I'm Sorry

Intercepted encrypted message.

(Report to the Anti-Revisionist Politburo by Lieutenant Brooks, Chariot Directorate of Political Intelligence)

The following message was delivered to Shepard's mailbox via the code-breaking skills of the Commission of Public Security and an unidentified asari sympathizer. Recommend changing security entropy against future social-imperialist attack.

Despite the perusal of its contents by Major Miranda Lawson, this message was ultimately delivered to Shepard's mailbox. This has worrying implications for the security of the Directorate and for Major Lawson's loyalty as a whole. Her mind has become more fragile and less determined since working under Shepard, and especially after entering into intimate relations with him. Recommend re-evaluation, and possible promotion of Captain Taylor as her replacement as senior Chariot officer onboard.

However, Shepard himself ordered the AI to destroy the message and all trace of it rather than allow himself to read it. Reports from Lieutenant Kelly Chambers indicate the Commander entered an unstable emotional state for the next couple days, and that even the entreaties of his friend Lieutenant-Colonel Garrus Vakarian weren't enough to get him back to peak operational effectiveness. Also appears to have strained relations between Lawson and Shepard. Recommend using this to break up damaging romance between the two and re-affirm loyalty of Major Lawson.

Response of the Ghost Writer:

I've read this document. Good work procuring it for me, Lieutenant Brooks. Will take several of your recommendations into consideration and recommend promotion to Directorate. Your last suggestion is, however, completely unacceptable. I personally know Major Lawson and know that she is falling hard for the good Commander. To put it bluntly, your plan is hokey and would only lead to losing her loyalties further. We can use this emotional bond to further our control of Shepard and draw him into line with proper Marxist-Leninist-Chariot thought.

From: Company Commander Ashley Williams
To: Regiment Commander Marat Shepard

Marat-

I haven't been on in recent years to apologize or even admit that I'm wrong. So let me say: I fucked up about you, comrade Commander. Everything I said to you on Horizon was wrong, and it weighs heavily on me.

Two years ago I thought you were dead and buried; and I let it ruin me. It ate at every part of what had made me a good person, a good lover, a good communist. I thought about you non-stop, Marat. I couldn't believe you'd been taken away and so I fell into depression and sadness. I shelved Homer and Virgil and all the great Romantic poets and began religiously studying my Marx and Engels. You were gone and somebody had to take up the mantle of protector, and it felt like it had fallen upon me. It was a heavy burden to bear, but Kepic gave me a knew chance. He's the head of Army and Navy black-ops now and offered me a job away from Earth, away from where you'd been, and away from the Commission and the Party. I wanted to fight, to forget, and for the past two years it's just about all I've done. I learned to be vicious, brutal as commander of the Stalingrad's ground-team, and Anastasia tried to get me to move on, but I couldn't. I slipped further and further into myself, and strangled at what Ash had been. I became Commander Ashley Williams, and if you think my a monster it's hard to blame you. But by all the powers of the universe, I am sorry for what I said Marat. I'm sorry I doubted you.

And then it's like my quest to become you, a version of you that wouldn't die, was all but naught. You re-appeared, and this time you were wearing Chariot colours. It was like you'd come back to life, but only to spit upon everything I'd become. Everything that Ashley Williams had turned into was for the Brotherhood, for our race, and in fighting for the species of humanity I forgot its compassionate element in my soul. And that's what you saw on Horizon, and I know there's no God but I wish there was so I could curse Him for how He made me act. At least the punch hurt though, Commander? You taught me that... one of many things about you I've never been able to forget. Kepic and Anastasia were worried about me after that, and had been as I started my descent. Now I'm trying to put the pieces back together to re-figure... Ash.

After all that learning about communism and historical imperative and personal duty to Party and Brotherhood, I don't know what to believe. I even thought you were a traitor, that you'd turned your back on our people, on me. But your actions on the Citadel proved not. Hell, it was even enough for them to give you a promotion though it's all still hush-hush. And it's based on the hopes you'll return. I hope you do, because I'll be waiting.

This might go against what I just said, but something in me is still having a hard time believing it's you, Marat Shepard, that you're back. As the Greeks said you never step in the same river twice, and like a good dialectician you've changed. But you're still you, and stories of running off disabled Collector vessels adds to the legend. More importantly, it reminds me you're you. A human, at risk, but who goes out to fight for what is right, what is just. I said that my Marat Shepard was dead on Horizon, but every act you do proves to me he's still alive. And now, for the first time in a year, I allow my mental barricades fall and I think of that night before Ilos, our night, and all that meant. I hope, no beg, that it still means something to you, Marat.

I attacked you for working with Chariot, and as I've said now know I was wrong to do so. But please, my dear, please be careful around them. I understand why they sent you to Horizon and why it was necessary, but never forget who you are. I know you're loyal, that you're one of is. Destroy the Collector menace then return to the Brotherhood, our fraternity of the human race. It's weaker without you, and right now we need that strength back.

I've prattled on too long. I apologize again.

But please, Marat, don't die again. Our people would never recover.

And neither would I.

With all the love still left in my healing heart,

-Ash

Amor omnia vincit

Love conquers all