I am so sorry! Oh my god guys I know it has been an unreasonable amount of time, two and a half weeks, and of course I have my list of excuses as to why, but I am really sorry that it took so long, whatever my reasons. I appreciate all of you who expressed your concerns and your urgent pleas for more, I am grateful that you were worried about me! I wish I could say it will not be this long between uploads again, and I certainly don't intend for that to happen, but as the semester picks up I really cannot make any promises. I have class/clinicals about 20 hours a week plus my job plus the three kids I take care of. So, although I will try to do my very best, there might be some delays as this story wraps up.
As always, my biggest thanks to BK2U for her help with editing and so carefully working out all the kinks these chapters consistently have. In addition, I would also like to thank milner who let me share the early stages of the chapter with her and listened to me rant about how difficult these past few chapters have been lol.
I'm going to say expect the next chapter to be posted in about a week perhaps. Ideally I can get some writing done on Tuesday which is my off day but we'll see. So I suppose check back here maybe Friday or Saturday and hopefully things will go according to plan! Please let me know what you think and I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Somehow, the transition that Tobias once imagined would be so impossibly drastic in reality managed to occur slowly and almost seamlessly. Holding Tris' hand as they walked or whilst sitting and watching television was natural, and the sleepy way her head wound up on his chest at night provided a reassuring weight that Tobias hadn't even realised he'd been missing. It was when both of them finally allowed themselves to be guided by their instincts that the tension alleviated. The door of opportunity had been swung wide open for weeks, but only just now were they finally taking advantage of it.
One thing that did not change over the following days was the intensity between them. Not just physically, though every kiss, touch, and caress managed to send shivers down Tobias's spine no matter how innocent, but also emotionally.
From the beginning it had been clear that any alteration they made in their relationship would not be insignificant. Both of them knew, on some level, that these changes would be irreversible. It was not an option to merely test the waters out by carefully dipping a toe into the deep end. They had to dive headfirst into unknown waters. Thankfully, it seemed that they both could manage to keep themselves afloat.
Sharing a bed, though perfectly pleasant, did not come without its awkward moments. Tobias had shared a bed with a number of women, a few of which he'd rather not remember, but regardless, doing so had always followed sex. It was simply understood that a partner slept over after sex, and that generally there should be some cuddling involved, but he wanted nothing to do with that. He'd wait for her to fall asleep before rolling her gently to one side of the bed and then he'd curl up into himself on his own side, dozing off separately.
But with Tris there was this fumbling, awkward, pre-bedtime routine that reminded both of them just how abnormal the situation felt. As with many other aspects of their relationship it was unconventional and fraught with uneasiness. Once they both made it into bed all was perfectly normal. After all, they were already adjusted to sharing a sleeping space. It was just the matter of getting there that proved difficult.
Tobias would often rub the back of his neck and Tris would look to the couch like a lost child, as if contemplating where she belonged. But as the days continued, the nights became easier. Oftentimes, Tobias would come out of the bathroom and find Tris already curled up in bed. She'd scoot over to make room for him and then he'd pull the blanket down as she turned and tossed pillows in all sorts of directions to arrange them exactly how she liked. A waste of time, Tobias always thought, as her head most frequently ended up using some part of his body as a resting place.
Sleeping with Tris, but simultaneously not sleeping with Tris, proved occasionally difficult. One couldn't really blame him. After all, he was a man and he did have…urges. Thankfully, if she ever noticed she didn't breathe a word. That didn't prevent him from doing his best to conceal it, if only to stop any potential freak outs on her end. Or his, if he was being honest.
Things between them largely remained rated PG-13. Hands wandered through hair and across shoulders and backs, but avoided anywhere more intimate. Tongues and lips were confined to the neck up. It was slow, slower than he'd ever bothered to take it with a girl since middle school, but it felt right. The passion between them was harboured; but, although treated with kid gloves, it was very clearly there. Though Tris showed few signs of hesitation, Tobias had every intention of not letting things get too far, too fast. Mainly due to the recent…incident. Neither of them talked about it, though the nagging voice at the back of his head was pretty insistent he do so.
On Friday evening, after another round of deliberation and a small pep talk from Tris, Tobias finally dialled Tori's number and proposed they discuss her offer at greater length along with a few…conditions he wanted to include. "This is going to be great," Tori had promised him. Perhaps it would have reassured him more if he felt even an ounce of the confidence she exuded with her statement.
Tris, of course, was ecstatic. She decided to make a "celebratory dinner" for him and insisted on inviting Will and Christina over for the evening.
"What if I just wanted it to be the two of us?" he'd asked, letting a smile play slyly at the corners of his lips.
"It's always just the two of us," she'd countered, smacking his hand away with the dish towel as he reached to taste the sauce she was making. "Besides, it's nice to have a bit of girl time every once in a while."
Great, he thought, that meant he and Will were sure to have more "guy time" this evening. He'd have to make sure to brush up on his nodding and head tilting language.
Once Christina and Will arrive, however, Tobias is far less bitter and is wearing one of his usual suits, per Tris' insistence. He answers the door and collects their coats, feeling very adult as he kisses Christina's cheek and shakes Will's hand. "Thanks for coming?" he greets them, as if it's a question.
Christina responds by giving his chest a firm smack accompanied by a sarcastic smile, then walks wordlessly to the kitchen where Tris is still preparing dinner for them. She leaves him with an armful of coats and Will, who has nothing to do but shove his hands in his pockets and look around as if the ceiling is some grandiose facet of the apartment. "Thanks for, uh, having us."
"Yeah," Tobias answers with a nod. "I'm just gonna…" he gestures to the coat rack Will is standing in front of, causing him to step to the side so that Tobias can free his hands of the coats. Then they both stand in the foyer, looking into the apartment.
"Nice place you've got here," Will comments, his eyes drifting all throughout the room and letting out a low whistle.
"It's not too shabby," Tobias answers with a shrug. The corners of his mouth lift into a smile as he hears laughter emanating from the kitchen. He can handle a few minutes of awkward conversation if it means he can hear that laugh. "We can…sit," he suggests, leading the way over to the couch. Though much of his life had been consumed by dinner parties and fancy gatherings in his father's home, never before had he been in charge of hosting such an affair. So far…well, he's glad it's just Will and Christina. At least neither of them will be judging any of his missteps.
Will clears his throat and Tobias tugs on his tie. "So," he starts. "How are, uh, school and your journalism projects going for you?"
Will nods his head in response. "Good. You know. As good as it ever is." Although he doesn't know, Tobias nods regardless. "And how about your business?"
"It's not my business," he answers with a shrug. "And it sucks."
Will chuckles appreciatively. "Christina tells me about it sometimes." As if she even knows the half of it. "Your dad sure sounds like an asshole."
Now Tobias is the one laughing. "You have no idea."
They lapse into silence for a few moments and Tobias glances back towards the kitchen every thirty seconds or so, hopeful one of the girls will come and break up this bonding fest. "So, does Tris cook a lot?"
"That'd be an understatement," he says. "How about Christina?"
Both of them look at each other for only an instant before laughing the idea away. "As if," Will says as he shakes his head. "I do all the cooking at our place."
"Come on, you two!" Christina shouts from the kitchen. "The least you could do is pour us some drinks."
By the time the four of them sit down to dinner the rigidity of the evening has lightened significantly. Christina has a knack for filling any silence that may fall, and the four of them participate in conversation together for most of the meal. Every so often Tris's hand slips beneath the tablecloth and rests on his knee, sliding up and down his thigh. Tobias isn't sure if it's out of comfort or if she is trying to get him aroused. Either way, it's working.
"So," she begins, once they've mostly polished off their plates. "I was hoping maybe we could set a date for this charity project to conclude." Though she didn't say it outright, Tobias knew she wanted to get this out of the way so he would be free to move on to Tori's company without leaving this hanging behind.
Immediately, Christina's full attention is focused again as she switches into journalist mode. "Already beat you to that," she answers. "Not this Saturday, because of that dumb 5k they're doing in town, but the following one. I already informed ABC-7 and WGN along with several newspapers. We're good to go."
"Great," Tobias says, feeling relieved about finally having a date in place. This whole event, though technically on time, seemed to have been dragging on for months now. Though obviously an opportunity he is proud to have had, he's ready to wash his hands of it.
Tris removes her hand from Tobias's thigh and he watches her twist her fingers nervously as Christina carries on discussing the details. "I don't want my name on anything," she finally blurts out. "I know I'm not even technically a part of this, but I know you," she points to both Tobias and Christina. "And I want both of you to promise that you won't include my name in any of this."
Instinctively, Tobias is prepared to argue, but the way her eyes shift down to stare at her lap as her hands continue to turn nervously and her shoulders slump, he can't help but relent. "Whatever you want," he reassures softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Right, Christina?"
She offers a flippant shrug. "I mean, if that's what you want, but you worked harder than anyone else on this. You at least deserve some recognition."
Although Tobias is well aware of how correct Christina's statement is, he also knows Tris. And for whatever reason, Tris has decided she wants to remain as hidden as possible. Though Tobias is desperate for some answers on the why of this preference, he always does his best to respect it. Not that it isn't getting harder by the day. It isn't just his curiosity, though that plays a large role, but also his desire to feel like she properly trusts him. Sure, he knows from the way that she lies against him at night or how she falls into their kisses that she must on some level, but having bared his heart to her already Tobias is almost disappointed in her lack of reciprocity.
"Oh please, you've worked on this tirelessly for weeks," Tris deflects toward Christina with a wave of her hand as she picks at the few remnants still sitting on her plate. "Anyway, Will, are you working on anything interesting?"
Her distraction works just as she had intended and Christina's attention is diverted entirely from the topic whilst she brags for Will about the work he is doing currently. Tobias and Tris play their parts of the enthused and interested audience well, commenting and praising at all the right parts. In all honesty, Tobias isn't even really sure he understands what Christina rambles on about, but that doesn't seem particularly important.
By the end of the evening Tobias is more than okay with saying goodbye, although he's still pleased with how it turned out. Christina hugs him, and he and Will do their usual awkward head nod and wave combination that seems to serve them well for greetings, farewells, and most other forms of communication. Tris shuts the door behind them and exhales loudly.
"Don't get me wrong, that was fun, but-"
"Equally exhausting?" he asks, feeling worn out from the conversations and duties of hosting alike.
"It looked so much easier when my mom was the one doing it."
Tobias scoffs. "It looked way easier when the hired help was doing it." Tris laughs in response but somehow manages to make it sound slightly sad, or perhaps that's just his own perception. Sometimes he forgets how different and wrong his childhood was until he has someone else reminding him, intentionally or not.
"Help me clean up?" Tris asks, turning to walk back toward the still cluttered dining room.
He follows her trail, but catches her around the waist just as she reaches the table, but before she can gather any of the dishes. She twists in his arms and looks up at him, a coy smile playing on her lips. "Can't we leave it until morning?" he practically begs, suddenly yearning for a chance to just be alone with Tris and simply…exist.
"You know we-" her objection is lost as his lips find hers, effectively cutting off whatever argument she had in mind. As always, his hands and lips are careful. Despite Christina's 'throw caution to the wind' advice, Tobias trusts that he has a certain acuity with Tris, some insight that reinforces his thoughts of not going too far, too fast. Much like not pushing her to include her name on their upcoming project, he is also assured that he is right not to try and rush things physically.
She moans quietly against his lips as he teases her bottom lip with his tongue, his hands making their way from her back and up into her hair. "What were you saying?" he asks slyly, pulling away a microscopic distance.
Tris breathes heavily and bites her lip. "Dishes-" she sighs, as he leans back in. She meets his lips halfway. She mutters, "Cleaning," as he kisses her chin and makes his way down to her neck. She arches it back as she adds, "Responsibility."
He chuckles when she sighs contentedly, the thoughts of housework seemingly erased from her mind. Her hands scratch along his back which sends chills through him, all thoughts of the restraint he usually exercises forgotten in that brief moment. Each part of Tobias feels in tune with every cell, tissue, and sinew that tethers Tris together. "Fuck responsibility," he mutters as he pulls back from her neck, only to have her lips immediately assault his jaw.
"Don't you think you two should get to know each other better first?" she retorts, her tone conveying the smile he can't see as she kisses her way up near his ear, her breath hot against it.
He releases a breath that becomes both a laugh and a moan of his approval of the way she meets his lips once more, her tongue tracing them carefully. "This is why you and I should spend more time alone," Tobias says when she pulls back just slightly, her lips swollen and her eyes dusky.
"Funny," she comments. "I see no reason to argue now." Her tongue darts out and licks her lips which is enough to send his mind reeling and give his more primal instincts a chance to take over. Placing his hands firmly on her hips, he turns them both and backs her up against the wall with a bit more force than he intended. She gasps in surprise, her eyes momentarily wide, but her gaze quickly turns lustful as his hands cup her face and he kisses her once more.
Though Tobias's hands are not as reserved as before, he's careful not to completely lose himself in the moment. He's gentle while tracing the curve of her hips and again when he allows his hand to wander to her chest, his palm cupping her breast with slight hesitation.
Half expecting her to recoil, Tobias pulls his hand back again, as if doing it for her, but she surprises him by reaching down and firmly guiding his hand back to where it had lingered. The reassurance eggs him on and he no longer falters, using the knowledge he'd gathered from his previous liaisons. Tris seems to respond in earnest as her own hands wander farther south, causing what feels like every ounce of blood in him to excitedly rush to one area in particular.
Even though Tris is sure to notice it this time around, she neither comments on nor acknowledges his very obvious display of attraction. Her fingers do wind up around his tie, fiddling with the knot of it. The feel of her fingers undressing him, however slight, causes him to shiver in anticipation.
Both his hands slide back down to her waist and his fingers run underneath the hem of her shirt softly, causing her greatly attuned body to tremble. "Is this-is this okay?" he pants, his breath coming fast as every feeling in his body intensifies ten times over. His fingers run gently along her waist, gooseflesh pebbling it at his touch.
Tris nods, smiling sweetly at him. "Yes," she answers, placing a chaste kiss to his lips. "Thank you." She turns her head so her nose bumps against his cheek and she laughs before turning it further, kissing his cheek and then his neck, right above where his collar sits.
Tobias swears to God, he actually fucking purrs at the feeling of her hands finally pulling the knot of his tie loose, sliding it smoothly down so it falls freely to the floor. Her hands carry on in the most talented of ways and her lips continue to undo him, stitch by stitch. He realizes that if they push on much longer he'll unravel entirely. "We should probably…stop," he manages to get out, though he wants nothing more than to continue what they have started.
When she pulls away her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are nervous, as if she might have managed to do something wrong in this unbelievably perfect moment. Once her gaze meets his, though, her face splits into a sly but equally joyful grin. "Are you sure about that?" she teases, but Tobias knows as well as she does that this must go only so far. Though Tris had voiced her absolute refusal to visit the doctor anytime soon, both of them are smart enough to know that certain things must not take place until she is checked out and treated if need be. The limitations exist for their own safety.
Hopefully she's aware of just how much he despises those limitations. And hopefully she will be motivated to do something about them sooner rather than later. He's not sure how much longer he will be able to maintain this level of control when every part of him wants her so badly.
Tris's hands move away from his neck, and she blushes as he looks down at the first three buttons on his shirt which she has undone. Tobias keeps his arms wrapped lightly around her waist, resting on her hips. "So, next time I want to get out of a dinner party…?"
She laughs, high and happy and full. Lightly she slaps his chest with the back of her hand. "Or cleaning up, apparently."
Shrugging, he places a final kiss to her forehead before reluctantly removing his arms from around her and turning back to the still-messy dining room table. Together they begin clearing the plates and leftovers. Tobias washes and Tris dries, and soon dinner is all cleaned up and the overhead lights are switched off, the only light filtering in coming from the glowing signs and billboards that manage to reach up to the 50th floor.
"Bed?" Tris asks, her voice sounding suddenly weary.
The mere suggestion is all it takes for the two of them to pad softly to the bedroom. Tris brushes her teeth whilst Tobias washes his face and he falls into bed first, only to have her tiny hands push him up a minute later so she can "unmake it properly." Once the lights are out and the gentle darkness envelops them both, however, Tobias reflects on how everything about their little routine is flawless.
As he considers his sudden appreciation for domesticity, he can't help but reach out and gather Tris into his arms. She always falls asleep amidst a mass of pillows, yet still ends up on his chest by morning. Tonight he wants to streamline the process. "Tobias?" she murmurs, clearly half-asleep already. She doesn't fight him, though, rolling into his body and allowing his arms to wrap around her securely.
"You know," he muses, his hands making their way to her hair which he strokes gently, trying to pretend his fingers aren't getting caught in her ever-present knots. "It's awfully funny to me that essentially random events brought us together, and now I can't imagine living my life without you. I don't…I don't think I've ever been happier than I am now." Perhaps it's a sad admission, albeit a romantic one, but Tobias can't deny its truth. Though only together for a short while, Tris is already creating with him the family he never thought he'd have the opportunity to experience.
The blankets tug away as she shifts, leaning up on her elbow to stare down at him. Even in the near-darkness Tobias can still appreciate her eyes and the sincerity that often seems to simply flow out of them. "There wasn't very much that was random about our circumstances," she comments.
"What do you mean?" Tobias challenges, certain that the beginning of everything had been completely up to chance. "You could have been on any street, at any time. I took a different path to work every day, and yet that one particular day, at that exact moment, I was there when you took off your coat and handed it over to the little boy. Had that moment occurred just one minute before or after I walked by, I might not have ever approached you."
Tris shrugs, as if his comment warrants little more consideration. "True, but what I mean is, timing issues aside, your choice — whether or not to approach me — was the more important factor. That choice is what could have potentially prevented us from knowing one another. You could have easily written me off as just another homeless nobody; forgotten about me as soon as you walked into your office, and ignored me each time you walked by." She's right, he knows. "But you didn't. Your kindness, Tobias, is what really brought us together."
Her perspective still seems so foreign to him. He'd lived his life convinced that it was inevitable that he would grow up and become just like his father. That he would be the type of person to hit little kids or sneer at those beneath him. All this time he had spent stressing over not being an asshole, and at the end of the day, it now seems like maybe he really can be kind.
"I think fate is just a utopian sort of concept," Tris continues, her fingers tracing lines along his face, outlining his lips and his jaw. "So I don't put a whole lot of stock in it. Fate didn't put me on the streets or leave you with an abusive father. Why should it get the credit for bringing us together?"
"So you're saying this is all just because of…us?" he asks. He had never been one to spend a lot of time pondering his destiny or how Marcus had mapped out his entire life for him, he had simply accepted it unquestioningly. It's been a challenge for him to grasp his right to exercise his free will; revelatory to see that doing so was instrumental in creating his own happiness.
She bends down to kiss him lightly along his jaw, her sleepy eyes still staring at him. "I'm saying that no one else gets to take credit for where we are right now aside from you and me."
Her hand runs along his chest, then she lies back down and turns over, resting heavily against the pillows and allowing her eyes to fall shut once more. With one last lingering glance at her peaceful face, he also moves to settle himself amongst the pillows and blankets, his eyes shutting sleepily. His last thought before sleep overtakes him is how proud he is that they have created this weird, unorthodox life together entirely on their own. It is theirs, and no one can take it away.