you want shotgun. Just so long as you realize that it's a big responsibility."

She makes a disgusted noise and unbuckles her seatbelt to get out. "You can have shotgun, Pip."

I wish I could tell you that we drove in silence for a while, but let's be real; we couldn't even make it down the street without loud mouth saying something.

"So, how was dropping the baby off at the airport?"

"Um, it was hard," I tell Lourdes, "I thought he was gonna be a mess when it came time to leave, but I guess I was the only one who was upset."

"Atta boy," Negan chimes in, "Tough as nails."

I roll my eyes. "Shut up."

"It's been one day and you've already got empty nest syndrome?"

I don't answer, because I don't feel like egging on his teasing.

"You think he's having fun?" Lourdes asks, leaning her head against the window.

"Yeah, his dad has some cool things planned."

"Like what?" Negan inquires.

"Like the zoo, the aquarium, the science museum. I think Jolyon said something about this new ice cream place."

He scoffs under his breath. "So, boring shit?"

I shrug. "It's not boring to Jolyon; he likes that stuff." I point over to the road. "You need to get in this lane."

Negan switches lanes. "So, he's spending four days doing nothing but educational crap?"

"That's what we're doing for three days, stupid."

He chuckles. "That's not all we're doing."

I smile, arching my brow. "What you don't want to learn a few new tricks?"

Lourdes groans. "This isn't a romantic getaway," She reminds the two of us, "There will be children present."

"Not in our hotel room." Negan replies.

"Uh, Pip and I are sharing a room," She furrows her brows, "You can't be there, too."

"We have adjoining rooms."

"What?" I can't see her eyes through her sunglasses, but I can't tell she's looking at me. "Did you know that?"

I glance away, ashamed. "Yes."

She huffs. "That's just great."

...

We arrive in D.C. about four hours later. Lourdes was pretty steamed about the whole room situation, so she was quiet for the rest of the ride and catnapped her hangover away. Negan and I talked about little things, which is oddly unusual for us. We don't typically idly chat, but we did this morning.

We talked about signing Jolyon up for t-ball in the fall and about the softball game next Thursday. We talked about how sad that lady's story was at AA last Thursday and laughed about the injures we got as children. Negan got hurt a lot as a kid, which honestly doesn't surprise me, though I think some information might have slipped out without his knowing. It seems to me that Negan may have spent a lot of time alone as a kid, while his parents were working, or elsewhere. Every time he got hurt, he had to go to a neighbor's house for help, or call 9-1-1. It's the first time I ever heard him mention them. I guess I just figured he shot out from under the earth's core and then went to live amongst society once he cooled off.

Occasionally, when he said something low key concerning, I glanced back at Lourdes as if checking on her. She was still wearing her sunglasses, but from the side, I could see her peer my way, too.

The hotel is gorgeous. I can't believe a school as small as ours would book a hotel as regal as this, but I guess they've been fundraising since the beginning of the school year. The walls are a cream color with gold trim and dark blue floors. The chandelier in the lobby is so big, you could safely swing from it.

We're all up on the fourth floor, so once we corral all the students up there, we give them and ourselves an hour to rest and settle in, until we have to walk to this pizza place that's about three blocks away. Lourdes and I go into the room we split the bill on, since the rooms are sort of pricey.

She wheels her suitcase over to one of the beds, before she plops down on it. "Wake me when we're ready to go, okay?"

"Okay." I set my suitcase on the other bed. "Hey, Lour?"

"Hm?"

"You aren't mad, right?" I ask her, nervous. "About the rooms adjoining?"

"No, I'm fine," She grumbles, "I just didn't know you and him were planning on using this trip as a sex vacation."

"We aren't."

"Then why did you book the room right next to his?"

I bite my lip. "Because...he told me to."

Lourdes scoffs through her nose. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

I knit my brows. "Are you gonna lay there and tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing?

"Not in close proximity of my students."

"You and Simon were having fucking his car on the first day of school," I scoff, simmering, "And I know you've had phone sex."

"I DON'T want to talk about Simon," She adamantly states, no longer facing me, "So, leave him out of this."

I shake my head, sighing. "Whatever," I look towards the door that'll lead to Negan's room, "I'll let you sleep."

"Yeah, why don't you?"

I roll off her comment and open the door, going into the mini hallway between the rooms. I knock and then wait in the mutely lit room.

"Who is it?"

I roll my eyes. "C'mon, just let me in."

He laughs behind the door, before opening it. "Well, come on in, madam."

I tread past him, taking a look at his room. "What? Why does your room only have one bed?"

"Because it's the master to the other unit," He gloats, "The kids go nighty-night in that room, while Mom and Dad have alone time in this room." Negan snakes an arm around my middle from behind me. "Are the kids asleep?"

"Yeah and she's being a bitch."

He chuckles against me. "Lour's pissed, huh?"

"She's not happy that you came and definitely not happy about the room situation."

"Well, too fucking bad," Negan jokes, "I'm first priority."

I snort. "Yeah fucking right."

He laughs a little. "Are you implying that I'm not?"

"The only thing you're first in is getting a rise out of me."

"It's only fair, considering I get a rise from you."

"Oh, yeah?" I purr.

Negan cups my breast, kissing my neck. "Yeah."

"Aw, well, down boy," I break from him, going towards the bed, "I'm not looking to get laid right now."

"May I ask why?"

"You may," I humor him as I sit down, "And it's because I don't want to get all hot and sweaty, if we're gonna go get lunch in an hour and tour the botanical gardens."

"Alright, that's fair enough," Negan stops just a foot away from me, "How about a little oral then?"

"You have two seconds to get that thing out of my face, before you get punched in the dick."

"I meant on you, asshole."

"Ooh," I naughtily chuckle as he comes a little closer, "As tempting as that sounds, I think I'm gonna have to pass." I push him away with my foot. "I think I'm gonna freshen up a bit instead."

"You're gonna shower?"

"If you don't mind, which you don't, so yeah." I pull my hair up into a pineapple bun as I stand. "The downside to natural deodorant is that it's not longwearing on a hot day."

"Charming." Negan hooks his arm around me again, touching the small of my back. "Why don't we 'freshen up' together?"

"Oh, to conserve water, right?" I place my hand on his bicep.

"Yeah, sure, that sounds good."

"That's a good enough excuse?" I tip up on my toes to kiss him.

He shrugs. "Whatever gets me in that shower."

I cackle, putting my arms around his neck. "Well, it's your lucky day, because guys who flippantly pretend to care about water conservation just to get in my pants is my turn on."

"Go start the water, tiger."

I saucily arch my brow. "You go start the water, tiger."

"I don't fuckin' want to."

"Well, I have to get to naked."

"What better place to get naked than in a goddamn bathroom?" He retorts.

I groan, lowering my arms to my sides. "Touché, you lazy dick."

"Thought you had me there for a second, didn't ya?"

"I really did." I turn to go to the bathroom. Smack! "Ow!" I yelp, touching the burning area on my ass. "What the fuck?"

Negan laughs his ass off, throatily drawing in air to breathe. "That'll teach you to get mouthy with me."

I rub the same spot, before dragging my feet to the bathroom. "Fucking motherfucker."

In the elegant bathroom, I turn on the water in the beautifully green tiled shower. I strip down to my birthday suit and pad over to the shell colored sinks, hoisting myself up onto the counter. The room is illuminated softly from the light square window that's high up on the wall between the shower and claw foot bathtub.

"You ready for me, baby?"

I watch him come through the door. "That sounds like something a prostitute would say."

"I wouldn't know," Negan smirks into his dimples as he strolls on over, "And they prefer to be called sex workers, so show some goddamn respect."

"Noted," I playfully nudge him with my foot, "Get naked."

"Alright," He reaches down to the hem of his shirt, "If you insist."

Negan leans over and hungrily takes me by the mouth, causing me to smack my head on the mirror behind me. "Negan!" I feel my head. "Jesus."

"Sorry, it was an accident." He chuckles, undoing his belt. "I thought you liked it a little rough?"

"Shut your mouth." I snap at his taunting, pushing myself off the sink to go to the shower. "Where's your toiletries?"

"Toiletries?" Negan scoffs. "You mean my soap and shit, right?"

"Yes, toiletries."

"In there," He motions towards the room, "Why?"

"I meant what I said about washing my pits." I barefoot towards the door.

"I'll get it," Negan gets to the door before me, "I don't want you fuckin' tossing my clothes all over the room."

"Who am I? Daisy Buchanan?" I retort, watching from the doorframe as he opens his suitcase and sifts through it for a small leather case.

"Catch."

I catch the bag and walk back into bathroom, unzipping the case. "Where's the shampoo and conditioner?"

"I left it at home," He answers, "I'll just use the shampoo the hotel puts out."

"You only use shampoo?"

Negan shrugs. "Two-in-one."

"Two-in-one? You mean that horse garbage that men think is a-okay to use, so they don't have to use actual conditioner?"

He laughs. "I don't have long enough hair."

"That doesn't matter."

"Are we gonna fuck each other's brains out, or are we gonna spend this trip fuckin' chitchatting about toiletries?"

"Alright, alright, let's do this. I'm tired of having to look at your flaccid penis." I waltz over to the shower, pulling open the glass door.

"Can't keep your eyes off it?"

"Yes, but only because it's creeping me out."

He snickers to himself. "You know, the best part about shower sex is that I won't have to tell you to clean yourself up afterwards."

I pause with one foot in the shower. "You really wanna strike out like that?"

"Fucking relax, I was kidding." He opens the shower door more. "Get in."

"Well, I don't know now."

"Pip, we're running out of time," Negan impatiently informs me, "I was kidding. I'm sorry, alright?"

I smirk. "I love when you're all desperate and begging for it."

"I'll show you who's begging for it." He tells me, closing the door behind us.

I chuckle. "I want you to call me daddy from now, alright?"

He scoffs into a laugh. "Bolt that trap of yours, you sick bastard." "That's daddy to y-"

Negan takes my arm and spins me around, crashing his mouth onto mine. My back touches the wall as we passionately kiss like cannibals. Spray from the shower mists my face as he leans into me. I moan in his mouth as I feel him start to harden against my leg.

My hands roam his wet skin as his reciprocates on my flesh. I feel his hand slither down and around my right thigh. He takes it and lifts it up. I open my eyes in mild confusion when my foot touches the marble corner of the shower that's supposed to be for soap and shampoo.

Negan's mouth devilishly curls into a grin, before he pecks my lips and then gets down. I watch, half-nervous, half-elated as he gets situated one knee, wrapping his arm around my elevated leg. I smile back when he peers up with that same smirk on his face and gingerly comb my fingers through his wet, slick hair.

My eyes shut softly at the feel of his mouth on me. I let out an alleviated moan, tilting my head back against the tile. His fingers press into my hips. Between my legs tightens and twinges with an achingly good sensation.

"Oh, god." I breathe and it makes him chuckle and proceed.

He goes down on me with such tender, desired hunger and it makes my legs quake under me. I've never felt this good before, or else I can't remember when I felt this good. He surpasses them all. The warm water beats against our adulterous bodies, but the breeze from the window offers some cooling licks of air.

I fidget a little, wanting to buckle underneath all the nerves and desperation. I lean forward a little, placing my hand on the glass for some relief.

"Oh, god," I pray shallowly, "Oh, god, oh, Negan."

I mewl as the feeling worsens with pleasure and I become weaker. My other hand runs through this hair, gripping it unintentionally.

It doesn't seem to bother him, because he keeps going, picking up the pace only slightly, but it's enough. I don't know what he's done, but it's sent me over the edge. I'm struck silent for what feels like forever, but is really only a few seconds. Despite my flinched indication of coming, Negan keeps at it, making me rapture even more.

Finally, I cry out, sending an echo bouncing off the walls. "Negan!"

Negan snickers, looking up at me. "Yes?"

I let out a choppy chuckle at his causal address, which makes him laugh back.

"Did I do good?"

I wipe some water from my face. "Yeah, you did okay. C's get degrees."

Negan scoffs into a laugh as he starts to rise. "There's no pleasing you, you fucking asshole."

I grin a little. "Well, I wouldn't give up. There's no hurt in trying."

He cackles, inclining his body against mine. "I don't know, I might have to see a chiropractor." He kisses me.

"Mm, well, I don't think you're health insurance covers injuries sustained while giving head."

Negan smiles, humored. "God, you're awesome."

I smile, kissing his lips. "Is that heat you're packing below, or are you happy to see me?"

He chuckles, returning the kiss more passionately, while reaching down towards my legs.

"Don't slip and drop me."

"I'm not gonna fuckin' slip and drop you." Negan promises, despite finding it funny.

Him and I maneuver so that he can enter me and I can wrap my legs around him. We simultaneously groan as we connect. I put my arms over his shoulders and cross them. Negan's eyes explore my face, which makes me want to smile at him, sincerely.

He smiles back, before steadily bucking his hips against me. I breath through a moan, wanting him to make me come again, before we have to be teachers and chaperones again. Negan thrusts evenly, instead of quick and deep like usual. He stills manages to reach the depth, because of our position, but he's taking things sweet and easy and I'm not complaining.

Negan's hand touches the tile behind me, while the other is holding my back. I look at him as his eyes close with pleasure and then open again to meet my gaze. I can't help but to smile at him, which he returns, before groaning again.

Still sensitive from before, it doesn't take me long to feel that climb again. I rest my head on the shower wall again, letting the water spritz my face as it bounces off his shoulder.

Negan puts his mouth on my neck, hungrily planting veracious kisses down to my chest. I moan at the act, getting worked up by how each time seems to tell me how much he wants me.

"Oh, Negan." I softly bless his name.

Negan moans when he hears his name roll off my tongue and it encourages him to go a little faster, desiring. I whimper as I begin to feel the ball start up the hill all over again. I almost want to cry at how good he makes me feel in this moment.

He bucks in and out of me with both lustful determination and care. He moves in a way that lets me know that he trying to be tender, while also wanting to fuck me hard until my flesh has imprints of the square tiles. It's enough.

My insides flutter around him as he, as well as the thought of him, gets me there. I abruptly moan, loud and sharp, again causing an echo that outshines the noise of the shower, before a gentler sigh.

Negan starts to break away from me and I undo my legs. He pulls out of me and flinches forward a little with a deep moan. I look down for a moment and then back up at him. I then reach over and take him in my hand, slowly stroking, which brings him closer.

"Jesus." He touches his forehead to mine as I work him over.

I catch his lips with mine and he moans into my mouth as he holds my kiss. It's only a few more seconds, until he comes, grunting suddenly and stilling himself. I give him a few more caresses, until he exhales and kisses me. My eyes curiously follow his movements.

He slicks back his hair. "Goddamn." He peers over at me.

I quietly extend my hand towards the cleansing stream.

Negan grins and breaks into a snickering laugh that I join in on. He takes the sides of my face and kisses my mouth one more time. "Holy hell, Pippa."

...

The rest of the day swims by. We regrouped with the students and other chaperones after our shower and walked to that pizza place. Negan and I walked behind the clustered sea of teenagers, while Avery, Diane, and Lourdes either lead the group, or walked alongside of it. I spotted Lourdes glancing behind at us, every now and then, especially if one of us laughed too loudly.

After lunch, we walked to the botanical gardens which were beautiful. I had been here before, but not in years, so I forgot how amazing it was. The humidity made us all perspire, but we ignored it because of the all the flora and butterflies surrounding us. That is, of course, except Negan. He glanced around and nonchalantly noted that the gardens were "pretty." I don't think anything on this trip is really going to be his cup of tea. Negan's not the museum, touristy type.

He sighs through his nose as his eyes scan the greenhouse roof of the observatory, while also keeping an eye of our charges. He blinks and catches me staring at him, smiling as our eyes meet. I smile back, but shyly.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm smitten right now. Just the way he's looking at me and the way he looked at me back in the hotel has me smiling to myself nonstop. Maybe it's just nice to know that Negan can and will look at me that way, even after he learned about what a walking calamity I am.

"Give it back, Nanda!"

I look ahead at the commotion. Oh, fucking hell. Ravinder and her older, Nanda are a few feet ahead of me. Nanda has what looks like one of the pamphlets they hand you at the door. I roll my eyes as I walk over to them.

"Give her back the pamphlet."

Nanda looks me over and scoffs. "I was just kidding around with her."

"Well, you're done now, so give it back, please."

"Oh, god, whatever," Nanda frisbees the pamphlet towards her sister, "Take it, you big baby."

I cross my arms. "Rav, hold on a second."

Ravinder halts from picking it up off the ground. "What?"

"Miss Patel," I address Nanda, "Pick up the pamphlet and kindly hand it to your sister, please."

"What?" She arches her brow like I'm crazy.

"I asked you to give it back to her, not to rudely throw it, so pick it up and hand it back to her kindly, please."

"Are you f-joking with me?"

"Does it seem like I'm joking?" I promptly ask her.

Nanda stares at me like I'm a goddamn tyrant. The way most teenage girls, myself included at one point, look at authority.

"You signed a behavior form along with a non-bullying agreement before you went on this trip, yes?"

"...Yes." She scoffs again, before reaching down and picking up the pamphlet, suddenly reminded of the consequences of violating said contract. "Here." She gives it back to Ravinder with a snotty look on her face. When Rav takes it, she turns her head towards me and raises her brows. "There."

"Thank you."

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes, that suddenly glance behind me. The attitude in her face drops as she becomes bashful and without her cool air. She retreats to catch up with some of her friends.

"What the hell was that about?"

I look over my shoulder. "Nothing, just a little squabble, right, Rav?"

"Uh, yeah." Ravinder sets her eyes on the pamphlet to avoid Negan's. "Thanks, Ms. Barnes." She walks off to presumably do that same thing as her sister.

"Did I just witness you threaten to revoke prom from Nanda Patel?"

"You did," I smirk, "Nothing makes a teenager shake in their boots like not getting to go to prom."

He huffs. "I didn't go to prom, it wasn't the fuckin' end of the world for me."

"You didn't go to prom?"

"No, did you?" He looks at me after saying that, almost apologetic. "Uh, never mind, you said you did."

We walk together through the garden quietly for a few seconds. "How come you didn't go to prom?"

"I got suspended for getting into a fight at school a couple days before."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" I scoff. "You must have gotten into plenty of scraps when you were younger."

"Maybe a few," Negan chuckles, "But they were justified."

"I'm so sure," I dryly say, "What was the fight about?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing? You said your fights were justified." I look over at him with a smile, "What happened? Did the other guy make a pass at your girlfriend?"

"I didn't have a girlfriend in school," Negan grins my way, "I had girlfriends."

"I'm guessing you also had mono, too, you prick."

He snickers in response.

"So, what was the fight about?" I ask again.

Negan's smile lessens.

I look him over. "You know what? It doesn't matter."

Lourdes taps a tissue under her red, puffy eyes by some fountain. She nods at whatever a student is telling her. When he gets a look at her face, he says something and she shakes her head.

"It's just allergies."

...

The morning light shines through the thin, white curtains of the hotel room. Negan turned the AC on in the middle of the night, so goosebumps veil my skin. I grind my hips on top of him, smiling between moans. His hands hold me by the waist, looking between me and where we meet, groaning huskily.

The past two days have been amazing. The tour started with all the national monuments, since Avery said they finished with those last last year and the kids were underwhelmed, so today, we're doing the Smithsonian and zoo. But I could care less the order we went in, because all my time has been occupied by Negan.

As much as I'd like to keep the air of not being amused by Negan's inappropriate jokes, or under breath cursing when he's bored, I can't help but to be amused. It's a little confusing to the students to see us getting along so well, considering I'm a "nice" teacher and he's the asshole coach who gives everyone a hard time.

Lourdes doesn't seem to be pleased about our buddying up. She's been sort of third wheeling it, stuck outside our circle without our intention of doing so. So, she just disappears, ending up by herself with a gaggle of students, or with Avery, or Diane.

I feel bad about it, especially since I'm choosing her over Negan, but I can't help it. Negan and I rarely get along like this. It's nice.

His eyes shut as he curses under his breath. I thrust somewhat faster, building us both up.

My phone buzzes on the right nightstand. I quickly peer over, but I don't stop to answer it. Negan glances over towards my phone and then back up to me. I smile into a chuckle and he laughs under me.

I finally fall over the edge, faltering movement only for a minute.

"Keep going," Negan rasps, "I'm almost there."

I keep going for a little longer, until he let out rather loud groan. "Shh," I snicker, bucking slower, "The rest of this floor is made up of children."

Negan pants, smiling. "Hell, hearing us rock the sheets would be the most interesting that's happened on this fuckin' trip."

"Why did you come if you knew you'd be bored?"

"Because you were going and we'd have a chance to be alone."

I scoff. "Ah, yes, where better to fuck your coworker than on a field trip as a chaperone?"

"Yep," He pats my leg, "Get off me."

I lean over, until my body's towering over his. "Make me."

Negan chuckles, before tossing me off onto the bed. I laugh out loud and he shushes and kisses me. I settle on my side and smile at him.

"Are you gonna be able to handle the Smithsonian?" I ask him. "Or am I gonna have to pull you in a wagon?"

"I'll be fine," His hand moves up my leg, "It can't be that bad, right?"

"You know there's multiple museums, right?"

"Yeah, but we're not going to all of 'em."

I chuckle. "Yeah, baby, we are."

Negan loses his smirk. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

I laugh at him. "Yes! We only have time for the main exhibits and the zoo."

"You're a bitch, you know that?"

I stretch out my body. "Yes, I do, but you like me anyway."

Negan brings himself closer to me, planting a kiss on my mouth. "Yeah, you got me there."

I smile, feeling his arm and looking at his tattoos. "Did you get these before you met Lucille, or after?"

"Before," He answers, "Why?"

I shrug my shoulder. "I don't know...Lucille just seems like she'd be pissed if you came home with a new one."

"Yeah? Well...she probably would be."

"She doesn't like tattoos?"

"Nah, but she'd be pissed if I got a new one."

"The life of a superintendent's husband is a hard one, eh?"

"Shut the fuck up," He laughs, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You don't like tattoos?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"You don't have any."

"That doesn't mean I don't like tattoos, it just means that I'm too chicken shit to get one."

Negan laughs. "What time is?"

"Six-fifteen," I tell him, "We should get up soon, so we'll be ready to roll by eight."

"It only takes me twenty minutes to get ready."

I chuckle. "Well, I like to take my time."

I go to get out of bed, but he pulls me back. "You mean to tell me that it takes you an hour and forty-five minutes to get ready?"

I let him kiss me. "The time flies by, trust me."

"What the fuck do you need to do?"

"Shower, brush my teeth, put some lotion and deodorant on, put on makeup, and get dressed."

"Skip your makeup," He pecks my lips, "That's what'll take you the longest."

"I don't want to scare the students."

Negan snickers. "You're beautiful, skip the makeup."

"It's part of my routine," I touch his warm chest, "And I like doing it."

He rolls his eyes. "Fine."

I look him over. "What are you good to go again?"

"I could be, if you give me a few minutes."

I cackle. "I want at least want ten minutes to put some makeup on, so it'll have to be a quickie."

"I think that can definitely be arranged." He puts his mouth on mine, sliding his arm under my head to bring me closer to him.

"Mm, and let me warn you that Jolyon's likely to call."

"If you take the call during, I'll stop, but it'll put us behind schedule."

I snort, leaning my head back in his forearm in a laugh. "You are such a dick!"

He smiles as he kisses my lips and neck. "Same."

I chuckle against him, wrapping my arm around him as he pulls me in. "I love you!"

Negan pauses just before he puts another kiss on my neck. I feel him gently move out of our embrace. He stares down at me with slightly knitted brows. I furrow mine up at him, wondering why he's looking at me like that.

"What?"

His eyes scan my face. "You said you loved me."

I unknit my brows. "Oh...yeah."

"Why'd you say that?"

I feel a little sunk by that question. "I-It slipped out..." I look away from his fixed gaze, "You've said it a few times, it's not a big deal."

"Yeah, but you never do."

My cheeks start to burn with embarrassment. I shrug. "...So?"

Negan looks at me still. "Did you mean it?" He asks. "Do you love me?"

I turn my head back to meet his eyes. "I think so."

His face becomes less intense. We stare at each other. I want him to say something, but he doesn't and now I'm starting to feel foolish. He just stares with a troubled look.

I open my mouth, trying to muster the guts to ask him. My phone breaks the silence between us as it buzzes on the nightstand. I don't move at first, but after the third time, I cut eye contact and reach for it, which makes Negan shift over to his space on the bed.

I see Eugene's name on my screen. "It's Jolyon."

"Call him back."

"No, I have to answer it," I press the green and put it to my ear, "Hello?"

"Hi, Mom." Jolyon croaks.

"Hey, baby," I greet back calmly, "Did you just wake up?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" I spoke to him yesterday, but it's such a relief to hear his voice. "Is your dad up?"

"Yes," He informs me, "Do you want to talk to him?"

"No, no, I was...just making sure," I tell him, "Is he making breakfast?"

"Yeah, he's making pancakes with chocolate chips."

"Oh, sounds good," I rub my elbow, "So, how is everything? Are you having fun?"

"Yeah, Dad said we can go to the zoo today and the movies tomorrow."

"Oh, really? Wow, sounds like so much fun. I wish I was there."

"Me, too," Jolyon says, "I miss you, Mama."

"You do?" I turn around when I feel movement on the bed.

"Yeah."

I watch Negan go to the bathroom, glancing at me briefly before he enters. The door closes and I hear the click of the lock. "I miss you, too, baby."

"How long 'til get to see each other again?"

"Two days, Jol. That's not long, right?"

"No."

"No, so we'll see each other very soon, okay?"

"Okay," He agrees, "Are you having fun on your field trip?"

"I am having fun," I exhale with my aching throat, "I think you'd really like it. I'll have to bring you sometime. Maybe over the summer."

"Okay. What?" Jolyon calls to someone in the background. "Okay!" He answers. "Breakfast is ready."

Tears well up in my eyes. "Okay, you better go eat then, if you're gonna go to the zoo."

"Okay, bye, Mom. I'll see you in two days."

I smile as I wipe under my eyes. "Alright, I can't wait. Bye, babe."

"Love you."

"Love you, too." I wait for him to hang up the phone before I take it away from my ear. I sniff, looking back at the bathroom, where I can hear the shower going.

...

We spent the morning at the zoo, which I personally couldn't give two solid fucks about. Watching apathetic animals sleep in their exhibits all day isn't really my jam. I bought Jolyon a neat book about the animals and a postcard, though.

The Smithsonian is fucking huge. It's overwhelming just reading the damn booklets and brochures. But, it's awesome still; Jolyon would really like it here.

"Hey, Ms. Barnes, isn't that the kind of car Gatsby had?"

I glance over to where one of my juniors has pointed. "Oh, yeah, it is."

"How come this one doesn't have seatbelts?" Another one peers into the old car.

"Because seatbelts weren't mandatory until later on." I answer.

"Why not?"

"Because people liked launching their loved ones from the backseat and scraping carcasses off the road." I dryly reply, looking over at Negan's group filing in. "Alright, if we're all done in here, let's move on to...'The Era of Advertising'."

"That sounds kind of boring."

"Well, maybe that's why it's not a permanent exhibit." I wave over the rest of my group. "Come on, people! Let's go see all the old doctor-recommended cigarette ads."

"The what?"

"Exactly, let's go." I look back and see Negan looking my way.

We've been sort of avoiding each other after this morning. When I got off the phone with Jolyon, I left Negan's room and went back to the one Lour and I share. She was still passed out, from going down to the bar downstairs after lights out, I found out, so I just got in the shower.

When it was time to go down and eat breakfast, I sat between Lourdes and Diane. Diane is nice, but not all that interesting to talk with and Lourdes was both nursing her hangover and too pissed to speak to me. Negan sat across from me, not really having a choice.

We didn't really make too much eye contact as we ate and when we headed out, we didn't walk together, or combine our students when Avery separated the students into five groups.

"Whoa, this one has table cleaner listed as a-" Ravinder stops talking when she sees me approach the transparent, triangular column that has small clippings displayed.

I look at the old Pine Sol ad and then at her. "Aren't you glad you didn't grow up in the 50's?"

"Yeah."

I snicker. "C'mon."

...

Later on, we walk over to the art museum. In here, the principal doesn't care about groups, but most of the students just stay in the groups for convenience. Negan and I still keep our distance.

I mosey on closer to Lourdes, who's looking at some painting on the wall.

"Hey."

"Hey." She says without looking at me.

"How's the hangover?"

"Fine, now hopefully no one heard you and I don't lose my job."

I look around. "I don't think anyone..." I trail off when she walks away, "Heard."

I sigh, glancing back at the painting. It's of a Toulouse-Lautrec painting of a woman lying on a bed with her legs open. I want to go home. I want Jolyon to come home, too, so we can just spend a few quiet days alone together, away from the rest of the world.

"My kind of gal."

I inhale and exhale through my nose. "That's not funny."

"You sure?" Negan asks.

"Yes," I walk off, following behind the last lingering students, "Not everything's a joke."

Ravinder waits for me by the opening to the next exhibit, sort of using me a shield from her sister's bratty harassment. "Did you see that cool charcoal drawing in there?"

"Yeah, I did, it was cool." I smile. "How you liking everything?"

"I like it a lot!" She ecstatically tells me. "Everything is so cool. This is the first time I've been this far from home without my parents."

"Were you nervous?"

"Mm, no, not really. Nanda's here."

I glance over at her as we walk. "Even though she gives you a hard time?"

"Yeah, she's a B-word, but she's still my sister."

I nod my head. "I know how that goes. I have an older sister, too."

"Is she a B-word, too?"

I smile at that way she says "B-word" instead of "bitch," which is just how she is. I've heard her describe Negan as being a "real A-hole" in the halls, when other students would just call him an "asshole" uncut.

"Well, she can be sometimes," I tell Rav, "But usually only when she's looking out for me."

"She still looks out for you, even though you're an adult?"

"Yeah, well, even as an adult, I still make dumb mistakes."

"Like what, if you don't mind me asking?"

I hesitate. "Uh...boy troubles."

"Oh, you mean dating?"

"Yeah," I nod, sort of unsure if this an appropriate conversation to be having with a sixteen year old, "I am not the best at it."

"Really?" She inquires, somewhat surprised. "But you're so pretty."

I chuckle. "Well, be that as it may, I've met a lot of jerks."

"Huh," Ravinder stops at a painting, "Nanda's the pretty one, so I wouldn't know."

I knit my brows, turning away from the piece. "What are you talking about? You're pretty."

"Pretty dorky."

"There's nothing wrong with being...dorky and that doesn't mean you aren't pretty, Ravinder."

"Were you dorky in school?" She inquires, looking at me.

"Um, well...no, but that doesn't matter. We're not talking about me, we're talking about you and you are pretty, okay?"

"You're a teacher, you have to say nice things."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "Look, you may not look like Nanda, but that's because you aren't Nanda. You're your own self and your own beauty and anyone who says you're not beautiful is an asshole and a liar, got it?"

She smiles. "Got it. Thanks."

"Smart girl," I pat her backpack, "Let's catch up with the group."

"Okay." She speeds up, giggling a little as she does.

"What's so funny?"

"Nanda has a huge crush on..." She looks over shoulder and then at me.

I glance behind us and see that the coach has just entered the exhibit. I blink back to her. "Oh."

"Don't tell anyone."

"Trust me, I won't." We continue walking.

"Anyway, she's always had a big fat crush on you-know-who, ever since she started high school four years ago."

I arch my brow. "And she's not once changed her mind?"

"Nope, she thinks he's super hot and she's so mad that he doesn't notice her."

I make a face. "He doesn't notice her, because she's a student and while Coach Negan is an tremendous asshole, he's not a creep, or a pedophile."

"Well, she's eighteen now, so she thinks she's got a shot."

"That...still would be pretty creepy."

"Right?" She chuckles.

I chuckle with her. "Oh, this one's pretty cool."

"Yeah," Ravinder peers over me, "Uh, I'm gonna catch up with my friends."

"Yeah, sure, go ahead, honey."

"Okay." She takes off, politely abiding by the no running rule.

I stroll behind to keep an eye out, while also casually looking at the art as I pass.

"You know, I can't help but think the kid would like this place."

I look at the marbled ground. "Yeah."

"Didn't you say you had tickets for something up here?" Negan small talks. "Admission's free here, you should bring him by whenever you get around to taking him to that thing."

I glide my tongue along my teeth, nodding. "Yeah."

He sighs behind me. "Really, Pip? We're gonna fuckin' do this all over again?"

"Do what?"

"The cold fuckin' shoulder, because one of us is mad at the other, bullshit we do every other week."

I adjust my purse strap on my shoulder. "No, we're not."

"Good," He says, "Because I was thinking that after it's lights out for the kids, you and I could maybe leave our rooms about five minutes apart and maybe go get something to eat. Take a walk."

I bite my lip, shaking my head. "No, I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Well, why not?"

I exhale, "Because I don't want to."

"Why don't you-"

"Negan, please!" I sharply turn towards him and look him in the eye. "Please, just stop and leave me alone."

He stares back, before he sighs, frustrated. "Fine."

I nod, walking away before the tears rise.

...

The restaurant in the hotel room is just as beautiful as the hotel itself. Soft, classical music plays in the room as people dine at tables with tablecloths made of white linen. I listen to both the music and clinking of forks and knives on gold rimmed plates as I sit at the bar, staring down at the gin and tonic on top of the napkin coaster that rest on a black granite bar.

I fiddle with the napkin's corners as I think about not crying over what I've been thinking about all day. God, I'm such an idiot. I didn't mean to tell Negan that I loved him. It really was a slip up, but once it was said, I have to admit that it felt right. I mean, it's wrong because he's a married man, but it just felt like I truly meant it.

Sad thing is; I don't think it was just sudden. I think it started some time ago, without my knowing. Maybe around the time he convinced me to get clean and stayed the weekend with my son and me. When he made love, or what I thought was making love, to me. I don't know, that's the only time I can cognitively recall as the first time of feeling the way I do now.

It's a mistake, right? Obviously. I don't have a chance and I don't know that I want one, if this was an alternate universe and I was offered one. Negan might be a cheating bastard, but he loves Lucille and I don't doubt he'd kick me to the curb, which is fitting since that's where I stand with him anyway, if she ever found out about us.

"Is something wrong with your drink, ma'am?"

I look up at the bartender. "Sorry?"

The bartender points to the drink I ordered. "You haven't touched your drink."

"Oh," I glance down at it, "Uh, no, it's fine. I just changed my mind is all. How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing," She shrugs, "I mean, technically twelve-fifty, but I'm not gonna charge you for what you didn't drink."

"Oh, thanks."

"No problem, hon."

I reach into my purse. "Let me at least give you a tip."

"If you want."

I hand the girl a five. "Here you go."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," I notice an interesting tattoo on her neck that just barely hides under the spiffy collar of her uniform, "I like your tattoo." I say when she catches me trying to make it out.

"Thanks," She adjusts her collar to better conceal it, "Have a good one."

"Thanks and you, too," I peer over at her nametag, "Laura."

I leave the bar and the restaurant, fishing out my cigarettes and lighter. The elevator dings, before it opens its doors. I nonchalantly look that way, only pausing when I see whom else but Negan. He walks out of the elevator and it's not long before he catches sight of me. His eyes move to to where I just left and then back, scowling at me.

I put my cigarettes and lighter back in my purse, suddenly losing the desire to smoke. I tread to the elevators, past him and click the four button. It opens immediately and I enter, clicking the four button on the pad inside. He slides past the doors as they close. Fuck me, we're the only ones in the lift.

"What were you doing just now?"

"Minding my own business," I retort, "You should try it sometime."

"You were at the bar, weren't you?" His reflection from the mirrored walls show him looking angrily at me.

"I was at the bar," I tiredly look at my phone, "Swell job, Nancy Drew."

He scoffs. "So, what? You fucking threw away sobriety that fuckin' fast?"

"You know, the nice thing about minding your own business is that it's never too late to start."

"Did you drink?"

"No, I didn't."

"Prove it."

I huff, looking at him with furrowed brows. "Excuse me?"

"Prove you didn't fuckin' drink downstairs."

"Go ask the bartender, she'll vouch for me."

"No, I want you to prove it."

"Well, my word isn't evidentially good enough, so what? You want me to let you smell my breath?"

"If that'll clear your name."

"Fuck you!"

"So, you did drink."

"No, I didn't!" I breathily huff into his face. "See?"

He answers by crashing his mouth against mine, but I slap him.

"Don't do that!" I snap, stalking out of the elevator when it gets to our floor.

"Pippa!"

"Shut up!" I hiss. "You'll wake everyone up."

"Slow the fuck down, so I can talk to you."

"Why? So, you can tell me you're glad that I wasn't fucking lying? Piss off."

"Fucking-" He grabs my arm and pulls me back towards him, "Wait a damn minute!"

"Let go of me!" I furiously whisper.

"Calm the fuck down," He says sharply, but quietly, "Look, I'm sorry. I just thought you fell off the wagon."

"Well, I didn't."

"I know, I just...was afraid you did because of what happened this morning."

"This morning?" I scoff, raising my brow at him. "You mean, when I told you that I loved you and you didn't say anything?" He stares at me with furrowed eyes. "Well, I didn't, so don't think so fucking highly of yourself."

"So, you are pissed that I didn't say it back?"

"Yes!" I hoarsely bark. "I am pissed! I'm pissed off at myself for loving you and being disappointed that you don't love me back!"

His brows gather further. "What?"

"I was never trying to love you, Negan," I sigh, still fuming, "It was just supposed to be fun and that was it. But, I love you and it's really fucked up, because you're married and I...am right back to where I started." I chuckle through some tears. "I'm back to breaking my own heart."

Negan looks at me with a pitiful expression. I tread down the hall some more, past the vending and ice machine room. I can feel him following behind me as I pull out my room key.

"Pippa."

"Goodnight, Negan," When I feel his hand on my arm again, I lividly spin around, "I said goodni-"

His hands tenderly take hold of my face as he lays his lips on my lips. The kiss is passionate and unravels me. He moves his head back to look at me, endearingly. I pant a little as I wait for him to say something.

Negan pecks my lips once more. "I do love you, Pippa."

I look away. "Don't fuck with me."

"I'm not fucking with you."

I huff, feeling tears break the surface. "I'm not Lourdes, Negan. I don't want to be fucking lied to."

"Jesus," He groans, rolling his eyes, before focusing them back on me, "I'm not feeding you a line, Pip."

I glance at him, carefully searching his eyes for deceit. "You're not?"

"No, I'm not," Negan earnestly claims, before licking his lips, "I love you, Pippa. I do, I just..." He exhales, "It's complicated."

I roll my eyes. "Here we go."

"Come on, I'm not stringing you along here. Fuck," He tips my head up from under my chin, "I...feel strongly for you and your boy."

"...You do?"

"Yes," He firmly tells me, "I just...I just can't leave my wife for you. It wouldn't be right. I mean, what kind of fucking garbage, piece of shit excuse for a man would I be if I fuckin' left my wife, so I could be with a younger woman who can have kids?"

I gaze over at him, thinking about what he's said. I nod my head, sighing. "I know, I don't want you to leave her either."

Negan moves some curls out of my face. "I love you."

I break into a smile. "I love you, too, you asshole."

He chuckles as he leans over and kisses me again. I smile at him and he smiles back. A faint sound catches both our attentions, causing us to whip our heads to the left. Negan steps back from me.

Nanda Patel stands four doors down by where the vending machines are. She stands, stunned, with a few candy bars and two sodas in her arms. Her eyes move between the two of us.

"What are you doing out of your room after hours?" Negan regains faster than I do.

She looks fearful. "I-I...was getting-"

"Get back to your room, now." He curtly orders. "Now!"

She steps backwards a few steps, before completely turning around to go to a door two down on the left. She knocks on the door and it opens. She takes a second look at us, before quickly fleeing inside.

"Oh, my god," I breathe, "Oh, my god. She saw us!"

Negan sighs, running his hand down his beard. "Fuck."

"What are we gonna-"

"Sh!" He opens the door to his hotel room and ushers me in.

I go in, panicking. "What the fuck are we gonna do?"

"Nothing, what the hell can we do?" He scoffs.

"I don't know," I start to pace, covering my face, "She's probably telling all her friends right now."

"And?"

I move my hands away, puzzled. "And? And they'll each tell ten more students and so on and so fucking forth!"

Negan snickers under his breath. "Pip, students gossip all the fucking time about teachers. It's all fucking made up bullshit."

"What if it gets back to Avery? This isn't made up bullshit; she saw us!"

"It's her word against ours."

I pinch between my eyes. "I wish you'd be on my level on this."

"Relax, baby," Negan strolls over, pulling me close, "It's her word against ours. She was out when she wasn't supposed to be."

"Yeah, but she doesn't like me and-"

"And all the more reason to not believe her."

I glance off, considering it. "Yeah, I guess that's true."

"Yeah, so quit worrying; it'll be fine."

I sigh, "Okay, I'll...try."

"Atta girl." Negan chuckles, inclining my way to kiss me.

I push him back a little. "Easy, tiger."

"What?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I think we should call it a night."

"But you just confessed your love for me."

As much as I'd like to be serious, he makes me break out in a small laugh. "I'm having doubts."

He puts his hand under my chin. "Doubt it." He kisses me softly.

I touch his face as I kiss him back. We stand in the between the little kitchen and the bed, embracing. I don't want to sound all sappy, or cliché or anything, but it's fucking electric. I love him and at this moment, I have no reason to believe that he doesn't feel the same for me.

However, the electricity between us is disrupted by a thud! We both glance towards the adjoining door. Oh, god.

"I think that was Lourdes." I say.

"Yeah, probably." Negan agrees, before planting a kiss on my cheek and jaw line.

I put my hand over his mouth. "I should go check on her."

"She's an adult, she's fine."

"Don't be a dick," I walk over to the door, "I just want to make sure she's not hurt."

"If she was, she'd fuckin' call for help."

I huff, "Not if she's knocked out." I go into the little hall and then into the room. "Lour?"

Lourdes is lying on her bed, perfectly still and with her back against me. The room is dark, except for the light in the bathroom.

"Lourdes?"

"What?" She murmurs.

"Are you okay?" I ask her. "I heard a noise."

"It was nothing, I just dropped my hairdryer on the floor, putting it away."

"Oh," I nod, "Okay."

"You can go back to Negan's room now." She's so motionless, it's scary.

I scratch the back of my hand. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, I said it was the hairdryer," She raises her voice a little in annoyance, "Just go."

I hear the crack in her voice and it concerns me. I sigh through my nose and leave the room to go back to Negan's. When I enter his room, he's sitting on the end of the bed.

"Well?"

"It was the hairdryer."

"See, nothing to worry about."

"Yeah..." I bit my lip, "But I think I'm gonna go back."

"Stay."

I smile at him. "I think I need to stay with our girl."

Negan scoffs. "It's just man troubles."

I snicker. "Yeah, well, I can relate, so I'm gonna go spend the night in there. Might as well, I paid for half of it."

"Alright, whatever."

"Aw, don't be such a sourpuss," I saunter over to him, "I'll make it up to you."

"Make it up how?"

"Well..." I trace behind his ear down to his jaw line, "We didn't ever get around to doing that thing you wanted to do."

"What th-Oh-ho-ho!" He grins when he figures it out. "That thing."

"Yeah," I chuckle huskily, tired, "But I won't make you do all that other stuff. You can go straight to the finish line."

Negan takes my hand from his face. "Where's the fun in skipping the race, champ?"

I smile wider. "I love you."

He kisses the palm of my hand. "I love you."

I step forward, between his legs, until I can't. I bring him in arms, petting his head as he rubs my back. I lay my cheek on him for a moment.

"Good night."

"Night." He sighs.

I disengage and walk back to the door. As I open it, I glance over my shoulder gently smiling at him. He offers a light smile back.

I reenter Lourdes and I's room again and find her where she was. Except this time, she's crying. I quietly kick off my shoes and dress down.

"Lour?"

"Leave me alone."

I nod again and go into the bathroom. I wash up real quick and brush my teeth, before flicking off the lights with the thrumming fan.

I peel back the covers of my bed, listening to her sob and sniff. I exhale, closing my eyes and lower the blankets. I pad over and gingerly crawl onto the bed. I sit there for a second, before putting a kind hand on her shoulder.

Lourdes cries even harder, no longer able to hold it in.

"It's okay." I say with a soothing tone; one I use with Jolyon when he's anxious, or upset.

Her body trembles with her cries. She rolls over and rests her head on me, putting her arm across my body. I hold her maternally.

"It's okay." I repeat, stroking her hair in a calming way; letting her just cry. "It's okay."

...

The next morning, I wake with a stiff neck from leaning my head against the headboard all night. Lourdes fell asleep in my arms, completely distraught. Even after she fell asleep, her breath sharply jutted every couple inhales. We didn't speak about it, or what caused it. We just packed our bags to get ready for the trip home.

After a quick breakfast, the students load up on the buses, along with Diane and Avery. Nanda Patel stole glances at me all morning, averting her eyes as soon as I'd catch on. Each time she seemed shy, or embarrassed...stunted. I don't see any other students look at either me or Negan funny, so I think it's almost safe to say that she's not told anyone. For now, anyway.

Negan, Lourdes, and I drive home together again. Negan insists on driving and I'm too tired to drive, so I don't argue. Lourdes gets in the backseat with her sunglasses again, but that's only to mask the puffiness of her eyes.

"We need to get gas, before we head out." Negan says, starting up my Jeep.

"Good, 'cause I could use some coffee," Lourdes replies somewhat genially, "That crap they have in the hotel is fucking jet fuel."

Negan chuckles. "How much better do you think gas station coffee is gonna be?"

"Oh, it'll probably be sludge, but drinkable sludge," She buckles her seatbelt, "Plus the gas station down the road's next to a donut shop."

"Donuts do sound good." I chime in.

"I'm buying." She says.

"Okay." I glance at Negan and can't help to smile when he gives a smirk. I look ahead at the bright morning and the road home.

Thanks for reading, hope you all enjoyed!
Moorish Woe: Glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I have a feeling she's gonna be less interested in Dwight for the time being ;) Which I think is good, because she def needs to move on to heal. To answer your question about the status of Pippa and Jolyon in the ZA, since this is a AU fanfic, they could potentially still be alive during the ZA. Maybe with one of the three (I severely doubt Eugene, since she's admitted that she doesn't really have feelings for him and it takes him a while to get to Virginia), or maybe elsewhere, beyond their knowledge.

PruRose: I know! I was sort of nervous about writing such sad, painful stuff for both Negan and Pippa ( also Dwight, technically). I imagine Dwight reacting the same way, too. He just seems like that kind of person, especially since was young and in love. I agree, Negan and Pippa definitely have a stronger relationship. Dwight's too wishy-washy.

CLTex: Yeah, it was time she fessed up to all the things she's been holding in for so long. I'm glad she revealed what happened with Eugene, too, because I think it chipped her a little for Negan to find out she'd done such a wrong thing. But, I also think Negan can respect her honesty and humility about it, too, considering he's not perfect either.

StTudnoBright: Haha, yeah, I figured she'd pulled his leg with that Head Coach move. Glad you liked Pippa and Negan's little heart to heart. They really got to know one another on such a deep level. The ping pong table is sort of a herald...

P.S.: If you've asked a question and I didn't answer, I apologize. If it hasn't been answered already, feel free to let me know.