Chapter 37
Four days – going on near a week there had been something going on with his mother and Joey Johnson knew if he was braver then he would demand to be told what that was.
Any good sort of son would. Any brave one.
But as it was he did not seem to be either.
It was not so long ago he had been fighting with JJ about his cousin keeping things from him. And now he knew in his heart that because it was that bad, he would let his age be a shield.
Everyone was so freaked out – and he did not want to know why.
As he went into the living room he saw his mom was not there but his dad was and as was beginning to be normal he looked as if he was in hell.
But as soon as he saw him his expression changed. He made his eyes light up and he painted a smile on his face. Not so long ago if his dad had tried to do that for him then he was sure he would have seen it as an insult but now he could see all that was behind the gesture was kindness and love.
"How are you doing little dude?"
He nodded, not sure he was able to verbalize an answer for to do that he would have to know what was up and that was the last thing he wanted.
But he did want to know one thing. The thing he needed to know above all else.
"Is mom going to be ok?"
Steve wasn't sure how to answer that at first. The strongest part of his reason said 'no' for how on earth could anyone be ok after going through what she had. But then there was a little voice in him which said they had been here before, which he hated even more for no one should go through this once let alone twice. But it did mean just like so much of what had happened of late, Kayla had faced it down once already she could do it again even if she should really have too.
"Yeah she is."
It might not be for a while yet but he knew in his heart she was going to get there.
There was a silence before Joey felt the need to confess to his dad as if he was a priest on Sunday. The way nothing quite like a shot of catholic guilt.
"Does it make me a coward that I have not asked mama what has happened to her – I just do not think I could take it dad, I really don't…"
Steve was as quick as he could be to hush his boy.
"No, it does not make you a coward. I think it shows a lot of self-knowledge and understanding of the situation. And in an odd way I think it will help her a lot."
In fact Steve knew it would. In that moment Joey both did and did not seem a lot elder than his 12 years.
All Steve knew for sure was he felt a lot of pride and he wrapped his arms about his boy.
"There is going to come a day when your mother and I cannot keep the bad that goes on in this world away from you but for now we can. Let us."
One day he would have to know the entire ugly truth all the way back to Jack.
And there was no way he could stop that. But that day wasn't here yet he thought fiercely.
And Steve would keep it at bay as long as he could.
X x x
In a way, Kayla was glad the truth was out. It made life easier in the sense there was nothing between her and Steve. And she was glad the kids were not there when it happened – when she had panicked. But in other ways it was no stretch of the imagination to say she wished she could have swallowed it down forever. She hated that everyone else had been there when she had broken down. Days later and her heart was just as heavy.
And that was not much of a surprise.
She rolled over and was saddened to see that Steve was not there but she did not think she could claim to be very surprised.
He was a light sleeper at the best of times and at the worst of them he just did not sleep at all. And she was no fool and knew he very much would call this time the worst of times.
As for her she had seen worst days. Kayla grabbed her dressing gown off of the side and walked out into the living room and was unsurprised to see her man was on the sofa and he was brooding.
Of course he was.
She cleared her throat.
"Oh baby I did not see you there," he said as he turned to her.
"I woke up and you weren't there," she sighed.
"Sorry about that. How do you feel?" he asked.
"I don't know. Wretched, exhausted, relieved," she sighed. "What about you?"
He was angry. The only other time he had been this angry was when Jack had –
He shut his eyes.
"I – I just – I am so sorry I have let you down."
If he had been there then none of this would have happened.
"That is not what happened."
"Yes it is sweetness. And it happened far too many times." He took her hand in his. "I am so sorry."
"So was I." she said. On second thoughts, if he wanted to play the play game then she was going to let him.
At the time she wished he had been there for her. He had not been because he had chosen to walk away.
And now she felt angry. She had felt angry and confused and hurt about it long before any of this had happened. And now it was her chance to ask why. She pulled her hand away.
"You took so many choices away from me when you left. And you did let me down when you left me."
He knew he had.
"Baby I was trying to do the right thing –"
"By leaving me and Joey on our own in a country that wasn't our own, by telling me that it was over? I have spent my life loving you." She shook with emotion.
And at the time she had thought it was all for nothing.
All that passion and all that love…
Then all that doubt.
"It seemed right at the time."
"How was us being apart ever right? What good ever came of it?"
He swallowed down the guilt.
"I should have been here to prot –"
"No. You should have been here for our son, you should have been here for our daughter. You should have treated me like an adult instead of a child!"
As far as she was concerned protecting her did not come into it.
The two of them were not the people they had been when they had met. He remembered the way he had told her to stay out of things that weren't her business, not to go to Stockholm, to not get involved with Orpheus or Victor later on.
And she was the first to admit he was the one who had got her out of more than one sticky situation but that had always gone both ways. She had saved him as many times as he had saved her.
Any debts which had been between them were always paid in kind and in full.
"Did I never prove myself to you at all?"
She knew she was over emotional and this was the time to stop.
But she couldn't.
"Sweetness what are you on about?"
"Did you think I was so weak you were not able to confide in me?"
"Over the years the two of us have been in each other's lives I have thought of you as many things - but not once have I thought of you as weak."
"It doesn't feel like it –"
"Sweetness, what are you –"
"Maybe that is why Grayson targeted me. Maybe that was why Jack did what he did so many years ago."
"No – " Steve had not meant to raised his voice to her but he had. "No, I know you do not believe that!"
"Oh and now you think it is ok to tell me what I think."
He bite his tongue.
"Kayla baby –" this was tearing him iup.
"Just so I know how long are you here for this time?"
"Kay –"
"How long am I going to get to be the dewy eyed love struck teen till her hero leaves her?"
"I am not leaving you."
"I have heard that too many times before – and I trust you as much as you trust me."
He paused for a moment as he tried to keep his heart in once piece.
"Then you do so implicitly."
She did not know how to answer that but he could feel the tension rolling out of her. It was not like her to feel the need to go on the attack so he knew how angry she was – he had known for a while.
"What do you want from me?" he asked. What did she need from him?
But Kayla didn't know just then. Tearing strips off of him wasn't making her feel any better as it turned out - yet she wasn't willing to run into his arms.
Part of her still hated how he had treated her and that was never going to change and right then she could not act as if nothing had happened. The problem was she did not know where that left them.
Neither did he.
"I want you to stay." She did know that.
The same thing as always and she hated to admit it right then.
"I am staying, sweetness," he said as their eyes married. "I won't leave you – and my actions will speak louder than my words soon. I just need a chance to prove it. Please baby – one more chance."
X x x
Adrienne had woken up that day to the sound of silence which she had not thought she was going to do again for many years to come until that day. However unlike most new moms she knew she did not have to worry about that and that Katie was just going to be out in the living room with Justin.
He had been a god send since she had come home and did everything which was in his power to spend just a little more time with his princess whenever he was able to.
And as to date he had not let her down once.
There was a voice in her head that said she did not know if she was able to trust him yet for it was still early days… and if she did so then she was nothing short of a fool but they were all getting to the point where they begin to hope.
For Katie's sake. For it was obvious the adoration was very mutual between her husband and her baby.
She had a long hot shower before she went out in to the living room and went in feeling refreshed to find her daughter and her man on the sofa as she had known she was going to.
It did seemed as if Justin had had his breakfast as there was a cereal bowl on the coffee table and now he was giving his daughters her own.
He had always looked good with a baby in is arms she thought to herself as she remembered the way he had taken to fatherhood when they had been young.
It had not been much of a challenge for him.
"You let me sleep in," she said as she grabbed a coffee and went to sit by his side. Being able to drink coffee once more was one of the best things about not being pregnant.
"Well I thought after the way I heard this little pickle keep you up last night you might want the extra rest."
"I am not going to say you were wrong. Thank you."
He shrugged her comment off. The last thing in the world she had to do was to thank him.
"How's she been?"
"A little angel."
"As she is always is for you."
And for her uncles for that matter. She took a sip of coffee as she thought of Steve and wondered how things were that morning.
She was yet to get the ins and outs of it all – but whatever had gone on over the hall she knew was bad. She had tried to get it out of Jack but he had been cut up by it all – far too much so to speak of it.
"Are you ok?" Justin asked.
She nodded and lay her head on his shoulder. "I was just taking a moment to count our blessings."
No matter what else was going on in the wider family, they had their baby and for all the challenges ahead of her she seemed as healthy as a horse.
And they had each other.
And the boys.
So yes… to Adrienne Kiriakis, counting her blessings right then seemed like a very good idea.
X x x
Hope did not think she had ever felt more ashamed of herself than she did then. Part of her said this was all down to Aiden but if she truly believed that then she had a feeling she would find this all a bit easier to deal with.
As it was, it was tearing her apart so she had sort the comfort of the Horton Town Square. It was odd how much she felt her grandparents here. They had not been here when it was built so it was strange it was to feel them here she believed. But she felt them all the same.
It was as she was sitting there that she heard a pair of footsteps behind her. She did not need to turn to know who it was. She could feel him when he was close too.
Bo… for the first time in a long time she felt it was not him who was wanting but her. She had let the whole family down and she did not how she was ever going to make it up to them. She did not know how to make it right.
"Fancy Face," he said with a sigh. If he had his way then he was going to kill Grayson by his own hands and that would be as much for Hope as it was for Kayla.
She looked up at him with tears running down her cheeks.
"Come here," he sighed as he sat by her side and put his arms about her.
"This is all my fault."
"None of this," he hushed her as he kissed her forehead. "is your fault."
"But – " but it was in a way.
She did not think she would ever get over it.
It felt like it used to when he had used the old endearment and before she even knew what was going on, she had tears rolling down her checks. She felt a more than a little like a fool but did not protest as he held her. At least if her face was buried in his shoulder he could not see it.
"Damn it where were you?" she asked him for what she knew as going to be the last time.
"It does not matter. I am here now," and he was not going to be going anywhere else.
They stayed on the bench together for a while, him holding her close and running his hands through his hair. It was so soothing she was not able to put it in to words. As for what was said, that was almost nothing at all. There were no words needed sometimes, but that did not mean the two of them were not communicating. Hope found herself wondering if this was the way Steve and Kayla had found their way back to one another, if they had heard the sounds within the silence. She thought it likely.
In the end they both got up together and walked home to see their girl. The smile on Ciara's face when she saw them together was a tonic to both their hearts.
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