A/N: Well, the last chapter didn't seem to have come across quite as badly as I thought it might, which of course is always good. This update was supposed to come out months ago but I just... got stuck. I found a new method of helping that, though. Reread the first chapter and got an idea and went with it — made the rest of it flow nicely. It'll probably seem forced but hopefully its good anyway. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed and has been reviewing this story faithfully. I'm sorry I take so long sometimes.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII belongs to SquareSoft/Enix, not me. All characters (unless otherwise mentioned) mentioned in this story belong to them. (Excluding of course my OC's, like Gabriella, Katie, Devin, etc.)

Addicted

EilayAdnayVolieay

Chapter Thirty-Six: Nothing Good Lasts

(Rinoa's POV)

After Squall walked away, Rinoa turned to her mother's grave stone. Her fingers traced the engravings upon the stone, before she covered her face with her hands.

It seemed like forever since she had last seen her mother. She wasn't sure what had made her decide to come to her grave, today of all days. Perhaps all the emotions she had felt with her father being in the hospital made her want to be closer to her mother. She wasn't really sure.

"I miss you so much." Rinoa replied quietly, lifting her gaze to stare at the grave stone again. "I wish... that things were different, and that you could be here." She stared at the passage engraved on her gravestone, reading it over in her mind again and again.

She could hear very faintly the sound of Squall's footsteps retreating, and she realized that he was walking away to give her more privacy. She turned to see where he was going, and noticed that he was walking back towards the town. She frowned for a moment, but forced herself not to think of it.

Now, as she stared at one of the very things that existed as proof of her mothers untimely death, she did not feel dizzy. She did not feel as though she were about to faint, as she had been every time she was confronted with something about her mother. She didn't feel sick, only very sad.

Squall had told her that people dealt differently with the death of a loved one. That, just because he went to see his mothers grave whenever he had the chance, didn't mean she had to. But what if he had only said that to be kind to her, and spare her feelings during a time when she was upset? That doesn't really sound like Squall... but then again, him offering for me to go with him some day to his mothers grave isn't really like him either. I wonder if he regrets that, now that he's said it? Oh man... even now with Squall giving me privacy, I still can't stay focused on my own mother.

There had never been much discussion about her mother after her death. Her father had simply told her the truth of what happened — that she was never coming back — and that had been the end of it. He shut himself up in his office a lot, neglecting her quite a bit. She had grown accustomed to it, though she didn't deny resenting him for it at the time and perhaps still holding some of that resentment deep within herself today.

Several minutes later, she stood up and turned around, ready to leave. She had enough time to brood over things she had been ignoring for awhile now. She stopped in her tracks as she saw Squall walking up the hill towards her with flowers. She stared at him questioningly as he passed them to her.

"...thought you might want to put these on her grave stone." He told her quietly. Rinoa opened her mouth to speak, but found she didn't know what to say. She grabbed the flowers gently and turned back to her mothers grave. Mom... I hope you'll forgive me for not coming here more often when I should have. She stood up once more and turned to Squall.

"Thank you, Squall. That was... really thoughtful of you. And... I appreciate it." Rinoa thanked him. Squall stood there awkwardly, not saying anything. Rinoa didn't expect him to — it wasn't something he would normally do, and though part of her was confused about his actions, the other part of her thought that it was just his way of doing something kind without having to say anything. He could relate to not having his mother in his life, but he wasn't much of the consoling type. He could try, and she'd appreciate it, but it just wasn't his strong point.

"...uh, you're... you're welcome. Did you want me to leave?..." He asked her awkwardly. Rinoa reached out and grabbed his hand, and she could see that she had momentarily confused him. She smiled slightly and lifted his sleeve back, indicating the watch on his wrist.

"Sorry, I thought it would be quicker than asking. Though... maybe asking would have been less awkward." She added as an afterthought. She saw him shrug in response, and realized that he was telling her the awkward moment would be forgotten. "And I think I'm ready to go — thanks for coming with me." Squall shrugged in response and she didn't push him to answer beyond that.

Squall followed silently beside her as she began walking back towards the city. She wondered what he was thinking about — his own mother, perhaps? Maybe, Rinoa thought, I'll go with him to visit her grave. We could visit Ellone again. I'd like to see her and it would be a good chance to... to talk more.

Her thoughts again drifted back to her father, sitting in the hospital bed. Was he awake still? She wondered briefly if he had begun the medication the doctor had been telling them about before they had left. Or...

"Rinoa?" Squall's voice pulled her back from her thoughts, and she smiled apologetically at him.

"Sorry. Guess I got caught up in my thoughts. Hey, Squall? Can I ask you something?" She wasn't sure what had made her remember this small memory — she had pushed it to the back of her mind, not giving it a second thought since her dad told her it the day he said she was moving to Balamb. Now, suddenly, she wanted to talk about it.

"I... guess." He said cautiously. He appeared worried — probably expecting some sort of thought provoking question or something he'd rather avoid answering. Then again, maybe he wouldn't want to answer this. He hasn't brought it up once in all the time I've known him.

"Before... before I came here, my dad talked a little about your dad. You didn't always live with him, right?" Rinoa asked. 'He also found his son again. There's a story behind that, because his son had been in an orphanage.' She remembered her father telling her.

"No, I didn't." Squall sighed and turned to face her, no longer walking. "What do you want to know about that? It's in the past — years behind us."

"I just wondered how it was that your father came to find you. My dad never really went much into detail." Rinoa added. They were near a park, and Squall slowly reached for her hand. She was surprised but smiled warmly at him as he guided her into the park. He came to a stop at a large set of swings and sat down on one, leaving the other for her. She sat in it and twisted it around so she was facing him again.

He was staring down at the ground, his foot pushing dirt away from him.

"The first few years I don't really remember much of. The woman that owned the orphanage — Edea Kramer, though we all called her Matron — she told me about it, once, when I woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn't get back to sleep and the bedtime story she told me was about how I had come to live in the orphanage. My mother had died giving birth to me, and there was no record of who my father was. Dad... he was in the Galbadian Army, when he was younger. I'm not entirely sure, but I think that's how he knew your mother. And, probably, your dad as well."

It made sense. Her father had been in the army himself, before he became the General. He had retired when there was no longer any need for him, and when he had wanted to be a bigger part of the 'family'. Right. He had waited until after her mothers death to finally care about that — she had hated him for that for a long time before she had come to terms with it.

"Anyway, you already know Ellone isn't my biological sister. She was in the orphanage as well, for a couple of years before she was taken away. When she came back, she had my dad with her. She was excited that she had found him — she had been living with a foster family she hated and when she had found him, he promised to adopt her. I guess she never clued in that he was alive all those years we lived at the orphanage, because she never mentioned it to me."

"So you didn't know about him at all?" Rinoa asked. She pushed herself back on the swing and began swinging back and forth, no longer staring at him as he spoke.

"No. And I wasn't thrilled to find out about him, either. I only recently started calling him dad the past few years. I guess I resented him for me having to live in the orphanage at all."

"But you don't anymore, right?" Rinoa prodded. Squall turned and looked at her, and the intensity of his gaze caused her to look away, embarrassed.

"No." He whispered. He was still staring at her, and Rinoa had no idea what to say or do. What was he thinking? Was this still about his father and his time at the orphanage, or was there something else she wasn't picking up on? Suddenly Squall was fidgeting, appearing very nervous. He looks cute when he's ner—

Suddenly all her thoughts were pushed aside — forgotten about, for the moment. He had turned his swing towards her and had reached out to her. His face began moving closer to hers and she froze as she began wondering if this was really happening — was Squall really about to kiss her? The close proximity of his face to hers made her think that, as she felt his breath on her face. She closed her eyes and waited.

"Hey, watch out!" Someone was suddenly shouting. Rinoa's eyes shot open and Squall pushed her swing away just in time for a soccer ball to fly past them — right through the spot she had previously been at. She cursed silently at the timing.

"We should... probably go." Squall murmured. Rinoa turned to him and frowned.

"Yeah, sure." She muttered. So much for that moment. And I really thought he might... Sighing, Rinoa stood up and started to walk away. Squall didn't get up to follow her, and after taking several steps, she turned around and looked back at him. He was staring at her and looked away when he realized she had noticed. "You not coming?" She asked him playfully.

"Rinoa..." His tone was suddenly very serious, and Rinoa knelt down on the ground in front of him — he was still sitting on the same swing. "I'm... sorry. Before, I... I think I wanted — but I can't." He looked at her then and she realized he was scared.

"It's okay — I'll never make you do anything. But Squall... I have to know. Do you li— no. Do you think you'll ever... ever see me as more than a friend?" The question that had been on her mind since she realized she had liked him was finally out there.

Squall stared back at her, as if he had expected this question to come. She could see him thinking — trying to figure out how to answer her question.

"I... I have no reason not to. Aside from it being unlike me, that is." He suddenly wasn't looking at her and she wondered fleetingly what he was hiding from her.

She decided not to push it, and sat back down on the swing next to him.

"Give me a push?" She asked him sweetly. He stared at her.

"You're joking, right?"

"No! Come on, please?" She begged. With a sigh, Squall got up and stood in front of her. He put his hands beneath hers, grasping the chains on the swing. Rinoa moved her legs out of the way and Squall was pushing her swing up as high as he could.

"I'll never do this again if you hit me," He warned her. With that said, he ducked under her and was standing behind her. When her swing came back, he began pushing her higher. "I can't believe you wanted a push." He muttered.

"Maybe it wasn't about the push. Maybe it was about the person giving it!" She retorted, sticking her tongue out — even though she knew he couldn't exactly see. She didn't feel the pressure of his hands on her back when her swing returned to him, and she craned her neck to see him frozen in place. "Hey, Squall... I was only teasing. I didn't mean anything by it." She tried to reassure him.

"But you did, didn't you?" He asked quietly. Rinoa dropped her feet on the ground, stopping her swing. She twisted around to face him.

"What do you mean? I said I was teasing, didn't I?" She didn't get why he was acting so strange suddenly.

"I know you like me!" He blurted. Rinoa looked up at his face, horrified. How could he know? Had he figured it out — had she really been that obvious?

"How did you know?" She whispered. Squall looked away guiltily.

"I... overheard you. In your sleep. Its not like that!" He said suddenly — he had seen the expression on her face. "You fell asleep, at the hospital. I was going to leave but then..."

"Since I fell asleep at the hospital? You've known all this time and... and I... I thought you wanted this. To be around me. But you were just trying not to hurt my feelings because you knew." Everything he had done — offering to hang out with her, hugging her — it was all an act. All just to keep from hurting her. It was a nice gesture but all Rinoa felt was humiliated.

"No! Its not like that! Rinoa, I want to be—"

"Just forget it! I'm humiliated enough as it is, just... just go." Her last words came out as a harsh whisper. Squall looked as though she had slapped him. How could such a great day turn so drastically into a bad one?

"Fine." He said coldly. "If that's what you want."

The moment he began to walk away, Rinoa set free the tears she had been holding back. She wasn't quiet, but she didn't care. If Squall could hear her, he didn't turn around.

Squall... I'm sorry. But the Squall Leonhart I know doesn't fall in love. Friends is all we'll ever be and I... I've already ruined that.

A/N: Yeah, this update is long overdue and all I can do is apologize for that. Aside from being stuck on it, I have no excuses. Dunno how I feel about this chapter. Part of me loves it, part of me hates it. Hopefully I'm not rushing anything with Squall and Rinoa – maybe that fight at the end was my insecurities about that coming out xD

Either way, it is what it is. I hope you don't hate me too much for taking so long. Next chapter, if it makes you feel better, is Squall's perspective — you get to find out if he really WAS going to kiss her! Though its probably obvious. R&R - even if its only to tell me you hate me xD