A/N:

Hey Guys!

Sorry this one took so long… I want this to be good, and since we're wrapping up it's just taking a bit longer to get there. But never fear; it WILL have an ending, Promise!

Steph Meyer owns… not me. Lame, I know, but true.


Chapter 37

BPOV

I did what Emmett said, and I didn't talk to Edward all week long. I was so nervous about going back to Forks though. If we're being honest (and I suppose we are) I haven't actually been back there for more than a week in the almost three years since I broke up with Edward.

There were a ton of reasons for this. I didn't want to run into him and I definitely did not want him to see me the way I was. But then he ended up seeing me (over and over) at my absolute worst, so I guess I failed at that one, too.

The brilliant thing about Edward and I was that we didn't fit. We just didn't…not even a little. But, somehow, we'd fallen completely and irrevocably in love, and that was something that I never regretted. It was the one thing in my life that I knew I couldn't give back, and the one thing that I knew was right.

Edward was always so preoccupied with "fucking up" that it never occurred to him that I was the one who was going to do it. I knew that it was my fault that Edward and I were not together now and sitting on my ass and doing nothing about it wasn't helping any.

Since my flight wasn't leaving until late that Friday night, I decided to patch things up with Edward before we went back home. Maybe he could even pick me up from the airport. I didn't tell Alice or Jasper that I was going because I didn't want anyone warning him. The last thing I needed was to get down there and have him barricaded in his room.

Who am I kidding? He would probably do that anyway. But at least it would just be Edward and I. We wouldn't have to deal with the opinions of anyone else. The drive helped me sort through all of the things I wanted to tell him, and by the time I parked my car on the street across from his building I was completely ready…and I wasn't leaving without him. I was going to get him back, and that's all there was to it.

I read the directory outside of the door to find Edward's apartment number, and made my way up to the fourth floor... where a blonde was sliding a key into the lock of his apartment door. My heart was beating faster and faster, but I didn't let myself turn and run like I would have otherwise. I had lost him once before and I wasn't going down without a fight. I would fuck this bitch up if I had to. The man on the other side of that door was mine and she needed to know that…now!

I stood beside her but she didn't look up so I cleared my throat.

"Can I help you?" She glared at me.

"Yeah, does Edward Cullen live here?" I asked, giving her a small smirk.

"Who wants to know?"

"I... I'm an old friend."

She huffed and stood up a bit straighter, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Well, I'm Edward's girlfriend and he's never mentioned you."

Oh, God she was so Edward's type: vapid and unassuming. I laughed and raised an eyebrow at her.

"How would you know? You haven't even asked my name."

The girl's brow pinched together and her lips pursed. I threw her a bone. "I'm Bella Swan…and you are?"

"Maisie O'Hallahan…Edward's girlfriend."

The more she said it, the less I believed her but it didn't mean my heart didn't twist a bit every time. Edward had said there wasn't anyone else; he was just dicking around and I believed him. Honestly I hadn't expected him to remain celibate, and I would never fault him for it. He was handling our break up the best way he knew how.

"So, is he in there?" I asked.

Maisie quirked an eyebrow, and a sinister smile spread across her lips. God, Edward, I would have thought you'd at least wait a week. "Maybe."

I sighed and held out my hand, "Well, I need to talk to him so can I have that key to unlock the door."

She eyed me suspiciously. "How do I know you know him? How do I know he even wants you?"

Her words stung a bit, but I forced myself to think of Edward and the moments we'd had together. Those would keep me together from now on. "Because I'm Bella. Edward always wants his brown eyes."

She looked at me skeptically, then handed over the key slowly. "It's the spare. It goes here, where the wood's been cut out."

I took the key from her, and put it in the lock as she hovered behind me. "You're the one, aren't you?"

I turned back to her, completely confused. "What?"

"You're the one; the one he loves? He's always humming this little song, and I got him to tell me once that he wrote it about a girl he loved once."

I snorted at Edward being so sentimental. "You got him drunk."

She blushed a pale pink, "A bit. But you're her, aren't you?"

I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and squeezed the door knob. "How could you tell?"

She laughed a little and shook her head, "It's the look in your eyes when you say his name. It's the same look he gets when he's humming."

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. It's funny how sometimes it takes a complete stranger to point out something so obvious. I nodded and Maisie turned to walk away as I shut the door behind me. The entire place smelled of Edward, and it was perfect, just like him.

"Edward?" I called, but I was only met with silence. I began to move through his place, looking at the random odds and ends that made him the man I loved. Books were strewn everywhere, on every surface. I picked up a tattered and torn copy of Garden of Eden. I'd been begging Edward for ages to read it before we split up, but he never did. He said he didn't like Hemingway and he couldn't wrap his brain around the guy.

But here it was, a copy of the one book he said he'd never read with the pages curled and the binding broken. I picked it up and flipped through a couple pages, noticing how he'd marked a few passages and written my name beside them. They were always different; some were about the consumption that comes with loving another, and others were about the way that same love can tear you apart.

As odd as this sounds, it made me feel a bit warm inside to actually see that he'd felt the same way as I had over the years. It was almost like, as I held the book in my hands, I was touching Edward's pain, and seeing his emotions running through the pages made them radiate into me. If anything, it only fueled my fire. It reinforced the fact that I needed to help him, the way he'd been trying to help me.

"Edward?" I called again, putting down the book and moving through his apartment to the bedroom. I knocked on the door carefully, and pushed it open. No Edward. Shit. I must have missed him. I sighed and went to sit on his bed, letting myself relax in his scent. I laughed manically to myself because I really couldn't believe what a fool I'd been. It felt like I'd been living my life on auto pilot for so long, and I finally had my hands on the wheel again. I could feel again; and I knew the truth again.

Edward loved me; he'd always loved me. Emmett was right; it was never a matter of being perfect because I was Edward's version of perfect. Edward had told me that over and over again, hadn't he?

He kept telling me that he loved me…he wanted me, and somehow... I had not believed that he could love me the same way.

But now, sitting on his bed in his apartment after everything that had happened between us, I knew that we were in love like that. He loved me as fervently and strongly as I did. He was a part of me, and I really was just as incomplete without him as he was me. That's just the way that we worked. I leaned back and snuggled into his comforter, blocking out the sunlight poking through the blinds, and before I knew it I was asleep. Leave it to me to fall asleep in my pissed off kind of ex-boyfriend's apartment. That's amazing, right? Either way, I was jarred awake by my cell phone vibrating underneath me.

"Hello?" I said, sleepily.

"Bella, tell me that I just missed you when you got on the plane?"

"Jasper?" I asked, wiping the sleep from my eyes. "What are you talking about?"

I heard him sigh into the phone, and I could see him sinking down into the seat and rub his hand over his face. "Bella, do you realize that you've missed your flight home?"

I bolted straight up, completely awake at this point. "WHAT?! What do you mean, I couldn't have…" I looked at the clock on Edward's bedside table. 6:53. Fuck, I had.

"Oh, Shit! Jasper... God, I'm sorry!"

"B, it's okay. Just call Phil and have them change your flight. Where are you anyway?"

"I don't want to tell you. You'll laugh."

"You went to Edward's didn't you?" I could hear the smirk in his voice and I wanted nothing more than to smack it off of his face.

"Maybe." I pouted. "But he wasn't here anyway."

"Hey, are you alright?" His voice was soft and concerned now; it was good to hear.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll talk to Phil, okay? And my Dad. But PLEASE don't tell Alice the truth okay?"

He laughed again, "Are you sure? She will probably love it!"

"Ugh, please don't. I'll switch my flight and call you guys when I figure it out."

"Okay, Bells, sounds good. Be careful, okay?"

"You got it, Bye!"

I hung up the phone and called my Dad to tell him the abridged version of what had happen, and then I called the airline to switch my flight. I flopped back down on Edward's bed and felt my eyelids getting heavy again. Just before I fell back asleep, I thought of Edward yet again, and just how funny it would be if he came home right now, only to find me in his bed. Something told me that he wouldn't ask me to leave.

I loved him.

He loved me.

What could possibly be more important than that?

EPOV

Monday afternoon at 3:45 PM I had an emergency appointment with Dr. Fiona Ramsay.

I felt oddly calm as I drove over to her offices that afternoon, but I knew what I had to do. That bitch was going to pay. She fucked with my brown eyes. I still felt bad about what had happened between Bella and me, but Alice was keeping me updated.

Apparently, she missed her flight last Friday. Then the one on Saturday got cancelled. She was supposed to come in tonight. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel at the thought. She probably wouldn't fucking call me. Fucking Emmett.

It was one of those moments when I was really wishing that I didn't love Bella the way I did. I really wanted to be able to just get on top of someone else, and move on. But I couldn't. I'd already fucking tried that and it didn't work. As fucked up as this sounds…none of that shit meant anything unless it was with her. It was mechanical, calculated and designed to make me cum. It wasn't about fun or loving the person you were with. It was completely and utterly meaningless. And this bitch...she took away my happiness.

And now, I was going to fuck her shit up. I turned into the lot of that squat fucking building, and I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I turned off my car, grabbed something out of the trunk and walked in. It was one of those offices where you just walk up to the office you need and knock on the door. This is exactly what I did.

I leaned my…um…assistant up against the wall as the good doctor swung the door open. She smiled happily at me. It wasn't the smile I used to get from Bella when I told her I loved her, nor the ones Jen would flash at me when I sat with her as she made dinner. It was an 'I wanna fuck you senseless' smile. Fuck this chick was psychotic.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Cullen. I'm Dr. Fiona Ramsay. It's such a pleasure to meet you." She stepped to the side and let me pass, so I stepped in and slouched into the oversized arm chair she had on one side of the room. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that this was probably the very chair that Bella was sitting in when this bitch fucked her up.

A new wave of anger passed through my body, and I looked around the rest of the office to try and get a feel for my surroundings. There were tons of books on the wall-to-wall book shelves, along with vases, trinkets, and random shit. Yeah, she was going to make this really easy.

"So," She consulted her clipboard as she took the seat opposite me. "Edward, I would like to start with you telling me a little bit about what is going on with you."

I gave her a little smirk, "Well, my girlfriend left me almost three years ago now. And I'm still heartbroken over it."

"Oh?" She quirked an eyebrow at me and re-crossed her legs. "Why is that?"

I knew what she was doing; in fact I wanted her to want me. It would make fucking with her that much easier. "Honestly, because she is the love of my life. She's the girl I was going to marry, have babies with, move to a lake with, get old with, drool on and eventually die with. She's the best part of the rest of my life."

I had to try and calm my breathing after that. Everything I said was the truth; those were all things that I wanted with Bella, but now it didn't seem like I could have them. And it is all because of the bitch sitting in front of me.

"Well, Edward, I have to say that I don't believe we're only supposed to have one person to spend the rest of our lives with. I believe that we can adapt to whomever we're with at the time."

It didn't escape my noticed that she was playing with the collar of her button down shirt, exposing her pushed up cleavage. Fuck, this chick was shameless.

"I just want her. Only her. It's been three fucking years; don't you think that if I wanted someone else, it would have happened?"

She smirk at me and re-crossed her legs yet again, taking a significant pause when her feet were planted on the ground. Shameless motherfucking bitch. "Perhaps you just haven't found the right person to get under."

I laughed at that and stood, pacing around the room. "Honey, I've been under, over, tucked, fucked, sucked and jerked seven ways to Sunday and I'm still not over my brown eyes. What makes you think a tumble in your office is going to make me feel better?"

"I wasn't suggesting…" the sexy lilt in her voice said otherwise.

"Yeah, you were. But that's obviously not what I need. You're supposed to be a shrink. Shrink me. Do your fucking job."

She pursed her lips, tapping her pencil against her pad. "Maybe you should release some of that anger?" It was a question not a statement. She stood up and rummaged around behind her desk. I had her eating out of the palm of my fucking hand. "Ah! Here we are." She produced a toddler sized spongy bat thing, and held it out to me.

I put up my hands and headed to the door. "No need, doctor. I brought my own."

I grabbed my bat from the hall way and shut the door behind me, turning my attention to that book shelf. "You see doctor, there's a reason I came to you." I let the tip of my bat nudge a little vase off the shelf. It came down with a satisfying crash. "My girlfriend came to see you nearly three years ago. And you told her that I didn't love her." I pushed the bat across the rest of the shelf. "And that... was not a very smart decision on your part."

I saw her tense slightly out of the corner of my eye, "I... I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

I scoffed, and reached out, flicking pictures on the ground. "I know you won't violate doctor/patient confidentiality and confirm it. But she told me, and Bella's word is law." I turned to face her and I could feel the lion in me coming out to protect my brown eyes. "And if you hurt my brown eyes, I hurt you."

I lifted my bat again and hit the smaller book shelf in the corner, smashing it and scattering the books across the floor. "You made a mistake, telling her that. So now I'm going to set you straight."

I must have looked like a crazy person; she probably thought I was going to kill her. I didn't care. All I could think of was Bella. I leaned over her, my hands on either arm rest, my face inches from hers. "I love Isabella more than you can possibly comprehend. You were right about one thing: I don't love her the way I did when I was seventeen. I love her more; I love her better. I'm an adult now, and I know what it means to give yourself completely to someone, because that's exactly what I've done for Bella.

She's had me since the day I was born; I just didn't know it then. Yeah, I fucked up; I did stupid shit, but you know what? I've loved in a way a shriveled up shrew like you couldn't possibly imagine. And I'll keep loving her like that until I draw my last breath, and then even beyond that. Isabella should be happy, always, whether she's with me or not. And you know what? She will be. I'll make sure she is. Any way I can. And vapid, misinformed bitches like you will not fuck that up. Get your shit straight, and watch what you say to people. Pretend you actually have a code of conduct to follow." I stood to leave, and she hadn't said a word. "Oh, and my father will be looking into your practice. It seems that you've fucked up quite a few patients. Perhaps that's the reason you were able to squeeze me in so quickly. Good day, doctor."

I walked out to my car, and I could feel my chest tightening rapidly. It was almost like doing that for Bella was the last thing I could do for her. After the things I said to her... there was no way. There was just no way she would ever want to see me again; or love me again. I'd ruined it.

I stopped suddenly.

My god.

I'd finally fucked up.

All these years, and all this time I had been so worried about fucking up and ruining Bella, and then when it finally happened... I didn't even realize it. What a fucking failure I had been. I leaned up against the Volvo, and shut my eyes. This was good bye; really and truly. She and I... fuck. Fuck that shit hurt.

Letting go of Bella was something that I'd never wanted to do; something I'd never even considered doing until now. I should, I knew, because I wanted her to have a good life, with good people around her. All I did was tear her apart. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and opened it without checking the caller ID.

"Honey?" Jen's voice was calm and slightly distracted. "Do you think you could stop at the grocery store on the way home? I've run out of milk."

"Yeah."

There was a beat of silence before she spoke again. "Sweetheart, are you alright? What's wrong?"

I sighed into the phone, and ran a hand through my hair. "Nothing...nothing. I'm fine. I shouldn't be too late. Maybe another ten minutes."

There was a grocery store across the street; it wouldn't take long.

"Edward, are you sure? I can call Alice... or make Emmett put on clothes and go."

I laughed at the thought of Jen trying to pull my (probably) boxer clad brother away from his Xbox.

"It's okay. I'm fine. I'll be home really soon."

"Okay, Honey. I love you."

My heart hurt a little when I realized how much I wanted to hear Bella say those words to me again. "I love you, too Jen."

I snapped my phone shut and headed across the street. With every step I took, it felt like I was fucking dying in agony; literally disintegrating with every passing moment. I wasn't anything without Bella; I couldn't do any of this without Bella.

It was easier (as fucked up as this sounds) when I thought she didn't love me because at least that way I could hope that she was happy somewhere, doing what she wanted and flooring everybody with how wonderful she was.

But now, after I'd been the one to leave her I couldn't fucking handle it. All I wanted was Bella, and how fucked up was it that I wouldn't ever have her again. I sunk down to the curb in front of the market and buried my face in my hands. I couldn't fucking do this... I couldn't fucking live like this…

"Edward?"

I looked up and saw Ben whateverthefuck looking down at me, a paper bag in one arm. "Uh, hi."

"Wow. I haven't seen you since graduation. Heard you went to Brown. Pre-Med, right? How's that going?"

I nodded, sucking down a breath. "Yeah, it's good." But then my brow furrowed. "How did you know about that?"

He shifted uncomfortably for a minute. "Uh, Bella told us. Angela and I, that is. We went out to see her a few times."

Something wasn't sitting right. Charlie was still in Forks, so she would have been here for breaks. Why would her friends have to fly cross-country to see her? "You went out there?"

He looked shocked and adjusted his grip on the bag. "Well, yeah. She hasn't come back here much since she moved out there because…" His eyes went wide, and I knew what he was about to say.

Bella wasn't coming home because of me. She was staying in a strange city alone for four months every summer because of me. Because of what happened between us. It never occurred to me to ask Alice about Bella in the time we were apart. Maybe if I had, we would be together now. I could have gone to her years ago and fixed all of this.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Edward, I'm sorry... I know you two aren't…"

"No, it's fine. I understand. I'm glad you were able to do that for her. Not many people would."

He looked down at me, and it seemed as though he was about to walk away, but then he spoke.

"Edward, she hasn't been the same since you two broke up, but at the same time there wasn't ever a moment where I thought she didn't love you. She was so depressed for so long, but we would talk about you…and the things that Alice would tell us about what you were doing. Her face lit up every single time. I don't doubt that she's always been in love with you. And judging from the look on your face when I said her name...I would say that you feel the same. Why are you putting yourself through this?"

I looked up at him in disbelief and he immediately adjusted himself again. "Look, I know it's none of my business. You and I haven't really ever spoken, and I don't know anything about you. But Bella's my fiancée's best friend, and I care about her and want her to be happy." He nodded sadly in my direction and turned to walk away. "Take care, man. If you need anything, Alice has our number."

I watched as this random guy walk away from me, and let his words sink in. He'd been with my brown eyes when I wasn't and in as shit ton of ways, he knew her better than I ever would. He'd seen her when she was low, and watched her grow into the woman she was now. I'd missed that. Because I couldn't get my huge motherfucking head out of my ass to just go and fucking get her. I'd fucked up more than I could possibly imagine, and because of it I'd lost my brown eyes.

I stood up and walked back across the street to my car. I got in and turned the key in the ignition and drove away.

It wasn't worth it anymore. I didn't deserve her love. And what was I without that?

Nothing.

BPOV

My plane landed in SeaTac four hours late thanks to a lightning storm in Houston, which meant that I'd have to wait until tomorrow to go see Edward. Since I left Providence, all I could think about was the moment when I'd actually see Edward again.

I was finally able to see what everyone had been saying to me all along: Edward loved me and I was worth it. As hopeless as I'd felt as an eighteen year old, now it all seemed completely ridiculous. I should have trusted him and just let myself lean on him. I loved him…I still love him. And after Maisie O'Hallahan I was definitely prepared to fight for him.

I turned on my phone as I walked from the baggage claim to the rent-a-car place, and it immediately vibrated.

"Hey, Alice."

"Bella, oh thank God! Is Edward with you?"

I laughed into the phone, "No, I just landed. Why would he be with me?" There was nothing but silence on the other end of the line. "Alice?"

"Fuck," she muttered. My heart was beginning to race. "Bella, don't freak out okay?"

I was completely still, and I could feel myself blanching. "Alice, what's going on? Where's Edward?"

"I... I don't know. His phone is off, and no one's seen him since two this afternoon."

"Alice, it's nearly eleven," I breathed into the phone. I couldn't move... I couldn't do anything. This couldn't be happening. It was a joke... he was fine. He was... he had to be...

"I know." she whispered. "Bella, come over. We can wait for him."

I shook my head and found the strength to move to the counter, where I gave the attendant my license and booking information. "No. I can't. He wouldn't wait for me, he'd just go."

"But…"

"No. I love him, Alice. I let him go once, and fuck me if I let it happen again."

"We can call your Dad. He can send the cars out…"

I snatched my keys from the attendant and started walking to the car. "No. I'm going to find him. I'm not stopping and I'm not coming home until I have him."

"You sound just like him," she said wistfully.

"I love him; that's what happens when you let someone become a part of you. They seep into your system and make you a better person. I'm only doing what Edward would do for me."

I snapped the phone shut as I got into my rental car. I pulled out of the space, my mind racing a mile a minute with all of these different scenarios and outcomes bouncing around. I'd let part of me die once; and fuck me if I let it happened again.

I love you Edward, I love you...


A/N: Okay, so Where's Edward???

I want to know what you think, AND if anyone guesses correctly. I'm seriously excited to hear what you come up with. Oh, and tell me what you think too, kay?

Love you guys!

=]