There were about twenty different times between applying my makeup and actually arriving at the hotel when I seriously contemplated chickening out. Who would really know, right? Me. I would know. And I would kick myself every single day if I didn't go through with it. I still had some things bothering me about those last days together, and my opportunity to clear the air was standing right in front of me. I just had to be brave enough to take advantage of it.
Lula texted me as I sat out in the hotel parking lot. "Staking out Rangeman. Pretty sure Bat just returned to cave."
"How sure is sure?" I texted back.
"Know anyone else who drives a pristine black Porsche?"
"Point taken. Wish me luck."
"Good luck."
Of course Lula thought I was a complete idiot when I filled her in on my plan, but like a good friend, she was still supportive and even agreed to watch for Ranger's arrival at Rangeman. I probably owed her a lifetime's supply of donuts for this one.
After about nine hundred deep breaths, I finally got out of my car…and promptly threw up in the bushes. My stomach was doing flip-flops like crazy. It was probably a bad sign, but I couldn't turn back now.
I made my way into the hotel lobby and smiled to myself. I'd had an unplanned stroke of good fortune. The girl working the front desk was a former friend of Marco's. I was just assuming I'd have to swipe the master key card from one of the cleaning crew, but this worked out much better. I hoped.
"Hi, Tina," I said a little overenthusiastically. She stared at me for a minute trying to place my face. Then I saw it click.
"Hey, Mrs. Morelli." I hated it when people called me that. Mrs. Morelli was Joe's mom. I was Stephanie Morelli. Or maybe just Stephanie.
"Stephanie's fine," I smiled.
"What brings you here?" she asked sweetly. "Do you need a room?"
"Actually I have a friend staying here. It's his birthday and I kind of wanted to leave his present in his room to surprise him. Would you mind if I got a key real quick?" She gave me a frown.
"Well, I would," she started. "But that goes against policy." She leaned over the desk and whispered, "I could lose my job if someone found out." Time to play hardball, huh?
"Oh, ok. Thanks anyway." I turned to leave. "Oh, I almost forgot, Marco said to tell you he says 'hi' if I happened to bump into you. Don't tell him I told you, but I think he kind of had a thing for you back in the day."
Tina's face lit up. "Yeah?"
"He was always telling me what a nice girl you were." Marco was probably going to kill me later, but I could tell my strategy was working. Tina was obviously weighing her next move.
"Ok, you win," she sighed. "Marco's number in exchange for the room key." Could I work a girl's desperation or what? Ok, it was despicable, and the even more despicable part was that I was planning on giving her the old bail bonds office number. And it had been out of business for a few years. "What's your friend's name?" she asked innocently. I started to feel a little guilty, but I wrote the phone number and Ranger's name on a piece of paper anyway. She handed over the room key. Mission accomplished.
I made my way up to the fourth floor and started to hyperventilate as I walked down the hallway. So much for staying calm, cool, and collected. I put the key card in the door and for a moment debated whether or not I should enter. Lula could have gotten the Ranger sighting all wrong, and for all I knew, he could still be in the room. That wouldn't be awkward at all…
Who was I kidding? The whole plan was awkward! What was I even thinking? I wasn't. Or maybe I was overthinking all of this. I should have just called.
"Is your key card not working?" a staff member asked suddenly standing next to me. I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"Oh, sorry. No. Everything's fine." I put the key card in the door and turned the handle. There was no turning back now.
I was a little shocked when I entered the room. It was about as standard as they came: TV, bed, mini fridge. There was a dress shirt hanging in the closet, but that was about it. I guess if you're only planning on staying one night, you probably don't need to pack a lot.
I sniffed the shirt. It had the faint smell of Bulgari. "Some things never change," I thought. At least now I was pretty confident I had the right room. I grabbed the channel guide and flipped on the TV.
After two sitcom reruns, I was starting to feel all antsy again…and a little hungry. I opened the mini fridge, and sighed in dismay. A lonely water bottle stared back at me. My stomach grumbled its disappointment. Fortunately there was a room service menu strategically placed on the TV console. Ranger probably wouldn't mind if I charged it to the room, right?
I polished off a burger and fries with only marginal stomach cramps of guilt. In retrospect, I should have packed some snacks or something. But considering this whole thing was probably about to blow up in my face anyway, I decided it really didn't matter.
I fidgeted a little more on the bed before I made the horrible realization that I should have ordered a cup of coffee with my meal. I was starting to feel sleepy. Really sleepy. I tried fighting it as best I could, but before I knew it I was out like a light.
The next morning I woke up in a darkened room and a strange bed. I glanced around taking in my surroundings. From the looks of things I was in…a hotel? Eventually things started coming together in my mind, and my heart nearly leapt into my throat when I realized there was someone in the bed next to me. Slowly I turned over and bit my finger to stifle my squeal of surprise. Sure enough, it was Ranger.
I took a moment to take in the man sleeping next to me. In the darkness he almost appeared to be an exact clone of the Ranger I knew from thirty years ago. His hair was still dark, maybe a little shorter; there could have been some grey, but it was hard to tell without the lights on. I was pretty sure there weren't many wrinkles on his deliciously dark skin. Leave it to Ranger to pull off all this aging business with that much finesse. Of course there was no way I was going to sneak a peek at the rest or him. In fact, if anything I was going to sneak myself out of the room as fast as I could.
Very, very slowly I eased myself out of the bed. Every creak and groan made me flinch, but the form next to me seemed undisturbed. I slowly tiptoed across the carpet and was just about to open the door when a familiar voice caught me off guard.
"Hold it, babe," Ranger said. I turned around slowly. "Care to explain any of this?" He flipped on a light.
"Funny," I answered. "I was just about to ask you the same thing?"
"Yeah?" he said with a smirk. "From the looks of it, you weren't going to ask me anything. In fact, I'd say you were trying to make a sneaky escape."
He pulled himself up so he was leaning against the backboard of the bed and crossed his arms over his chest. Of course he was shirtless. And naturally I was staring. People really shouldn't be allowed to look that good at our age.
"I wasn't escaping. I was trying not to be rude. You were sleeping. Or so I thought," I muttered.
"I see."
"Yeah, and what's the deal with the whole 'bed sharing' stuff? Why didn't you just kick me out last night?"
"Well, for starters I was a little thrown off by the fact that a strange woman was sleeping in my bed. And I did try to wake you. You sleep like the dead."
"So you thought you'd just crawl in next to me?"
"What was I supposed to do? You were sleeping in my bed, Goldilocks." He got a twitch of a smile, and all of the sudden I had an uncontrollable urge to laugh. I bit my lip and snorted.
"I'm sorry," I howled, doubling over. "It's not even that funny. But oh my gosh, it totally is!" I crumpled onto the floor and laughed until I could hardly breathe. I secretly wondered if I'd finally had a mental breakdown.
When I started to see more clearly through the tears in my eyes, Ranger was standing over me.
"Should I be worried?" he asked. I started to sit up.
"No, sorry. I think I'm ok now. I was just so worried this was going to be a complete disaster…and it totally was!" I started laughing again. "I really should have just called," I said wiping the tears from my eyes.
"So," he started.
"So what?" I asked still trying to regain some composure.
"Why are you here?" he asked. "I mean not just in my hotel room, but why did you want to see me in the first place?"
"Because."
"That's all I get?" he raised an eyebrow. "Because?"
"Because I heard you were going to be in town and I felt like maybe I wanted to see you. To catch up a little." He just stared at me. "Could you please put a shirt on? I'm feeling a little…distracted." I saw him smirk as he grabbed the dress shirt out of the closet. He pulled it on, but only did the bottom three buttons. Much better. Now he looked like a freaking Calvin Klein underwear model. Well, at least for the fifty-and-above population. Good grief!
"So you wanted to catch up. Catch up about what?"
"There's about thirty years of life to choose from. Take your pick." He went and sat on the bed.
"I don't think it's quite that simple, babe. Tell me the real reason why you're here." His eyes focused so intently on me that I almost felt him reading my thoughts.
"Fine," I sighed. "I'm here because…"
I needed a good reason, but everything that came to mind seemed too weird or dumb. I knew a silly part of it was curiosity. Ranger had been one of the most attractive people I'd ever known. I wanted to know if time was cruel even to those who were dealt a better hand in the looks department. Of course I'd already gotten my answer to that one.
Another reason that I knew I couldn't bring myself to say aloud was to see if anything still lingered from our complicated past. I'd forced myself to close that door a long time ago, locking it with a key and cleverly burying its entrance behind layers of new memories. But I always knew that room was still there. Time had cleverly faded so much behind that door, mostly without me even knowing it. But the memories refused to disappear altogether, which must have meant something.
Maybe the real reason I wanted to see him was much simpler than any of that though. Something had been gnawing away at me for years, and I could almost pinpoint the beginning of it to those last few days we'd spent together. It had to do with those uncharacteristic looks he'd had. Somehow I'd managed to hurt the man beneath all those layers of physical and emotional armor. And I'd never even tried to say sorry.
"I'm here," I started again. "Because I think I owe you a long overdue apology."
Ranger shook his head. "Babe, you don't owe me anything."
"I do though," I protested. "Even if you won't ever admit it, I'm pretty sure I hurt you, and I never meant to do that. I was confused and scared, and for the longest time I used you as some weird safety net. You advertised as the 'no strings attached' guy, but I'm pretty sure we had been building a complicated web of strings since that first time we met. I should have recognized that long before I did and had the discussion with you that I always tried to avoid."
"I didn't make those discussions very easy," he said with a small smile.
"No, you didn't." I shifted uncomfortably. "So, now it's been said. I'm sorry about thirty years ago. And I'm really sorry I never called to see how you were doing."
"I'm glad you didn't. It was hard enough getting over you without the calls."
Getting over me. The words hung in the air like the gathering rain just before a storm. They stung as they confirmed the real damage I'd caused. But they also gave me a strange familiar flutter.
"How long did it take?" I asked quietly, avoiding any eye contact.
"I'm not really sure."
I glanced up trying to make out the expression that accompanied the response, but it was typical enigmatic Ranger. He glanced over at the clock on the night stand.
"My flight leaves in a few hours," he said.
"Oh," I responded. "I guess I should probably get going then." I paused at the door. "It was good to see you. Think you'll be back any time soon?"
"With the Rangeman business all wrapped up here, I hadn't really been planning on it."
I felt the prickle of tears in my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away. What had I expected to happen here? We'd seen each other and I'd gotten the apology off my chest. There wasn't anything left beyond that really.
"Have a safe trip home," I offered. I was worried it sounded as half-hearted as it felt.
"Thanks. And Stephanie," he added. "It was good to see you too."
Before I knew it, I was standing back out in the hallway. I had just made an appearance and departure oddly similar to Ranger's from the past. The irony of the role reversal was not lost on me. In fact, I was worried it was about to land me in another round of hysterical laughter. I stifled some giggles as I made my way back out to the parking lot.
I called Lula on my drive back home.
"How'd it go?" she asked.
"Good. I guess."
"You guess? What does that mean?"
"It means I think I need some donuts. Want to join me?"
"Sure, girl. You know I can't say no to donuts."
"I'll be by in twenty," I said and ended the call.
I replayed the hotel rendezvous in my mind a few more times and finally decided it belonged in the locked room with all my other Ranger memories. I'd done what I'd set out to do, so now I could officially move on. Hopefully the same was true for Ranger.