Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story wouldn't be what it is without my wonderful beta, The Real Teacher, holding my hand and correcting my many errors. Thank you so much!

- 36 -

I sighed, twisting my body to watch the annoying red lights on the alarm clock for what must have been the millionth time since I woke up at four AM, panting and sweaty with the lingering effects of yet another nightmare.

Five fifteen.

I rubbed my eyes, knowing that no matter what I tried, I was never going to go back to sleep….not with the vision of Aro killing Edward right in front of my eyes still fresh in my memory. I knew nothing like that had ever happened in real life. I knew most of the Volturi – the most dangerous ones at least – were behind bars. I knew we were both safe here, what with all the security posted around the house. I knew all of that but still my mind never seemed to have accepted those certainties. It was at times like these when I wondered if I was ever going to be able to get past it.

I wondered if I would ever be free again of the chains the Volturi had locked me in.

Sure, I was making progress. Crowds didn't scare me as much as they used to anymore – at least, not as long as I kept focusing on the breathing exercises Zafrina had taught me – and I was slowly but surely starting to regain trust in myself and the world around me, but it seemed like the harder I tried to 'be normal', the more vivid my nightmares became.

And they were something I couldn't just 'breathe' my way through.

Turning onto my side I was greeted by the sight of Edward sleeping soundly next to me, the sheets twisted around his sculpted chest as he lay on his back, his hair hanging slightly in front of his eyes as his chest moved rhythmically up and down with the deep breaths that left his mouth in soft, muted snores. He looked so peaceful….so beautiful…..so far away…..

My throat constricted as the images of my dream crept up on me again, my eyes unwillingly flittering down his chest to the scar the stab wound lad left on his stomach. It was fading, the angry red, puckered line now reduced to a pink shadow across his stomach, making it hard to imagine that that same faint line had almost killed him.

I averted my eyes, my hand hovering over his skin without making contact, his heat radiating out towards me thought his skin. I guess the only good thing about my nightmares was that I didn't scream. I'd never forgive myself if I woke him up every night when he should have been gearing up to kick some legal ass. See? Zafrina was right after all. Every damn thundercloud had its silver lining.

I snorted, the noise echoing through the quiet room startling me even though I was the one who produced it. Zafrina and I may have been making some progress where it counted, but we still had a lot of work to do.

A hell of a lot of work.

Not wanting to dwell too much on the fucked up mess my life had become, I looked sideways again, hoping at least a good portion of time had gone by now.

Five Thirty.

Only half an hour to go before we had to get up.

Half an hour of staring at the ceiling and looking for ways to pass the time without drawing unwanted attention to myself by freaking out or moving around too much. That was…

Peeking sideways through my lashes I noticed that, though most of Edward may have still been asleep, a certain part of him was most definitely up and ready to go. It would be a shame, really not to take advantage of this opportunity. After all, would it not be a travesty to ignore a penis as beautiful as Edward's was when it was so clearly begging for my attention?

Grinning to myself I slid my body down the mattress, loving the feeling of the silky smooth sheets against my naked body as I scooted down my hands carefully pulling the sheet with me to reveal Edward's morning wood in all its magnificent glory.

Well, hello there.

Nice to meet you again.

I am Bella Swan, here to serve thee, oh magnificent appendage of my equally magnificent boyfriend.

I have every hope that you and I will get along.

I smiled, letting my eyes once again glide over Edward's seemingly perfect body while silently congratulating myself on the simple fact that he seemed to be silly enough to pick me. Me and all of my issues. I never would have thought this would happen; I never would have thought we'd end up together again after everything that happened between us. But now that we were…..there were times when I feared my heart was going to launch out of my chest with the weight of all the emotions confined into such a small organ. Was it even possible to love someone so much when you'd only been together for – what – four whole weeks?

This was crazy. But – man! – did I love it.

And man did I love him.

"Are you going to stare at my dick all day or what?" Edward's grainy voice spoke. "I was hoping to at least get a blowjob out of the fact that you left me exposed to hypo-fucking-thermia."

I gasped, clutching my chest. "Fuck, you scared me!"

He snorted. "Try waking up bloody naked in the freezing cold to find your girlfriend ogling your cock like it was a slab of meat and she a hungry lioness. Fuck, you look like you're half expecting it to jump up and do a little dance or something!"

"I happen to find your meat very worthy of being ogled, actually," I countered, earning myself a big eye roll and a deep sigh. "Besides….shouldn't you be over the moon with all of the staring? After all, it's bound to get you laid at one point or other."

Edward chuckled, running his hand lazily through his messy hair as he shot a sideways glance at the clock. "How long have you been awake?"

I shrugged, not really wanting to go into the whole nightmare and sleepless night thing right now. "Awhile."

Edward wasn't having that, though. "How long is awhile?"

I groaned. Why, out of all the men in the world, did I have to end up with the one who didn't jump at the chance to get a ticket out of the whole touchy-feely kind of shit? Why did I end up with the man who'd rather have a nice, lengthy talk about my nightmares than get his dick sucked on?

"Just a while," I snapped, trying to distract him by wrapping my hand around his cock, my fingers teasing his hard flesh just the way I knew he liked.

But still, he was resolved to be difficult…..

"Bella…" he wheezed, his hands making a feeble attempt to push mine away.

I pouted. "What?"

It wasn't as if I didn't already know what he was going to say. Probably something along the lines of how I was using sex as a distraction and how that was never a good thing and all that….

Well, screw me (literally)

I happened to like sex (at least, I did if it was sex with Edward) and if it could also do something to take my mind off the fact that in a few hours I would be cruising down the I-5 on my way to my first day back at school after a month of chickening out and hiding away in Woodway…..then all the better.

I'd save the avoiding-issues-instead-of-meeting-them-head-on bullshit for my next session with Zafrina. Right now I just wanted to fuck myself – and Edward – into oblivion for a little while.

So with that thought in mind I put on my best Lolita-act, deepening my pout as I looked up at my boyfriend through my lashes, my hand stealthily sneaking out to stroke his hard length again when he wasn't paying attention. "Don't you want me to make you feel good?"

"Fuck, Bella!" he gasped, the tightening in his eyes and the way his head tilted slightly backwards as I stroked him, making the pit of my stomach clench with lust, love and anticipating. "You know I want you, baby…..I always want you…"

I narrowed my eyes, knowing there was going to be a 'but' somewhere down the line, no matter how hard I tried to distract him. "Just let me do this. Please?"

I could see it in his eyes; the hesitance, the willingness to give in but the little voice in the back of his head warning him not to…..

"You're making it very hard for me to be a good boyfriend," he groaned, his body yielding willingly to me as his mind gave up its final resistance.

"And I can see that you mean that in the most literal sense of the word," I grinned, letting my hair fall around me as I leaned in to kiss the head of his cock, my tongue swirling out to collect the liquid oozing from the slit.

"We will talk about this," he warned, though his voice sounded strained and very unconvincing as I wrapped my lips around his shaft and took as much of him as I could take into my mouth.

"Hmmm," I hummed around his cock, giggling at the deep moan my actions evoked in my boyfriend. I loved knowing it was me who evoked such strong reactions in a man like him.

He was mine.

I was his.

We…..we were us.

"Bella, fuck!" Hid hand fisted in my hair, his long fingers weaving through my hair with an unexpected tenderness as the movements of his body became more erratic as I brought him closer to the edge. "I'm going to…"

And just like that he exploded, his lips uttering words that got lost in translation as he came in time with the alarm clock announcing it was seven o clock and time to get up with its usual, annoying bleeping torture.

"Perfect timing," I chuckled, winking at a very flustered and panting Edward as I released him from my mouth. "I guess this means I'd better go get ready for my first day back at school."

I tried not to laugh openly at the open-mouth look of disbelief Edward gave me as I hopped off the bed in a surprisingly graceful move and sashayed into the bathroom, making sure to use an amount of sway that felt ridiculous but hopefully made my ass – or lack thereof – look really hot.

I chuckled, congratulating myself on a job well done as I made it into the bathroom, checking the clothes I'd already laid out last night as I waited for the water to heat up.

This was it.

I was really going back today.

My feelings of anxiety started to creep back up on me now that I didn't have Edward around to distract me anymore, my hand trembling as I let it glide over the pile of clothes on the counter.

"You can do this, Bella," I muttered, following the advice Zafrina had given me on my most recent session. "It's just people….stupid people doing stupid regular stuff."

Yeah, who was I kidding? It was just people….lots of people who could have been affiliated with the Volturi in all sorts of fucked up ways without me ever finding out about it. That was….until they tried to kill me.

"Stop it," I hissed, suppressing a yelp as I stepped under the scalding hot rays of the humongous showerhead Edward had installed in his bathroom. It was like stepping under a waterfall; a hot, clean and perfectly leech-free waterfall.

But not even the water pouring down on me could distract me from the dreaded prospect that awaited me. That was….until Edward showed up.

"You do not just walk away from me like that," he snarled, pushing my wet and unsuspecting body against the cool tiles as he barreled into the shower stall.

I gasped, my body breaking out in goose bumps in spite of the searing hot steam billowing around us. "I…..don't?" I challenged him, determined to play it cool.

"No," he growled, turning my body towards him and barely giving me time to think, let alone come up with a witty come-back, before he pressed his mouth to mine in a searing hot and aggressive kiss.

I blinked, needing a few minutes to regain my senses as he finally let me go, his naked hips grinding into mine as the water cascaded around us. "O-okay?" I finally managed to squeak.

"I'd think so," he grumbled. "And now, it's my turn."

The intensity of his stare made every clenchable part of my bbody clench as his demanding hands explored my body, his hips pressing me up against the cool tiles of the shower, lining up the parts of us that were crying out to be connected.

"Who do you belong to?" he demanded, his eyes on fire with a myriad of emotions.

I panted, my lips hovering inches from his. "You."

He kissed me deeply and profoundly. "That's right, baby. Just like I belong to you…..heart body and fucking soul."

I moaned, my mind so far out of it that it didn't even register the pain as my head banged against the wall. "Oh God!"

"God ain't got nothing to do with what I'm going to do to you," he snarled, his body moving with the speed of a lion pouncing on a hapless prey as he pushed my body against the wall, hitching my right leg over his hip as he entered me with one deep, all-consuming stroke.

Argh!" I gasped as my hands found purpose in grabbing hold of his shoulders, my nails scratching his skin as he smothered my cry with his lips, his hips pistoning in and out of me in deep strokes. "Fuck,….yeah…..just like that."

"I love being inside you, baby," he groaned as his lips left mine only to place hot, open mouthed kisses along my neck and collar bone, his wet hair mixing with mine as he picked up his pace, my mind going incoherent as he hit that special spot inside me. "So hot….so wet….so….mine."

"Edwarrrrrrrrrd!" I shrieked, my pussy clenching around him as I came hard, my whole body shuddering and spasming with the force of my orgasm as I held on for dear life.

He followed soon after, grunting my name as he came inside of me, his head leaning on my shoulder as his hands rubbed deep loving circles into my thigh to counteract the roughness of his previous movements. "I love you…"

The look in his eyes made my heart leap out of my chest with love, my voice unsteady as I cradled his face in my hands, kissing him softly before I answered, "I love you too."

All too soon, the water ran cold, alerting us to the fact that not only were we now clean (well, sort of) and fully sated, we were also running late.

Which meant that, as much as we both resented it, our quality fooling-around time had come to an end, the playful mood diminishing to brooding looks as we finished our showers and got dressed and ready for the day ahead before joining hands as we walked downstairs for breakfast.

Ah. Breakfast.

I often wondered if Esme could sense what we had been up to in our room before we joined her, that morning's occurrence in the shower being by no means a one-time event. If she did, though, she never let on, always greeting us with that same kind, happy smile as she put plates of delicious food in front of us that seemed to appear like magic whenever we appeared at the breakfast table.

"Good morning!" she announced cheerfully, already handing Edward a steaming traveler's mug filled to the brim with strong black coffee. "Do you have time for breakfast? I 'm making pancakes….."

"Sorry, mom," Edward sighed, looking dejected at the prospect of missing out on his mom's homemade pancakes. "I have to be in court at ten. I don't think Judge O'Brien is going to be impressed when I tell him I got held up by breakfast. Not even if I tell him you makes the best pancakes this side of the Rockies."

I snickered. "Perhaps you could take some pancakes with you to bribe him?"

"Yeah, and I'll find my ass in jail for 'contempt' before I can even speak the words." Edward rolled his eyes dramatically, mumbling something under his breath as he filled his huge travel cup with hot, steaming coffee from the machine.

I shook my head at his early morning antics. Edward never had been much of a morning person. Not that I was that much better, though…..

I didn't even realize Edward had moved until he was right in front of me. "Are you sure you'll be alright driving into school on your own?"

I rolled my eyes, though inwardly my heart took a little leap at his show of concern. "I'll be fine, Edward. I only have issues with people, not with cars."

He snorted, muttering something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'could have fooled me'.

"Oh, come on!" I rolled my eyes. "Are you seriously still going on about the way I apparently mistreated your car?"

I could hear Esme snickering in the background as Edward scowled, the subject of his precious Pimpmobile still being a sore one between the two of us.

"Screw you, Edward Cullen! And screw your fucking car!" I snarled, giving him the cold shoulder as I tucked into the stack of pancakes Esme put in front of me, making a real show out of drizzling them with an unholy amount of syrup and powder sugar before shoveling a huge bite into my mouth. "Hmmmm," I moaned, closing my eyes for dramatic effect. "So good."

Edward's lips were on mine before I had time to think – or swallow, for that matter – his hungry lips devouring mine in a kiss that wasn't exactly meant to be seen by the outside world, let alone the woman who'd given birth to him.

Not that I minded, though. For all I cared he could have his wicked way with me right there on the kitchen table with his mom watching and I'd be a very happy – if not extremely mortified – woman.

I was panting for breath by the time he withdrew his lips from mine, the panty-dropping smirk he send my way doing nothing to ameliorate my flustered state of mine as he leaned in, his voice low and dangerous as he whispered in my ear. "Now as to the screwing…I think I did very well at that earlier today."

I swallowed hard, my voice suddenly very dry as he continued while his long fingers moved up and down my ribcage. "But if you want…I could refreshen your mind and make you feel so much fucking better than any amount of pancakes ever could…."

I whimpered, hating myself for this weak display of feminine subjugation but wholly unable to stop it from exiting my mouth, along with a feeble, "O-okay?"

He chuckled, leaning in for another quick kiss. "Tonight."

I sealed my lips to his before he could take them away, my hands fisting in his hair to keep him close for just that little while longer until he drew away, though be it reluctantly. "Call me? Whenever it gets too much?"

I nodded, manfully plastering a smile onto my face as I pushed him towards the door. "Go kick some legal butt!"

He grinned winking at me as he grabbed his briefcase and walked out of the door, making me suddenly and acutely become aware of my surroundings again.

Oh shit.

"I'm sorry." My blush deepened as I realized that Esme'd just witnessed me basically molest her son at the breakfast table. "I shouldn't have….."

"Oh, no, Bella!" She laughed, the sound tingling through the room as she crossed the distance and put her hand on my shoulder in a loving gesture. "By all means…..keep doing what you're doing right now because I know that my son's never truly happy unless he's looking at you."

I blushed. "I love him, you know."

"I do." I was lost in a sea of love and Chanel no 5 as Esme embraced me in a warm, motherly hug, the next words muttered into my hair as she held on to me. "And he loves you too."

"I know." I relaxed, relishing in something I'd never really known before but what was offered now so freely and abundantly that I was almost getting used to it: a mother who acted like one.

Sure, my mom and I had always gotten along great, but she had never really been a mother to me. In fact, she'd made it very clear to me from the start that that was the last thing she wanted to be to me. She wanted to be my friend; my equal. But right now? I was beginning to see how much I'd missed having a mom; someone who took care of me instead of it being the other way around and who would always be there for me, no matter what happened.

My lips turned into a tight smile as, for a moment, I felt the absence of my own mom weigh heavily on my mind. It was stupid, really. I knew that having her around right now wouldn't have done me or her any good in her fragile state of mind and with a bunch of Volturi lunatics still running around, out for her blood, but that didn't mean I didn't miss her.

Because I did. Every fucking day.

"Hey." Esme's soft voice pulled me back into the present, her almond-shaped eyes laced with concern as she stared back at me. "Do me a favor and please enjoy this? You're young and in love…..this is supposed to be the best time of your life. Don't let it be ruined by things that are beyond your control."

I knew she was speaking the truth. I knew it….and that was what was so frustrating about this whole thing. I wanted to be normal; I wanted to be normal girl in love with a normal boy.

But I wasn't.

I was the girl who lived – I was like Harry friggin' Potter – the one who'd survived a failed attempt at initiation by the Volturi and lived to tell the tale in court. And that, combined with the stuff they'd done to me, meant that it would take a long time before I could even attempt trying to be normal.

"I'll try," I lied, because Esme already had enough to worry about without me adding my mess to it.

"Good," she smiled. "Now, before you go I've got to ask: are you sure about this? You know you don't have to go back if you don't…"

"I want this," I replied, realizing it was the truth only after the words had left my mouth.

Esme smiled. "Then you'd better get going."

She wrapped her shawl around her torso to protect her from the chilly November air as she walked me out, her small frame standing out against the backdrop of limestone and autumnal garden.

"What are your plans for today?" I asked as I threw my back onto the passenger seat. "Do you have anything special planned?"

She followed my gaze as it travelled in the direction of Carlisle's study, her lips pulling into a smile that gave me hope that maybe she would also get a happy ending out of this. "Not of that kind."

In a way Carlisle's revelation a week ago had been the best thing that could ever happen to this family. In their anger, Edward and Esme had finally found the words to vocalize the feelings they'd kept bottled up for such an unhealthy amount of time and had found some sort of resolve the aftermath of it.

There was progress….finally, after a decade of stagnancy.

And amongst the ugly and rotten remains of the past, there had now blossomed a tiny spark of hope as Carlisle and Esme, along with their son, decided to fight for that thing that had gotten lost along the way: love.

Time was ticking away fast, though. Because as soon as a definite verdict had been passed, Carlisle would be carted off to an out of state prison facility, which would make the intense bout of both individual and couples therapy they'd decided on a whole lot harder.

Which was why I was rather surprised that they didn't have a session planned for that day. "So what's the plan?"

Esme smiled conspiratorially. "Don't tell the boys, but I've got a job interview today."

I gasped. "No shit! You do?"

"Hmm," Esme nodded. "It's for a small, California-based charity focused on helping abuse victims to make a new start in life. I've been keeping track of them for ages, even when it was just in the shape of donor to their cause, so when I heard they were looking into crossing borders into Oregon and Washington, I contacted them to ask them about their plans. Turns out they were just in the process of finalizing plans for a new shelter in Seattle…"

"Way to go, Esme!" I cried, amazed by the strength and resilience of the woman standing in front of me.

She shrugged. "What chance did I have, really? I would have grown old and grey waiting for the Seattle high and mighty let me back into their circle again, so if I wanted to keep myself from pulling the hair out of my head or burning the friggin' house down out of boredom, I knew I had to go out there and do it myself."

"Well, good luck!" I chuckled. I fear me and my potty mouth may have had a bad influence on good old, straight laced Mrs. Cullen. Edward was so not going to believe me when I told him his mom had uttered the word 'friggin'.

"I could say the same to you." Esme smiled, pulling me into another hug. "Go show those people what you're worth, darling. I know you can do it."

I nodded against her shoulder. "I won't let them win."

"Don't do it for them," Esme insisted. "Do it for yourself. You're the brightest, most talented young woman I've ever met, Bella, and I know you're going to do great things in your life. Don't let anything or anyone stand in your way."

"It won't." My voice was shaky with the tears I was fighting to keep from leaking out of my eyes, but in my mind I felt a power surge that lasted me all the way to Seattle, my hands drumming along to the sounds of Interpol as I cruised down the I-5, feeling a whole lot calmer than I thought I would be.

Rose was waiting for me, her tall frame leaning against the side of her car as she sipped her coffee, her lips pulling into a wide grin as I pulled into the parking space next to her. "Well, look what the cat dragged in!"

"Don't," I warned her.

"Ooooooh!" Rose cooed, her eyes shining with mischief. "It seems that having her name printed all over the local headlines has turned little Miss Swan into a bit of a diva!"

I groaned. "Rose!"

She laughed out loud, playfully nudging my shoulder with hers as she finished her coffee and dumped the empty paper cup into the trash. "Just kidding, sweetie. You know I love you to bits and missed you like crazy!"

"You could have fooled me," I mumbled, nudging her back, though I had a hard time keeping my lips from forming a smile.

This was what I'd missed most of all: hanging out with my friends and attending class, just like I'd normally do.

Normal. There was that word again.

Rose merely rolled her eyes at me. "So you made it out here, huh?"

I arched my brow. "Did you have any doubts?"

She shrugged. "We may or may not have placed bets in the newsroom on whether or not you would make it through this day…." She tried to look apologetic but she wasn't kidding anyone. Rose had never excelled at acting and this was a prime example of it.

"You did, huh?" I really wanted to be pissed off right then. I mean….my friend had placed bets on me chickening out during my first day back at school?

What. The. Fuck?

But really, if it had been me in her shoes, would I have done anything else? I shrugged, "So what did you bet?"

"What do you think?" she scowled. "I bet on you making it through the whole day just fine….with my help, of course."

"You'd better!" I huffed. "But tell me: who thought I wasn't even going to make it out of my car? Because I know someone must have…"

She bit her lips. Trying to keep herself from smiling….which was all I needed to know.

"Emmett!" I scoffed. "Just wait until I get my hands on that miserable rat bastard of a boyfriend of yours. You may want him to deposit some of his sperm before I do….."

"Hey!" Rose cried. "Did I kick Edward in the balls when he called you a whore? Keep your fucking hands, feet and other appendages away from my man's junk or I'm going to walk away right now and leave you to freak out all on your own!"

I snorted, knowing she didn't mean a single word she'd just said. And neither did I…..

"So how are things at The Daily?" I asked, wanting nothing more than to change the subject.

"Busy," she chuckled. "But what did you think?"

I laughed along with her. "Are the new reporters still every bit as fail as they were two weeks ago?" I remembered Rose calling me at eleven at night one night to complain about the new girls – yes: plural. She'd taken on two girls to replace me and another one to fill the gap left by Tanya's dismissal. That had been one thing that stroked my ego quite a bit – she'd taken on to replace me and the preposterous excuses for articles they'd delivered on their first attempts.

"I sacked them," Rose growled. "I figured that since I was doing most of their work for them anyway, I might as well keep the funds and use them to buy new computers and other shit for the newsroom."

I smiled. Rose was relentless in what she did. That was one of the reasons why Rose and not me had been picked to be the editor-in-chief.

"Did you think about my offer?" she wanted to know.

After the stuff with the Volturi had gone down, my work for The Daily had been just about the last thing on my mind. News – and news about criminal acts in particular – had pretty much scared me shitless during the first days after I'd left the hospital and even now the thought of going back to work….engaging in the very thing that had made me end up drugged up to my eyeballs and destined to become a sexual plaything for some sick psycho son of a bitch made me break out in a cold sweat.

Nope. I'd concluded early on that my days as a raging news reporter had been over the minute those freaks in mask had appeared in front of me that Sunday night after we came back from Forks.

Now, if only I could convince Rose of said fact. My best friend, much more one of the kickass persona than I'd ever been, seemed to think that the best thing a gal could do after falling from a horse was getting right back into the saddle but – as true as that might have been for many other aspects of life – for me getting back into the saddle or even looking at the horse again – even if from a distance – was just about the last thing I should be doing right now.

Not that I was quite ready to tell her that, though.

"I don't know, Rose…." I sighed. "I want to come back to The Daily….believe me I do. I just think…..It may still be a little too soon?"

Rose nodded. "I can accept that, but will you do me a favor?"

I cocked my head, arching my brow as I waited for her to continue. "What?"

"Don't write off journalism just yet, Bella," she spoke, her voice soft and even a little sad. "You're a kickass reporter and an asset to any news desk in the country. I know you've been through a lot and I can understand – or at least try to – why that has put you off and stuff, but just…Give yourself some time to recover from all of the shit that happened to you before you make a final decision."

I shrugged. "I guess I can do that," I lied. Not that it was too far from the truth.

The thing was: I had no choice but to 'stay the course'. If there was anything my extensive talks with the student adviser's office had taught me it was that it was too late right now to change my major from journalism to – say – creative writing or anything else. Not that it was a complete impossibility or anything, but if I wanted to make big changed to my major, it would cost me at least another two years at college….which was something I had neither the money nor the time for. No matter how much honey Edward had been pouring into my ears about 'his money being mine' and 'my health – both physical and mental – being the most important things to him.' Nope, I'd just have to suck it up for a few more months and try to find a job that didn't freak me out so much. Hey, maybe I could get lucky and land a job writing about dog shows or something….

She narrowed her eyes as she studied me, her eyes flittering from my face to the almost empty parking lot we were in. "How are you feeling?"

"Right now?" I waited for her to nod. "I'm okay, I guess. But there's not that may people around here."

Something in either my answer or the way I moved must have pleased her because she nodded, offering me her arm. "So you wanna go in?"

I shrugged. "Well be late if we don't."

"Just yell if it gets too much for ya," Rose snickered as she tugged me forward, my grip on her arm tightening with every step we took.

I rolled my eyes. "Believe me, I will."

"This is going to be so much fun!" she snickered, my feet having trouble keeping up with her as she skipped –Alice style – towards the Communications Building. Yes, Rosalie Hale skipped. I never thought I'd see the day.

I didn't know it back then, but she'd been right.

As had Zafrina been.

Being back at school definitely wasn't as bad as I'd made it out to be. Sure, when I first entered the halls, lined with random clusters of students, teachers and other people milling about, my body froze up with fear, my veins pounding with adrenaline as I took cautious steps forward while my nails kept digging into Rose's skin, but after a few steps – and a few loud complaints from Rose about how I was cutting off circulation – I found myself starting to slowly calm down again.

Much to my own surprise.

By the time I made it to the lecture-hall where my 'Ethics of journalism' class was going to take place, I was actually able to breathe at a normal pace, my fingers slowly relaxing as I sunk into my seat in the back of the room.

"See?" Rose grinned craftily spreading all of our crap across the seats adjacent to ours. "That wasn't so bad!"

"I guess not," I answered as I released the breath I'd been holding for ages. I was a little surprised with how easy it had been to cross the halls. Sure, we were over twenty minutes early for class, which had meant that the halls were still pretty much deserted and I had been holding onto Rose's hand for dear life as I fought the panic and the urge to bolt that threatened to overtake me with every unexpected sound or movement, but the thing was: I'd held it under control.

I hadn't bolted.

I hadn't screamed.

And most of all: I hadn't panicked.

At least…..not visibly.

I did it! The realization made my heart soar with pride, a wide smile on my lips as I grabbed my phone from my bag, wanting nothing more than to share my first milestone of the day with Edward.

I knew better than to call him. Knowing the time Edward would probably still be wrapped up in court and if he wasn't he was probably in no mood to talk to me right now, since it meant that something had gone wrong. And, though he may have taken great steps in the right direction, encountering Edward in any way, shape or form when he was in a foul mood was still the worst idea ever.

So I send him a quick text with a status update and an 'I love you' tagged on for good measure, my face splitting into a huge, goofy grin as I put my phone away again, making sure the sound was turned off.

"I sure as hell don't have to ask who you were texting to," Rose snickered next to me, the sound of her voice making me jump with surprise. "Tell me, how is lover boy doing this morning?"

I blushed. "Fine?"

"Just fine?" Rose jested.

"Yes?" Mercifully Professor Norrell chose that moment to walk into the lecture hall which had filled with my fellow classmates while Rose and I had been talking, thereby ending what was shaping out to be another one of Rose's third degree's on my love life.

"We're so not done,' Rose grumbled, leaning into me under the guise of extracting her laptop from her designer bag.

"Shhhh!" I shushed her, acting like my attention was already fixed on the Professor and the 'gripping' way she was rifling through her notes in preparation for her class.

I barely managed to keep myself from smiling as Rose sighed dramatically, her fingers tapping frantically against the keyboard as she logged on.

Deciding to take a leaf from her book, I grabbed my own, slightly more modest, paper notepad from my bag, unable to suppress a joyous gasp as I opened the first blank page to find a small note, written down in Edward's elegant script.

My love,

I hope that by the time you read this note, you're in class and ready to go kick some journalist ass. I believe in you, my sweet Bella, and I know you can do this. I hope you will have as much faith in yourself as I have in you.

Take care of my heart, I left it with you. Until tonight…

Yours,

Edward.

"That boy's got is bad," Rose cooed, as she read along over my shoulder. "As do you."

I smiled, my fingers touching the beautifully letters, crafted by the hand of my lover. "I do."

Rose nudged me, chuckling softly as she turned her attention to the front of the room where Professor Norrell was now gearing up to start her lecture, her eyes flittering over the many faces assembled as she took a sip from her water bottle.

It was only then that I noticed how strange she looked. "What happened to the professor?" I whispered as the pale and almost lifeless face of Victoria Norrell turned in my direction, her eyes lingering on me a little longer than the others as her lips pulled into a forced smile, her way of welcoming me back.

"No one knows," Rose muttered back. "She took a week off for 'personal reasons', though, back when you were still in hospital. I couldn't find out anything more but I suspect there must have been a death in her family. Remember a few months ago when she had to take a few days off to look after her sick mother?"

I nodded, judging from the look of her, it must have been a close one. Poor woman. She'd definitely not had an easy life so far.

But she got through it.

She'd conquered it all, which meant that so could I.

And so I listened to her lecture with a renewed resolve and an even greater respect for the woman standing in front of me, delivering a very gripping class about embedded journalism and its pros and cons in present day war journalism.

She never faltered – not even once – as she spoke about her own experiences and the risks embedded journalist ran not just with their lives but also with their unprejudiced view of the events they were reporting about.

"Would you say that it is a mistake for a journalist to go embedded?' I tensed as a scratchy, overly affected female voice pierced through the air.

Tanya.

What the hell was she doing there? Didn't she have some new, unsuspecting businessman to fuck? "Didn't they tell her to fuck off after that interview she gave to the Enquirer?" I whispered.

"No," Rose sneered under her breath, her voice drowning out the reply the Professor – unable to quite hide her distaste – gave. "I'd say it was a mistake that they ever let het gets past the gates after the fucked up stunt she pulled but then again, I'm not one of the university administrators."

"Have there been any repercussions?" I asked, a little surprised to find Tanya still attending class, huddled almost her usual group of bimbo Barbie taggers on. "I mean, the girl did just betray every fucking rule we learned in this place."

"I don't think so," Rose growled as Tanya, apparently satisfied with the answer she got, went back to filing her nails. "But I assume that was because 'daddy dearest' made quite a substantial donation to the university to keep his precious little spawn's antics hushed up."

"Figures!" I snarled, calming myself down by drawing little doodles that looked suspiciously like hearts all around the note Edward left me.

Oh, great! I was turning into that kind of girl!

While I made a mental note to seek a cure for this unfortunate appearance of girly puppy love at my next session with Zafrina, Professor Norrell was wrapping up her lecture by answering a few final questions from the room, her fingers straightening out the pile of papers on her lectern as she listened intently.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Rose grinned as we both crammed our crap back into our bags, the tone of her voice telling me she was as proud of me as I was at myself.

"It wasn't," I admitted. "Kind of makes me wonder what the fuck I was so scared off all those weeks."

Rose snorted. "Well, you still have this afternoon's Ethics class to go through. Do you want to wait until the after-class rush wars down?"

"No," I answered, feeling strangely emboldened by my recent victories. "I want to try…."

"Good, girl," she praised me, patting my head like I was a fucking dog. "Just make sure you grab my other arm his time, though. I think you might have broken something on our way in."

We made our way down to the front of the hall arm in arm, scowling back at Tanya as she scowled at us on our way out. "The nerve of that whore," Rose growled as we watched her retreat.

"Bella?" I looked up at Professor Norrell. "Do you have time to talk?"

"Of course." I wondered what she'd have to say to me. "I have an hour or so before my next class….."

"Good," she smiled, motioning at the front row seats. "Please, sit down."

Rose leaned towards me. "I'll wait out in the hall. Scream if you need my assistance."

I chuckled at her joke, waiting until her Amazonian frame disappeared behind the door before taking a seat next to the professor. "Is something wrong?"

"Don't worry, Bella." She smiled back warmly. "It's not that kind of conversation…..Thank God! I just wanted to hear how you've been doing…..how you're coping with what happened."

"I'm doing….okay," I answered. "I'm still not completely back to what I used to be…but I'm getting there."

"That's good to hear." Another smile. "I heard you were debating a change of major?"

"I did," I admitted, "and I still do. They told me, though, that it would mean I would have to spend at least another year in college, though, which isn't an option for me at the moment."

"So you still want to be a journalist?" she pressed.

I fumbled with the sleeve of my sweater. There was something in her eyes – something compelling – that make me feel a little ill at ease, though not so much so that I wanted to call Rose back in. "I guess."

"What does Miss Hale say about your change of heart?" she wanted to know next, her eyes following mine as they flittered to the door.

I shrugged. "She wants me to give it some time before I make my final decision."

'That's probably the best piece of advice someone could give you," the professor spoke, a genuine smile gracing her lips. "You're a very talented journalist, Bella. It would be a shame to see you lost to the trade because of this…..Though I'd be the first one to admit how hard it is to bounce back after such a traumatic event."

"How did you do it?" I asked. "I mean when….."

Her eyes darkened slightly, the air in the room shifting from calm to hostile for a hint of a moment before she retook command of herself, her smile almost making me doubt I'd seen the change in her in the first place. "Step by step," she finally replied, her voice and face completely controlled again. "It takes a lot of time and patience, but if this is really what you want to do in life….it's well worth it."

I nodded, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. "I'll keep that in mind."

"So," the professor went on. "I heard you moved to Woodway."

"Yeah," I said. "Edward's – that's my boyfriend – parents live there and seeing as I didn't want to go back to my old place after what happened and they have more than enough space to put me up….it seemed like the most logical step."

She cocked her head, studying me intently as she asked her next question. "Aren't you afraid so far away from the city?"

I chuckled. "I never grew up in one, so yes….I feel perfectly at home in leafy Woodway. Besides…..with the security system they have and the police officers camped out on their front lawn the place if probably as safe as I could get."

"Of course," she nodded, "I forgot that your father in law is going to testify in the Volturi case."

"That's right." I chuckled. "So they want to keep him alive long enough to do so."

The rest of our meeting went in about the same way, making me slowly relax around her as I realized that she'd just been concerned about me and wanted to know how I was doing. It felt great, actually, to catch up with her and tell her about the twists and turns my life had taken lately. She was probably one of the few people around who knew how I felt and how to battle the guilt that threatened to take hold of me every time I realized that my work – my digging into things I should never have stuck my nose into – had caused people to lose their life and other's lives to be ruined.

When I finally left the room, hooking my arm back into Rose's the minute I spotted her leaning against the wall on the opposite of the now almost deserted hallway, I felt even more determined than I had been walking into that room; my head held high as I walked back into the overcrowded quad, internally waging war with the demons that threatened to stir inside of me.

I could do this.

I could make this work.

Who has a bad feeling about Professor Norrell? What might she be up to?

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