AUTHOR'S NOTES: As terrible as it sounds, the bulk of this large chapter goes and shows just how messed up Aveline's mind has become when it comes to certain subjects. She hasn't gotten over Iris at all, and that name invokes a mixture of radical emotions in the kid that she can't quite grasp, which in turn frustrates her, and it spirals out of control from there. However, instead of summarizing it here, I'll just show it in the chapter. The good news though, is that she does finally arrive home, so it's not all bad though.
Happy reading!

CHAPTER 37: A Victor's Trauma

Ava ate a quick breakfast, and did not even bother changing out of her beautiful interview gown. She was excited to get home, and while she was leaving behind horrors that would never truly fade away, including the loss of her brother and her best friend, she wanted to see her mother again, who had surely been worried sick on more than one occasion while her daughter was in the Hunger Games. On the other hand, there was nothing to replace Wes' loss, for Ava had never even seen the body—she could not have retrieved his tribute token.

Her own tribute token, however, had been sitting on the dresser of her room, right next to where a large battleaxe was—Chel's battleaxe, it was. Adding the little purple moon-patterned bracelet to her right wrist (for she was left-handed), she was otherwise ready to leave, dressed exactly how she was.

To cut a long story short, no one in the Capitol complained about a little victor wearing Capitol fashion on her way back to her home, and so there was no incident all the way to the train (and her other Hunger Games mementos were taken with her of course, including 'Bridget' the battleaxe).

For a while it was quiet, however, with the only sound being Vigo occasionally lifting a flask to his mouth, but otherwise, he was sketching. Ava was swinging her feet from her seat (for she was small enough that she could not touch the floor), but there was mostly silence between the 91st and 84th victors of the Hunger Games.

"Did you want to talk about anything?" Vigo offered, pulling a pair of dice out of his pocket and tossing them from palm to palm idly.

"I'll join you in that dice game again," the smaller girl nodded, "and I guess you can ask me anything you were wondering about my games, since you told me and Wes your story on the way here."
"I'm just curious about how you feel now," Vigo threw the dice, rolling a 2 and a 3 before handing them over to Ava, who in turn tossed them (and rolled a 6 and a 1).

"1-0 my favor," Ava nodded as she handed the dice back to Vigo. "What do you mean? Like as a victor?"
Vigo nodded as he threw and then exchanged the dice with Ava, "aye. You and your mother are moving up to the victor village now. I suppose there's that to be excited about."

"I know," she nodded, "I just wish Wes was here to come with me. Obviously that can't happen, but that doesn't stop me from missing him. Fucking Iris. Vigo, I was this close to her. I was THIS CLOSE to the girl who murdered my brother."
Vigo tilted his head. "What are you talking about? You killed her if I recall."

"The elevator," Ava reminded him, "when we first met Chel—it was you, me, Wes, Chel, and Iris—that girl who asked us to push the 4 button. That was her. If I had known that she would be the one to so brutally kill my brother…" she slammed her fist on the table rather loudly, gritting her teeth. No, even if she had killed Iris in a fairly merciful manner, remembering the old wound that Iris had caused in Ava's life by taking Wes from her was something that always caused the tiny girl so seethe with anger. More than anything, thinking about Iris set Ava's emotions into a turmoil of confusion that she could not get a grip on no matter how hard she tried. On one hand, she had seen the young girl at her weakest and most vulnerable—a little 14-year-old who had been molded into a ruthless killer by the Capitol. However, on the other hand she had seen what that wicked little thing was capable of doing, and her brother had been one of Iris' worst victims.

"Calm down, Ava," Vigo warned, "I'm on your side."

"I know," Ava seethed, taking a deep breath, and the game continued, although clearly based on the things Ava continued muttering, she was still upset about it. Vigo handled it for a while, but since it brought back memories of his own, it eventually forced him to act.

"Ava… stop. Dwelling on that little shit isn't going to do anything here. I'm on your side, so if you want to vent… just vent. Don't take your anger out on me though."
"I know, I know…" Ava shuddered, trying to collect herself. "You know what… no, I don't. Hold me back, Vigo." She fumed, "I'm about to jump across this table and start breaking things."

Vigo did not even ask, but seized Ava's left arm, and catching her right when it balled into a fist and came at him. He knew the trauma Ava was facing, and while the girl had coped with it well for a while, he knew that eventually she needed to blow up like this.

"IRIS!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs before wrenching herself out of Vigo's grip (by surprise) and thankfully throwing herself at the floor instead of at the table. Figuring that Ava was about to explode in another fit of rage, Vigo jumped on top of the smaller girl and held her down as she tried shoving and throwing him off of her.

"GET OFF ME!" she roared. "VIGO I'M GOING TO KILL HER!"

Vigo did not want to create a scene, and so grabbed a cushion, shoved it underneath Ava's head, and then shoved the girl's face into it as she let out another belting scream. Even she didn't really know what had overcome her, but she suddenly really missed Wes, and was saddened and angered by his loss. Remembering Chel's death made her sad, but remembering Wes' death for some reason, just seemed to make her furious.

However, when Vigo forced her head, something else snapped, and she began writhing frantically, screaming not from anger, but from panick. She screamed into the pillow, hoping for Vigo to let her up, which thankfully he did.

"Vigo…" she caught her breath, already red-eyed and red-faced. "Vigo, please…"
"What the hell was that about, kid? Are you trying to kill yourself?"
"Vigo, listen to me, please."
With an exasperated sigh, Vigo got up, but still held onto Ava's left arm. She might have a decent right hook, but he knew the girl was left-handed and that she could do some wicked attacks with that arm.

"I did basically the same thing to Iris before I killed her." the girl explained, "when you did it to me… it made me feel like it was her. I am not going to lie. Even thinking about Iris Durango strikes me the wrong way, and it makes my emotions go a bit haywire. Please just… just don't."

"Look, kid…" he gently pulled Ava closer to him in the hopes of comforting the distressed young lady, "there's something I gotta tell you now about winning the Hunger Games that I couldn't tell you or Wes before. It's a pretty nasty truth."
"Let's hear it." Ava sighed, straightening out the pretty white gown that she was still wearing. Ava liked the pretty clothes she had been dressed in, but back home she had never cared what she wore, and so this was just another example of that showing.

"There isn't a single victor whose mind isn't messed up." Vigo told her bluntly, "In one way or another, anyways. We all suffer from some version of post-traumatic stress. you're not the same little girl you went into the arena as, and you never will be."
"Who would want to volunteer then" Ava shook her head, "I might not have wanted to even win if I knew what would happen to me."

"But on the other hand, you are safe…" Vigo reassured her, "and you won't ever have to worry about the Hunger Games ever again. You can live with your mother in peace."

She sighed, "I still miss Wes."
Vigo nodded, rubbing the small girl's back, "I do too. Don't explode thinking about Iris again though. You're going to have to see her face and talk about her on your tour in 6 months."

"I'm gonna say to hell with that bitch," Ava insisted, "I don't care what it costs me."

"Is it the name?" Vigo tilted his head, "the face?"

"Anything about her," Ava shook her head, "Iris Durango… that girl's face… District 4… even the flowers themselves… it does something to me. It confuses me, and then it angers me. It's… shit, Vigo; do you really think I want to explode like that? Do you really think I want to throw myself at something or someone in a blind fury? Of course not!"

Vigo shook his head and didn't try to argue with her. "Let's finish this conversation from our seats, rather than the floor. Junichi would have a cow if she saw us right now."

Ava sighed, "fine… sorry. Just… losing my brother hurt more than I thought. I guess Chel was able to take my mind off of it a bit more, but now she's gone too. Now that I've got nothing else to distract me… well, it makes me sad, and also makes me mad. No, Vigo. It makes me FURIOUS!"

She slammed her fist on the table again as they sat back down.

"Perhaps if you want to smash things to take out your anger, I could teach you a useful skill when we get back home." He quipped, putting his hand on Ava's back again to try and calm the smaller girl down. "I'm no Chel, kid, but I'm one of the 91 people who understands what being in a Hunger Games arena can do to a kid. I'll be there if you ever need or want to vent. Hell… I'll fight you even, if you want."
"You're way bigger than me though," Ava instantly protested. She was used to everyone being taller than her, because most people were.

"No offense Ava," he quipped, "but that's an easy feat. You're tiny."

"Shut up!" she punched him lightly, "you're supposed to be on my side…"

"I'm on your right, as you might have noticed," Vigo quipped with a smirk, "and thank goodness too. You have a wicked left arm."

"That's it. It is on!" she jumped him again, except this time they were playfully wrestling instead of Ava actually attacking viciously. Vigo was not a large man by any means, although he found that tiny little Ava had a lot of fighting spirit in her, and it took a while before the more experienced victor pinned the small girl down, breathing heavily.

"District 12 needs more fighters like you," he quipped, "now let's see if we can straighten up before Junichi finds us again."
"Vigo, you're a terrible influence." Vigo froze, knowing exactly who this womanly voice sounded to. Sure enough, glancing behind him, and he saw Junichi standing in the doorway, her arms crossed, but a strangely satisfied smile on her face.

"And you're a terrible woman," he retorted, "District 12 is full of terrible people."

Junichi shook her head. "Ava… you're going to ruin that dress if you keep taking Vigo's advice. That would be a right tragedy, and you know it."

"Are you saying you'll intervene if we continue?" Ava challenged.

"Don't make me start using that training center in the 6 months before the tour, young lady." Junichi warned. "because I will."

"You know what?" Vigo spoke up, standing up and pulling Ava to her feet as well. "you're on. I'll bet you on that one. I'm a man of my word too."
For a moment, Junichi paused.

"Alright then," she said to both Vigo and Ava's surprise as she extended her hand to shake Vigo's and then Ava's. "you have yourself a deal."

Soon enough, the train was finally pulling into District 12 after its long journey (and Ava was back in normal clothes). This was where they said goodbye for a while, as Junichi, Amadeus, and Celine bade farewell to Vigo and Ava for another 6 months, and the two victors returned to their normal lives.

They bade farewell at the train, and after stepping off on the platform, they were greeted with cheering citizens, proud that their district had just gone and produced its 5th victor. However, none of them really looked significant to Ava except one.

"MOMMA!" she cried out, running and throwing all 83 pounds (for she had lost a bit of weight in the arena, and had not yet gained it back) of her unimpressive frame at her mother, wrapping herself in Naisha's arms. There would be plenty of time to talk about the horrors and trials of the arena, but for now, Ava wanted nothing more than the affection that only a mother could give.