Duo's Journals

Entry 38:

Fermenting

I had another restless night. It drove me nuts, so I ended up getting out of bed before the sun even rose. I then decided to take this opportunity to get out of the house before Hiiro would be willing to question me, and readied myself to go to 7 am mass. I made sure I was out of the house almost a half an hour early, just so I'd have time to walk around the church for a bit to think to myself. Not that I haven't been doing more than my fair share of that lately, or anything.

I strolled along the walls and looked at all the stations of the cross, at each crafted window picture, and the stories etched onto the plaques, at the craftsmanship of the building itself, at the set up and layout of the alter.

It was at the last that I realized regular parishioners were starting to come in and made for the last pew. I may attend mass from time to time, but I never actually go to receive. I just feel too dirty and… not worthy? I guess I just don't feel like I belong, and don't want to taint the service, so I just sit where I am and think up the few prayers I know and recite them to myself.

I didn't get to far with reciting anything today, and instead thought repeatedly about what the priest at confession said. I mean, I want to pick a religion that I can actually follow – is that coping out? - but at the same time I'll feel, well, pretty damn shitty if I can't at the least believe in that which Father and Sister tried to bestir in me…

It was when the eight o'clock mass started coming in that I realized I'd been there a bit too long and finally got up off my then-sore knees and headed out.

Hiiro was making one of his weird and intriguing breakfasts when I came in through the garage and I had to stop mid way through the room to try and identify the smell. He gave me a weird look and I'm not sure if it was because he didn't expect to see me up (much less returning home) or because he was trying to read my reaction to the smell of his food.

Eventually he offered me some of his food, and although I was a bit scared, I shook my head in the affirmative. He handed me a bowl with rice and this… bean concoction in it. I have to admit, it smelled pretty weird. A little like bad Swiss cheese, actually…

I followed him into the other room, poking at it with the fork he gave me and plopped on the couch a little closer to him than I intended; I was distracted.

"It's natto and rice," he told me (which is how I realized how close I'd sat next to him.)

I half jumped right out of the couch, then looked at him. "And what exactly is natto?"

"Fermented soybean," he offered, and then told me the other ingredients that he added. I couldn't get past he fermented part, though…

Sure as hell explained the smell…

He was still watching me though. I told him to eat it first, so I knew it was safe. He chuckled but complied.

It's stringy, how nasty is that? I practically gagged watching him pull some of it up onto his chopsticks with a little rice. He practically choked as he tried to laugh at my expression. I looked down to mine mortified, that's right mortified. He egged me on though and I managed to get some in my mouth.

Frightening thing was that it actually didn't taste bad. Or rather, it tasted nothing like what it smelled. It was a little salty. I could taste the chives he put in and a few other flavors, probably the sauces he mentioned. I actually managed to eat it all and not feel like I'd forced it down.

I guess I'm starting to get used to some of his weird Japanese dishes (though I still prefer lots of meat to lots of noodles)…

He tried asking me where I went, but I just shrugged and said I had an obligation. He didn't press it, but I get the feeling that he really, really wanted to.

He told me that he ordered a coffee table for us and that it should be in tomorrow, I don't know why he couldn't just go to a store and pick one up and bring it home in his car. But, no, he had to order it on line so that he could make sure it matched the room or something. I swear he's a little weird about the house sometimes. But then again, I'm sure when it gets here I'm going to be glad I let him pick it out, and not me, cause God knows I'd just pick the cheapest hunk-o-junk out there.

It was one of those lazy days that make you want to do something, but utterly unable to find a way to keep yourself entertained. I managed to put some of my music on without driving him insane and wander about the house rearranging things that I'd noticed were jabbing at that little part of me that likes to get OCD sometimes.

I can't wait until the weather gets nicer because I can see myself just sleeping these kinds of days away out in the grass under the trees by the fence. Though, when I think about it, the backyard is going to need a little TLC, it's a little worse-for-wear and has all these has-been gardens. I have a feeling it'll be me to fix them up (that stupid little OCD center not letting me forget that they are there). Who knows? I've never known Hiiro to be the gardening type, but when you get right down to it, neither am I.

That was basically how the day went.

Of course, I'm starting to get nervous again. I just hope nothing crazy happens at work tomorrow. I swear if the damn peanut gallery says anything…

I swear I'll quit. I just can't take that kind of looming…. Guuh…

Well world, wish me luck. I've done all in my power to try and bring my luck up a bit, let's hope it pays off…