Harry won't put clothes on, and Voldemort won't join F.A.R.T
"Oh god. I'll never recover," Voldemort gagged, turning his head away, "Put on some clothes!"
"Why should I change my views just to get someone to accept me?" Harry asked, crossing his arms over his bare chest. "This is how I feel comfortable, and so this is how I shall remain. I refuse to conform to society!"
"It's not conforming! It's goddamn covering yourself up so others aren't traumatized!" Voldemort shielded his eyes with his hand. He peeked a little and then shuddered. "Please." he croaked.
"I don't want to. I feel… at ease like this," Harry said mildly.
"Well that makes one of us!" Voldemort squawked.
"You know, there is a rather nice breeze around here," Harry looked down, "The cold air feels very nice on your privates. Archie was right, after all. I hope he isn't smug."
"Archie?" Voldemort asked cautiously. Were there more of these madmen that he needed to watch out for?
"A friend of mine. Met him at the Quidditch world cup where he was wearing a rather wonderful nightie. He insisted the cold air wasn't uncomfortable, but I thought otherwise. We made a bet about it, as I refused to go outside without warming charms. I thought I'd try it today." Harry looked around him and smiled. "I must say, I do like the results. I'll be sharing this at the club." Harry mistook Voldemort's horror for confusion. "Archie's a member of a nudist club: 'Fresh Air Refreshes Totally' that practices in the muggle and wizarding world. There are no laws against public nudism in the wizarding world, you see. You should come along. It's liberating really, to feel the wind on your naked chest, the softness of plants as they brush against your skin, the warmth of sand against your bare b-"
"That's enough! Enough!" Voldemort yelped, looking disgusted. "I'll obliviate myself, I'll obliviate myself, I'll obliviate myself…" He started muttering.
"Are we going to fight? Celts went to war naked." Harry said mildly. "Come to think of it, I think they wore blue paint too. Wonderful role models; Celts," He remarked considerately.
"I'll obliviate myself, I'll obliviate myself…"
Harry nodded firmly, "Hang on, I'm just going to get blue paint and then I'll be back in a jiffy to do this duelling thing!" Harry ran off, his pale buttocks glowing under the light of the moon.
Suddenly, a terrible thought occurred to Voldemort. An awful, awful thought that nearly made his skin peel off and his eyes pop out. A thought that should never be uttered aloud, lest tsunamis rage and hurricanes howl. The thought was so horrific that Voldemort had a mini heart attack right where he stood. As he lay on the floor, his head pounding, chest heaving...
Wormtail naked.