You nearly got the wrong bit next I'm not very awake… … … sorry about um… everything?
Danny didn't sleep that night, or the night after that. Clara refused to let him see her; she refused to let anyone see her. She'd refused to even let them tell him she was okay or what was going on, he knew nothing. The twins had come home the next morning and Ellie that evening, and he had to tell them she was okay, that the doctors and nurses were looking after Mummy and she would be fine. Not all lies, not technically, not that he knew…. They carried on fairly happily, sure in the knowledge that Mummy was just being looked after. Ellie was more affected than the twins, as Danny had expected, but even she was calmer than he'd thought.
"Dad?" It was 22:37 and Ellie appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Danny looked up from where he was sat marking and smiled at her – a fairly convincing smile he seemed to have perfected in the last 48 hours.
"You alright honey? Not often we see you out of bed after hours. Can't sleep?" He asked. Ellie nodded. "Come on, come sit here." He moved to make room for her, putting his pile of books back on the table to show he was focussed on her. "What you thinking? What's stopping you sleeping?"
"Why can't we go and see Mum? If she's okay, why can't we see her?" Danny knew she would ask eventually, he'd prepared himself, but it didn't make it any easier. Ellie curled her legs up and leant on him just the way Clara would sometimes. Danny took a deep breath before he started.
"You know how sometimes if you wake up and you feel really ill, or if you've just come back from a long run and you look really sweaty then you don't want people to see you looking like that?" He asked her, and Ellie thought about that for a moment before nodding. "Well Mum is a bit like that. She's okay, but she doesn't feel like herself right now so she doesn't want people to see her." Danny explained. Ellie thought a little longer.
"So like how when I have one of my episodes and I hide somewhere because I don't want people to see me? Including you and Mum because I don't like to feel like that?" She asked, trying to see if she'd understood.
"Yeah exactly like that honey, exactly like that. So we can't go and see her right now, but the doctors and nurses are doing a brilliant job of making her feel better and helping her see that it's all okay, just like we have to do for you too. But because Mum's been feeling so bad it's going to take a bit longer than it does for you." Danny stroked Ellie's hair back off her shoulder, hugging her gently. He wished he knew how long it would take, he wished they would phone and say she was asking for him, but he'd heard nothing.
"2 days is a pretty long time." Ellie stated sadly, and Danny could only agree, kissing her head softly. "I know she'll be okay though." She added and Danny had to stop himself from crying as they sat there together, he could always see so much of Clara in Ellie, and now was no different.
The next morning Danny somehow managed to get all 3 girls ready and to their respective drop off points without disrupting Ellie's routine. He even managed to get in to speak to Chloe and Faith's teacher to explain why they weren't their usual bouncy selves. He tried to keep everything as upbeat as he could during the morning but he could tell they wanted their Mum just as much as he did.
He went in to work, ignoring the looks from everyone as he went through to his room. Obviously the news had spread quick from the messages he'd sent yesterday but he didn't want the question to be asked, because he didn't really have an answer. Unfortunately he'd only been sat at his desk for 5 minutes when Adrian and Jemma appeared at the door.
"Alright if we...?" Adrian asked and Danny just shrugged a little, looking back to what he was doing as they came in. "Didn't expect to see you in today, thought you'd be up the hospital."
"Visiting time is limited and she's pretty tired after a time, I'm more use here." He silently hated himself for lying, but it was easier than trying to explain that she didn't want to see anyone. "Are you okay with covering her lessons?" He asked, changing the subject. I've got all the marking she had done in the bag there. " Danny gestured to the bag sat at the side of the desk which Jemma picked up.
"It's all sorted we had a little meeting this morning. I got your email with all the lesson plans on which is really useful because we know what the classes need to do." Jemma smiled and Danny just nodded.
"Only now will she realise I know her password..." He muttered slightly to himself but do they could still hear. "Listen I really need to get this finished sorry to kick you out..." They both nodded understandably and started to head out.
"If you need to go at any point don't feel like you need to stay. We all understand." Adrian added.
"Thanks, but I'm sure it'll be fine. Just keep an eye on El for me? She's doing okay but it's not easy on her." Danny added and Adrian ensured him he would before they left.
He taught as he always would, making sure lessons were fun and interactive. As much as anything it stopped questions being asked by the pupils which were kept to a minimum much to his relief. The morning passed by fairly uneventfully and by lunch the day felt almost like any other day. He spent lunch in his room, again to avoid conversation, only leaving to grab tea from the staffroom. Danny had just got back to the classroom again when his phone rang and he quickly pulled it out, panicking when he realised it was the twins' school.
"Is this Chloe's Dad?" The voice spoke from the other end, Danny quickly confirmed. "Don't panic she's not had a seizure, just very upset. Faith is with her but I think it probably best they come home if you're able to collect? I know it's not easy with your job..." Danny rubbed his head a little, briefly considering asking Dave to collect them but quickly dismissing the idea.
"They'll understand today, I only need to find cover for one lesson. I'll be there as soon as I can, just need to speak to my eldest so she knows what is happening too." Danny explained before hanging up, putting the mug of tea on his desk and grabbing his bag. He went through to Adrian's room and want too surprised to find Ellie, Paige and Freddie sat in there - he'd allowed them to use it as somewhere to go if Ellie needed to escape from the crowds at break times. He opened the door slowly and gestured for Adrian to come out in to the hall, smiling at Ellie to reassure her.
"Everything okay?" Adrian asked.
"Yeah, yeah just Chloe's got upset at school and they want her to come home. It's probably wise given there's always a risk of... well, you know. I'm just going to explain to Ellie and then I'll get going." Danny said.
"Alright. She's been okay this morning, very mature about it all." Adrian smiled and Danny nodded, going in to the room to go over to Ellie.
"Hey Dad, is Mum okay?" She asked, looking a little nervous but fairly calm.
"Yeah no problems sweetheart, just Chloe's a bit upset at school so I'm going to go and get her. You'll be going with Paige anyway as normal alright?" She nodded. "Well done, you're being brilliant El." He smiled and she quickly hugged him which he returned carefully.
"Love you Daddy." She whispered.
"Love you too angel." He replied before standing back up. "I'll see you at home later." Danny smiled gently at her before leaving, watching as Paige and Freddie quickly moved back in to see that she was okay.
None of them went to school the next day. Ellie had come down with a bug overnight and the twins had bluntly refused to leave his side since they'd come home the day before, even ending up in his bed last night although he'd spent a lot of time up with El.
The day was spent on the sofa, all of them curled up with Netflix providing a variety of films for them to watch. None of them moved a whole lot, Danny only moved occasionally to fetch drinks or food but most of the day he was surrounded by his girls, well most of them anyway. They were all taking comfort in each other.
When his phone rang all 3 of them were asleep. It was around 3pm and the most recent film - Monsters Inc. - was just drawing to a close. He stood up, by some miracle not waking any of them, and made his way through to the kitchen to answer it.
"Mr Pink? It's Lara, I'm the nurse looking after Clara." The voice from the other end was familiar, he decided she must have been on the night he left.
"Call me Danny, Mr Pink is my work name. Is something wrong?" He asked, "is she okay?"
"She's making excellent progress, but she's still coming through the withdrawal at the moment. Danny she's asking to see you again..." She explained, Danny felt his heart skip a best as she said that.
"I can be right down I just need to get her Dad round to watch the girls." He looked at the time, it shouldn't be a problem.
"That's brilliant, but you really do need to be aware this is affecting her a lot. I can't promise you won't arrive and she'll refuse to see you. We're having to keep on our toes with this. It's not easy for her to go through this and even when she gets through it she's likely to be very upset with what she's done. Clara will be fragile for a while yet." Lara told him.
"She's seen me at my worst and she helped me through, I'm not going to abandon her for anything. I'll be there within the hour." Danny told her, hanging up and calling Dave.
He was true to his word and made it to the hospital 40 minutes later. Danny went straight up to the ward, only beginning to get a little nervous as he entered the area. Lara appeared almost from nowhere straight away to meet him.
"Good to see you again." She opened with, Danny almost laughed.
"I really can't decide if the feeling is mutual..." He replied, not really intent on having any long conversations.
"Don't worry, you're not the first. Shall we go through?" She offered. Stupid question really and Danny quickly followed after her in to Clara's room. He wasn't prepared for what he saw.
She was curled up in the bed. She looked thin, pale, vulnerable and very tired. Her face looked tear stained, although he couldn't see it all. Danny stopped at the door, not knowing what to do straight away. A few moments later she turned over, then he knew. Under all the heartache and pain he could see the woman he loved, and Clara needed him more than ever.
Danny swiftly went over to the bed and took her in his arms, holding her close. Clara silently settled with her head resting against his stomach, still curled up tight. Danny moved her hair back gently away from her face, stroking it softly and leaning down to kiss her forehead. She jolted away. Danny didn't let that bother him, why should it? She wasn't herself and that was okay. Lara carefully backed out, Danny saw, pulling the door to but not closing it fully. He moved himself up on to the bed properly now, taking up a more permanent position as Clara fell asleep against him.
An hour went by and Lara came back in, as soon as she saw Clara she looked surprised.
"She hasn't slept in days, you could be in for the long haul there. She must have needed you. How'd you manage it?" She asked, writing down various things from the monitor she was attached to.
"I didn't really." Danny replied. "She didn't need me, she's never needed me really, Clara could have made a perfectly wonderful life for herself without me... but we need each other." He smiled softly, looking at his wife with love in his eyes. Lara may have looked confused, but she also saw how he saw the woman in front of him and could only smile at them.
"Well hopefully we can get her to eat later too, start a road to recovery." Lara smiled, replacing the folder. "I'm not far away if you need anything." Danny nodded as she left, refocusing himself on Clara and watching as she slept. The beep of the machine for her pulse had settled a lot since he'd been there and he continued to focus on it as he watched her breathing. Each sign of life was something to cling to, and the relaxed way she was lying there told him she was sleeping peacefully.
Another hour passed, Danny still didn't move. A couple of people came in to offer him tea or coffee but he didn't want to risk moving. It was only while lying there Danny realised this was the most relaxed he'd seen Clara in weeks.
"If only I had noticed I could have stopped this from happening. Whatever happened we will sort this, I don't let you manage this alone any longer. I should never have left I should have refused." He ran a hand gently down her arm. "Who knew someone's appearance could change so much in just a few days... we need to get you better now darling, the girls miss you. I miss you. You're my best friend, my rock and I love you. I'm here for everything you need now, anything and everything. I don't care what you look like or what the withdrawal effects are Clara, I love you, I'll do anything you need me to. I'll hold your hair if you're sick or keep you warm when you're cold. I'll put up with mood swings and tremors, I'll be here for you every day, as much as you need me." He finally finished, carefully kissing her head. Before he could sit back up he felt a hand come to rest against his cheek.
"You came..." A whisper, barely audible, came from just beneath him. Danny nodded, sitting back up but taking hold of her hand instead.
"Why wouldn't I? I'd had enough of Netflix for one day..." He smiled a little, but she didn't return it.
"The girls..." She spoke slowly, "school..." He knew what she was asking.
"Not today. We tried yesterday, Ellie was fine but she's got a bug now. Chloe got pretty upset at school and she wouldn't go in and of course Faith won't go without her so I just gave in really. Your Dad's there now, they were all asleep when I left. Don't worry, they're doing okay really." He explained, squeezing her hand a little.
"Chloe... She... they said she... Oh what have I done?" Clara pulled away from him and turned over. Danny didn't move. "Go home, they need you." He still didn't move. Clara waited, but when he didn't go anywhere she turned back over. "GO!" She screamed and immediately 2 nurses ran in but he held his hand up to them, making direct eye contact with her.
"No! I'm going nowhere. Look at you Clara, you need to get better and I am going to be here. What your girls need is their Mum home and I'm going to do that for them. If you really want them to be happier then do this for them! Sort this out, whatever this is, sort it out because you can't just lie here feeling sorry for yourself and shouting at anyone who comes near you, I know you're feeling rubbish, you probably are spending a good deal of your time thinking about whether the alcohol gel is any good and you don't want to admit to any of that because you're egomania is bigger than any part of you sometimes but for goodness sake Clara wake up and smell the coffee! Maybe I shouldn't be here, maybe I should be walking out on you for doing this to us. Maybe I should have gone in to work yesterday and told everyone what happened, get the sympathy vote, the poor husband whose wife became a hospitalised alcoholic in less than 2 months, but I never will because whatever this is you need help to get through it and I would never ever do that to you! Your head's a mess, and I know better than anyone here how much you can't deal with that alone. You need someone you love, and if they can't make you better themselves you need them to make you see it. Clara please, just do this for me. For us. For your family." He finished, all 3 of the people in the room now looking at him. Clara slowly reached up to his cheeks which he realised now were a little damp, but Danny stopped her, taking her hand. He could see she was getting upset now, maybe finally realising the truth.
Clara didn't break the eye contact, she could see he meant every word. She could remember what the twins said, the whispers she'd heard from the pupils at school, how much she hated herself for doing this to everyone. She'd forgotten it all, just let the drink take over and she'd become a selfish drunk. How did it even happen? She couldn't remember. Something must have started this but it had gone so far now. She wanted this pain to be over, not just the physical pain she felt from the withdrawal but the mental pain that stabbed constantly. "I'm sorry..." She spoke quietly again.
"Good." Danny replied, finally breaking eyes contact to look back to the nurses who were still concerned. "We're fine, thank you."
"Okay, it's dinner time now so you're aware. We normally like relatives to leave but in this case I think it might be better if you stay..." Lara finally spoke. Danny felt a little sorry for the younger nurse who looked somewhat terrified. "In fact can I have a quick word outside? Freya would you mind quickly checking Clara's BP?" She asked. Danny nodded and stood up and the other nurse went over to grab the blood pressure cuff. He'd noticed they'd not been doing it before and began to wonder exactly how much she'd been hindering jet own treatment. "It's just about her eating..." Lara began as they made it clear of the side room.
"She hasn't been." Danny stated, it was obvious even if he hadn't already been told.
"No, although we've given her every meal and tried pretty much every trick in the book it's just not been happening, we've even had the odd tray go all over the place." Danny sighed a little but nodded.
"It's not the first time... This is very different, but it's not the first time she's stopped eating." He told her. "Leave it with me."
"I have no doubt you'll be able to help, it's just probably best not to make her have too much on one go, her body will probably react badly if you do. I've asked them to serve a small dinner and we'll take it from there. And if at any point things get a little out of control there's a buzzer by the bed, we can come through at any point." Lara gestured back to the room as one if the servers took her dinner in. "Good luck." She smiled and Danny turmed around to go back inside. Clara was sat up a little now, finally having stretched out. Freya still looked a little scared as she left the room.
"She's new." Clara muttered as Danny walked back over to the bed, glancing back at her. "She'll be fine." Danny looked at her in disbelief, but shook it off for now and sat down in the chair next to the bed. He didn't say anything for now, just looking towards the table in front of her with the dinner on that Clara was essentially ignoring. He waited for her to pick up a fork or even her water but she didn't touch a thing. "If you're just going to sit there looking fed up then this isn't going to be much fun." She spoke with a touch of sarcasm.
"It's not meant to be fun. Nothing about this is fun Clara." Danny replied without looking at her. "Stop trying to deviate from dinner. You need to eat." He continued to look at the table. "This is the first step Clara, take it." There was another pause.
"I can't." She finally said. "I'm scared." Now Danny looked up and he saw she was serious. "I go to eat and I can't. I'm only craving one thing Danny and I can't... I won't have it. But look!" She pulled her hands out from under the sheets to show them both shaking heavily. "I can't even hold the damn fork Danny, I'm a mess!" She hit at the table, more tears beginning to fall. Danny shook his head a little, going over and taking her back in his arms again, realising this may be worse than he thought.
"Okay, it's okay. One step at a time yeah? The tremors will go in time, but not eating won't be helping anything. So I'll help you." Clara looked up at him. "Don't look so scared, it's just you and me sweetheart. One forkful at a time, we can take it slow. I'm here as long as you need me." Danny picked up the fork and put a small amount of food on it. Clara went to sit back up but dropped back as her shaking hands resisted her efforts. Danny quickly put the fork down to help her, seeing her embarrassment. "Hey, don't be ashamed of this now. We can't turn the clock back, maybe we still need to look for answers but we can't stop this from happening now. Let's just push through this, whatever it takes." He picked the fork back up, giving her a smile and carefully placing it at her mouth for her to take.
It took just over 90 minutes, but Clara managed to get through the small plate that was there. As Danny placed the fork down for the last time he smiled, repositioning himself on the bed as Clara leaned back in to him.
"Thank you..." Clara settled and Danny could see the colour already returning to her. "I've missed you Danny Pink." She took his hand, interlocking their fingers. Danny gripped hers tight, trying to calm it gently.
"I'd have been here..." He started.
"I know." She replied, not offering any further explanation for now. "Have you really not told anyone why I'm in here?"
"No, I couldn't do that. They just think you've had an infection. Pretty much everyone thinks I've still been seeing you every day too." Danny explained, tucking her hair back behind her ear.
"You hate lying, that must have been hard. You didn't have to." Clara could feel herself starting to get sleepy again.
"I did, the fallout for all of us would have been much harder. If anyone at school ever found out the truth Ellie would never hear the end of it. It would pretty much ruin your career. You don't deserve that, whatever you've done you're still the best teacher I've met." He told her, sighing softly, even the thought of any of this getting out worried him.
"You're biased." She started, letting her eyes start to drift closed.
"Maybe so, but I'm sure many would agree with me." Danny watched her starting to fall asleep, sensing a sought unease. "Sleep, it's okay. I'll be here when you wake." Danny reassured her; he had no intention of going anywhere.