Yolo! Happy Friday, everyone! I do have some homework this weekend, but not enough to keep me from writing so I might write tomorrow for 'They Don't Know You'! I can't say much; I'm tired plus I'm about to pop in the first Captain America movie for tonight, but here is the latest chapter! It's the confrontation between James and his father Michael, the aftermath followed by some fluffy romance at the end! I had to listen to two different songs to get the feel for this chapter, so I hope it turned out well! Thank you to my sister and winterschild11 for reviewing, totally appreciate it and I'm excited for what is it to come! Thank you again and enjoy this new chapter! Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush! I just own the plot and the OC that serves as James' father, since we really don't meet him in the show-verse...but I hope the end-of-chapter fluff makes up for the confrontation! :) Also, IMPORTANT QUESTION HERE: Who do you think James is kissing in this chapter? Kendall? Or Shay? Mind giving me your thoughts? Remember: Shay did cut his hair to match Kendall's do, and also copied his fashion style! ;)
"You know, I didn't think you could possibly disappoint me even more. I mean you've already set the bar high enough but, but wow James you sure know how to break the mold."
James gritted his teeth, trying to keep his composure.
The school day had went by in a flash. It wasn't before long that James was back home, greeted by the cold, heavy-glaring sight of his father Michael. Connie and Aunt Kelly were in the kitchen, since Michael said he wanted a private, father-son chat with James, so the two males had their "talk" in the living room. James had taken a seat on the L-shaped couch, keeping his hands folded neatly over his lap; his father, however, seemed repulsed to be in such an average, bland-looking house so resorted to remain standing and pacing back and forth.
He was pacing back and forth in front of James, glaring down at him yet darting his hard gray eyes away when his youngest son tried to meet his face.
"When you came out as pan, I swear I wanted to throw you out. No son of mine was going to be a faggot and ruin this family, after all we are the most influential people in Minnesota!" Michael went on, raven hair brushed and slicked back with some greasy, weird-smelling oil.
"Being pan isn't a bad thing." James retorted. Michael went on as if James hadn't spoken up, though.
"And now this? Honest to God damn, James! First being a faggot, then going for the theater and music programs at your school instead of doing hockey full-time?! I mean your cheerleader years I survived but really, now you're just so hell-bent on ruining your brother's life that you accuse him of RAPING you?! Just because he has a good head on his shoulders doesn't give you the fucking right to mess him up, the only person that should be rotting in Hell is you!" James winced as Michael's right hand met his face.
He let out a pained gasp and he heard a chair crash somewhere in the kitchen; no doubt Kelly had heard the slap and had gotten to her feet, only to have Connie hold her back.
James' bangs drooped over his eyes, the soft hazel-green melting away to a hard, piercing golden-red. He bit his lower lip, ignoring the aching pounding of the blood rushing to his now bruised right cheek. "You always liked Shane better than me." He whispered, lifting his head and shooting his father a steely look.
Michael barked a laugh as he finally locked eyes with James, his smile everything but pleasant. "Really, you're just realizing that now James? Of course I've always liked him better, he actually had some DECENT plans for his future! He was planning to go to college to double major in psychology and business marketing! He actually had a brain, nothing like the stupid dreams you were always talking about!" At this James snapped, rising from his seat with fists tight at his sides.
"Dreaming to become famous isn't stupid, and neither is going to college to double major in theater and music! You never got the fact that Shane and I were DIFFERENT! So I'm pan, that's not a crime! So I like writing music, preforming on stage and acting, I'm not the math nor science kind of guy! Shane and I had different tastes, but I always did my best in everything set in front of me, Dad! My grades were just as good as Shane's; I had all A's before he decided to rape me every day and night for FOUR YEARS! I started slipping in school BECAUSE of him, and you may have thought being pan was sick but Mom didn't! She supported me, and my dreams to become famous! Unlike you, she knew how to be a parent while I was growing up!" James shot back, fuming. Michael met his glare with a nasty one of his own.
"You're talking about the mother that ISN'T here, James?! Face it, Brooke isn't here anymore to protect you! She may have been stupid enough to accept all the things wrong with you, but I wasn't! I knew the minute you were born you would be a disappointment, to be honest if it had been in my hands I would have let you die that night! Shane would be my only son; the only son I would ever be proud of!"
"B-but you didn't get that, didn't you Dad? No, because Mom loved ME too! She loved me, and so what if she can't remember?! The amnesia is temporary, you don't know if a week from now she'll remember everything! Everything about you, about Shane AND about me! I'm her son, I'm just as much her son as Shane; Mom loved us equally, she never tried to hold me on a pillar to Shane! And she's here, don't fucking talk about her like she's dead! She might not have meant anything to you, but she does to me! She's my mom, my dad, my best friend all in one! She may not have her memory right now, but she is not dead!"
Michael scoffed. "Too bad, isn't it? I had been contemplating removing her off life support, but since she's awake now..."
"You wouldn't have been able to! You and Mom have been divorced for years now, the only person who can possibly have authority over her now is Auntie! She's been like another mom to me; she didn't kick me to the curb like you did!"
"Because you put your twin brother in jail, James!" Michael roared, facial expression fierce. "I always told you, ALWAYS, that brothers are suppose to be together until the very end! You betrayed your brother by accusing him of such a sick joke and now he's paying for it!"
"Are you stupid, Dad?!" James growled back, having a good control over the waterworks threatening to break free. "Shane betrayed me the second he started raping me, the second he started beating me and using me for his sick, twisted pleasure! He betrayed me, he hurt me! Because of him, I was a fucked up mess for the last four years of my life! He ruined my life; because of him, I have to go to damn therapy EVERY SINGLE DAY to cope and recover from all the sick things he did to me! You think he's the perfect son, well fuck you because you're wrong! A brother that really cares about his twin doesn't do what he did to me!"
"Say what you want. I'm still going to have my best lawyer defend Shane at trial, and you are no longer my son. I'm disowning you; I don't care where you go or what the hell happens to you, you are not my son." Michael grabbed the front of James' black turtleneck and pulled so their faces were inches apart as he said this, an ugly sneer pulling at his pale, thin lips.
James spat in his face, smiling in spite of the slap he got from the action. He almost collapsed onto the couch again but steadied himself and kept his smile in place, enjoying how his father was seething at the fact he didn't get to his son. "You're a really stupid man if you think I'm the same James, Michael. You've been gone for a long time; things have changed, I'm not scared of you anymore. So what if you disown me? I have Auntie, who's been more of a parent these last few months than you have been in your entire life. So what if you go against me, my own father, at trial? So what if you support Shane, I have people on my side too. I'm not alone, Michael. You're wrong if you think I'm on my own. I have people that love me: Auntie, Katie, Mama Knight and my boyfriend Kendall. Yeah that's right, I have a boyfriend. I have someone who cares about me; he's been here at my side from the very beginning, and he was the one who saved me from Shane. I would have died that night if he hadn't found me. Unlike you, I know how to care about people; I'm not cold and heartless like you. I may have your ambition, and your freckles, but that's all we have in common. I'm not scared of you anymore, Dad." James said that term of endearment with bitterness, clear that he wasn't about to back down.
Michael narrowed his eyes dangerously. "You aren't a Diamond anymore, James. You can't call me that."
"If I remember correctly, Diamond is Mom's maiden name, not yours. She never gave it up after marrying you, and I took it shortly after you two separated. I'm still a Diamond, Michael, not you. And I'll say it again: I'm not scared of you, or Shane, anymore so go ahead and bring your worse at trial. I'm not afraid of neither one of you anymore, so if you fight then I'll fight back. I'm not going to apologize or protect Shane anymore, I've done that for far too long and I've had it." James hissed just as coldly back, arms crossed.
Michael shot him a dirty look before shouting for Connie, said woman trembling slightly as he pulled on sharply his coat. "Come on, we're staying at a hotel for tonight; I'm not ready to set foot in the house James here soiled with his lies and sick fantasies." He said, Connie turning to James.
"B-but James..." She began, only to get Michael grabbing hard at her wrist and pulling her away.
"We're not here for him, he's not of the family anymore. You can keep him, Wainwright; you're just like your sister, so naive and waste of time." Was all Michael could say before he basically manhandled his wife out the front door of the house, James watching them go while Kelly shot her ex-brother-in-law a mean look at his retreating back and putting an arm around her nephew's shoulders.
"Jamie baby I'm sorry I-" She began, but James smiled brightly at her and waved the apology off.
"I'm not, it's about time I stood up to that asshole."
"James, language!" Said brunette laughed. There was still a hardness to his eyes, yet his facial expression looked more relaxed.
"I know, sorry Auntie but it's the truth. Dad...no, Michael hasn't been 'Father of the Year' since I was born, and I was sick...I was sick of him saying things that really made no sense. He doesn't know the real Shane, not like I do. But let him think that he knows him, let him live in his fantasy world. We'll see in two months who comes out on top, and who the jury believes. I'm not going to let my father or brother control me anymore; this is my life, I will decide where it goes from here." James said, a strong tone to his voice.
Kelly couldn't help but stare in awe at her sweet, adorable nephew. The sad, terribly scared boy she remembered seeing that day roughly a year ago was gone. Sure James was still iffy about being in large crowds and sensitive about his healed scars and bruises, but the look in his eyes...said he wasn't quite as scared anymore. He was worried about the trial, but he has grown stronger over the weeks that have passed.
He wasn't James Dylan Diamond, the deeply traumatized rape victim. He was James Dylan Diamond, the hardened rape victim survivor.
He wasn't afraid of his past anymore; he was embracing it instead now, and using it to make himself stronger.
'My baby, he's come a long way.' Kelly thought before she smiled through weak tears and hugged James to her.
"I'm so proud of you, Jamie." She said, kissing the top of his head. James smiled back and hugged her just as tight, pulling away to brush his hair out of his eyes.
"Me too, Auntie. Me too, now if you excuse...I'm feeling dizzy; the adrenaline rush is leaving me, so I'm going to my room for some water." With that the brunette kissed his aunt on the cheek and left the living room, fighting back tears the whole way.
They weren't tears of pain, though. They were tears of joy.
'I-I did it! I finally stood up for myself..!'
-Page Break-
James was surprised when he heard his aunt calling him, saying he had a visitor. He didn't remember making plans for later tonight, then it struck him that Kendall said he was going to stop by later to check on him.
Not wanting to be rude yet no leave the warmth of his room, James quickly got dressed (he had taken a shower) into his pajamas and ran a hand through his tangled, dark with wet hair to at least make it look a little presentable. He scrambled to lie down on top of the thick quilts on his bed and flip open a random book on his bedside table, pretending to read as the dirty blonde was soon in his bedroom doorway.
"H-hey, sorry I took so long! Are you okay, beautiful? Did your dad hurt you, ar-" Kendall barely had time to finish his bombard of questions before James was pressed against him, the shorter boy's back meeting the closed door.
Kendall's bright green eyes were wide as dinner plates as James kissed him with an urgency he's never done so with before, he melting minutes later as he kissed back just as passionately and wrapped his arms around the brunette's slender waist. James let out a small whimper as he threaded his fingers through Kendall's soft dirty blonde hair, they keeping their lips pressed together as they struggled to get a walking pace and fall back on James' bed.
If this had happened earlier in their relationship, James would have freaked out from being under Kendall in such an intimate position, but there was no doubt in him now that he trusted Kendall a hundred percent. He cared deeply about the other boy; they've went from friends to best friends to boyfriend at a slow, steady and nice pace. He cared about Kendall, he liked him.
No, he loved him. He was in love; he was in love with Kendall.
They pulled away from the long kiss for breath, their chest rising and falling with every intake of air they took, faces flushed bright red and expressions soft, longing.
"I-I...I love you, Kendall." James panted, cupping Kendall's left cheek in his thin, long right hand. The other played with the hem of Kendall's loose-fitting green t-shirt, soft tears in his deep hazel-green eyes.
Said blonde's heart skipped several beats at those words; those three words he's been dreaming of for quite a while.
'H-he loves me...oh God he loves me! H-he loves back!' His thoughts were racing, speeding like a runaway train but nothing could stop the big smile overtaking his face, eyes shining like clear-cut jade.
"J-James I, I love you too..." He whispered, before they were lost in a wave of passion and longing. Their lips met again and they ran hands up and down each other's bodies; James paid close attention to the speed of his heart, in case it was pounding in fear.
Instead though, it was pounding from pure joy.
Their shirts were soon out of the equation; it was much too early in the relationship to take...that step just yet, but they traced each other's arms, collarbones, chests and lower stomachs, exploring planes of warm skin and holding each other close. They kissed every inch of skin they could reach, staring deep into each other's eyes and playing with the other's hair. James pressed close to Kendall, hands on the blonde's slightly curved hips while Kendall had one to his side, the other cradling the back of his head as they kissed.
'I lost my dad, but I'd rather lose him than Kendall.' Was James' last thought concerning Michael before he let himself be consumed by the comforting, sweet heat coming from Kendall's thin, strong body.