In hind of sight, no peace of mind

Where it begins and we're defined

Shadows bend and suddenly

The world becomes and swallows me in

Whistle to a friend gentle till the end

Anyway in a name she takes shape just the same

On the Sea – Beach House

Mattie worked quietly in the office, trying her best to ignore the bead of sweat working its way between her shoulder blades. It was oppressively warm, though both doorways were wide open to welcome whatever pitiful cross breeze that tried to make its way through. No air conditioner and the one tiny window was pretty much rusted shut. The few inches she'd managed to wrench it upwards didn't offer much solace from the heat.

So, not only was Mattie lonely, she was also sweating her brains out.

Working with Gemma was not exactly the most heart warming experience- the miniscule office usually turned the Queen into more of a ruthless tyrant than usual- but Mattie was willing to be bitched at for the better part of eight hours a day for some goddamn company. But Gem was still on house rest, and Matt was so bored and hot that she barely had enough energy to click through her game of solitaire.

Plus, after the argument she'd had with Tigger that morning, Mattie was still exhausted. It'd started out with a simple enough question- why is there a fucking gun in your purse?- and her refusal to tell him the whole truth, which escalated into something else altogether. Tig shouted, Mattie tried her best to duck every question, and they'd both stomped out of the house. It was about halfway to TM that she realized that they were headed to the same place and Tig wasn't following her to be spiteful.

Because honestly, Mattie wasn't sure how she managed to leave home with the fight only half-finished.

Tig was a man who, when he demanded answers, he expected to hear them. Mattie was a woman who only responded when it suited her- unless Tigger was asking the questions. Their relationship, for all its incomprehensible facets, had always thrived on the fact that the two of them had a deep understanding of the other. So when Mattie did something inexplicable and refused to explain herself, Tig usually got worked up.

Technically, it was her fault. There really wasn't a reason to hide A.J. Weston from Tig, or the little meeting in St. Thomas' parking lot. Except there was, and it all centered around the fact that Mattie was scared. Weston already hurt Gemma- even if she had no concrete proof, she was convinced there was some connection- and apparently knew all about Mattie's life in Charming. He had the balls to follow her all the way to San Diego just to force her back home. Weston and whoever he worked for wanted to keep her contained. Mattie, who had no sway or power in the MC whatsoever. That's what frightened her the most- with all that Weston and his pals knew, surely they were aware of her relatively diminished presence in the Sons. She didn't hold any real importance, and yet, they were perfectly willing to fuck with her life.

Mattie should tell Tig. She should tell him that she was terrified and wanted nothing more to hide out at home until Weston and whoever the fuck pulled his strings were out of town forever. And Tig liked to take care of her- shit, if his quick ride to San Diego after she was threatened wasn't proof of that, she didn't know what was. So what the fuck was wrong with her? Why couldn't Mattie just say the goddamn words? Tell him that she needed him to hold her tight and remind her that everything would be okay. Watch him get that fierce, sharp set to his jaw whenever he went into protection mode.

But she couldn't. She just couldn't.

All her life she'd been dependent on other people- Book, Gem, Bobby, Jax, Tig, Patrick- for everything. From emotional to financial support, Mattie never had any real need to stand on her own two feet. There was always somebody else to fall back on. Christ, Mattie had latched onto Tig before Donna's death, so close that they almost became the same person. When he killed Donna, when he shattered whatever bonds held Matt tight to him, she went crashing down without any hope of reassembling herself.

That was the problem of wholly depending on other people- when they let you down, you didn't know how to fix yourself. That was Mattie's problem, at least. She'd gotten herself stuck so many goddamn times without any clue how to earn her own freedom that now she simply refused to go back to being that passive girl. Mattie could take care of herself. She'd teach herself how.

And as far as death threats went, well, as she kept telling herself, she already killed one asshole, and taking out another shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Though a tight, queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach usually followed that mantra.

Glancing up at the clock, Mattie sighed. Four fifteen. If it wasn't a Friday, Juice would've already taken over the office, she would have Moby home from school and wouldn't be in such a damn sour mood. But Fridays meant that Lowell clocked out early to spend a long weekend with Moby, a deal Clay offered up when the mechanic finished his stint at rehab. And it meant that Mattie was stuck shuffling papers and drowning in her own sweat.

Why hadn't she gotten up off her ass and looked around for a job in an air-conditioned building?

A quick rap of knuckles against the open doorway, however, interrupted that musing.

"Done with that brake job on the navy blue Camry. Owner probably has time to pick it up before closing." Chibs said from inside the doorframe, wiping his hands on a filthy rag.

"I'll give her a call. By the way, you seen Half-Sack? I've been looking for him all afternoon." Mattie subtly closed out her solitaire game and flicked over to the file with the customer's contact information. Her paycheck was… well, wasn't as much as she was making in New York, but it was probably way more than a normal office manager took home. She was better off looking like she wasn't wasting Clay's money.

"Think he's running a couple errands for Piney." He smirked. "He'll probably be at the wrap party at CaraCara, though. You could try him then."

"Very funny. It'll be too late then. I've got a repo the finance company wants brought in before the weekend, but we've been busy as shit since Monday, so I haven't been able to drag anybody away from the garage. Sack was my last hope."

"What about Juicey?"

"Nah. There's been too much electronic work. Juice is the only one who really knows how to do it right." Mattie leaned back in her chair. "Clay wants the mechanics to stay at TM, and I know the club is just as hectic, so I'm not really sure where to pull the manpower from. If Gemma was here, she'd have it figured out in a second."

"Gotta understand, love, that Gem has a certain amount of executive power. It's nothing that you're doing wrong." Chibs tilted his head for a second, almost imperceptibly, before adding, "I got an idea, but you gotta work with me."

"Alright. I'm game."

"Now, I think you're missing a very important phrase, sweetheart. When I say that you gotta work with me, I literally mean, you gotta work with me. Two of us, we'll go out and bring in the repo. Give you a chance to get away from this miserable office, I'll have some company, and we'll get some real work done." Chibs suggested, raising an eyebrow.

"I can't just leave the office empty."

"Put one of the croweaters in here to man things for a little while. It's what Gemma does. Almost quitting time anyway."

"And what am I supposed to do if I agree to this plan?"

"Sit in the truck and look pretty, mostly. Haven't you seen those shows on TV? Where the girl holds the clipboard and the guys get into fights when the repos go bad? You're the lass with the clipboard, Matt. And if that hasn't convinced ya, it's hot as shit in here and the tow truck has A/C."

In her head, there was a line being crossed if she agreed to head out on the repossession with Chibs. It didn't make sense, and it didn't have an explanation, but Mattie could feel the betrayal somewhere. She didn't owe Tig that sort of loyalty, but it'd been paved within her so long ago that she wasn't sure how to be rid of it. Christ, how often did Tig cheat on her? How did he justify it? Sometimes Mattie asked herself why he was allowed to go off and sow his wild oats while she had to stay this sort of model of maidenhood, never straying.

And now, with CaraCara tied directly to the club… The infidelity was something that Mattie usually forced herself to ignore, but it was like every wound Tig ever inflicted had been ripped open when he killed Donna and none of them had re-healed. Not even remotely. Mattie was so full of sores, all festering and bleeding, and he was completely fine.

No, maybe that wasn't true either. She saw the guilt every time he looked at her, every time he was with Opie, those bright blue eyes full of dread. And she wanted to say that he deserved it, he deserved all that damn misery because he caused it. She wanted to say that she still hadn't forgiven him, that every concession she made marred Donna's memory.

Mattie wanted to tell Tig that she shouldn't need to crawl back to him. Didn't want to. But something inside her broke, shattered, and so she fell, weak, back to his feet. Separation from him made her feel strong, filled her with false confidence, until she noticed the emptiness around her heart. Fuck her, she loved him. Fuck that seventeen-year-old girl that fell for somebody so completely inappropriate that every single person in her life warned her to stay away.

But most of all, fuck him. For so many damn reasons that she was too pissed to consider at that very moment.

And that was what helped Mattie make that final decision. To be less passive and to accompany Chibs on the repossession.

"Okay, okay. Let me grab Allie and see if she minds keeping an eye on things for a little while."

"That's what I like to hear. Meet ya in a few." Chibs waved her off as he descended back into the garage.

Allie was already pretty aware of how the office worked, which made sense since she was one of Gemma's favorite girls. Thankfully not one of Tig's, because that would've made Mattie think even harder about getting into that truck with Chibs. Maybe that was Mattie's problem. She was beginning to over think everything. Before, it was perfectly fine to ignore all the problems she couldn't readily fix. Close her eyes and pretend that they didn't exist. It was childish, it was impractical, but shit, it always worked until it didn't.

Although, when your man murders your best friend in the center of town, it gets pretty goddamn hard to keep pulling the wool over your own eyes.

Mattie was perfectly willing to keep descending down that solemn route of thinking, but something Allie said pulled her out of the reverie.

"I'm sorry about Jazmine. She had no right to do what she did."

Jazmine. That was another thing that Mattie was still desperately trying to forget about, not that her efforts were paying off all that well. Did Tig know that Jazmine was somebody he fucked when she first stared Matt down at Bobby's party? Is that why he was so protective? Trying his best to keep the two bitches separate, probably.

Wasn't like the two women didn't know about the other. Well, Mattie didn't know Jazmine by name, but she was aware of the sheer idea of her, of her generic existence. And obviously Jazmine was well aware of Mattie's relationship with Tigger, or else the fight wouldn't have been necessary.

But, fuck, why? Did Jazmine really think that Tigger was all that desirable in the first place? That as soon as Mattie was out of the picture, Jazmine would automatically ascend to Old Lady-hood? Ha! If the idiotic blonde knew anything, anything at fucking all, she would've chosen a different man. Didn't take a genius to see that out of all the Sons, Tig was the least likely to put a crow on a woman, much less one that he'd fucked a time or two.

Jazmine didn't know about Colleen, though. There was no way she'd been around long enough- Jazmine had to be older than Mattie, but she was a relative newcomer to the whole croweater game-to have seen Tig's marriage collapse. Maybe that's why she had such high hopes for a relationship with him.

Was it wrong that Mattie honestly wanted to have a long talk with Jazmine in order to figure out what the fuck the cunt was thinking in the first place?

"It's okay. Not like she's going to be around here anymore, so no big deal." Mattie replied finally, feeling like the voice between her lips was not really hers.

"Yeah. Your uncle read Jazmine her rights, frightened her the hell away. But I think you did a lot of the hard work." Allie praised, the redhead taking Mattie's spot behind the desk.

"Thanks."

"You're a good pair, you know. You and Tig."

Mattie wanted to ask what she meant by that, but Chibs was impatiently waiting at the door, so she was just left with her own thoughts on the matter.

It was the first time she'd ever heard those words. Usually it was somebody pointing out their age difference or their completely opposite temperaments, leaving Mattie to prove their compatibility. She'd thought their union was something inexplicable to the rest of the world. But hearing that another person understood their bond, shit, it was a relief. Years of tension and anxiety off her shoulders.

Maybe Mattie wasn't a fucking lunatic for loving him. Not if somebody else could figure out the links that held her and Tigger together.

She didn't think she'd ever felt so reassured any time in the past twenty-eight years.

Chibs looked over to Mattie, not sure what he was supposed to say. Not sure if he should say anything at all. In the quiet of the tow truck, in the cool recycled breeze of the air conditioner, for a second, all felt right in the world. This Mattie was not the sullen girl in the office, the one that obviously dealt with the equally moody Tigger. Gone was the strange hybrid of timidity and independence from the St. Thomas parking lot. No, it was just Mattie and Chibs, silently watching traffic pass, listening to the gentle lull of the radio.

He savored his glance, let his eyes trail down the braid thrown over one shoulder, strands of crimson shining through the chestnut in the late afternoon sun. Her father had red hair; she said once, all the Cardinal men did, though she just had a fine smattering of ginger highlights in her deep brown mane. It suited her, Chibs thought, wanting to twist his fingers through the little curl beneath the final twist of the plait, knowing all the while it was just a silly fantasy.

Mattie, all of her, from those brunette ringlets to the soft-fleshed curves of her body, belonged to Tig.

Even if he didn't really deserve it.

"I assume you're not going to miss the wrap party tonight?" Mattie was the first to speak, her tone low and easy.

"Come hell or high water, I'll be at CaraCara. And you, Princess?" Chibs rarely called her that, knowing that she absolutely hated it when Jax used the nickname.

But she simply smiled. "Haven't decided yet. It's either spending Friday night alone or with a bunch of gorgeous porn stars. Gonna deflate my self confidence either way."

"They ain't gorgeous, gorgeous."

"Very cute."

"I try."

Only a girl raised by a Son would be so lackadaisical about the prospect of handing out with a bunch of horny bikers and half-naked women. Especially when Tigger had sampled a large percentage of the latter.

There were a lot of subtle rules about infidelity in the club. What happens on a run, stays on a run. How many times had Chibs heard that grinningly stated by one man or another? Never from Tig though, mostly because he didn't have any regulations to follow. Whatever Mattie's role in his life, it was unofficial, and therefore, Tig was exempt from any real restrictions on his sex life. But Mattie? Christ, if somebody looked at her the wrong way, Tig was down their throat. And by somebody, Chibs was mostly referring to himself.

Because he was the only person stupid enough not to take their goddamned confusing relationship seriously.

"Can I ask you a question?" Chibs attempted to sound nonchalant, but he was sure there was some telltale dips in his speech.

"You know, you don't have to ask me that every time. You can launch straight into your inquiry. I won't bite."

He thought that the grin on her lips was more amused than taunting, so he decided not to say something about her tight-lipped nature. "What the fuck happened this morning with Tig? Came to TM with just about the shittiest mood I've ever seen him in."

"Oh… Got into an argument, that's all. Nothing serious." Mattie shrugged in that innocent way of hers, and Chibs instantly knew there was far more to the story than she was letting on.

"Heard through the grapevine that it's impossible to win an argument with you." If she wasn't going to willingly elaborate, he'd just have to push her in that direction.

"So, I'm guessing that Jax said something?" She asked, softly laughing. "Maybe. He tell you the reason why?"

"Something about your unsatisfying ability to completely walk away from a squabble like it never happened in the first place and yet hold it against the other person for the rest of eternity." Chibs replied. "Do believe that is an exact quote."

"Sounds like him."

"And it sounds exactly like the sort of thing that would set Tiggy off." He directed a well-timed glance at Mattie, just as the traffic light turned yellow. She crumpled her face purposely, trying to make light of the situation.

"Fine, fine, fine, if you really want to know. Tig found the gun in my purse, the gun that you told me to carry with me at all times until Weston and his pals are dealt with, and asked why I had it. For a lot of reasons, I didn't tell him."

"Why not? He has a right to know if you're not safe."

Did she lose some of her unending faith in Tigger? Why else wouldn't she want Tig to know what happened? Fuck, Mattie knew how important keeping her safe was to that blue-eyed bastard. He practically ran down to San Diego the instant Juice showed him that email from Weston, and dragged her back up just as quickly. Chibs could see why the sudden appearance of Mattie's gun would shake Tig, why he would demand answers. What he couldn't explain was her desire to keep the wool over his eyes. Because he would bring it to the club? Because she would have to be under his surveillance until things were less dangerous?

"How do you think Tigger would take the news that I confided in you before him? How do you think that would turn out for either of us?" Mattie narrowed her eyes. "I don't have the energy to tend to his jealousies."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know that he's convinced that you and I are one bad decision away from falling into bed together. This, the gun thing, it'll blow over eventually. Give it a day or two. Hearing that I went to you for advice? That's one gigantic conflict I am not going to fucking deal with."

Chibs tentatively mulled through a couple thoughts before choosing the most nagging one. "Are we?"

"Are we what?"

"One bad decision away from falling into bed together." Even as the words left his lips, they felt pathetic.

"Chibs… What do you want me to say?"

"I think it's pretty goddamned clear what I want you to say."

Christ, it really was. Why else would he ask her to come along on the repo? What other office manager in TM history ever set foot inside the tow truck for anything other than procuring a rogue piece of paperwork? It wasn't like his every thought was consumed by her, shit; he wasn't that fucking wretched, but he had clear and thorough feelings for Mattie. Troublesome feelings. Start shit with the club feelings. But her relationship with Tig always kept Chibs at arm's length, until their little meeting at St. Thomas. Mattie allowing him to see her like that, all broken down and teary-eyed? Chibs had no doubt that it was trust that crushed whatever reservations she might've had. He'd learned a long time ago- practically from their first meeting- that Matt was not a girl who trusted easily.

And that was why his head was up in arms about the whole damn thing.

"That's really not fucking fair." She protested, turning towards him.

It didn't help that she'd chosen a deep pink tank top that showed off more skin than it covered, and then paired it with a pair of denim cutoffs, exposing a pair of pale legs that Chibs found increasingly hard to ignore. That she sat a mere foot and a half away from him, all naked limbs and cleavage and sexily disheveled hair, no, that wasn't really fucking fair either.

"No, I guess it's not. Not to me, not to you, and I'd say not to Tig, but I don't think he's ever had a solid grasp on the concept of fairness."

After that, Mattie switched herself back to silence, pulling back into the farthest corner of her seat, drawing her knees upwards and wrapping her arms around them. The pose made her look much younger than she was- not that twenty-eight was by any means very old- and Chibs felt a pang in his gut. The tension wasn't her fault, not alone, at least. Chibs couldn't help how he felt and Mattie couldn't help how Tigger reacted to the situation. Even if she left him- not that Chibs believed it would happen- the Sergeant-at-Arms wouldn't allow any sort of relationship between Chibs and Mattie. Between her and anybody. Her only chance at happiness with a man besides Tig would be leaving Charming for once and for all.

Like she did for Patrick. Seemed odd that not even a year ago that Mattie was married, a whole coast away. Chibs couldn't imagine her there, in New York. Working at a fancy law practice, coming home and cooking dinner for her successful husband, watching her step-kids do their homework. For six years Mattie lived there, and yet, at the drop of the dime, she transitioned back into life in Charming so effortlessly it was like that time in New York didn't exist. She never spoke about Patrick, about her old job, none of it. Whether her attachment to her hometown was endearing or unhealthy, Chibs couldn't say, though he didn't think it had anything to with her return.

Because, if he did the math right, Tigger went to New York with Jax to smooth some things for the Irish just a few months before Mattie came back to Charming. And that couldn't be a coincidence.

Mattie wasn't impulsive. She wouldn't make a decision to leave her whole goddamn life on a whim. Something, or rather, somebody, had a hand in goading her out the gate. Chibs would bet good money that an unexpected visit from Tig was that very force.

If six years couldn't diminish whatever fucked up feelings Mattie had for Tig, what could?

Tig was an asshole who mostly treated Mattie like shit, but Chibs had to admit that the man knew her. Knew her. Whereas her moods read like a foreign language to Chibs, Tig could interpret them in seconds, with just a single, solitary glance. How did that happen? How did that even work? Tig paid so little attention to Mattie, fought with her so often, had missed six goddamn years of her life, and yet, he had such a handle on her personality it was fucking eerie. And it was the same with Mattie. Tig was unpredictable, erratic, and she could still forecast his reactions a good eighty five percent of the time.

How? How did two completely different people- Chibs would be hard pressed to find another couple as seemingly incompatible as those two- make their fucked up relationship stretch for nearly a decade?

Sometimes, he wondered how they started up. Not that either Tig or Mattie would ever breathe a word of it if asked- Chibs was making progress with her as far as trust went, but he was sure she'd bristle at the question. And Tig? Well, that'd be a lot more effort than it was worth.

He was starting to feel like that about a lot of things, most of them involving Matilda Cardinal.

The repo went fairly smoothly, no meddling owners getting in the way, the car pulled easily onto the lift, and most of all, Chibs was left alone to his thoughts. Matt lingered inside the truck, all tucked into her corner, fumbling about with that phone of hers. The fancy thing was practically glued into her fucking hand- wanting her to completely switch to a burner was practically the only thing he agreed with Tig about.

Once the Lexus was up on the tow and Chibs slid back into the truck, he noticed how Mattie had turned herself inwards, towards him, eyes all wide and alert, mouth pulled into a no nonsense line.

Her words surprised him though.

"I didn't mean to snap at you." Mattie said, allowing one flip-flopped foot to fall back to the floor.

"I… I know you didn't."

"It's just that I don't know how things are supposed to be between you and me. I don't know if we're supposed to be friends, or if we're just supposed to be civil, or if we have to just let the other be. Adding in… all these other factors, I don't know, Chibs. The more I think about it, the clearer the answer is, and the less I want to admit it to myself. You're the only person I know that doesn't make snap judgments. You listen, Chibs. You listen. Do you know how fucking rare that is?"

"Mattie, I-"

She put up a hand, a quick distraction from the trembling of her lips, a subtle, tender movement that Chibs couldn't miss if he tried. "I'm not a vocal person, you know that. But for some strange goddamn reason, I can talk to you. I don't know why. But I know it puts you in a weird position. I know it does, and I know that it has to do with me and Tigger, and I would change that if I could. But I can't. So if that's a deal breaker, if you can't manage me without the option of you and I having a romantic future together, I understand. Just tell me so that we can both move on with our lives."

Chibs want to dart a quick, passionate kiss between all those too-taut phrases, to divert from her well thought out monologue, but he just watched the dilation of her soft coral lips instead. Absorbed her speech and tried his best to answer it with one of his own. It wouldn't come. Mattie had put it out there, clear as day, that she couldn't be with him. Never. No option. And she'd left it in such a direct, take it or leave it manner, shit, Chibs didn't know what to say. Do you really mean that? was the first thing that came to mind, but it felt as pathetic as it sounded.

There was no way to fight her on it. No pleading, no logic could break her decision. And the sad thing was that Chibs knew it all before she even breathed one word.

But he said it anyway. Or a variation of do you really mean that?

"Do you really believe that? Do you really think that you're going to have the patience for Tig forever?

"I don't know. I didn't say anything about forever. I said the future. That could be tomorrow, or next year, or two decades from now."

"Tig will be what, almost seventy? You're telling me that you're going to be in love with that asshole when he's a goddamned geezer?" Chibs cracked a smile, hoping that she would notice. "Princess, we're good. I was just busting your balls earlier. You've got nothing to worry about."

"Don't call me that."

That was the answer he was betting on. "Whatever you say… Princess."

"Maybe I should've given you the boot."

Chibs shrugged as he turned down Main Street. "Maybe."

Part of him, a tiny, almost negligible fraction, was sure that they'd both made the wrong decision.

But Chibs decided to focus on making it to the festivities at CaraCara instead.

It was late when Tig got home, still drunk, mind buzzing, his limbs all on booze-fueled fire. He didn't think Mattie would attend the party, shit, he would've been floored if she'd waltzed in unannounced, but that didn't mean the awful little fantasy hadn't been working its way through his brain all damn night.

Even while a ginger haired whore was trying to work her magic, Mattie had firm hold of most of Tig's thoughts. And it pissed him the fuck off.

Why was she keeping secrets? Why would she need to carry her gun with her- the gun she'd kept purposely locked in a safe in the basement- all of a sudden? If Mattie didn't feel safe in Charming, it was something she needed to take up with him, not take care of herself. Mattie was his girl, his responsibility, and come hell or high water, Tig was not going to be forced away from whatever shit had her all nervous. After all, what use was a Son that couldn't keep shield his woman from the dangers of the outside world?

And she knew that he'd feel like that. She'd know that Tig would consider her tight-mouthed response a slight. Of course she would.

Because that little bitch knew everything.

Tig was really trying his best not to flip the fuck out. Even thought every nerve in his body craved for a violent, rage-filled release, he kept it all clenched in tight. Last thing he needed was to scare Mattie away again, especially over something as idiotic as her choice to tote around a firearm. That's what he kept telling himself, at least, though it required a more and more emphatic delivery every time.

The lights in the house all were out, aside from the glow of a lamp in the living room, a sign that Mattie long ago migrated upstairs. She wouldn't wait for him- Tig hadn't been planning to head all the way home, but his brain kept nagging him to figure out the truth- but it was early enough that he was sure that she'd still be awake. His predictions were proved correct when he heard the dim rumble of a television while climbing the stairs, since Mattie was one of those people who preferred both complete silence and darkness when she slept.

Her hazel eyes betrayed only the slightest suspicion when he walked through the doorway, though the tension in her shoulders read easily from across the room.

"Figured you'd stay at the club." Mattie stated it, didn't ask, which irked him to no end.

Tig just shook his head as calmly as possible, and pulled his cut off his shoulders, setting it over the arm of the loveseat in the corner. He could feel her watching him, studying his movements, interpreting them and formulating an offensive. Did he come home to fight with her? That's what Mattie was asking herself, preparing herself for, even as she nonchalantly inspected her fingernails. Tig wanted to reassure her, but shit, even he was confused about his motives.

In the morning, all he wanted to do was get away from her. Let the storm pass and worry about other things, but over the day, their argument festered. Christ, Tig just wanted to know was what was bothering her, and what he could do to fix it.

Was that really so much to ask?

Maybe it was. How often did Tig grant Mattie the truth? And yet she sat content with whatever bullshit line he offered up, time after time. Patiently wading through all the lies without batting an eyelash. And yet the second she held the tiniest bit of information hostage, he fought her for it. Women had secrets, Clay had told him once, but club women had vaults of them. Learn them at your own risk, he'd finished.

Mattie didn't kept secrets from Tig, though. Right? No, that was not exactly true, there were multitudes of things she didn't want to discuss with him, all of them emotional and difficult. Her vulnerable places, every time he'd broken her heart, they were hidden deep inside Mattie, and Tig was beyond sure she'd never let them escape. And didn't he have his own little corner of dark confidentiality inside his brain? Beyond all the shit he normally kept from her?

For once, perhaps their disagreement was an instance of the pot calling the kettle black.

"Thought we could talk for a little."

Disbelief was evident on her features, but she replied with a curt little, "Sure."

"First off, this morning… it got out of control. Agreed?" Tig raised an eyebrow in question.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Mattie sat up then, drawing the flannel button down she'd likely snatched from his sliver of closet tighter around her torso. Her long legs cascaded from beneath the comforter, and his eyes followed the goosebump and tattoo-laden flesh up to the hem of her cotton shorts. He wanted to lay his hands against the smooth, firm skin, but Tig didn't venture forward, knowing that the intrusion could frighten Mattie away just as easily as it could soothe her.

Like approaching a doe in the woods, one had to take caution when dealing with Matilda Cardinal, a lesson that Tig had learned a very long time ago. Or maybe, like with everything he knew about his girl, it wasn't something that he necessarily learned, but innately understood.

"I'll trade you," Tig bargained, "I'll trade you a secret for a secret. Just this once."

Mattie parted her coral lips briefly then closed them again, as though reassessing his idea. He could see the bristle in her drawn out movements, her unwillingness to be forced into a corner- even if it was a corner that had never been offered before. Adding in the fact that she was not necessarily pleased with Tig after their argument in the morning, for a moment, he didn't think she would approve.

But then, a faint grin lit her mouth. "How can I be sure that you're going to play fair in this little game?"

"Trust, I suppose," He retorted cockily, knowing that the response would broaden her smile- though if it was in sarcasm or agreement, Tig couldn't tell.

She licked her lips- the movement was definitely intended to be a distraction, and it nearly was- and tilted her head to the side. "Then you have to promise me something, Tigger."

"The deal was a secret for a secret, but I'll see what I can do."

"Next time I don't want to talk about something, you don't press me about it. You don't give me those dark looks and make feel guilty as shit. You don't come up with these sneaky arrangement to get me to do what you want. Accept the fact that sometimes I need a certain amount of privacy." Mattie scooted closer to him. "I love you, Tigger, I really do, but shit, baby, you can't just demand information from me. I'm not club business. You can't give me your Sergeant-at-Arm's glare and expect me to comply. Okay?"

He wanted to disagree, tell her that he could whatever the fuck he wanted whether she liked it or not, but something deep inside his brain would not comply with the compulsion. His mind rerouted his decision, converted it into a grunt of understanding and coupled it with a nod. Perhaps Tig did owe Mattie the small favor she asked. She suffered his bad behavior without a single word, watched and accepted his every betrayal for years, without a damn question.

Matt wasn't perfect, though. She left, and she didn't look back.

Tig couldn't quite deny that he hadn't pushed her to that breaking point.

"I lost a girl once. Before I was patched in. Her name was Annie Mason." Tig glanced up to find a pair of hazel eyes locked onto his own. "We were on the interstate and I lost control. She fell into the other lane, just as a truck barreled down the asphalt and… you can figure out what happened after that shit."

"Tigger… I'm sorry." Her voice was tiny, almost tentative. Tig never prepared her for the admission, and that showed in the trembling of her bottom lip, in the hand nervously shuffling to hide that tremble and in the widening set of her eyes.

He didn't give her any warning because he knew that if he did, if he gave any indication that his admission might make her uncomfortable, she would've flinched away. Mattie would've closed her eyes and closed her ears and pretended that Tig wasn't speaking to her at all, wished him and his difficult words away. Shit, Tig didn't have any other choice but to blindside her.

"I loved her, Matt. I loved her, and I lost her, and I lost her- our- baby." He bit the inside of his cheek. "And it's because I love you that sometimes I go a little fucking crazy. You're not Annie, I know it, but…"

Tig trailed off then, not sure how to finish the statement. The Reaper stole one girl from him already, and he was going to do everything in his power to keep Matt from reaching that same fate. Danger already touched her life far too frequently. Scattered across her flesh were the tattoos of three shell casings, reminders of the bullets she needed to use in order to save her own skin. Every time Tig glanced behind her right knee, just below her sternum or above the knob of her left elbow he was faced with the fact that once, he hadn't been able to rescue her in time.

So Matt could use the gun in her purse to make herself feel safe, but he'd be damned if she actually needed to fire it.

And after her admission- told with her head pointed down at the floor- Tig's resolve to keep her close and out of trouble more than doubled.

A/N: Hey! It's only been less than a week since the last update! Pretty good, huh? I think I'll post another chapter or two in present time before adding another flashback- it'll give me time to write it and not take forever. Anyhow, thanks for reading and please leave a review and let me know what you think!