Gaara could feel it. Apprehension. Curling in the pit of his chest. Tightly wound into a ball. A coil, like a snake, icy cold and stiff.
Not even Naruto could thaw that icy feeling. He knew what was coming. He knew it. And as much as he wished he could suppress this apprehension, make his days with Naruto happy and carefree, he couldn't. He knew where he was going. And he had a bad feeling that he might never see Naruto again. That's stupid, he thought. Naruto would never leave me. But then, that nagging voice in his head, what about you leaving him?
What?
Your father isn't going to be easy on you. You think he'll take kindly to knowing his punching bag was at someone else's house for a week? No, he'll be pissed. Mad as hell. You'll be lucky to get out alive.
It was a voice. Gaara desperately wanted it to be Shukaku's. He missed Shukaku. The emptiness in his mind was horrible.
Thankfully, he didn't feel to empty. He had Naruto.
The blond wasn't the least bit afraid of people's opinion. He was quite willing to kiss Gaara in public and grab his hand with people watching. The redhead didn't particularly care for the opinions of others, so embracing in public didn't bother him. It did bother Naruto's friends, though. Even the friends Naruto had known as long as he'd had his teeth were now uncomfortable around him. They acted strangely and seemed kind of uneasy around him, now. Even people like Shikamaru and Neji, who Gaara had thought were the most open minded, seemed kind of uncomfortable.
Most people decided that verbally abusing the two wasn't effective. Naruto would just yell at them angrily and Gaara would just stand there. They shunned him instead. Poor Naruto wasn't used to being shunned. He could take and dish verbal punishment, but what to say when no one would speak to you? There was nothing he could do about those mean, hard glares of people who couldn't accept someone who was different than they were. Someone who wasn't like them, someone they couldn't or wouldn't understand.
It hurt.
But Naruto found he wasn't alone. Not completely. He had Gaara, fellow shunned social outcast. And he found the redhead was enough, even more so than he needed.
"Why are people so stupid?" Naruto sighed. He poked at his lunch on his tray and was displeased to hear silence. It meant Gaara wasn't eating today and he'd been hoping the redhead would eat lunch for once. So far, he'd only eaten at Naruto's house, not at school. He avoided the cafeteria like the plague. Then again, with the amount of homophobes in the room, maybe it was worse than the plague. Maybe more like a mob or a bomb waiting for that spark to set it off.
What Gaara didn't tell his friend, was that the reason he couldn't eat was because he couldn't relax and it was because of that anxious coil in his chest.
"I mean, seriously, what's the big idea? You can act like a complete doofus idiot weirdo and be popular- popular enough, stop smirking, I know you're smirking, Gaara. What was I saying? Oh yeah. You can be a weirdo idiot with many odd quirks and people admire you for being brave enough to show them, but tell everyone you're gay and you're instantly the Devil. Seriously, I heard you go to hell if you're gay."
"And Christian," Gaara murmured.
"Don't be racist-"
"It's not racism if it's true."
"I don't know about that one-"
"What else is old?"
Naruto grinned. He groped through the darkness and felt Gaara's cold skin in his hands, felt the contours of his cheeks and chin. "You're so annoying," he said. "Took the words out of my mouth," Gaara whispered. Naruto pulled Gaara into a kiss, his hands gently tugging on his red hair. "Stop talking," Naruto said when they'd pulled apart. "Never thought I'd hear you of all people saying that," Gaara gasped, trying to breath properly to make up for the lack of air.
Naruto left the closet with a smile on his face.
Gaara left the closet with a small grin on his lips, but a knot in his chest that grew heavier each step he took. It was close to the end of the day. He'd have to go home by the end of the day. He knew he'd be alone again. He knew he was going back to the darkness.
With a flicker of light to hold close to his heart as he experienced that swallowing darkness again.
With his memories and new emotions. Things he'd never experienced before. Maybe I'll experience them again. But I'll never be that safe again. I won't wake up with Naruto next to me on the ground, leaning on me. I won't wake up beside Naruto anymore and I'll never feel that safe again. Will we have moments like that ever again? Will I be the same once I've retreated back to the darkness? Am I really alive or is what I am now just a shell of a person? A shell that will be crushed soon, this very afternoon?
Naruto noticed Gaara's anxiety, but he didn't know what it was about.
"Are you okay, man?"
Gaara nodded, trying not to bite his lip, a sure sign of anxiety. "Fine," he muttered, trying to keep his voice from cracking.
He glanced at the redhead and grabbed his hand, grasping the pale white fingers with his own tanned hand. "What's up?" he frowned. Why so tense? Naruto wracked his brain. "Is it that Science test? It's no big deal. It's like only forty-two percent of the grade." "Didn't you fail Math class?" Gaara asked. "Yeah, why?" "No reason, just curious," the redhead said. For some reason, Naruto felt like he'd been insulted, but he didn't know how, so said nothing.
But still, light hearted banter with Naruto didn't feel as light hearted as it had before.
This week had been the best in his life. His days hadn't been perfect, but he'd had absolutely perfect moments with Naruto.
Moments he was going to take with him to the grave. Moments he would remember forever as the first time his life didn't seem like a living nightmare.
I know this chapter is bad. It's 'cause I can't get my angst on. In my defense, I'm half asleep right now, so I'm not sure what I'm babbling.
Oh, and Christians, don't be offended about the gay stuff and all. Wait, do Christians read yaoi if they think gays go to hell?
Well, no offense intended. Offense taken is something different entirely.