Chapter 36
Zexion woke to the sound of voices.
"Hey look, I think he's waking up."
There was a soft sigh. "You said that before and he clearly didn't wake up."
"Well, this time is different. It really looks like he's waking up."
There was a pause. "Hey, I think you might actually be right."
"Told you."
"Shut up."
Zexion gave a soft groan and forced his eyes open. He saw an unfamiliar ceiling first, followed immediately by a pair of concerned-looking faces. Zexion blinked to make sure he wasn't seeing things. The two faces didn't disappear. In fact, they seemed to grow clearer.
"Zexion, are you all right?" Rusty asked softly.
"Y…yeah," Zexion said weakly, reaching up to brush his bangs out of his eyes. "What happened?"
"You passed out," Rusty said, his voice still extremely gentle. "Scared the fuck out of us."
"S…Sorry," Zexion murmured. "Didn't mean to."
"We know," Zack said soothingly.
"Would you like some water?" Rusty asked.
Zexion licked his dry lips. "Yes, please."
"Help him up, Zack while I get the water," Rusty said.
"Sure," Zack responded.
Zexion felt Zack gently ease him into a sitting position. Rusty returned with a glass of water that he immediately handed to Zexion.
"Thank you," Zexion said quietly. He slowly sipped at his water. After a few minutes, he felt well enough to ask, "How long was I out for?"
Rusty and Zack briefly glanced at each other before Zack answered, "Uh, about five minutes, maybe?"
"Yeah, that sounds about right." Rusty nodded.
"Only five minutes?" Zexion frowned. "It felt a lot longer than that."
"It felt like an eternity to us," Rusty grumbled.
"Sorry," Zexion muttered guiltily.
"It's fine," Zack said.
There was a knock on the door. Rusty rolled his eyes and pulled up his hood before going to the door. He talked to whoever was there for a very long time before finally closing the door and coming back to them.
"Zexion, do you think you are well enough to receive Saïx so you have a chance to say goodbye?" he asked.
Zexion's breath caught in his throat. "Y…yeah. I think so."
"If you don't want to see him, it's all right," Zack said softly. "We won't force you to see him."
"No." Zexion swallowed hard. "No, it's all right. Send him in. I'll see him. Before…before…" he couldn't finish his sentence.
"Very well then," Rusty said. He went to the door and opened it again.
While he spoke to whoever it was who stood right outside, Zexion forced himself to stand. He swayed unsteadily, but stayed up. His breath caught in his throat again as Rusty moved back and admitted Saïx, who was no longer handcuffed, into the room.
"Do you want me to stay?" Zack suddenly whispered in his ear. "We were all going to leave to give you a bit of privacy to say goodbye to Saïx, but if you want, I can stay."
"No, it's okay," Zexion immediately responded, keeping his gaze fixed on Saïx.
"Are you sure?" Zack asked uncertainly.
Zexion swallowed hard again and tried to retain some composure. "Yes. I'm sure."
"All right," Zack replied. "If you need us, we'll be right outside, all right?"
Zexion nodded. The guards left with Rusty trailing behind. Zexion did not stir until he heard the door close. He walked over to his doomed mate, shaking, but determined.
"Saïx, why?" It came out as nothing more than a hiss. Saïx did not offer an answer. "Did you do it to get revenge on me because I was unfaithful?"
"If I wanted revenge, I would have told Director Xemnas about you and Demyx," Saïx sneered. "You just got unlucky there."
"So you knew?" Zexion asked.
"Always," Saïx responded quietly. "I knew from the moment you told me you were pregnant that the child wasn't mine."
"Why didn't you tell?" Zexion asked.
Saïx frowned. "You were…so happy, something I'd never seen before. I couldn't take that happiness away. I knew I could never make you happy like he can."
"Why Roxas?" Why not someone else—anyone else?" Zexion asked, starting to cry a little.
"I wanted to know what it was like to fuck someone besides you," Saïx said.
"You…you monster," Zexion hissed. "You raped Roxas just for the hell of it? You don't care how much pain you caused, how traumatized Roxas is because of this?"
Saïx gave him a flat look. "No. I don't care. I don't regret what I did and I never will."
"You…you…" Zexion stuttered, unable to find the proper words. "You are a sick, twisted monster!"
Saïx moved in closer, so they were only inches apart and whispered, "So are you."
Zexion's eyes widened and he backed away, disgusted.
"I am not!" he hissed. "I am nothing like you!"
"Really?" Saïx asked. "Do you regret what you did with Demyx?"
"Well, I…" Zexion couldn't finish his sentence.
In truth, he couldn't regret his decision to have an affair with Demyx. He had been so desperate to avoid having sex with Saïx, but deep down, he knew that somewhere along the way, he had developed strong feelings for Demyx. Tears flooded his eyes again and he could do nothing to keep them from flowing down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry Saïx," he choked out. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"Do not blame yourself," Saïx said. "My actions are my choice and mine alone. You had nothing to do with this. Do you understand?"
"I…I guess," Zexion said uncertainly. More tears streamed down his face. "This isn't fair. You have to die and I get to live even though we both did the same thing."
"There's one difference," Saïx said patiently. "You had a choice. Roxas did not. And that makes all the difference in the world."
"But…" Zexion protested.
Saïx pressed his index finger to Zexion's lips to silence him. "It isn't the same. One day, perhaps you'll understand. But for now, just know that this is the way I want it to be, okay?"
Zexion nodded. There was a knock on the door and Zack stuck his head in.
"I'm afraid your time is up," he said.
"Just give me a minute," Saïx told him. He turned back to Zexion. "Can I kiss you one last time?"
"Yes," Zexion whispered.
Saïx's kiss was brief and surprisingly gentle. He pulled away and walked to the door, then stopped, and turned around.
"Goodbye Zexion," he said hoarsely.
Then, he was gone.
Zexion stared after him for a long time, not fully comprehending what was going on. When realization finally hit, it hit hard. The room spun around him and he felt his legs give out. This time, there was no one to catch him. He collapsed to the ground, sobbing loudly. He buried his face in his knees, trying to muffle sound. There were running footsteps and Zack and a hooded figure burst in.
"Zexion!" Zack cried, hurrying over to him.
Zexion buried his face back in his knees and continued sobbing. He felt a warm hand rest gently on his back, but didn't look up. He didn't know how long he cried, but it seemed like an eternity before he finally stopped crying. When he looked up, there was a tissue dangling in his front of his face.
"Here," Rusty said quietly. "You look like you could really use this."
Zexion smiled weakly at him. "Thanks."
He used the tissue to wipe his eyes. Then, he took a deep breath, and slowly got to his feet.
"Are you ready to go?" Zack asked quietly.
"Yes," Zexion answered.
He followed Zack out. He felt Rusty's eyes on him, but did not dare turn around. In the High Council's chambers, Bryan, Roxas, Axel, and Vance were waiting. Director Xemnas, Saïx, and his guards had vanished. Without a word, they turned around and left. They returned to the hotel long enough to pack their bags, and then began the long drive back to The Institute.
Roxas fell asleep quickly, laying in Bryan's lap for once, but Zexion could not sleep. He remained wide awake even after Bryan and Axel had both fallen asleep and Zack and Vance were nodding off. He kept thinking about the future and what would be waiting for him back at The Institute. Director Xemnas had told him that if Saïx was executed, he would be assigned a new mate and would be expected to continue his duties as a Bearer. It was this that Zexion feared above everything else.
Author's Notes
Crazy week. I worked 37 hours and now I have to work another 37 hours this week (my company's workweek starts on Thursday, don't ask me why). So I'm a bit worn down. The only song I really listened to was Roxas Theme (Orchestral) by Drammatica for the confrontation scene between Zexion and Saïx.
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