I've been working extra hard on my editing, does it show? I don't own Harry Potter.

CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

...and Immortality.

"I've got a secret, I cannot say
Blame all the movement to give it away
You've got somethin, I understand
Holding it tightly, caught on command
Leap of faith, do you doubt?
Cut you in, I just cut you out"—The Lost are of keeping a secret, Queens of the Stone Age

He lay in the snow, a little dazed for a moment before straightening and sitting up.

Hermione only stared in shock. "Draco?" then she frowned. "Did you…Apparate? Draco Malfoy, did you just illegally Apparate here from Hogwarts? When did you even learn? And on that note, how is that even possible when you can't Apparate from H…" before she continued her lecture on breaking the law and risking an impromptu trip to Azkaban, he suddenly stood tall and Hermione saw the vacant, unrecognisable look in his eyes.

"Draco?" she said softly, but he didn't answer.

Hermione wasn't the smartest witch of an age for nothing, she may not know much about Draco's 'condition' but she immediately knew something wasn't right and this wasn't her normal Draco.

"Draco," she repeated, a little firmer this time.

Draco stiffened as if he'd been hit by a stunner and turned around. Hermione frowned. Those were his eyes, but at the same time, she couldn't see any of her Draco in this face.

He looked at her and gasped, "Gr-Granger?"

Hermione startled, now she knew this wasn't her Draco, Draco always called her Hermione.

His hands extended towards her for a moment before twitching and returning to his side in a gesture that spoke of wanting to touch but not being sure if he was allowed, like a child admiring their mother's finest china. The stiffness of his hands seemed like it was an old habit, but Hermione had never seen Draco do that before, it was as if he expected her to run away or something and wasn't even going to bother trying to hold her.

Hermione took note of his pale expression, eyes clouded with heartbreak and pain; he looked so guilty, as he stared at her with such a longing expression. "You…are you alright?"

Hermione didn't know if what she was doing was the smart thing, but she had a long running history of doing what would not be considered smart when it came to Draco, and at this moment, all she was concerned about was erasing that broken expression from his face. She held out her arms with a soft smile. "Come here."

Draco's entire demeanour changed into one of complete disbelief and shock, he looked like he'd been given the world and didn't deserve it, "But…" he whispered.

Hermione didn't understand, even though they weren't intimate as often as they used to, this wasn't the first time she'd hugged him when he was having troubles.

Still, she couldn't stand to see him so sad, it was breaking her heart. "Come here," she repeated.

He took one uneasy step and then, as if he was scared she would change her mind, fell into her arms, holding her tighter than he ever had before, as if she'd disappear. He clutched her muffler and cheap muggle sweater like a man dying of thirst and sobbed. "You're alright, you're really…alive."

Still incredibly confused, Hermione wrapped her arms around him and breathed in the familiar scent that was Draco, resting her face in his silken icy blond locks. "I'm alright," she confirmed softly.

He began to sob, pulling away and cradling her face, stroking her cheek as if it were something precious. "I'm so…sorry, I'm sorry for everything. You're right, I am a coward, we're both cowards. He's a coward, just like I was. I'm so sorry, I couldn't protect…" tears dribbled down his cheeks. "That time at the manor, you were looking at me for help and I didn't do anything. I just watched you suffer and I'm so sorry. If I'd known things would turn out the way they did, I'd never have…" then he laughed "Who am I kidding, I would have probably just done the exact same thing and did nothing…I always do nothing, even the second time around, I'm still doing nothing."

Hermione certainly understood nothing, but she was about to find out. She took his face in her hands and made him look at her. "Please, tell me, who…what are you and why are you telling me this?"

The man looked at her hopelessly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I never wanted you to hurt, please believe me..."

Hermione sucked in a breath. "I don't understand…" she said softly, "But I do…believe you, you'd…you'd never want to hurt me," she didn't know what else to say, no amount of reading could prepare someone for something like this; this was unlike anything she'd ever seen before. It wasn't exactly a split personality like she'd read about, or a possession like what Harry experienced but something else entirely. So for this one, Hermione wasn't going by the books, she was going by her instinct.

She caressed his brow with the gentlest of touches. "I forgive you."

She hoped that would placate him, instead it seemed to agitate him further as she shook his head from her hands.

"No," he said. "You're only saying that because you don't know the truth, if you knew, you'd never forgive me, him…forgive us…that's why he won't tell you, and I guess I can't blame him. I wouldn't have told you either."

She didn't ask who was 'him', she only frowned and regained possession of his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. "Tell me," she commanded. "Don't lie to me anymore, Draco. You…I know you're not Draco, so why are you doing this to him? Showing him so many horrible things, making him see all these terrible things, it's destroying him. Why are you doing this to him?"

"Because he needs to see," he said slowly, blinking with those clouded eyes of his. "He needs to see, so he can…change."

"Change what?"

"Everything! I'm trying to show him, not just nightmares, but other things, but he won't listen, won't…remember!"

This wasn't getting them anywhere, especially when she had no actual prior knowledge of the situation to guide her along.

She took a deep breath and tried a different route. "Ok, then tell me, I'll listen, tell me what you're trying to tell him, and I'll make sure he…changes things. But you have to stop hurting him like this."

"I can't," he looked pained at denying her request. "I can't tell you, I want to, but whatever put me here, won't let me. I can only affect him; because we…we're the same?"

She frowned. "Who are you? How are you the same?"

"We're the same," he repeated. "I can't tell you, he has to, you have to make him tell you, because he never will. He's hiding it from you, and if he doesn't stop…nothing will change."

Hermione shook her head. "He won't tell me anything, I've been trying for years, waiting patiently for him but he just doesn't…" But before she could finish, she saw the first inkling of a familiar smirk breaking from his pained expression, but it was still so incredibly sad.

"You," he said, "never change, do you? Bloody bleeding heart, you're still such a bloody…Gryffindor," and then he fell forward again into Hermione's arms.

She caught him quickly but suddenly taking on all his weight became too much for Hermione and she fell back into the snow.

"Draco!" she exclaimed, cradling his head in her lap and turning his face up as she looked down on him, "Draco?"

He opened his eyes, and this time she saw they were his, her Draco's eyes, as he whispered, "Hermione?" and fell back into unconsciousness.

She tried to shaking him awake, but he had fallen into such a deep sleep it was impossible.

So Hermione just stared, a million things shooting off in her mind at once.

He never told her how serious this was. All this time, Draco had led her to believe the worst of it was just nightmares, he never told her he was being taken over completely by something else.

She held him close with a troubled expression. "Oh Draco, what am I supposed to do?"

xx-xx-xx-xx-xx-xx-X-xx-xx-xx-xx-xx-xx

Draco felt like a vampire had had his wicked way with all his blood, either that, or some Lockhart wannabe had vanished all the bones in his body.

He woke slowly, like recovering from a heavy hangover; his eyes first took in the dim light of the room and the sound of a crackling fire.

The last thing he remembered, was that dream…

And then it all came back to him as he sat up with a start. The nightmare, Hermione tortured in the drawing room of his childhood home, and him, just standing aside and watching. He felt so empty, so useless and pathetic.

So far, he'd seen the man from his dreams do a lot of evil things, but he always did everything in his power to protect the brown haired girl. Except now, the bloody coward just stood by and watched her scream…

No, he just stood by and watched as a woman who looked exactly like Hermione was tortured.

Suddenly he felt a soft hand on his shoulder, expecting it to be Joana, he was surprised when he turned and met not with amused violet eyes, but concerned honey brown ones and leaped back in shock.

"Hermione?" he asked.

This had to be a dream, what was she doing here, she couldn't be here, she was with the Weasleys!

Suddenly he took in all the red and gold in the room and realised he wasn't in Joana's little home with all its not-so-subtle yellow and overly girly decorations, but in a room draped in red and gold and pictures of lions. "How…How did I get here?" he asked. "This is the Gryffindor common room?"

Hermione frowned and sat down on the edge of the sofa he suddenly realised he was lying on, and placed a hand on his forehead.

He jumped a little at the warmness of her hand. "You're real?" this wasn't a dream,

"Yes, I'm real," she said with a little smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been trampled on by a Hippogriff again." He said, pulling himself up into a better sitting position. "What happened, how did I get to your common room? Actually, better question is how did you get to your common room, aren't you supposed to be with the Weasleys? Is he here too, am I to expect him to come and throw me out sometime soon?"

Hermione ignored all his questions and continued to frown. "What's the last thing you remember?" she asked.

Draco scratched his head. "I was at a friend's, down at Hogsmeade, we were…" he trailed off, he couldn't really admit to learning to Apparate, because then she'd inquire as to why he was leaning, which would lead to him telling her about the dreams and the voices and the…well basically everything he didn't want to tell her about.

"We were hanging out, and we spent the night, that's it."

"That's it?" she repeated. "Are you sure you don't remember anything else?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Yes…I'm sure?"

Hermione watched him for a moment more, and then sighed heavily. "If you're going to lie to me, at least make it more believable, I know about the illegal Apparating."

His eyes widened. "You do?"

"Yeah, what was I supposed to believe when you suddenly appeared out of nowhere and fell on me? You're not very good at it, by the way."

So he did it again, Apparated in his sleep. He didn't remember anything of it. This was bad.

"Wait, if I Apparated to you, how did I get back to Hogwarts?" he said.

At this, Hermione flushed a deep red. "Uh…well…If I tell you, you have to promise to keep it a secret."

Draco grinned. "Ohhh, is this as bad as the Time Turner incident, what has my naughty Hermione been up to this time? Breaking some more laws I hope?"

"It's nothing like that," she snapped. "It's just…after you showed up in front of me you passed out. I couldn't really bring you back and I couldn't leave you there. So I cast a warming charm, ran back and told everyone I was going to sleep, snuck out and went back to where I'd left you. Then I transfigured you into a Galleon and flew you back."

Draco listened to that whole explanation without a word and when she was finished he let his mouth fall open. "Wait, did you say you flew me back to Hogwarts?"

She nodded.

"You can't fly! You only had one flying lesson and you barely got one foot off the ground. Am I really supposed to believe you flew me back all the way to Hogwarts from London?"

She flushed even deeper. "No, I don't mean on a broom…I mean I flew us back. Wait, let me show you," and then she stood up with arms stretched out.

Suddenly she began to get smaller, her fingers widened and flattened and her face slimmed and grew feathers. Then in a matter of moments, Draco watched as his girlfriend shrunk and turned into an…Owl?

And not just any owl.

"You!" he exclaimed as he recognised the bird that had deliver his Christmas letter, the creepy owl with the intense black around its eyes.

Hermione turned back, with a shy smile. "I know what you're about to say, but you had me translate and make that potion for Animagus training, and there was some left so I thought, 'well, why not?'. Of course no one knows about this yet, since you forbid me to tell Harry about the potion, I couldn't exactly show him or Ron the fruit of my labours and well, Draco what do you think?"

Draco opened and shut his mouth for a moment or two, then his face stretched out into wide grin. "I love it when you break rules!" he exclaimed, laughing. "You're an owl! A ruddy owl, you can deliver your own letters!" he chortled.

Hermione huffed. "Very mature, yes, I'm an Owl; a Spectacled Owl, to be exact."

"Wait, how does this work when you're scared of heights?" he asked, genuinely curious although still half making fun of her.

Hermione took on a curious expression. "You know, I really don't know. When I first transformed I thought the flying would be a bit of a problem, but when I actually did it, I wasn't scared. As natural as breathing really, it just doesn't bother me as a bird. And to be honest, I guess it makes sense, the owl is a totem of knowledge and learning, and all I'm really good for is my smarts."

"No, you're great for lots of other things 'Mione," he said loyally. "I just wasn't expecting it, so you have an Animagus form too then?"

She brightened. "Oh, did you achieve yours then? Why didn't you tell me, what do you turn into?"

"A scorpion," he said proudly. "Not as portable as yours, but still pretty damn awesome."

Hermione shook her head. "Why am I not surprised, you're really geared towards scorpions, aren't you, I think you were named after the wrong constellation."

He shrugged. "But I'm rather impressed, that's some impressive magic," he admitted. "For you to turn me into a galleon, we don't do human transformations till NEWTS."

Hermione blushed again. "Well, I thought it might be useful, I learned it after I got my Animagus form. I thought if I ever need to carry someone without being noticed, I could transfigure them and just fly, after all, no one would think anything of an owl flying past, just delivering its messages."

He grinned. "That's brilliant. But I'd keep that form a secret then, it would be pointless if everyone knew you could turn into an owl, and it's not exactly inconspicuous is it, what with that face and all"

"Yes," she admitted. "Not as bad as a snowy owl, but I do stand out a bit. Though that's the point, that's why it's a secret, I haven't registered as a Animagus yet, I was thinking I would another time, but for now it's better a secret. You understand."

"Completely, it's the exact same reason I haven't registered mine yet. There are some things better kept a secret."

She sat back down at his side, her hand raised to his forehead. "Why do you keep doing that?" he said jokingly.

"I'm checking for a fever, you had one a while ago."

"How long have I been out?" he asked.

"Not long," she shrugged. "I won't be able to stay long because they'll be expecting me. But before I go, we need to talk."

His four least favourite words in the whole world, Draco sighed. "Of course we do, but can it wait a few years?"

Gone was the amusement from her eyes as Hermione looked at him seriously. "No, it can't wait even another moment, I need to know how you found me, Draco, you didn't just Apparate at random - you knew where I'd be. But the place I was, it's hidden by a Fidelius charm, you shouldn't have been able to find it without the secret keeper telling you first and unfortunately, the secret keeper of this particular place has no reason to tell you something like this. So I have to know, how did you know where to find me?" she said, her eyes pleading. "Please Draco, don't lie to me, this is important."

He shook his head. "I'm not lying to you, not this time. I really don't know. I blanked out for a while, the next thing I knew I was waking up here; I don't remember Apparating to you at all."

She looked concerned and nervous. "Don't fuss," he said, trying to ease her worries. "I'm sure it's nothing, it's just me after all. Nothing's ever normal when it's me, so I doubt it's a weakness in your defence. And even if I do know where this place is, what am I going to do with the information? You trust me, right?"

Hermione sighed heavily. "You know I do, Draco, But it's not my secret to keep." She shook her head. "Never mind, you're right, I do trust you. But we need to discuss this Apparating thing, Draco, why do I get the feeling the things you told me about last year are a lot more serious then you let on?"

"No, it has nothing to do with that, I was just practicing my Apparating and it went off," he lied.

Hermione raised her eyebrow. "I thought you said the last thing you remember was sleeping?" she said. "You don't even know how to Apparate."

"I guess you don't know everything about me then," he snapped, getting irritated at her interrogation.

His words hit Hermione like a slap and she recoiled, Draco barely realised how much he'd hurt her.

"You're right," she said. "I don't know that much about you," she whispered softly.

Draco didn't hear; he ran his hand through his hair. "Look, I'm sorry for snapping, I've had a long night, and thank you for binging me back." He smiled. "You better get going, wouldn't want the weasel family to realise you're not in your bed like the good little non-Animagus girl they think you are."

Hermione watched him carefully, then smiled. "You're right, I better go," she bend forward and softly kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment before pulling away and walking towards the window. But as she raised her arms to transform, she suddenly turned to him.

"Draco?" she said. "You know I love you, don't you?"

Draco looked at her curiously. "Of course."

"I would never want to hurt you, you could trust me."

He frowned. "I…know."

Hermione said nothing, she only watched him, searching for something in his soul with those intense brown eyes of hers, waiting for something to be born from the endless silence between them. Then she smiled, "Good, I just wanted you to know that. I'll write to you, this time with a real owl."

And then she transformed, her gold and chocolate brown feathers fading in the dark of night.

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