I'm updating early. I'll probably still put another one up tomorrow, but I wanted to add this tonight regardless. I know it's been sad the past few chapters but its lightening up a bit. This one's not as bad, the next is even lighter. Enjoy!

Chapter 37

Silence stretched for a while on the line, neither party sure what the hell they were supposed to say. Jax was still having trouble trying to come to grips with the six pregnancy tests with plus signs on the floor, the three boxes tossed to the side empty.

"Are… are you sure?" Tara found herself asking after a minute or two of complete silence.

Jax found himself nodding, as though his wife were there to see the action. He wasn't certain words were possible at the moment. Of all the things in the world he had assumed might be troubling Alex, being pregnant wasn't one of them.

And then it hit him.

"Oh god…"

The words left his mouth before he could stop the.

"What?" Tara asked desperately.

Rarely, if ever, had she heard Jax sound so lost, worried and desperate to understand what was happening than he did at that moment. The times she had, nothing good followed and not being there was making her nerves grow thinner and more fragile. Along with everyone else, Tara had been worried about her friend. Unlike everyone else, Alex told Tara things about her and Opie's relationship. It wasn't much, but it was more than anyone else knew and that made her fear what might happen in the absence of people.

"It's Opie's, isn't it?"

He didn't know why the thought hadn't donned on him before, but when it had he felt it hit hard. The realization that Alex was not only pregnant but with Opie's kid… Jesus. After everything he had gone through, the young man didn't have the chance to be happy for her, only feeling the pity and sadness.

"How would I know?" she snapped.

The two friends couldn't be happy for Alex. They wanted to, desperately, but they couldn't. They wanted to see the young woman, their friend and sister, pregnant with the baby of their other friend and brother. They wanted to be happy for her finally having her first child. They couldn't be happy because she was pregnant. They couldn't be happy becauseit was Opie's.

"I need to go." He finally said. "I'll call you later."

"Yeah, okay baby. Love you."

"Love you too."

Jax snapped his phone shut and pushed it into his pocket before scooping up everything he'd pulled from the trash and tossed it back into the bin. He moved out into the living room again and like before Alex remained where she was. She hadn't moved an inch in the time he was gone, though he wasn't sure he'd expected her to in the first place.

He stood in the entryway to her hall, his eyes dead set on her as he tried to think about what to say. As strong and as hard as Jax Teller was on the outside, he was nothing more than a lost kid right now. He wanted to protect her, to make her feel better about everything, but he didn't know how. There was nothing he could do within his power that would make Alex feel better.

"Alex," he managed to say, moving forward and taking a seat in the spot he'd cleared before. Alex didn't move as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He looked sadly at the young woman who stared right through him. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Silence.

"I could've…"

Jax stopped. He didn't know what he could've done for her. He wanted to say there was something, anything he had the power to do, but there wasn't so he stopped speaking. Instead, he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Is it Ope's?"

The words, like so many before them, came spilling out of the man's lips before his better judgment could stop them. Jax's eyes were down and he felt grateful for it. Then again, Alex wasn't acknowledging him in the slightest, so perhaps an angered reaction wasn't going to happen anyway. When he did manage to look to her though, Jax felt his stomach turn when her brilliant green eyes, hollow and broken, were aimed at him.

He didn't know what to say. Any relief he felt for her having the wherewithal to focus on something other than the blank space in front of her was overshadowed by the look in her eyes. If she didn't look like Alex, he never would have made the connection. Any life, warmth and happiness that generally made Alex's eyes shine so brilliantly was gone. They were dull, lackluster and still red rimmed.

As cold as her eyes made him feel, the distant look within them, Jax found the courage to speak. For some reason, he felt like he was trying to talk to a ghost. He felt just as stupid too, talking to a specific person and getting nothing in return. She might as well be a ghost, but now she was staring right at him. His words seemed to have finally made it through the veil between the worlds and contact was made.

"Is it?" he asked again, figuring he should stay with his line of questioning. If that was what merited her attention, he was going to stick with it.

She didn't answer, but she reacted. Alex's brows twitched slightly before her eyes turned glassy and pink. With her next blink, tears slowly glided down the side of her face and it was then he knew. Yeah, it was.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Like what?" he thought to himself, carrying on a conversation without her speaking. Jax found himself sighing again, his head dropping between his shoulders.

"What do you need?" he asked, looking up at her again to see Alex still crying silently. Her brows slowly came together this time without relaxing.

Alex continued to cry without sound, an eerie thing to witness, before pulling the blanket up to her face and shielding herself from everything outside the pale blue throw blanket. Jax's brows furrowed, his eyes burning at the soft whimpering he heard from coming beneath the blanket.

He was lost. He didn't know how to make this better. There was nothing he could do, that he was allowed to do. He wasn't going to lie to her and say everything was alright, because he didn't know if it was. He wasn't going to tell her she'd be fine, because he didn't know. He didn't know anything and the only thing he could think of was call for back up.

Standing up and walking into the back room again, Jax dialed Tara's number again and asked her to come over to Alex's house. He all but begged her to. He didn't know if there was anyone else that might be able to get through to Alex enough for actual speech. Not to mention Tara had access to drugs. That might be good in the end.

~~~~!~~~~

When Tara arrived, Jax let her in before she could knock. She could see the worry on the man's face and his need to be out of the situation. That was the main reason he'd called her in the end. Jax had no idea what to do when it came to consoling someone else. He barely had a handle on himself.

She forced a smile, kissing the man on the cheek before whispering she'd call him later. He thanked her and left as fast as he could without looking as though he were running from Alex. He was, of course. The threat of drowning or being smothered in her anguish was too much after a half an hour.

Tara watched her husband ride away before closing the door behind her and seeing Alex for the first time. She couldn't suppress the shocked gasp. True Alex wasn't one to put on a show for people, to overly do herself or be as primed as Gemma, but she at least took care of herself. The thing lying on the couch wasn't the Alex Tara knew.

"Jesus." She mumbled to herself, slowly walking forward and finding her spot where Jax had sat on the coffee table. She set her bag of tricks down on the floor beside her. "Alex, can you… will you look at me?"

Alex didn't speak. At this point, the two Teller's had begun to wonder if she even knew how. Considering no one had been to her house in over a week and the last thing she said was to Jax at Opie's wake, it was easily ten days since Alex had spoken to a soul. It'd be impressive if it wasn't so depressing.

Tara's eyes slowly moved along the scene she found herself in. It was dismal. There was a faint smell of rotting food in the air, the edges of dead house plants visible through the doorway to the kitchen and piles of trash everywhere. The ginger ale cans and half empty bag of chips weren't inspiring if what Jax said was true.

"Are you pregnant?" Tara asked bluntly. Her concern for Alex was waning in comparison to the concern she felt for the possible fetus.

Alex heard Tara's tone of voice and honestly, she wasn't in the mood to deal with it. She wanted to be alone. She didn't want the people around her that said they would protect Opie, that they would take care of her.

"Leave." Alex croaked, her voice hoarse from lack of use.

Tara's eyes narrowed on the young woman who dared to speak.

"No." Tara snapped back without hesitation.

Alex's eyes suddenly focused on the young doctor with laser accuracy. It made her insides jerk.

"Get. Out." Alex growled through clenched teeth, her hoarse voice making the words sound sinister.

"No."

"Get the fuck out of my house Knowles!" Alex suddenly shouted, her body shaking with every forced word.

Tara jumped, this time shooting back from Alex and nearly tripped over the coffee table she sat on. Within an instant, tears flowed from Alex's eyes again as she stared hatefully at Tara.

The anger wasn't for her friend, not truly. Alex didn't even know if she was angry. Everything in her body still ached. Her heart hurt from breaking, her eyes from crying and her lungs from breathing. Everything felt like it was struggling to keep her alive and every time someone she cared about came by or spoke to her it was nothing more than a blinding reminder of the now gone man she loved.

"No!" Tara shot back, feeling her own aggravation growing. "If you're pregnant, this bullshit isn't fucking helping anybody!"

With an angry swat, Tara tossed a few cans off the coffee table and to the ground. Their hollow clanks didn't seem to bother either young woman. In fact, for the first time in who knew how long, Alex stood for something other than the bathroom or cans of ginger ale.

"Leave me alone!"

Even though she was yelling, Alex had lost all intensity and strength to her words. The anger was gone from her face, but she still wanted to be loud.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not when you're going to sit here and rot. If you want to kill yourself, fine, but I'm not going to leave you here to kill your kid too!"

She knew the moment half of the words left her mouth they were a bad idea, but god damn it, someone needed to snap Alex out of this shit.

"This isn't about just you anymore Alex." Tara said, her voice calmer than before.

Alex's eyes filled with more tears to the point Tara wondered how she had anymore left in her body. The anger had left her face and only sadness remained.

"I don't think I can do this." Alex breathed.

Tara calmed down more than before and moved forward. She hugged her friend tightly and felt her tremble in her arms.

"We're here, you know that. You've got me, Jax and the Club."

Without warning, Alex shoved herself away from Tara and all but glared at her again.

"The Club took everything away from me." She hissed venomously.

"I didn't…" Tara sighed. "The Club loved Opie, they love you. Clay took everything, from everyone."

"And the Club lets him live."

"If you hate SAMCRO, fine. You want to kill everyone that ever wronged you, fine. But you and I both know this bullshit doesn't fucking matter. You're going to have a baby," she said as though she'd been trying to press that into Alex's brain. "Opie's baby."

"I don't know what to do, Tara." She said, her voice cracking again.

Tara forced a smile and walked towards the young woman, gently taking her forearms into her palms. She gently squeezed Alex's arms to try and reassure her as best she could.

"I'll help you." She said honestly. "And first, you need to take a shower. You look and smell like shit."

Before Alex could stop herself, she laughed. It was weak, anemic even, but a laugh nonetheless. Tara smiled and hugged her friend again. This time Alex hugged her back, almost burying her face into the woman's neck.

"It's going to be okay." Tara told her kindly.

Alex managed to nod, knowing nothing would ever be all right again, but it could be better. She could feel better than she did at that moment.