A/N: You guys are amazing :)

37. Safe Haven

TOBIAS

I love this balcony. Despite the sense of height I feel when I stand out here, it is impossible to miss how beautiful the view is. More importantly, it holds sentimental value for me. It's where I first discovered that my son, just like me, was afraid of heights. He was three years old, and I was carrying him in my arms when one night I wanted to show him the city lights, but as I stepped out he buried his face into my shoulder and clasped tightly on to my shirt. I don't like it daddy, he had confessed.

It became the first of many things we shared on this balcony. Things that when spoken about made us feel vulnerable, things that terrified us just as much as the wind hitting our faces or the sight of the ground thirty storeys below. But just as how the iron barrier forbade our fall, we knew that we were safe in each other. It's the perfect spot. It reminds us both to trust in spite of fear.

I hear Tris greeting him as he enters through the front door, and the corners of my lips curl upwards against my will, triggered by a mixture of pride, love, and just plain old missing him. As his mother folds him into a hug I'm tempted to go do the same, but I decide to wait for him on the balcony. I imagine he'll want to talk.

As difficult as it was for me to tell him the truth last night, I know it was harder still for him to hear. Learning of your city's dark past only to then be presented with the option of war is a lot to process all at once. I knew he would be upset. He has a right to be. I've put an incredible amount of weight on his shoulders. It's a weight that I truly wish was mine to carry, since commandeering this city will be harder for him than it would ever be for me. I've lived under the faction system twice the amount of years that he has, making it that much easier for me to want to implement some changes.

War will only be Alex's choice upon the condition that there is no other option, and even so, it will be a lot for him to bear. Hopefully after having spoken to his mother, he understands that he won't have to bear it alone. All the same, I already know what his decision will be. Alex has always understood the need for change.

Subsequently, this morning Tris and I had to tell Christian and Annabelle everything. Anna wasn't at all upset that we had kept the truth from them for this long. Instead, she was absolutely horrified by all that her mother and sister had been through. She held on to them for hours before finally finding the strength to let go. And as young as he is, Christian was surprisingly understanding of it all, even of the certainty of danger that lies ahead. He is brave. They all are.

I hear Alex's steady footsteps become louder as he approaches, and without turning around I say, "You're early." As much as I knew that he would choose to fight, I wasn't expecting him to come to a decision this fast. But then again, his mother can be very persuasive.

"Yeah," he says. He leans both arms into the railing and takes a deep breath of the cool air. The evening sun shines bright shades of orange on his face.

"You're alone?" I ask, peeping over my shoulder. I was half expecting him to bring Abigail with him, since I had advised him that for her safety it's better she stays in the compound until this is all over.

"I am," he says with a smile. "I know you're excited to meet her but we need to talk first. I'll bring her over for dinner tonight."

"Ok," I say. "Talk quickly. The rest of my platoon will be over soon."

I've already spoken to the clan of remaining Dauntless rebels; Zeke, Shauna, Uriah, Christina and Tori. They're all in, of course. Alex won't be too glad about that though. They are all family to him.

He closes his eyes and chuckles and he doesn't look at me until he says, "How'd you even know that I'd say yes?"

Because you're my son, I think to myself with a smile. But instead I say, "Because I knew that if you turned out to be anything like me or your mother, one day there'd be something that you'd be willing to fight for."

"So, is this the kind of favour you had in mind then?" Alex asks bluntly, "Taking over the world?"

"This is the exactly the favour I had in mind," I say firmly, feeling no need to withhold honesty. "Can't say I saw this coming though," I add with a slight chuckle. "A woman."

I don't know why I didn't though. I should have.

"Honestly," he pauses and then says, "me neither." He leans further into the railing, looking out over the city. Eventually he says, "I was thinking about what you said, about me one day wanting a family. I do. Hopefully I can be as great a father as you are."

His words are heartening. I don't deserve them. "You'll be better," I say.

"Why do you say that?" he asks, narrowing his eyes.

"Because you're already a much better man than I was at seventeen," I say.

It is an insult comparing Alex to who I was at his age. He is not damaged and sullen the way I was. He is strong and confident when I was weak and as insecure as they come, and a year later I was no better. I was haunted by the fear that one day I would turn into my father, that the same demons that dominated him were lurking inside of me too. I was afraid that I would hurt Tris or that she would wake up one day and realize that she was much too good for me and leave.

When I found out that Tris was pregnant, I was as much petrified as I was overjoyed. I knew that I wanted eternity with her but I also knew that I had no idea how to be a father or a husband. Still, I was determined to do my best and though I only ever knew what not to do, I started from there.

I hated that I was abandoned, so I kept my children close. I hated growing up in a home of perpetual fear and loneliness, so I made myself available whenever they needed me, promising them that no matter what they could always come to me, because I wanted them to feel safe. And there is not a day that goes by in which I am not grateful for the biddable nature of my children, because the truth is I have no idea how to reprimand them. I can't raise my voice without feeling like a monster, even fair punishment is difficult to enforce because I can't bear to look at the sadness on their faces, and I would die before I ever raised my hand to them.

As much as I've tried, there are still times when I think it wasn't enough, but then my son tells me things like, "You know, if I am it's only because I had a much better example of what a man should be."

I smile, but I stare off into the horizon, hoping that the wind will blow away the tears forming in my eyes. All I've ever wanted was to be good enough for them, for all of them. And to know that my son is a better man because I became a better man is more than a little touching.

We just stand there for a few minutes without words. Until all of a sudden he says, "Tell me something." I nod. "Did you sneak off during your mission to go see mom at Amity?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"I kinda snuck out during initiation to go see Abby for her birthday," Alex says with a smirk of reminisce.

"I heard about that," I say. This morning, actually. I was surprised and yet not surprised to find that Rae and Annabelle knew about Abigail all this time. My children share a unique bond and a loyalty to each other that I may never fully understand, being an only child.

"I'm realizing more and more that we aren't that different," Alex then says.

In a lot of ways he is just like me. The better parts of me anyways. He's just as jealous though. Although, not for the same reasons. Learning of me and my mother's abuse only made Alex overly protective of his sisters. I decided to tell them about Marcus when they were old enough, before they accidently came across that Erudite article or heard about it from somebody else. I kept them far away from him. I wanted to protect my children from the man who destroyed my own childhood, made me cower in dark closets and whose knuckles I knew better than his embrace. And although Alex only ever saw Marcus for the first time at his choosing ceremony, the knowledge of his existence and all that he had done still affected him.

"Yeah well, I didn't get caught," I say, giving him a smug look.

"Why does love make you so crazy, dad?" he then says, grinning and grabbing at his head in a way that makes me laugh loudly.

"Just wait until you start arguing," I say. "Then you'll see just how crazy it can make you."

"I think I have an idea," he says. "I slept in the woods after the big one."

I punched my way through a metal door, I've hit at least ten different men in the face for disrespecting my wife in one way or the other, and I've shot holes at a target until there was no more target left, just to name a few, but instead I share a much more personal memory. I turn my head to look at him and I say, "I used to climb up on the roof when things got too hard and it would hurt too much. Try to replace the pain with fear."

"Did it work?" he asks.

"Barely," I say quietly. Tris and I have suffered things that no ordinary couple suffer. But every storm has brought us closer together and has driven us to appreciate each other more than life itself. It's why I protect every hair on her head, because every inch of her is so valuable to me. He doesn't fully understand what that feels like yet. Certain lessons in love are only learned with time and hardship. But he will one day. It only gets crazier from here and I don't want to scare him, so I decide to share something more encouraging, and equally as true.

"Love can be terrifying, but it transforms you and it grounds you. It makes you want to be better and then it gives you the strength that you need to be," I say.

Alex smiles at me and says, "She says I've changed her, but she's changed me too." He takes a deep breath and then lets it out. "It feels like we're a part of each other. Especially after we..." His voice trails off and he smiles a little and I get the point.

"Oh. I see," I say, unable to hide the look of curiosity on my face. "I don't presume you need help in that particular area."

"Naw, I'm good," he says assuredly and with a small smile. Alex has always been confident, maybe even a little bit too cocky sometimes, but never arrogant. It's one of the things I've always admired about him.

"You're my son," I say mischievously. "I don't expect anything less." I give him a slap on the back and we both let out an impish chuckle. "I know what you mean though," I add, thinking about the indestructible connections that were formed between Tris and me after our first time together.

"Please don't tell me about you and mom," he scowls. "I'd rather not think about that."

"How do you think you got here?" I demand with a laugh and I turn my whole body to face him.

"I know exactly how I got here," he says. "I just don't want to think about it, that's all."

God knows I would never be having this conversation with Annabelle. The sheer thought of a boy even looking at her makes me feel homicidal. And it took years for me to admit to myself what Rae was doing when she'd sleep over by Jake's. It's different with my daughters. It's a double standard. But I don't care.

Thinking about this, I press my eyebrows together just a little. "So does your twin sister have a secret boyfriend that she's not telling me about?" I ask seriously.

"Technically, no," Alex says, rubbing the back of his neck the same way I do.

"Technically?" I seethe.

"Technically… he's not her boyfriend… yet."

I've seen the way Zeke's boy looks at her. I still can't quite figure what he's thinking though. Anna's a year older than he is, and she seems to take no particular interest in him or any guy for that matter, but he somehow manages to go out of his way to make the impossible happen for her, regardless of the fact that she just sees him as a friend. Maybe he is just being a good friend, or maybe he's hoping that one day she'll see him as more than that.

I hope it's option A. No offense to Zeke. He's my best friend, but he's a lunatic, and if my observational skills are any good, so is his son. I don't want my daughter dating a lunatic. But then I remember there's that one guy that showed up at her birthday party.

"Is it the guy who bought her the necklace?" I inquire.

"I'm not at liberty to say," Alex chuckles. "But between me and you, I already gave him the big brother speech. He's cool."

"He'd better be," I say menacingly before turning myself back against the rail.

When Alex was a little boy we used to stand on this balcony and talk about simpler things; his math teacher, his distaste for cheese, his adventures with Dani, and how he would struggle to stay awake in his faction history class. And now here we stand, two men, talking about love.

Then, as expected, we talk about war and death and family. Alex expresses his fear of losing his loved ones, something that is always a real possibility in a war. Truth be told, it makes me uneasy too, mulling over the fact that this is all really happening. And though I can't promise him that he has nothing to be afraid of, I assure him that if there ever were a family of people bred to survive a war, it's ours. We are ready. We've been ready.

Alex is smiling, hopeful by the time we arrive at the end of our conversation, and even though I was the one encouraging him, perceiving his hope only strengthened mine.

We share a smile and together we make our way inside the house when down the hall, long before they actually walk through the front door, we hear the deep, comical laughter of Zeke and Uriah Pedrad. I check my watch. The others should be close behind them.

The brothers begin to knock incessantly, tapping in ridiculous rhythms on the door. I shake my head, wondering how their wives are ever able to handle them both at full dose.

"Oh my God!" Tris yells as she swings the door open. "Where's the fire? Huh?"

Zeke greets her with a mischievous smile, but without saying a word Uriah enters, and with a quirked eyebrow he begins to look around my house. He opens the kitchen cabinets and then lifts the hood of the washing machine. I grin instinctively, certain that he is up to no good.

Tris follows him around with a laugh, repeatedly asking him, "Uriah, what are you looking for?"

When his probing attempts fail, he finally asks, "Where's the girl?"

Tris laughs exuberantly. It's lovely.

"She's not here," Alex says with a grin, shaking his head. Although he's already told me that he'll be bringing her over for dinner tonight.

"Are you guys hiding her?" Uri then asks, leaning one arm on the back of the couch. He looks at Tris, then he looks at Alex, then he looks at me. No one answers him. Twisting his face he says, "Oh God, she's not ugly is she? I'd hate to go through so much trouble for an ugly girl."

"Hey, I've seen her," Zeke says, wide-eyed. "She's even prettier than you are, Uri." Zeke looks at my son, wiggles his eyebrows and grins wickedly.

Leisurely, Alex leaves my side and goes to stand beside his uncle and together they both look at Uriah with crossed arms. Eventually Alex turns to Zeke and says, "That's not saying much, Uncle Zeke."

A/N: So we got a little deeper inside Tobias' head and the relationship that he shares with his son. I know the ending is a bit random… but that's just what happened lol Please let me know what you guys thought of this chapter! :)