Accompanying soundtrack: Lifelike – "So Electric"
Jen spent most of the night in an uncomfortable state of not-quite-asleep. She didn't want the 'Carla Thing' to play on her mind, but it was, and no matter how she tried she couldn't shake the thoughts. Tilly slept soundly beside her, and Jen watched her chest rise and fall with relaxed breathing. Irrationally she felt scared. She fixed her eyes on the sliver of light pushing through the curtains and wondered what kind of problem Carla was going to be.
Is Carla just trying her luck? Is it just harmless flirting? What is she after? Does she know? How could she know?
Jens thoughts tied her up in knots, and her brain flicked between a whole range of thoughts, none of which made sense, and several of which did more harm than good. Finally the alarm rang in her ear, and Jen forced herself to get up, groggy, and grumbling all the while.
The school day passed without event. Jen hadn't seen anything of Carla, although purposely she'd mostly avoided communal areas at breaks. She felt stupid, almost childish hiding out from someone, behaving like one of her pupils, and she chastised herself for it, but was still relieved when the final bell rang. As she headed out to her car she threw several cautious, darted looks over her shoulder to make doubly sure. Jens unease over Carla had her more worked up than she liked. She momentarily sat in the drivers seat and blew out a protracted breath, before she reached for her phone.
"Can we go out for a drink tonight, please? Xxx"
"Yeah babe, meet you in the village at 7, get some food?" xxx
Sounded perfect to Jen, and gave her the opportunity to try and relax before they met up later. She hated feeling like this. Out of control, threatened, uncertain. All the things she despised most about the human brain and its ability to run unfettered riot and cause mayhem with the slightest of suggestions. Jen drove quickly out of the car park and away.
Jen met Tilly at 7 as agreed outside Velvet. It was easily Jens favourite restaurant, which was renown for being reasonably quiet and with good food, and as they walked down the stairs they were ushered to a quiet candlelit table in the corner. Lyric-less music played unobtrusively, and the waitress – an early-twenties smartly dressed boyish blonde, smiled and left the menus. Jen sat down and looked at Tilly.
"This is perfect, as always", she said in hushed tones, with a broad, warm smile. "There is no-one I'd rather be with," and Jen gently took Tillys hand in her own across the table. Tilly beamed back at her, the candlelight reflected and sparkled in her eyes. Jen signalled the waitress, who obediently brought two glasses of wine over. Jen had, in part, pre-ordered, and they were placed before them without a word, except for a small smile of acknowledgement before the waitress spun and left them again.
"There are some things you can always guess correctly!" Tilly grinned.
"I wanted to order food for us too, but I know there's too much choice guarantee I picked whatever you'd fancy today, on your behalf," Jen smiled back at Tilly.
"You know what I fancy…." Tilly smirked, her words tailed off, and she squeezed Jens hand as eyes glistened.
"I'm not on the menu… and I'm not entirely certain the other diners would appreciate that!" Jen laughed. Her eyes twinkled back at Tilly.
"You are always on my menu, Jen," Tilly wiggled an eyebrow suggestively.
"Stop it! You're incorrigible! Pick some food and behave," Jen put on a fake stern face and attempted to cease the derailment. "I'm having the spicy chicken strips and fries."
"Mmm, I love that dish. I think I might have a pesto chicken pizza, but I might be able to help you out with a bit of that chicken – it's a decent size portion, and you'll struggle to finish it all I'm sure… " Tilly looked hopeful, with an innocent lip bite in Jens direction. Jen peered up from her menu with a knowing look.
"What you're saying is you're greedy, and you want half of my food too!"
"Er, no… I meant…" Jen laughed before Tilly could stutter out any further words.
"Tilly, I'm kidding!" she said, disarmingly. "We can share the meals. Uh, and that means I get some pizza too." She tapped the back of Tillys hand as if to emphasise her point. She signalled for the waitress again and gave her their food order. Jen watched Tilly sip the wine from her glass, as the cool liquid left a sparkling sheen on her lips.
Jen had finally started to unwind, and the food had arrived and was gorgeous. The waitress had been instructed to not return until signalled, and Jen looked at Tilly as she attacked her pizza in a way which could be described as a contradictory ladylike devouring. Jen smiled at Tillys expressive moving face as she realised that if she didn't grab some of the pizza now, it was likely it wouldn't be around for too long. Tillys eyes widened and she offered her best pout as she watched Jen slide a slice from her plate. Jen grinned as she tucked in, right up to the point where Tilly started to relieve her of some of the delicious chicken strips. It continued like this, tit-for-tat, until both their plates were empty, the wine had been drunk, and they grinned at each other like fools.
Jen rested her head on her hand, slightly inclined to the left, and looked at Tilly through soft eyes. She realised it would be impossible for her not to be in love with the excitable redhead that sat in front of her. The energy, the desire, the comfort between them made it all so easy. She had no idea how she found herself completely enraptured by someone she probably shouldn't.
"Jen?"
Jen eventually heard Tillys voice after the third attempt. She smiled.
"Huh…? Sorry love, I was miles away."
"I wanted to know if you wanted dessert. Do you?"
"I do want dessert. Anything with cream – pick something for me?" Jen looked at Tilly, as she scanned through the menu and headed to the till to request their desserts. When Tilly came back she was keen to know what had distracted her lover.
"Where were you, babe?" Tilly enquired softly.
"I was just thinking about us. How happy you make me." She smiled and stroked Tillys hand. Tilly beamed back at her. "You are my heaven and my hell in one! From the most childish of activities, to a never ending silence and everything that's in between. I am so comfortable with you in all situations that I can't imagine anything else." Jens eyes misted ever so slightly, and she blinked as the feelings flowed inside her.
"I love you too Jen."
It was the only thing Tilly could think of that was appropriate to the magnitude of Jens words.
The desserts arrived almost instantly, different choices again, but further opportunity to share. Tilly fed a spoonful of Tiramisu to Jen, almost slightly too much, leaving some mascarpone on her lips, half by accident, half on purpose. Tilly raised slightly from her chair, leaned forward and softly kissed the remnants from Jens lips before sitting back down. Jen sighed, as her tongue scoured her lips for any final trace. If she were able to describe in words how she felt, she simply melted. Tilly playfully tapped Jen on the end of her nose with the spoon and Jen scowled.
"Oh, sorry," Tilly apologised, taken aback by the mood change. Jens face had dropped and she frowned.
"It's not you." She tipped her head in the direction of the stairs, "Of all the fucking places…" she trailed off, annoyed, as she rubbed her face in her hands. Tilly turned her head around as Carla came down the stairs.
"What the…? Did you tell her you were coming here?"
"No. I've not seen her today, and I'd certainly not tell her where I was going."
The edge seemed to have been thoroughly taken off their dessert until a further figure padded down the stairs.
"Esther!" Jen growled quietly. "This is like my worst nightmare."
As Carla and Esther were ushered to their table, Jen signalled the waitress for the bill. She left £50 on the table to make sure a generous tip was covered.
It was of course impossible that they'd be able to get out of there without being seen, and Carla spotted Jen as she got to the bottom of the stairs. Carla called across the room to Jen, which made Esther also look over to see who she was trying to speak to. The look on Esther's face was one of disbelief. Jen did her best to pretend she'd not heard and hurried up the stairs with Tilly at close quarters behind.
"How do you know Jen," Esther hissed aggressively, which surprised Carla a little.
"She's a teacher at the school I work at." Carla frowned. "It's obvious you know her too. Care to divulge?"
Jen initially stood outside the door to the restaurant, a thunderous look across her face, and then she paced. She didn't speak. Neither did Tilly for a moment, she just watched the infuriated Jen stride as she worked through things in her head. Eventually Jen stopped.
"She can't have known we were here." Jen looked squarely at Tilly, and Tilly stepped closer to the frustrated brunette in front of her. Jen remained speechless.
"It's an annoying coincidence, Jen. A frustrating and annoying coincidence." She stepped closer still, until eventually she was close enough to slide her arms around, and bring Jen into a strong embrace.
"How are they both here though? How do they even know each other?" Thoughts tumbled from Jen's mouth, rhetorical questions she knew would remain unanswered as she struggled uneasily with the embrace. "The fact that either one of them is here… but both of them… together!" Jen banged her fist down onto the wall next to them
Tilly paused for a moment, a flash of realisation in her eyes.
"George said something the other day… about Esther. When they were out on Saturday after I'd had THE talk with him. He said he'd gone back into the bar to find her and she was kissing some older woman, and that they left together."
"Oh fuck. It was obviously Carla wasn't it?" Jen grimaced. "Carla mentioned about having some fun on Saturday night, during our uncomfortable chat the other day. She didn't elaborate, although it felt like she wanted me to ask. Thank Christ I didn't. Urgh, what a horrible thought."
Tilly looked pained, and Jen quickly remembered why.
"Sorry. I'm sorry. I know you were with Esther, but I simply cannot stand her. And the thought of them together is just abhorrent." She fixed her eyes onto Tilly, a confused mess of hatred, repulsion, apology and finally fear.
"She's going to tell her, isn't she! Esther is going to tell her about my past. About Hollyoaks and…." She trailed off, as she started to shake, tears welled.
Tilly gripped her more tightly, as she tried to reassure and comfort, but it didn't have the effect she'd intended, and Jen shook herself loose.
"Jen, you can't possibly know." Tilly shook her head at the disconsolate woman before her.
"Its inevitable though, isn't it. Why would Esther not take the opportunity to tell Carla? She hates me." The tears started to properly fall, and Tilly felt crushed she couldn't do anything to make a difference.
"Jen…" she started softly, a gentle touch on to her arm in a hope that a lovers touch could quell the anxiety. "Love, she hates me too – for mostly the same reasons." Tilly moved her hand to Jen's cheek. "But we can't worry about what is or isn't going to be discussed. Your school head knows about your history – they won't be able to blackmail you out of a job. The past is the past – we need to ignore it. Which I know is easier said than done." Tilly leant in and kissed Jen softly but firmly.