Chapter 38: An Empty House, Going Mad
Angela walked around the room mindlessly touching random objects. She made microscopic adjustments to the positioning of picture frames. Then just for a moment Angela let herself actually look at the photos and feel a rush of emotions. She looked at the children sitting on Santa's lap innocence on their faces, at one and six. The twins share gap toothed grins and Nicky's was toothless. She looks at the twins; they must have been about seven, beside Disney princesses completely caught up in the magic. Addison was dressed as Ariel convinced by her sister that her red hair made it the only choice. Really, Angela admitted to herself Olivia had simply wanted to be Belletheir shared favorite. Ange had not been up for arguments and had left them figure it out. As always it all worked out the brightness gleamed in their eyes and glitter shone across their cheeks. Another showed the twins at eleven riding dolphins at SeaWorld, the water spraying their happy faces. They both wore dark blue wetsuits and had their hair up high, they were standing on the dolphins and each had one hand extended to their twin, a long distance high five.
She picked up an individual shot of Nicky in high school dressed in his football uniform his arm around Katie's shoulders. He was holding the game ball and she could see the grass stains on his shirt and the light in his eyes. Katie was dressed in blue and white with a sparkling bear paw on her cheek, supporting him. Angela set the photo down and picked up one of Olivia in a cardinal red uniform, her chestnut hair up in a ponytail. Liv was hitting the ball hard, it would be her first home run out of the park; she was eight. Her face was lit up with happiness, her eyes shone with determination. Finally Ange held Addison's picture she was dancing along the edge of the sandbox in her pink leotard and gauzy skirt. The picture captured her silhouette in black, and the sunset of fiery orange surrounding her. When she looked at these pictures she felt so much love and happiness radiating from them.
It almost made her want to cry as she looked at their first pictures. It was impossible to believe that they had once been so small, their hands doll sized, their bodies able to fit in her arms, that they had once been so completely hers. Her Little Miss, her Half-Pint, her sweet baby boy, she was proud of them now, but if she thought about it too much she got a lump in the back of her throat. She typically lived in the moment but she missed them so much it hurt. Her heart would literally throb with pain and tears would fill her eyes when she imagined how life had been.
Angela's gaze fell to a finally picture of the four of them in her bed on Mother's Day, her miracles. Jack had snapped the picture as the twins had broken into giggles and Nicky had stolen a piece of her bacon. They were young enough to still want to help make breakfast and design handmade cards. She could see the handprints casts they had made on her dresser. The girls, herself included wore matching white cotton nightgowns with tiny pink flowers on them. Both girls had their hair tied into a pony tail with a shiny pink ribbon. Angela's hair was down loose and wavy, she was blowing a kiss to Jack. Nicky was wearing pale blue footie pajamas and was three at the most. Angela's other hand was ruffling his dark brown hair. The twins were leaning against her snuggling in. When Angela had the photo memorized to how many strawberries were in her bowl she placed the photo back and sat down on the couch.
It was so quiet she couldn't breathe. Angela missed the constant noise. The clattering, stomping, and loudness that came from having a boy. The incessant chattering, bickering, and giggles that twins produced. The cacophony that a house of children provided, so loud it drove her nuts. The banging of pots and pans for New Year's, Nicky and Jack screaming at the TV during a game, the girls gossiping about boys and shopping. She wanted the hum of activity that indicated a happy home. It was so quiet all she could hear was her own breathing. It came in ragged breaths as she tried not to cry. The silence infuriated her, she was alone and it wasn't fair. Angela loved without holding back and right now it was breaking her heart.
Then the front door opened and she glanced up expectantly. Jack entered and sat down beside her without saying a word. He pulled Ange into his arms and kissed her. I won't cry, Angela told herself sternly. "Angie" Jack said softly trying to catch a glimpse of her eyes to see into her heart. "I miss them" she says opening up to him. "I was waiting for this," he whispered, "since Nicky left for college a few days ago". "I miss having them around..." she admits her voice trailing off. "We can figure this out. Our life when it's just us. It can be another honeymoon stage. We can travel see the world or just hang out at home. We can do whatever you want. We can have the house to ourselves for a while, make love whenever, wherever. You'll have the chance to do art without being interrupted, to work late without worrying," he replies. "I just don't know what I want to do" Angela sighed leaning into his arms. "But I do know that I love you, and I'm still excited to spend the rest of my life with you" she reassured him with a kiss.
"Some of those ideas sounded pretty fun" she said coyly, flirting with him. "Oh yeah, which ones?" he teased her. "You know, working late" she said kidding with him in a dead serious tone. He looked at her incredulously. "And the making love part sounded pretty good too" she said kissing him. Without saying a word Jack picked her up and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom. Ange protested a bit before giving in to his demands, all of them. The house was comfortably loud for a long time. As Angela lay snuggled in Jack's arms she thought that maybe she could get used to this. She certainly loved her children but it was nice, just her and Jack.
A child enters your home and for the next twenty years makes so much noise you can hardly stand it. The child departs, leaving the house so silent you think you are going mad. ~John Andrew Holmes
A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. I would love to hear your thoughts on it!