Twentieth of December

Dear Diary,

The funeral for my grandparents was held yesterday, but I couldn't go because Madam Pomfrey wouldn't let me. She wants me to stay at Hogwarts until the baby is born. I can't even go shopping for Christmas gifts since she wants me to stay put. I made Mother go shopping for me, but I really hate this imprisonment that has been forced upon me. The only good thing is that the baby is due any day now, because my abdomen is about to burst! I have stopped taking the potions, so nothing will happen so close to birth. It is better this way, and it gives Severus less work to do.

The other day, he declared to me that he finally realised that he had always loved me more than Lily. He had spent the whole day of my shower, thinking and reminiscing about his whole situation in life and told me that he had never been so happy in his life. He said he regretted everything he did before when we were younger and said that it was me he had wanted all along, he just didn't see it. Everything he wanted Lily to be is what I am. So, he apologised for the hundredth time and told me he couldn't wait to have this baby and start his life with less guilt and shame. His revelation has made him very attentive to me, and he's there every time I need him. I guess thinking made his soul better.

Twenty-Third of December

Dear Diary,

I feel like a giant, bored balloon today. It's Christmas time, Mother's gone until the twenty-fifth, nobody is at the castle, Severus is busy making potions for Dumbledore (all the while paying attention to my needs) and I am stuck doing absolutely NOTHING! Draco is very disappointed that I will not be able to come on Boxing Day, and my whole family is sad that I can't come to the festivities, because I HAVE TO STAY AT HOGWARTS! It's driving me raving mad that I cannot go and have fun during Christmas because my child is due any second of any day!

All I hope is that Severus' promise to make this the best Christmas ever for me will be kept! My back is killing me; and I can't even walk without Severus because this baby is so heavy. He said he would take me out and make it special by defying all the rules Madam Pomfrey has imposed on me. I, myself, am not sure it will work or that I will be comfortable if it does. But, he said he would make it up to me the best he could. I wonder if Muggle women have as many problems as I do during pregnancies ….

Twenty-Fourth of December

Dear Diary,

Severus really held up to his promise, because I had the most splendid night ever and my aching back didn't really bother me at all! Except for now, but I'll come to that later. So, this morning, I stayed in bed with Severus because I felt very, very, very crampy. It was actually the first time I ever saw him in bed at such a late hour, since he is in fact a morning person. Severus brought me breakfast-in-bed, and we had a very romantic time despite my morning pain.

In the afternoon, I felt much better so we went off behind Madam Pomfrey's back and went to Hogsmeade for lunch. We walked here and there, and we came back sooner than planned since my cramps were acting up again. We decorated our Christmas tree, something we wanted to do since the holidays had started. Severus bought our baby an ornament and together we both placed it on the tree. He even bought a stocking for the baby, and I really am proud of his behaviour; it seems to get better and better as time goes by. Afterwards, we snuggled near the fire and I took a very well deserved nap only to be woken up what seemed like five minutes later to go out for dinner.

He took me to our favourite restaurant in Hogsmeade, and he made it very romantic. He had reserved a corner for only us two, so we would have privacy; he had pre-ordered the food and I got my favourite dish. He had wine, I had water and we both had an amusing time. We came back and he...um...tricked me into making love to him, even if it was against Madam Pomfrey's annoying rules. We fell asleep right after and it was very early, compared to our normal schedule. I didn't sleep very well because my cramps were worse than ever. I did fall asleep eventually, but I woke up an hour later with a really bad cramp -- so bad I could hardly breath.

Well, I suppose it wasn't really a cramp…my water had broken and I was having a contraction. My reaction was very odd, as I stayed calm and collected, but thought, this baby is coming and I have to get to the infirmary fast! I decided to wake Severus up, because I wasn't going through this alone. I tried everything to get him to wake up, but nothing worked! I was in labour, having our baby, very moody and grouchy, and my husband couldn't even wake up when asked? He finally woke up, totally lost and still sleepy.

"Severus … are you awake now?" I asked nervously.

"Yes … what is it? What's wrong?" he said, getting up to my level. I couldn't reply since I had another contraction; it had been only twenty minutes since my last one! That meant the baby was very picky and wanted to get out (it reminded me of Severus), and I needed to get to the infirmary then or never!

"My water broke …" I said after my contraction. He turned white like the snow that was outside and muttered to himself as he got up to get dressed.

Five minutes later he came back and said, "I suppose you want to get to the hospital wing now?" I rolled my eyes; no shit, Sherlock! Seeing my reaction, he took my hand and helped me out of our quarters. It was a long walk, because I couldn't walk well nor could I walk for long since my contraction came and went.

"I want … argh … Mother …" I said half way there; my contractions were now ten minutes apart, and I wanted Mother to be there for the birth.

"Let's get you to the hospital wing first, then I'll owl her … I promise she will be there…" he said, helping me towards another set of bloody stairs. I was asking myself why we live so far away from the hospital wing when we bumped into Dumbledore!

"Severus … Nathalie … having a Christmas stroll?" he asked like nothing was wrong with me.

"Nathalie is having the baby. She needs to get to the hospital …" I went through another contraction as he said, "She wants her mother." Dumbledore took a lemon drop out of his pocket to eat as he replied with a very good idea.

"Severus, take Nathalie to the hospital wing; I'll owl Minerva. Don't worry …" he said to me. I growled, not believing him because I was in the most pain I had ever been in my life. Also, the idea of passing a whole human body out of mine didn't sound like something I wouldn't worry about.

We just made it to the hospital wing, my contractions are still at ten minutes apart and I feel a little better. Mother isn't here yet, and Madam Pomfrey is in no state to deliver this baby. She keeps crying because her husband cheated on her and she just learned the news, and now Dumbledore is in there trying to make her feel better. I'm still in pain and suffering with a clueless husband trying to help. Mother, please come!

Sleeping soundly, Minerva McGonagall didn't hear the owl coming into her bedroom carrying an important note. The owl waited for her to wake up, but she was sleeping hard. He came down on her and starting nibbling her with his beak. Cursing under her breath, she finally woke up and took the letter from the owl. It read like so:

Dearest Minerva,

Guess who is in labour? Nathalie is having a baby and DEMANDS to have you here to witness it. Her contractions seem to be close together.

Albus

She cried out loud; she was going to be a grand mother! She packed a quick suitcase, but stopped. She could come back after the baby was born to get clothes! She changed and wrote a reply saying she would be there as fast as she could. She wouldn't miss the birth of her grandchild for anything in the world. Her baby was having a baby, and this wasn't something that happened everyday, especially when you only have one child!

After she was fully dressed, she Apparated to Hogsmeade … or so she thought. She found herself at Diagon Alley! She hadn't been concentrating, and this was what happened. She took deep breaths and tried to Apparate again. Nothing happened … odd, she tried again and again, nothing happened. Something was wrong, and she didn't have the time to do anything about. One last time she tried and it worked. She landed kilometres away from Hogsmeade and even farther from Hogwarts, where her daughter was in labour. She has going to have to walk it, because Apparating wasn't a good idea with her lack of concentration. This was going to be a long night ….

Twenty-Fifth of December

Dear Diary,

It was about 11: 30 when Madam Pomfrey decided to come out and play the giving birth game. My contractions were five minutes apart, and Mother still wasn't here. Dumbledore said he would look out for her arrival. I was in pain, stressed, moody, angry and sad. Madam Pomfrey checked me as another contraction came. She said I was dilated at nine cm and I was about to give birth. My contractions got smaller and smaller apart, and at 11:45 Madam Pomfrey said it was time to start pushing. I had just gone into transition where I shivering like crazy but I was blazing hot. But the point was: I was not at all ready; I had a freaked out husband, a sad/paranoid nurse, my mother was nowhere to be found and the godfather of my child was eating lemon drops!

Severus crouched beside me and said, "Nathalie … I love you and I can't wait to hold this baby in my hands. So please, I'll help or do anything, just push. Even if your mother isn't here and I am really panicking, I will be there for you. No matter what…So will you push?" I was crying a stream as I was about to say yes, when the door swung opened and Mother appeared out of breath like she had ran a marathon.

"MOTHER!" I screamed of joy as she walked, panting towards me.

"I couldn't … Apparate normally … had to run … all way … how are you?" she said, falling onto a chair. Mme Pomfrey answered for me as another contraction came.

"She was going to start pushing, but she refused to until you came. Now you are here, so can we start?" I nodded as another goddamn contraction came and went. She made Severus position himself behind me so he could hold me up. Mother held my hand -- it was time that baby came out.

"Now, when I tell you to push, you push. It will hurt but you still need to push." I nodded as she said push as my contraction came.

"Argh … Severus … ouh!" I screamed as I was pushing.

"What? What can I do?" he said, looking at Madam Pomfrey.

"Make her feel comfortable …" she replied from my legs.

Severus turned his head to me and said, "Nathalie … it's okay, I'm here … it's good pain don't worry …"

"Argh … it's your fault I'm in pain … ouh, argh!"

Severus turned towards Madam Pomfrey and said, "She obviously doesn't want me near…"

"You're hopeless, Severus Snape!" Mother said as Madam Pomfrey told me to push again.

He mumbled something and then said, "Nathalie, I'm here … I love you and this baby …?"

"Argh! Shut up!" I screamed in pain. Severus then stopped trying to talk to me and just held me in his arms, kissing my head whenever he felt like it and proclaiming his love for me for about eight minutes until …

"I can see the head!" Madam Pomfrey said. Severus was exclaiming in joy!

"Nathalie! We have a head! We have a baby!"

Then, Madam Pomfrey spoke, "Nathalie, next time you have a contraction, push very hard and then just let it go … okay?" I nodded as the contraction came over me fast and I did like I was told.

After that all I could remember was Severus saying something about our baby, Mother leaving my hand to see the baby and the person in question crying. Then it went all black.

I woke up a few hours later because some giggling had interrupted my profound sleep. I opened my eyes to see Severus sitting on a chair beside my bed, with our little bundle of joy in his arms. She was giggling at Severus when he would come close to meet her face, because she thought the nose was funny. The little hand came up to try and catch it, but Severus jerked his head away from the baby's reach. He was playing with our baby, just like a real father would do!

He bent down to kiss her forehead and said, "Let's hope your mother wakes up soon … you caused her more trouble than you ought to have already. You are already a little devil … Definitely Snape in that corner. But I still love you, and so will your mother when she's up," he said, getting up and bringing her towards a crib at the end of my bed. I slowly stood up to see him placing the baby carefully in her crib as she giggled again.

"The giggling must for me …" I said with a smile as Severus turned around to see me. He took the baby back into his arms and came towards me with one of his rare smiles on.

"Nathalie … you're finally awake …" he said, bending towards me for a kiss. Then, he placed the baby in my arms, and I saw our baby for the first time. She had dark, observant, black eyes (like Severus), when normally babies have bright blue eyes when born until they develop their own colour. She, obviously, had a set of black hair, and it wasn't curly. To top it all off, she was equipped with a pretty big button nose and was quite tall and heavy for her hours of life. She's about six pounds and forty-five centimetres.

"She's so beautiful," I said in tears to Severus as she looked at me with big eyes as she saw a different person.

"It's a she. She's a girl, just like you predicted. She's born exactly at midnight, so Madam Pomfrey said her official birthday was today, Christmas." I cried even more, when he told me it was girl.

Suddenly I asked, "What are we going to call her?"

Severus thought for a while and replied, "I don't know … we never settled on a name. How about we find name of significance to give her."

"How about Eileen?" I asked hoping to please Severus.

"No, I hate the idea of naming children after somebody in their family. Let's make it her middle name … Minerva-Eileen, after our mothers." he said, kissing my forehead in search of new ideas.

"Blank Minerva-Eileen Snape. We could have named her Nathalie since it means being born at Christmas or being born. But I already have that name …" I replied as he laughed. He sat beside me and took us in his arms. His lips rested on my head, as we thought more and more of ideas.

"Well, her birth wasn't exactly serenity, I mean it was chaos. So I wouldn't name her after her birth …" Severus said. Then, the name came up; Severus is such a brilliant man!

"That's it! We can call her Serenity! It is such a beautiful word and it fits her so well. I mean she is Serenity comparing to the whole birth … What do you think?" I asked but I didn't even need his answer because his smile told me everything.

"Serenity Minerva-Eileen Snape … such a pretty name," he said. When he pronounced her name, she looked up towards us, like if she knew we were calling her. She smiled, looking more adorable than ever as I bent down to kiss her tiny little cheek.

The perfect family picture was interrupted by Madam Pomfrey, who came to see how we were doing. She checked the baby's pulse when I noticed Serenity was dressed in a little pink suit. I smiled; Severus had taken the time to dress our little child, all by himself. I was really proud of him and I still am, because he never stops to amaze me.

Especially when Mme. Pomfrey said, "Well, I'm happy to say you are both in good health, considering the early birth. Now, she needs to be feed, so, Nathalie, I leave you to it …"

She left and Severus said, "Feed? Already?"

I smiled and said, "Well, she must need something in her stomach…" I replied, undoing the infirmary robe to feed her. Severus looked at me, puzzled.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a curious expression on his face. I laughed and replied to his foolish comment.

"Feeding the baby…see," I said as Serenity began to drink the milk from my breast. He turned his head away, embarrassed as I laughed.

"She got it on the first try! She must be very smart then … she is definitely your child." He smiled at my little comment as I fed her. After I was done, she fell asleep and Mother came in. We had a little chat about Serenity as Severus took a well-needed shower and change of clothing.

This afternoon was very busy. First, my whole entire family came to see the baby and showered me with gifts. They are absolutely fond of her and think she's adorable. During the visit, she was passed round and round to my family receiving lovely complements. Afterwards, I took a nap while Severus took Serenity for a walk around Hogwarts in a Flying-Stroller my aunt gave me. He told me the whole time she was looking everywhere, attentive to every noise and sound she heard and taking the time to look at every little detail she passed. Then, she took her second nap of the day as the Malfoys came to visit. Draco was so joyful to see his "cousin" for the first time. Narcissa had to admit Serenity was pretty, and she hopes that she will turn out better than me. I snickered at that comment; if she didn't turn out like me, she would be like Severus and his attitude isn't very lady-like either!

Lucius, on the other hand, thinks that I am a totally useless woman, because I didn't have a son first, as an heir. Respecting his pureblood traditions, he thinks it should have been a boy so he could take charge and learn to be a valuable man. Severus and I never thought it was about heirs; we always thought it was about what we wanted. I have to admit, that Severus wanted a boy for an heir, but he isn't upset, and he isn't going to leave for it (like Lucius said). I actually think Severus is happy with a daughter, and I think he prefers it too. Then, they left, Severus and I ate, I feed Serenity and she went to bed. Now we are about to go to bed, since Severus insisted on staying with me tonight. He is sleeping right beside me, like nothing happened, except maybe we'll wake up in the middle of the night for a screaming, but adorable little Serenity of ours ….

Now that I look back at all that I have written since day one, I can't believe my life has changed so drastically. First, I wanted to die and I was full of despair. Now, I am joyful and I have never loved life as much as I love it now. I was left robbed of all my dreams of a perfect life, and I found them back in the arms of a man I never in my wildest dreams thought I could love again. In fact, I never thought I could love again, but I did and it gave me the power to succeed in my life and reach new goals, better goals. I guess you could say I am more optimistic about life and that I want to live it fully and have a new life with Severus, Serenity and the other children we might have.

I am not the only one to have changed either; Severus has grown himself into a better man, getting rid of the bad in his life and trying to replace it by the good that he thought never existed. He accepted many facts of life, which helped us both in our lives and overcame fears. I'm sure if I hadn't decided to get back with him, he would have never done it all and still would be pushing people away from his life. Luckily, my impact on his life made him change in the best ways possible. He might still be grumpy, moody, witty, intelligent, mean, sarcastic and short tempered, but I still love him, and if he changed that, I'm not sure I would like it!

I suppose life has its ups and downs. Nothing ever goes to plan and your childhood dreams turn out to be a little modified. You might not have your handsome prince charming that sweeps you off your feet and showers you with love. You might end up with a man who tried hard to please you, tries to show you his love even if he isn't emotional and might not be as handsome as you wanted. You might not end up with a large family and live a happy and perfect life. Instead you might end up with an unwanted pregnancy that turns into a wanted one, and you might just end up with that one and only child. Your life might not be perfect, fights will come and go and so will not speaking for a week and so on. But, life isn't a fairy tale, you just need to go to hell and back to get it; that is what true happiness is about.