The Banana Slug: Two-Face has always been an awesome villain to me. No matter what source he was in.
Loved him in the Batman Animated Series. Kinda liked him in Batman Forever. Wanted more in The Dark Knight. And even his small appearance in Batman: Brave and the Bold I liked.
Overall, Two-Face, despite his silly weakness for coin flipping, he will be one of the most badass villains in Gotham City. Hell, in my fanfic Young Justice: Halls of Arkham, I made Two-Face into this badass evil-version of Dirty Harry that listens to Tool.
And here he is, in another of my non-canon Team Fortress 2 tributes.
You Got BatRolled!
By The Banana Slug
CHAPTER 37: Literal Twofaced Lawyer
Meet the Two-Face
In the Gotham City Bank, a loud set of fiery explosions busted from the windows as a figure ran across the hallways with bags full of money. Two bags. Held by Two hands. By Two-Face.
He raced to the window as the explosion began chasing him down the halls, breathing heavily as he took one final breath and jumped out the window, the building coming down behind him as he leapt to the other building.
"What makes me a good crime boss?"
Asked Two-Face, sitting at his desk which was covered in empty beer bottles. His desk was brown on one side and black on the other, his office normal and sensible on one side and messy and scavenged on the other side. Two-Face sat there with his good side on the good side and his bad side on the bad side. Get it?
Two-Face groaned as he held his beer, screaming at the non-existent person before him, "If I was a bad crime boss, I wouldn't be sitting here discussing it here with you now would I?"
A drunken flashback showed up, with Two-Face leading his men through the street with a roar of victory, holding his shotgun to the air with maniacal glee.
"LET'S! DO IT!" laughed Two-Face, running through the streets as the police opened fire with their guns as men after men from both sides began falling down dead.
"Not one of you is goin' to survive us!" growled Two-Face, blowing the face off of one officer as he leapt over a cop car and kicked another officer in the chin.
He turned around and pulled out his grenade launcher and began shooting out said grenades out at the cop cars. The officers panicked and yelled as they all ran away from the grenades, which expectedly exploded and cleared the way for the rest of his thieving gang.
"One wrong step, one missed shot of an officer's head, one wrong car bomb an inch from the intended target,' rambled Two-Face as he sat at his desk and out of his flashback. He then slammed his hands on the desk, screaming out, "AND KABLOOIE!"
In his intoxicated flashback, he was running through an abandoned warehouse as he was chased by the GCPD officers, the whole place raining with grey skies above. With a flip of a coin, he got tails. This allowed him to shoot at a nearby wall with the grenade launcher, causing it to bounce back and take out the two officers in a bloody explosion.
As Two-Face remembered this, he began chugging his beer down his throat like a fish out of water, leaning back with his head looking up at the sky.
In the flashback, Two-Face's men were met with a blockade of SWAT officers, creating a wall of shields and releasing mustard gas at any trying to get them.
"We gotta go the other way 'round!" shouted one of the henchmen. Two-Face promptly flipped his coin, coming up heads.
"No, we got a better idea!" he growled out, grabbing his grenade launcher and shooting it at the sky. The grenade bounced off the pipes of the warehouse complex, bounced until it fell down right behind the blockade before them.
The SWAT officers didn't even notice the grenade until one looked behind him and saw the grenade blow up, killing the officers easily from the back.
Finishing his bear, Two-Face slammed his beer bottle on the desk, now empty. He groaned and panted miserably, then leaning to his imaginary friend as he pointed at the bad-side of his face.
"I got a screwed face," he sobbed out, "I'm a literal twofaced lawyer! They got more-(overly long censored line because the video did it too. Apparently it has something to do with muffins, fellatio, and Strawberry Shortcake)-lawyers in friggin' Harvard than they've got the likes of me!"
Harvey Dent sat back down and sighed deeply, shaking his head miserably. His personality just went around to loud and yelled out with a slam of his fist, "SO!"
Two-Face stood in the front of the entrance of the warehouse, in the inebriated flashback, with his men dead and the rain dripping down his shoulders and hair. He looked to see the officers run to him, cocksure and prideful, running at him with guns ready.
"To all you dandies so proud, cocksure, prancing around with your faces full of skin!" monologued Two-Face internally, who looked at their faces…their perfect unburnt faces with hate and hurt memories.
"Come and get me, I say!" Two-Face turned around and ran to the warehouse, flipping the coin again and catching it as he ran, turning up heads, "I'll be waiting for you with a whiff of some brimstone!"
He ran all the way to the other side of the warehouse, the back entrance wide and open. As the officers ran through the halls of the complex, Two-Face spun around and from his belt grabbed what looked like mines, throwing them left and right at the doorway outside with a dark gleam in his bad eye. "I'm a grim friggin' fable! With a unhappy friggin' ending!"
The officers spotted Two-Face, standing before the entrance as he flipped his coin casually as they began running to him. It was only one police officer to look up and see something that spelt their dooms. Mines surrounding the whole entrance, motion detecting mines began to blink rapidly as one by one, the explosives exploded and turned all the GCPD officers into nothing but blood and limbs raining down the sky.
Two-Face walked over as he flipped his coin, looking at what's left on the bloody ground as the rain slowly began to dissipate.
"Looks like they're going to have to glue you back together," he said with a smirk, then kneeling down, pointing down and yelling in bipolar anger, "IN HELL!"
Beware the Court of Owls
It was a dusky day, for it was the time dusk appeared, which is usually at eight in the afternoon during summer but four or five in the afternoon during winter time. Batman and Robin were once more, standing at the ledge of a building, looking out for any of crime's evil doings.
"Y'know, it's funny," let out Robin, looking down at the people walking in the streets, "If everyone is walking, why is there still a problem with traffic?"
"Because, Robin," said Batman, "Some people can handle their road rage, the pedestrians cannot."
Robin nodded a bit, then turning to him and saying, "Oh…but that still doesn't answer the question about…uh…"
"What is it, Robin?" asked Batman, turning to him.
"…Wwwwhat are those?" he curiously asked, pointing behind the Dark Knight. Batman looked over, a sight which made him groan with annoyance.
"What's wrong?" questioned Robin with a tilt of his body.
"…It's the Court of Owls…" he grumbled out. Lo and behold, on a nearby clock tower, there was a group of Talons, assassins of a creepy new villain organization that was in Gotham since the beginning and we only just now heard of them.
"Who?" scoffed Robin with a laugh.
"Who?" copied one of the Talons.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Batman angrily, waving his arms around at them, then turning to Robin and explaining, "Just a crazy Illuminati of Gotham filled with incestuous Owl-lovers who like killing people and stealing kids from circuses to be assassins of some kind. They're douches." He then groaned out in annoyance, knowing they are still looking at him with their blank eyes.
"Why are they bothering you?" asked Robin.
"Jeez, how many questions do you have to ask?" growled an angry Batman, shaking his fist at the Boy Wonder. Robin turned away, hurt at being yelled at, Batman felt ashamed of himself after he growled that.
"I'm sorry," he whimpered out.
"I'm sorry too," sighed Batman, "I'm not mad at you, I'm just ticked because a bunch of NUT-HOLES WHO CAN'T GET A LIFE ARE CONSTANTLY STALKING ME!" He yelled the last part at the Talons on the clock tower, still watching him with blank eyes.
"O rly?" teased one of the silly Talons.
"YA RLY!" roared the Batman.
"No wai!" giggled another, and soon the whole group of Talons were laughing their asses off. Batman slapped his forehead and shook his head.
Robin hesitated, but had to ask again, "So why are they-"
"Because they got mad because I am Batman and they hate bats and why am I explaining this, ask Nightwing, he'll tell you more about this reboot crap than I can!" grumbled a displeased Batman.
"Oh…yeah, the reboot got me confused too," sighed Robin as he looked down the streets.
"Yeah, good thing we got our own universe, eh?" laughed Batman, nudging the Boy Wonder's shoulder, "None of this crazy crap, huh?"
"Yeah, those guys are screwed," giggled Robin, and the two were laughing with joy and harmony. However, it was ruined when they both stopped, glaring at the Talons as they began releasing hooting laughter just to annoy them.
"…And those are just the foot soldiers," growled Batman, "Talons, a group of Victorian Ninjas that are only half as annoying as the Court. And just as incestuous."
"Are you sure they are incestuous?" asked Robin with a raised brow.
"Secret society equals secret sibling sex," growled Batman, "It is there like pudding! Look it up!"
"Wah! What are we going to do on the bed?" giggled one of the Talons.
One stuck his head out and called out, "POMF!" The Talons then returned to their hooting laughter.
"Stop quoting memes, quoting memes isn't funny!" yelled Batman angrily, "It just makes you look like a talentless douche!" The Talons just kept giggling, staring at the two as they sat there casually on the roof.
Batman shook his head and turned back to Robin. "You undoubtedly have another question for me, righto?"
"Well…how do we ditch them?" questioned Robin bashfully.
"Until they lose interest, which is haphazard at best," sighed Batman with woe, "I dunno, after the reboot, I see some dumb stuff. Including a White Rabbit villain that dresses like a prostitute yet is able to manipulate Bane, don't ask me how because I'm not one-hundred percent sure."
"Pawn!" hooted one of the Talons.
"Ignore them," said Robin calmly.
"Right," grunted Batman, then saying, "Although, it seems Aquaman is fighting this race of sea-men called the Trench, looks pretty cool. Lovecraftian even."
"Sea-men?" giggled a Talon in immense teasing pleasure.
"But anyway!" shouted Robin, trying to keep Batman's attention from them, "I was wondering, what exactly are we looking for? Is it Joker with a bomb? Hush stealing people's faces again? Or maybe Simon Hurt is running around in his Mexican Train again shooting blanks at random people?"
"No, we're just looking for Riddler, he said something about a contact he was planning on working with to blow up the Gotham Bridge," explained Batman, looking down with his gazing glare.
"Who's the guy? What does he look like?" asked Robin.
"Don't what he looks like," replied Batman with a huff, "But we do know a name. We are looking for Mike Rotch."
Robin was silent for a while, then turning to Batman and asking, "Can you…say that again, Batman?"
"Mike Rotch! We are looking for Mike Rotch! It's down there somewhere!" yelled Batman, then noticing Robin snickering a bit, "What's so funny about Mike Rotch? This is serious business, Robin!"
"Catwoman knows Mike Rotch!" called out a Talon. His fellow Talons snickering behind him, only to be shushed by that Talon.
Batman then got up and stroked his chin as he thought, "Catwoman knows Mike Rotch? Perhaps she is affiliated with Mike Rotch in some way…" He then noticed Robin on the floor, laughing hysterically at Batman.
"Robin! I don't know what the hell you are laughing? How are we going to find Mike Rotch if…wait…" Batman starting to realize something strange about that name, "Mike…Rotch…Mike…Rotch…okay, Mike Rotch. Mi-ke-rotch. Mi-krotch. My crotch…Oh crap…"
And with that, the Court of Owl's assassination squad began laughing hysterically at Batman and Robin, seeing the Batman finally get the joke was on him.
"Hey! Batman!" laughed one of the Talons, "Mike Rotch and Catwoman work together on a daily basis. She even plays with Mike Rotch! But I'd rather have you play with Mike Rotch!"
As they laughed, Batman shook with anger, and after he let go of his inhibitions for that moment, he clutched the Bat-Grenade from his utility belt and threw it at the clock tower, with the Talons looking at the grenade as it beeped.
As they all stared stupidly at the beeping grenade, one tilted his head and asked, "…Bombs?"
Then, the explosive blew the Talons (who probably should have flown off the clock tower when the grenade was thrown) flying into the sky as they were crashing down to the streets like Jenga pieces.
"Wow…" let out a frightened Robin, looking at the roofless clock tower as debris fell down the streets, people shrieking at the carnage, "That…was…dark…Frank Miller dark…"
"Don't worry…the Talons are immune to pain and death," explained Batman with a huff, "Being a by-product of incest does that to people."
"Again, are you quite positive they are incestuous?" questioned Robin, still not completely following Batman's belief the Court practices incest.
"All evil secret organizations practice incest!" growled Batman, "That's what makes them evil…and secret! All of those Illuminati-esque organizations do. It's what makes them mysterious…"
"…How exactly does that make them mysterious?" asked an oblivious Robin, Master of Constant Questions.
"Oh, Robin. I forget…you are young and unaware of the world," sighed out Batman, shaking his head, "Not knowing how exactly secret organizations work with the whole incest shtick. I know in time you will understand…"
"…Batman…" let out Robin with a heavy brow and a deep frown, "…That was retarded…"
The Banana Slug: I thought that was Re-Todd-Ed.
Kyle Rayner: Ha! Good one, Slug!
The Banana Slug: Piss off.
But on the whole, I find the Court of Owls interesting visually and I would LOOOVE to read "Night of the Owls". And my whole stance on the White Rabbit, she looks interesting, but I don't think she's a big manipulator. Something's up.
Seriously.
And now! It's time for…BATMAN CONFIDENTIALS!
Name: Two-Face AKA Harvey Dent
Voice Actor: Vincent D'Onofrio (Also known as Detective Robert Goren and the Edgar Bug)
Description: Looks like a normal everyday person, strong chin, clean cut black hair, blue eyes with a bit of a sag, and a constant frown. Oh, and half his face is gone. Just burnt right off, revealing a horrid mess of red flesh, all without an eyelid, cheek, ear, and half of his lips are gone. Burnt perfectly in half, a straight line, don't know how that happened on the straight half thing. All in all, he's a male butterface. His attire is a business suit, one half white with a black tie and well groomed, the other side black with a red tie and messy with a few holes on the suit. He also wears a black glove on the bad side, to keep with the whole theme of it all, really.
Likes: Duality, Balance, Indian food, His coin, His liquor, and Doctor Who
Dislikes: Being without his coin, Kids, Teenagers, People not doing what he tells them to do after his coin tells him what to do, and shrubs (he doesn't trust them).