Author's note: Okay so we are more than halfway in on this 60 chapter fan fic novel. Thank you for those of you who are letting me entertain you even if it is momentarily. For the ones that messaged me worrying for Seth, I want to promise you Seth is one of my favorite people in this series because of his kind heart that he is happy, being in Asima's life in whatever way that he can be. So he is in no way hurting and that things will work out for the best I promise. Just be patient. I love hearing the reviews, you rally dont know how much they mean to me, keep them coming. Well anyway you didnt click this link to hear me babble on so I give you...the second half of Facing Dusk.

Chapter 36- Torn heart

I was completely over the entire situation by the time Phillip and I walked into my home. We settled in for bed as normal. I crawled into bed kissing him, but he was still a little tense. His returned kisses felt robotic, like something was on his mind.

"What is it Phillip?" I asked removing my weight from him and leaning my back against the headboard completely.

"Are you sure that there isn't anything with Seth I should know about?" He asked diffident.

I kept my expression composed despite my climbing exasperation, "No Phillip, there is nothing like that with Seth."

"It's just…you got so defensive about it when I asked you." He was rethinking even bringing it up.

"I get defensive because I am tired of it being brought up. It's always, 'poor Seth' this and 'poor Seth' that, meanwhile I am being viewed as the 'bad one' because I love you instead of him. I'm sorry that I seem a little defensive but that's exactly what I've been doing, defending myself." I spat out folding my arms.

He let me vent without interruption and then asked softly, "Is it that bad?"

"You have no idea." I laughed sarcastically. He put his arms around me, and my rigid position softened under his caress.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know everyone was making it so difficult for you. I'm not any help." He sighed chastising himself.

"It's not that bad anymore." I didn't like him feeling bad about anything. "Now it's easier, since Seth and I are friends and the bet thing isn't coming up anymore."

"Bet?" He asked intrigued.

"Oh yeah. A couple of the Cullen's bet on who I would end up with, since they haven't seen anyone go against an imprint. Jasper and Emmett just love to bet." I sighed laughing.

"Who bet on who?" His face was amused.

"Jasper put a grand on you. Emmett, on Seth. Carlisle, Esme, Bella, and Ness didn't bet at all. They saw it as going bad for someone either way."

"Well it's true." He agreed pulling me tighter. "I won't bring it up again I promise."

I knew that he wouldn't so I replied by kissing him. Our kiss got hotter and I started sliding out of my shorts.

"Wait." He said stopping them at my thighs and pulling them back up. "Not tonight."

"Why not?" I pouted. Tonight was as good a night as any.

"If we do it tonight, I will be wondering if you were doing it because it was what you wanted, or because you are trying to prove to me that you want me."

"I want you." I argued kissing him again.

"I want you too¾but not tonight." It sounded more like a request.

"Alright." I sighed pulling myself closer into him.

I fell asleep with happy thoughts of Phillip in my head.

Even though I fell asleep thinking about Phillip my dreams drifted into our upcoming fight. Me dying by Carlos and Eskarne's hands startled me awake. I sat up alert listening into the dark silence. Phillip was still sleeping peacefully.

"It's just a dream." I told myself aloud, curling back into Phillip's arms and going to sleep.

Phillip and I ate breakfast together, and I kissed him goodbye before I headed out to spend the afternoon practicing trying to find a way to avoid my destined demise.

"See you in a few hours." I promised kissing him again.

"I'll be waiting." He committed returning my kisses.

Jacob was still cracked up about last nights events when I got there.

"Heard you shocked your competition last night." Emmett laughed when I walked into the house.

"Barely. And she isn't my competition, she was just annoying." I groaned bringing back up the memories of the night.

"You were annoyed by her because you saw her as competition." Rosalie disagreed laughing.

I rolled my eyes, "So her being a sad excuse for a human has nothing to do with it? Right."

"Let's go practice Asima." Alice said skipping downstairs.

I spent most of my practice working with Carmen, Esme, and Kate. The less time it took for them to disassemble their opponents the more they could help with the others.

Ness was getting better at her fighting too. The way that she used her talents to create illusions was smart. Jasper and I watched her fight.

"Well done Nessie, try it with Jacob now. Jacob no throwing the fight." Jasper commended watching her pin Seth. I stayed out of the way while Jasper gave her pointers. Seth walked casually over, "She's getting better." He acknowledged leaning against the tree next to me.

"Yeah she is." I agreed indifferently.

"Are you mad?" He asked looking at my blank expression.

"No." I said quickly turning my attention back toward Ness. Jacob was listening in too.

"I was just being nice. I'll never see her the way that¾"

I cut him off in a curt whisper, "I said that I wasn't upset. As far as Ashley goes, it doesn't matter. I have work to do ." I walked quickly towards Ness and Jasper.

Smooth one Seth. Jacob thought to shaking his head.

Butt out Jacob.I warned, while taking Seth's place and Ness's sparing partner.

I practiced with her a little longer before all joining together for group coordination. Two thirds of our group advanced when needed and the ones that didn't I prompted not even a full second behind. Alice and I froze at the same time, not advancing under Edward and Jasper's orders, seeing everything in Alice's mind.

"We're getting help..." Alice said staring off somewhere distant.

There would be a new vampire joining us. I watched him walk through the Cullen house as if he were already familiar. Even though casual his clothes were designer. His muscular body wasn't as bulky as Emmett but he was definitely an athlete in his human days.

His pale skin had a slight flush, like he had just finished hunting. He headed out the back door breaking into a run. His perfect smile glistened as I watched him run across the backyard at full vampire speed. He ran gracefully, almost like an antelope.

Something about the way he ran unsettled me. He was a little too happy about the speed. Like it was all fairly new to him. I focused on his facial features.

His pale face had a perfectly chiseled jaw line. His hair was dark, almost black but in the light I could see the hint of brown. Even though red couldn't be his natural eye color there was a familiarity to them.

The sky grew dark as I connected the dots. It was Phillip! It was there. The scarlet eyes replaced the hazel deep set pair I looked into every day. The slight bump on his nose he got from breaking it as a child was no longer there. The smooth arm, no longer had the small scar he received freshman year at football practice.

"No!" I screamed snapping Alice, and I out of the nightmare I spent trying to avoid. I could hear thunder and gasps, still not bothering to look around. I kept my gaze on Alice.

"I'm sorry Asima." she sighed apologetically.

"Have you seen this before? Phillip as a vampire?" I asked not focusing on the thunder crashing behind me.

The nomads weren't interested in the topic of conversation, only the storm brewing behind me. Benjamin watched in awe as the lightning cracked ahead.

"Yes, only once though. And it wasn't as clear as this time. It seems he's made the decision this time, not the outcome of circumstances." She clarified once again rueful.

"No, it can't happen." I growled through clenched teeth.

"Jasper…please?" Carlisle requested. "The storm."

I felt myself calming and used the time to take deep breaths clearing my head.

As I calmed the sky returned to its normal brightness. The sun peaked though the clouds slightly reflecting off the snow covered grounds, the rainbow of vampires stared up at the sky, and corrected the rest putting the clouds back in place so that they were once again unexposed.

"I'm alright." I told Jasper and he released his physical hold on my emotions. "Sorry Carlisle, I didn't mean to."

"It's alright, we all lose control sometimes." I smiled because in my short time of knowing him he had never lost control of anything, yet always included himself.

Ness came over to me, unafraid of me or my outburst. "You need to go see Phillip."

"I know." I sighed thinking of the quickest way to make my leave.

"You can run faster, give me your keys. I'll drive your car over when I'm done here."

I kissed her forehead, feeling lucky that I had a best friend like her. I handed her my keys. "I'll be back ." I said answering Alice's questioning thoughts before running in a straight line towards my house.

Approaching my back yard I listened for what part of the house he was in. I could hear his heart beats coming from the second floor. I didn't bother going through the front door. I leapt up to the third story balcony and ran down the flight of stairs bursting into my study.

"You want to be a vampire? I thought we had this conversation already and you said you would remain human." I accused walking up behind him.

My materialization startled him but he recovered quickly becoming defensive. "Well… things changed."

"Things changed? What changed?" I asked, my voice raising a pitch.

"That was before I saw you dying Asima. I had to rethink things."

My face fell, I wasn't prepared for that one. "You saw me dying?" I should have seen it coming. I should have known that he would have seen the dream too. "That doesn't matter, I always see myself dying. That's not something you can change, only I can."

"You see yourself dying and you still prepare to fight?" He yelled in disbelief. "And what's suppose to happen to me? Why haven't you done anything to change it?"

"I have done things to change it. The way keeps changing, the only way to fix it all together is to not fight at all and I can't do that."

"No, tell me you're joking. You are going into this seeing yourself dying and you're still going? I mean, I love Ness like a sister, and her family is great too, but this isn't even your fight!"

"I know that it's not my fight but I can't just let them die either. You understood that." I sighed sitting in the seat across from him.

He stood walking over to the bookshelf to put the book he was reading back in its place. "Asima, I am understanding. No¾I'm begging you to understand my stance on this. I am not going to sit at home powerless. Wondering if you are coming home or not. I can't do that!"

My heart sank, what was he trying to say? "Are you leaving me? Is that what you're trying to say."

He was outraged at the thought. "No, I'm not leaving you. I love you with every fiber of my being. But you need to choose Asima. I'm not going to be stuck wondering. It's either you change me, and we fight together. Side by side. And if you fall¾" He shook off the thought, "Then I know that I did everything in my power to keep you alive."

"Or?"

I caught him off guard by his facial expression, he wasn't expecting me to ask for an alternative. He quickly recovers, " Or, I remain human and you pull out of the fight. That's the only two options we have."

I jumped up from the chair, "Phillip, you are asking me to chose between letting some of my friends or the love of my existence die. That's not fair!"

"I wouldn't be dying Asima, I'd just be a vampire. Don't overreact."

"You are making me chose between the two most important things in my life and I'm overreacting?" I could hear my Lexus pulling up in front, Ness was here. "Honey please, I'll find a way to make it work, just don't make me chose. I can't choose."

"Asima, this is the only way to make it work. You can't keep us separate anymore. And I couldn't live with myself knowing that I could have possibly done something to help."

Ness waited outside, hearing our arguments, knowing it was a bad time. I could hear her trying decide between waiting for us to finish talking or just running home.

"I wouldn't ask you to chose if it wasn't necessary." He sighed stroking my face. I couldn't look at his face, every time I did the hazel eyes I loved were replaced with red.

"I can't chose something like this Phillip." I felt sick and my eyes were tearing.

"I can't let you go into this fight with the Cullens knowing that you are going to die, alone. Not knowing that I can help you in some way." He wiped my cheek again.

"And what if you die? I can't let that happen either."

"We'll be together, like it should be." He reasoned as he started walking down the stairs.

"Being a vampire isn't how it should be, ever." I sighed following behind him.

"You dying isn't how it should be either. I'm sorry to make you chose I really am, but I can't live with that."

He was at the door when I stopped him. "Where are you going?"

"You need time to think. I'll be at home until you make your choice." He answered walking out the door.

He was so preoccupied that he barely said a "Hey Ness." before getting into his car.

After he drove away, I crumbled into the driveway crying. Ness wrapped her arms around me, wiping away my tears. "Why didn't you tell me you saw yourself dying from helping us?"

"It's not important," I sobbed out. "He wants me to choose."

"What are you going to do?" She asked after letting me cry a little longer.

"I don't know." I felt so sick.

"Come on," She said forcing me up in her arms and sitting me in the passenger seat. She handed me a tissue, getting back into my car and speeding out of the driveway.

"Where are we going?" I asked her in between sobs.

"To see Carlisle, you need to talk to someone and this is beyond my expertise, his moral compass always points due north so he'll be able to help you."

I sat quietly in the car looking out the window as she drove down the highway. She didn't ask me any questions while she drove, not wanting to pressure me more. Handing me tissues from her purse as needed. She was worried about me seeing myself die. Trying to think of a way to hide it from Edward until I was ready to talk about it.

"Now wait here." She said putting the car in park but leaving the engine running. "I'll go tell him to come down. And he'll take you someplace private and he'll talk to you." I nodded and she kissed my cheek before exiting the car and running into the house.

I looked up at the sky wanting to zap myself. No matter what, I would have to make a choice. It was just a matter of which one that I could live with afterwards. Three minutes didn't go by before Carlisle was coming out of the front door.

"Hello Asima." He said getting into my driver's seat and backing calmly out of the driveway.

"Hi Carlisle." I sighed glad that my tear ducts weren't producing anymore tears.

She looks like she's in pain. I assume that this is from Phillip wanting to be a vampire. But how to proceed? He pulled into the cul-du-sac directly in front of the house Esme was renovating.

"You're right. It is about Phillip." I sighed. "He wants to be a vampire."

"And you don't want him to be like us."

"No I don't, he was willing to stay human until he saw my stupid dream." I sniffed.

Missing information, now her expression makes more sense. "Dream?"

I told him about the dream Phillip saw of me dying, and the ultimatum given to me by earlier. The whole time he didn't interrupt him, even though the news of me seeing myself dying came as a shock to him. "Is it selfish of me to want to keep him out of this?" I asked looking for his guidance.

"No, it's not selfish. You love him. We all want the ones that we care about to be safe." he paused and continued. "This isn't your fight either Asima." He reminded me.

"Me not fighting isn't an option. You all need me, if you are going to survive. And I care about you all enough to make sure that happens."

"I am grateful that you care for my family but we can't ask you to¾"

"You never asked me to do anything." I politely pointed out. "I need to fight."

"Well let me ask you. What is about Phillip becoming a vampire that upsets you?"

I rubbed Phillip's locket between my fingers as I spoke, "He has a great life. I don't want to help him take that away. I mean, right now he's for it because he's worried for me. But what about when he outlives his friends and family? I don't want him resenting me for him not being able to live a normal life. What about when he gets bored with immortality? And what does he do if Ido die in this fight? Forever is a long time to mourn, at least as human he would move on eventually. Or what if he fights with me and he dies? I could never live with that."

"All valid reasons." He agreed mostly silent.

"And I couldn't change him if I wanted to. I have no venom. You all don't drink human blood and with the nomads there's always the possibility that they'll lose control and drain him completely. I couldn't risk that either."

"Asima, you have sacrificed and helped my family a great deal. I would be willing to change him for you if it's what you desired. I wouldn't lose control."

"That's very gracious of you Carlisle." I thought about my options and he waited with never ending patience as I turned them all over.

I made my decision, and I felt myself starting to cry, it took great effort to remain talking at all. "I decided, I think I know what's the right thing."

"Oh?" He asked curiously. We spent another twenty minutes talking it over in detail.

"It will cause a great deal of pain." He warned me.

"I know. But, I think it's the right thing to do."

"I agree." He sat solemn.

"I just hope I have the strength to endure it myself, knowing that it was my fault." I prayed, and hoped that I did.

"You love him, so you will." He said confidently starting the car and driving me back.

I let him out at the driveway and thanked him for the much needed guidance before heading to Phillip's house.

I was crying when I pulled into Phillip's driveway. I quickly wiped my tears and walked up to the front door. Mrs. Chase answered the door.

"Oh hello Asima,' she smiled warmly letting me in. "Phillip is upstairs in the den."

"Thank you Mrs. Chase." I smiled heading up the stairs.

He was playing Xbox online, jumping up when I walked in. "Asima, you're here." He smiled pulling off the headset. He wrapped his arms around me and I savored the last warm hug I would get from him for the rest of my existence. I kissed him passionately tears running down my cheeks. "Shh, shh, it's okay." He said wiping my tears away. "I love you, don't cry." She feels this bad about not fighting with the Cullens?

"I'm still fighting with the Cullens." I wept burying my head into his chest.

He didn't even care that I read his mind, he was so excited about my decision. "I'm going to be a vampire?" He hugged me tighter kissing me more.

I winced pulling him tighter to me, and kissing him harder. "I'm sorry." I got out between weeps.

"Don't be sorry, it's okay. I love you, and it's forever from here on out." He vowed kissing me again.

"Forgive me…" I whispered wiping my tears away and turning my back to him.

"Forgive you?" He was lost.

"I'll be back." I said walking to the restroom down the hall where he couldn't follow. I pulled myself together in that three minutes concentrating as hard as I could. I walked out the bathroom hoping that it kicked in. I flitted into his bedroom picking up the Rolex from his nightstand and the picture of us at Christmas. I grabbed his World History book and exited his room.

"Thanks for lending me the book." I smiled handing the World History book back to him once I walked back into his den.

Whoa, Asima. Book? Oh… yeah, I guess. "Yeah sure no problem." He said taking it back from me and throwing it on the couch.

I slipped the watch and the pictures in my bag quickly. "Well I better go. My parents will be expecting me soon."

Leaving so soon? "Oh, okay. If you ever want to go out again let me know. I had fun at the dance."

"Me too, but Chelsea might get upset since you're back together." I smiled walking down stairs.

"Goodbye Mrs. Chase, thanks for the hospitality." I smiled as she walked me to the door.

"No problem dear, come back anytime." she smiled with the same warmth. What a lovely girl, Asima seems like she would be a much better choice than Chelsea…

I tuned out the other thoughts as I drove away. My heart sank but I held it together before I burst into tears. I needed to focus I had a lot to do before I was allowed to fall to pieces. I raced towards Lebanon street tracking the other pieces needed to make the puzzle work.